I'm Not Bulletproof

Alexi and I arrive at Henkka’s house to see quite an amount of cars in the lot, maybe about five cars or so. I bet even more people are inside.

I feel a little nervous, parties are not my thing. I would rather have a party with a few people I know. Hopefully, I won’t embarrass myself.

“Are you ok?” I hear the sound of Alexi’s voice go through my ears.

“Huh? Oh, yeah,” I say.

“You were kind of spacing out,” he says.

“I know…”

We walk through the front door and I was right about the amount of people. But I’m not going to let it get to me. I just want to have a little fun, no harm there.

I look across the room to see a table covered in bottles. I believe they are alcoholic drinks.

Just as I was observing the room, I see a small figure dash in front of me; it was Alexi. He immediately went to the table with all the alcohol. I chuckle slightly. His action is rather entertaining.

“Triinu, come here!” he yells from across the room.

I make my way over to where he is standing.

“What?”

“Do you drink?” he asks.

I nod in response.

He grabs a red plastic cup and fills it partially with whiskey and hands it to me. I guess it was nice of him to pour me a drink, even though whiskey isn’t my favorite. I’d rather have a beer or sometimes vodka.

There is something about getting really drunk and forgetting what you did the previous night that bothers me.

But that is old Triinu, she was left back in Estonia.

And anyway, after all that has happened to me since I’ve been in Finland, I need to get drunk.

Alexi notices some of his friends from school and walks away from the table. This is where I start to feel a little strange and awkward.

But for some reason I don’t feel that way.

It must be the whiskey.

Alexi notices my absence and walks back towards me. He grabs my right hand gently. He usually grabs it harder and with more force. But this time was different. And he didn’t drag me to where he was standing.

I lock my eyes on his and he smiles sweetly.

His eyes read of warmth, not the usual coldness. I didn’t feel threatened by his motions. He seemed ever so cal. A complete different side of Alexi I had yet to see.

I like it.

He leads me back to his friends and they begin to talk. I stand there, motionless. Once again, I am left speechless. Sometimes I hate being so quiet. This is a part of me that will never go away.

Alexi magically reads my mind and grabs my hand without force. It’s like he felt how awkward I felt and is trying to make me feel better. I smile faintly at him.

His friend begins talking again, I pay no attention. My mind is focused on Alexi and the fact that he is still holding my hand. I don’t know how I feel about this.

Should I be completely flattered, or should I feel timid?

I actually think I like it.

He might look tough and mean, but if you take the time to understand him, he is actually really sweet. I learn this every day I see him.

.x.

About an hour has passed since Alexi and I have been at the party and I am starting to feel a little drunk. I had two cups of whiskey. Since I am not used to drinking it, I feel a little drunker than I normally would be. Although I seem like I have never tasted alcohol compared to Alexi.

That man can drink. He has drunk so much it’s actually kind of funny.

I decide that I need a bit of fresh air and walk outside onto the porch. I inhale deeply and take in the cold fresh air. I can tell that autumn is near and I can’t wait. It is going to be exciting to see all of the leaves turn different colors.

And of course I can’t wait for the winter. I really do enjoy snowboarding. I adore the snow in general.

I hear the door creak open. I turn to see who has decided to accompany me.

Come on; take a wild guess as to who it may be?

“Hey Triinu,” Alexi says surprisingly well. Usually when people drink their speech is affected, but his wasn’t. Maybe some people hold their alcohol better than others.

“Hi,”

“What are you doing here by yourself?” he asks.

“Just out for some fresh air,” I say, “why are you here?”

“To find you,” he says casually.

“Why?”

“Because I have something to tell you,”
I start to feel me body warm up and I already know my face is a shade of pink. I have a feeling that he is about to say something important.

“Yes?” I whisper. My nerves are high. But I don’t really have a clue as to what he has to tell me. I guess I’m getting my hopes up high or low, depend on what he says.

With no response after a while, I turn to face him.

He looks just as nervous as I do, I just hide it better. I want to scream ‘out with it!’

As if he read my mind for the second time tonight, he crashes his lips onto mine.

My eyes grow very wide in shock, while his were shut rather tightly. My arms lay stiffly beside my body, while Alexi’s hands were gently placed on both sides of my face. I feel my face turn a billion shades of red and my heart is pounding.

I can tell he planned this kiss. Or he might be a generally good kisser.

He breaks away and looks deeply into my light blue eyes. I stare back into his blue eyes. He places his forehead on mine and smiles at me.

Then a thought strikes through my mind like lightning. What if this is a drunken impulse?

The thought scares me. What if he doesn’t mean it?

What if he just kissed me unintentionally?

I instantly forget about the promise I made to myself about letting go of the old Triinu.

As typical old Triinu would do, I dash off into the night and run back home without stopping once.

I have a hard time catching my breath as I walk quietly up the stairs and into my room.

I know I am going to get an ear full when Alexi gets back home…