I'm Not Bulletproof
I'm Not Bulletproof
“Triinu? Are you ready?”
“Yes,” my parents had decided it would be best if we left early so we can ‘adjust’ to our new surroundings. I am incredibly scared about this. What if I have to relive that…experience again? Who do I have to talk to?
Sure I can talk to Dominik, but he wouldn’t understand what I am going through. I want to run in the middle of the street and scream profanities. I am so confused. Am I happy I am leaving Estonia? Leaving my friend behind sounds bad, or am I excited about moving to a new place? A place where I can sing and earn money from it sounds amazing, but is it really worth it?
I need to stop being so pessimistic. Let’s see here… What is good about us moving? Hmm… At least my Finnish is good. Without knowing the language, we’d go nowhere in Finland. Oh, and the schools are good. And the music scene. There! There are some good things. And the boat ride is only an hour. And I can go to some music festivals there. But still, I am going to slightly miss Elva. No, scratch that, I am not going to miss it.
Elva is hell for me.
“Come on!” My sister Katerzyna yells at me. Shut up, slut. I think to myself. For someone her age, she sure does get around, if you know what I mean. I know some things about her that will make my parents kick her out of the house, and they’d probably disown her.
“Coming,” I say quietly. I look at my room for the last time. My white walls, with matching bed sheets. I am not going to miss this.
Goodbye Hell.
“Triinu!” My younger sister Eveliina whines.
“Hmm?”
“I’m scared,” wow, I cannot believe she is speaking to me. I rarely hear her talk.
“Don’t be scared, I am here,”
“No you’re not, you’re going to live with the strangers,” she says.
The strangers. She has that right. I haven’t seen or spoken to the Laiho’s in years, and now Katerzyna and I are going to live with them. Obviously, my parents did not think for us, just for themselves, putting a fourteen and a sixteen year old in a house with strangers to us, friends to them. If I ever have children, which I pray I never do, I will never put them in this situation. Never.
“I know, but that doesn’t mean I can’t talk to you,” I comfort her. I hold my little sister in my arms. How am I supposed to be strong for her if I am scared too? In fact, I’m probably more scared than she is.
Before we know it, we arrive in Finland. Hello new life.
“The Laiho’s said they would be somewhere over there,” my father points to the front of the dock. As if on cue, the one man, I’m guessing it’s the father, runs up and gives my father a handshake.
“I expect you to address them as ‘Mister and Misses,’” my mother whispers to me in Estonian. I was planning on doing that anyway. I don’t want to seem ‘rude.’ They probably don’t know my name either.
I see a girl with blonde hair walk up behind Mr. Laiho, then follows a boy, about an inch taller than me, with long, dark blonde hair. Was that the boy I played with years ago? He had a WASP shirt on with camouflage pants.
His parents let him dress and look like that? Lucky son of a bitch. My parents would never let my brothers grow their hair. This one time I wore a Björk shirt and my mom hit me. He glances at me. I pretend to ignore him. He probably saw me staring at him.
“Oh my! Look at how much you’ve grown!” Mrs. Laiho cups my face in her hands, “such a beautiful young lady!”
“Thank you ma’am,” I say fast. The boy chuckles. I guess my Finnish isn’t as great as I thought it was. I probably said something offensive, or I just sound mentally challenged. I’d like to see you speak Estonian.
I’ve been in Finland for not even twenty minutes, and I am already insulted. This is going to be a great new life. Note the sarcasm
“My name is Anna, what’s yours? I guess it’s the boy’s sister.
“Triinu,”
“Don’t mind Alexi, he is strange,” Anna says. I remember that name now. My brother has only said it a million times before.
“Are you excited to be here?” She continues to converse with me.
“I guess so,” I reply.
“Triinu!” My mother calls out to me.
“Yes?”
“You are leaving with the Laiho’s, we’re going to the hotel,”
“You’re leaving us already?!” I scream in Estonian.
“Triinu Koit! Watch your tone,” she raises her right arm, “if the Laiho’s weren’t watching, you’d get what you deserved.” The whole time my mother was ‘correcting’ me, Alexi was staring at me.
Do I look bad? Or maybe he is just as scared as me. He has to share a house with two strangers.
