I'm Not Bulletproof

It has been exactly two and a half hours since I ran off. I am beginning to wonder if Alexi notices my absence too.

Of course he knows I ran off, but does he care that I did?

I blame only myself for my actions. Being with Braydon has messed my mind up and I hate it. I hate him.

Maybe Alexi is too embarrassed to come home so soon. I know I wouldn’t chase after someone I kissed and they ran away. I would probably never speak to them again.

I surely hope that isn’t the case. If Alexi decided to stop talking to me, I’d be miserable. I would have no one to talk to.

Whoever says that they can live life in complete solitude is wrong. You need human contact to survive.

And since I don’t really have that much human contact now, if I lose Alexi, I would die.

Maybe that’s a bit dramatic, but it’s just the way I feel.

I actually want him to come home so we can talk. I need to explain why I ran.

Or maybe wait until he sobers up.

Better yet, I’ll pretend to be asleep when he comes home and if he doesn’t remember what happened, I won’t mention it.

Genius!

Only a few minutes after I devolved my plan, I hear footsteps walking up the stairs. I already know who they belong to. Alexi is probably too drunk to walk.

I quickly pull the covers over my head and curl up into a fetal position. I hear the door creak open slowly and hear a long sigh.

He then closes the door quietly and walks gingerly into his bed. From his actions I believe he is aware of what he did. If he was completely unconscious of his actions, he would not have been considerate enough to be quiet while I ‘sleep.’

And his sigh sounded rather sad. Maybe he was hoping I would still be awake so he can talk to me.

It is too late to talk anyway; it’s almost three am.

I hear Alexi twist and turn in his bed. Is he dreaming?

“Fuck!” he says loudly. No, he is not dreaming.

“Triinu, I know you’re awake,” he continues.

My eyes jolt open and I remain silent, unsure of what to say.

He gets up and sits on the corner of my bed, rubbing my back gently.

“Wake up,” he says.

“What?”

“Sit up, we need to talk,”

Fuck, he remembers.

“Talk about what? I say trying to sound as if I have been asleep for hours.

“Don’t act stupid, you know what,”

For being drunk he sure is attentive.

“I am sorry for what I did, I just had to do it,” Alexi explains.

“Alexi, can we talk about this in the morning?” I ask.

“Why?”

“Because you’re drunk and so am I,” I say, “if you remember this tomorrow, we’ll talk.”

“But Triinu, I need to tell you something,” he pleads.

“Tomorrow,” I push him off of my bed.

“Goodnight,” he says quietly.

“Yeah,” I say rather coldly.

Both me and Alexi’s personalities switched. I am usually the one feeling sad, and he is the one feeling angry .

Maybe I am just an angry drunk, who knows.

I really hope he doesn’t remember this in the morning. I want to pretend nothing ever happened.

I pull the covers over my head and slowly drift off to sleep.