900 Thousand Times I Would...

"Ry," Brendon whined.

"Shh."

"Ryyy."

"Shh."

"Ryyyyannnn!"

"What?" Ryan asked as he turned the TV off completely.

"Let's go play music!" Brendon urged.

"Um... All right..." Ryan agreed hesitantly. He hadn't tried to write anything in a few days, just because all he kept getting was stupid emo girl shit, and he was seriously hating it.

They walked into the room in the cabin the had designated just for jamming. Brendon immediately sat down and began playing something unrecognizable on the piano. Sometimes, that kid was so amazing that Ryan couldn't stand it.

"What's that?" Ryan asked.

"I wrote it yesterday," Brendon answered, continuing to play with stride. His large fingers ran over the ivory keys with ease as he concentrated on his playing. It was sort of a poppy sound to it; Ryan didn't think he had the drive to write something to match it.

He sat in a chair anyway, thinking. It was better to write this way sometimes: in his mind.

Violent fits
Shaking lips
Awful headaches
Nothing like heartaches...

He scratched his head frustratedly. That was complete crap right there. He needed something happy. Something with momentum. Something people could dance to and be happy to. Not want to slit their wrists to. After they had scrapped all of the songs they had tried to write before, he wanted something fresh. Something clean. Something that didn't come from the heartache that Pete gave him.

Contain me
I'll make you see
Just another reach
You'll never take me
Don't try to fix this...

He was beginning to break again. He felt tears coming. They never gave mercy. There was no way to avoid them anymore. It was impossible to think of the good times he and Pete had shared. All he could think about was how he was never good enough for Pete and how it never would have worked between them. It wasn't something either of them could control; they just weren't supposed to be together. This still didn't help the fact that he would probably never be whole without him.

Standing up, he held the flood back. "Bren... I can't do this..." he managed to get out.

Brendon stopped playing and looked at his best friend. His heart nearly broke right there. He understood that Ryan was heartbroken, and this was something that probably only time could heal. He gave him an understanding nod, one that didn't need words to get it's point across.

Ryan left the room and ran out the sliding glass door at the back of the house. He sat down on the deck and brought he knees to his chest, sobbing. He was so weak. How could he let one person get to him like this? He didn't want to feel like this anymore. He wanted to stop thinking, to shut his head off and go away forever. He wanted to fall far far away where he would be able to scream out loud where no one could hear him.

Brendon counted to ten before he went after Ryan. He found him out of the deck bawling his eyes out. He wanted to cry now. He couldn't stand to see Ryan like this anymore. He was his best friend and one of the best people he knew. He deserved better than this. So much better.

God, this made him just want to smash Pete's face in. How dare he make Ryan cry like this? How dare he be so heartless? What kind of a monster was he?

Brendon sat down next to him, rubbing circles on Ryan's back like he knew he liked. He decided not to speak yet; he just rested his head on top of Ryan's for now.

Having Brendon there calmed Ryan down immensely. He stopped sobbing, and let out a few shaky breaths. "I'm sorry," he managed choke out. Brendon shouldn't have had to keep running to him and comforting him that way. It wasn't fair to him.

"Shh. I'm here now," Brendon soothed softly.

Ryan let out another breath and turned his body into Brendon's more, taking in his candy scent. Brendon always smelled like candy, probably a side effect of how much of it he ate. These were the little things that Ryan noticed that he loved about Brendon. The way he would stammer when he got really excited, the way he shook his hips when something went his way, the way sometimes when he was thinking really hard about something his lower lip would jut out a bit... just those sorts of things. They were things he could automatically expect from Brendon, and they comforted him. "Thank you," he whispered.

"Don't worry about it," Brendon told him.

Ryan wiped his tears with the back of his hands. "You've been such a good friend to me," he stated.

Brendon ran his fingers through his best friend's hair. "That's what I'm here for," he told him.

Ryan sighed, knowing there was nothing more to say in this moment.

* * * *

"We're back!" Spencer called, looking flushed and happy with Publix bags in hand.

"It's about time," Brendon said, removing his hand from around Ryan's shoulders and getting off the couch and going outside to bring in the food. Ryan seemed to be okay now. They watched TV for a little while and just chilled.

Ryan stood up with him. "Ya, you guys have been gone for like four hours," he observed. He watched as Jon and Spencer exchanged a glance.

"Well... we had to get gas... and then... we just took forever at the store..." Jon explained. He sounded pretty suspicious.

"Right..." Ryan said, not believing a word of it. He didn't want to press the matter, because, quite frankly, he was afraid of whatever might be going on there. He walked outside and helped bring the junk food inside.

"Where is my cookie?!" Brendon questioned, tearing through the bags. He finally found it, and tried to free it from its plastic box. After a bit of struggle, he finally got it out and took and huge bite. "Mmm..."

Ryan chuckled and dug around for his Snickerdoodle. He found it and got it out of the packaging with no trouble at all. He took a bite and let the sweetness roll over his tongue. It was good, and the perfect comfort food after his little meltdown earlier. He felt a lot better and was just trying not to think about it.

"Sooo what took you so long?" Brendon questioned while still shoveling his cookie into his face.

Ryan shook his head, trying to get him not to push it. He might not like the answer he heard.

Jon played it cool. "You know how we are. We always take forever when we go shopping," he replied.

Brendon seemed to accept this answer, unlike Ryan. "Okay," he answered, taking another bite of his cookie.

Spencer looked immensely relieved. He continued stocking the cabinets and the refrigerator with Brendon's goodies.

Ryan gave him a look that said "I know something's going on" and finished his cookie. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.