I'm Not Bulletproof

“Triinu, do you still want to hear my band?” Alexi says to me after he smokes his cigarette.

I nod and he places a CD in the CD player. In seconds I hear blast beats from the drummer, power chords from a guitar, I’m guessing its Alexi, and faint sounds of a bass and keyboards.

Then I hear a howling scream blast through the speakers. Wow, this is pretty good. I think. He sounds slightly demonic, I like it.

“Another night, another demise,
Cadaverous wind blowing cold as ice.
I`ll let the wind blow out the light,
'Cuz it gets more painful every time I die.”

Then I hear a guitar solo.

Every note was played to perfection, and then the beat got faster and faster. Still every note was played perfectly.

I am truly impressed. Never in my life have I heard a guitarist do that.

It’s not that I am closed minded when it comes to music; it’s just that there are no record stores in Elva.

Is that really Alexi playing that, or someone else? Someone older and years experience compared to Alexi.

Well, I guess it doesn’t matter. Its how long one practices is what makes them good or bad.

Now I’m going to feel embarrassed to ever play in front of him.

“Do you like it?” he asks.

“Yes!” I yell. Alexi smiles widely.

There goes that smile again, it is truly cute.

He is truly cute.

Yes, I have come to my terms with the fact that I may or may not have a crush on Alexi.

He isn’t ugly, and he is nice sometimes.

“I’m jealous that I can’t play like that,” I admit.

“I’ll show you,” he says getting his guitar out of the case.

I cringe. I don’t want him to know that I suck at guitar.

“What do you know?” he asks me.

I place the guitar in my hands and play him a few chords.

“And just the basics, nothing fancy like you,” I say with a smile.

“Not that bad,” he says. I can tell he is lying.

“Not so good either,” I say.

“That’s why I’m gonna show you,”

Alexi has been teaching me guitar for a little over an hour. I have got to say I already see improvement. My hand positioning has improved tremendously.

I guess I was doing it wrong before.

“See, you’re not that bad,” he says.

“Yeah, I guess. I really nev- -,” I am cut short by the sound of Alexi’s cell phone ringing.

He answers it and begins to speak.

“That was Henkka, we’re going to hang out later,” he says.

“Oh…” I say quietly.

“Oh, uh you can come too,” I can tell that he picked up on the sad tone in my voice.

“No, it’s not that. I haven’t talked to my friend from back home in a while,” I say. I’m surprised Reta hasn’t called me yet. We used to talk all the time back home.

“You should call her then,” he says.

I nod and walk outside and onto the front porch.

I dial Reta’s number and wait for her to pick up.

I let it ring and ring and ring. Still, I got no answer.

Maybe her cell phone is off. I think to myself. Or maybe I’ll call her house.

“Hello?” her mother answers.

“Hi Mrs. Ivanov, it’s Triinu!” I say cheerfully.

“Oh hello Triinu, how are you doing?”

Mrs. Ivanov was like my mother when I lived in Estonia. She always made sure I was feeling well, even when things seemed as if they were not.

“I’ve been good. Finland has been treating me well. Is Reta home?”

“Oh yes, she’s upstairs in her room,” her mother says.

I hear her walk up the stairs and knock on the door.

“Reta, Triinu is on the phone,” Mrs. Ivanov says.

I hear faint whispers from the other line.

“Oh, it seems that Reta isn’t home actually, I’ll tell her you called,” she explains.

There is something strange about that.

“Oh, ok, bye,” I hang up.

I have a feeling that Reta is home.

I’ll try again tomorrow.

I walk back into the house and sigh. I really wanted to talk to Reta today.

“You seem sad,” Alexi says to me.

“Kind of,” I smile awkwardly.

“Didn’t she answer?”

“More like didn’t want to talk to me,” I mumble.

“It’s ok though, you have me to talk to,” he places his hand on my shoulder comfortingly.

I blush slightly. He smiles for a second time today.

I wonder if he has the same feelings for me?