I know how you feel.
“Yes,” my parents had decided it would be best if we left early so we can ‘adjust’ to our new surroundings. I am incredibly scared about this. What if I have to relive that…experience again? Who do I have to talk to?
Sure I can talk to Dominik, but he wouldn’t understand what I am going through. I want to run in the middle of the street and scream profanities. I am so confused. Am I happy I am leaving Estonia? Leaving my friend behind sounds bad, or am I excited about moving to a new place? A place where I can sing and earn money from it sounds amazing, but is it really worth it?
I need to stop being so pessimistic. Let’s see here… What is good about us moving? Hmm… At least my Finnish is good. Without knowing the language, we’d go nowhere in Finland. Oh, and the schools are good. And the music scene. There! There are some good things. And the boat ride is only an hour. And I can go to some music festivals there. But still, I am going to slightly miss Elva. No, scratch that, I am not going to miss it.
Elva is hell for me.
“Come on!” My sister Katerzyna yells at me. Shut up, slut. I think to myself. For someone her age, she sure does get around, if you know what I mean. I know some things about her that will make my parents kick her out of the house, and they’d probably disown her.
“Coming,” I say quietly. I look at my room for the last time. My white walls, with matching bed sheets. I am not going to miss this.
Goodbye Hell.
“Triinu!” My younger sister Eveliina whines.
“Hmm?”
“I’m scared,” wow, I cannot believe she is speaking to me. I rarely hear her talk.
“Don’t be scared, I am here,”
“No you’re not, you’re going to live with the strangers,” she says.
The strangers. She has that right. I haven’t seen or spoken to the Laiho’s in years, and now Katerzyna and I are going to live with them. Obviously, my parents did not think for us, just for themselves, putting a fourteen and a sixteen year old in a house with strangers to us, friends to them. If I ever have children, which I pray I never do, I will never put them in this situation. Never.
“I know, but that doesn’t mean I can’t talk to you,” I comfort her. I hold my little sister in my arms. How am I supposed to be strong for her if I am scared too? In fact, I’m probably more scared than she is.
Before we know it, we arrive in Finland. Hello new life.
“The Laiho’s said they would be somewhere over there,” my father points to the front of the dock. As if on cue, the one man, I’m guessing it’s the father, runs up and gives my father a handshake.
“I expect you to address them as ‘Mister and Misses,’” my mother whispers to me in Estonian. I was planning on doing that anyway. I don’t want to seem ‘rude.’ They probably don’t know my name either.
I see a girl with blonde hair walk up behind Mr. Laiho, then follows a boy, about an inch taller than me, with long, dark blonde hair. Was that the boy I played with years ago? He had a WASP shirt on with camouflage pants.
His parents let him dress and look like that? Lucky son of a bitch. My parents would never let my brothers grow their hair. This one time I wore a Björk shirt and my mom hit me. He glances at me. I pretend to ignore him. He probably saw me staring at him.
“Oh my! Look at how much you’ve grown!” Mrs. Laiho cups my face in her hands, “such a beautiful young lady!”
“Thank you ma’am,” I say fast. The boy chuckles. I guess my Finnish isn’t as great as I thought it was. I probably said something offensive, or I just sound mentally challenged. I’d like to see you speak Estonian.
I’ve been in Finland for not even twenty minutes, and I am already insulted. This is going to be a great new life. Note the sarcasm
“My name is Anna, what’s yours? I guess it’s the boy’s sister.
“Triinu,”
“Don’t mind Alexi, he is strange,” Anna says. I remember that name now. My brother has only said it a million times before.
“Are you excited to be here?” She continues to converse with me.
“I guess so,” I reply.
“Triinu!” My mother calls out to me.
“Yes?”
“You are leaving with the Laiho’s, we’re going to the hotel,”
“You’re leaving us already?!” I scream in Estonian.
“Triinu Koit! Watch your tone,” she raises her right arm, “if the Laiho’s weren’t watching, you’d get what you deserved.” The whole time my mother was ‘correcting’ me, Alexi was staring at me.
Do I look bad? Or maybe he is just as scared as me. He has to share a house with two strangers.
I know how you feel.