House Full of Secrets

its been three weeks since tour has been over and i have been sleeping miserably. Every night i have been having those haunting dreams of Nikki. Most of the time i cant even eat the next day because it makes me so sick to my stomach. I sighed as looked at the clock that read 3:45 in the after noon. i have been working on this song for the last 4 hours and cant seem to get it right and its really irritating the guys- that's another thing , the dreams are affecting my playing.

"Come on Zack that's like the 150th time today man. Whats wrong with you?" JImmy said from his seat on the couch.

"yeah you've been playing like shit!" syn added. I sighed for what felt like the millionth time this month.

"its just.- just that..." i was having a hard time spitting my thoughts out to them.

"just what man? come one spit it out you can tell us anything" Shads said moving to a closer chair patting my back. I looked around to all of them and nodded my head.

"Well i have been having these dreams. Like they are fucking scary man. They keep me up some nights and sometimes the next day i cant even eat like ive lost my appetite." i sighed again and put my head down.

" well what happens in these dreams? " johnny piped up. I really didnt want to say it out loud but i knew i had to so i mumbled out a response

"Nikki cuts herself"

"what was that?" syn asked leaning forward

" I said Nikki cuts herself" i said louder looking around at their faces but they didn't really have an expression on them.

"Well its just a dream right? its not actually like shes suicidal" johnny pipped in again but that just made me look down again and not say a word. I heard a few gasps and murmurs of no.

After finishing our conversations at the studio about my dreams and a little about Nikki's room the guys decided they wanted to check out her room for them selfs so i took them to my house and here we are standing out side her door.

"Dude just open it" syn said as he pushed me forward. i swallowed hard and shut my eyes as i turned the knob to the room and it squeaked open. The awful stench hit my nose and made me spit up a lttle in my mouth.

"jesus Christ what the hell crawled up here and died!" Rev exclaimed holding his nose and walking in to the windows and opening them up.

"man you werent kiding when you said it was trashed" shads said stepping over clothing.

" no" i replied looking around the room until i came across those words again.

Worthless.

Unlovable.

Waste.

Undesirable.

Stupid.

Mistake.

Unwanted.

My heart broke into pieces once again as i imaged her writting them on the wall with blood from her arms.

"hey man whats this?" Syn said from kneeling down on the side of the bed.