Make Believe

[[Frank's POV]]

As I stepped off of the tour bus, my eyes were focused on only one thing. They weren’t focusing on Bert McCracken and his obnoxiously loud voice. They weren’t focusing on the guy he was currently mouthing off to, who wore his blonde hair perfectly spiked up in a way I could only dream of doing mine. No, neither of them were of any sort of importance; the only thing that my eyes were focusing on was that little billow of smoke rings, belonging to none other than the man who had stolen my heart some time ago.

As I made my presence known beside him, he merely flicked his cigarette off into the distance without so much as glancing at me. His eyes remained fixated on the pair talking in the distance, wincing as the sound of Bert cackling loudly as he peered over his shoulder every so often to sneak a glance at us.

“He’s talking about us.”

His words came out as a crackled whisper, with worry dripping from every syllable. I wanted more than anything to try to assure him that he was only imagining things, but that would make me a liar. Sure, I’ve lied about many things before, especially to Gerard, but even a charlatan like myself can see that this isn’t the time to sugarcoat things to make them seem pleasant when they clearly are not.

“I’m sure he is, Gee.”

“What are we going to do?” He whispered quietly, glancing at me with wide, frantic eyes. “I don’t know if I can handle this, Frank.”

Before he had a chance to say anything else, I placed an arm securely around his waist and whisked him away behind the bus, so that we weren’t in plain view of Bert and the guy I assumed could only be the reporter from Alternative Press. Once we were safely hidden, I didn’t bother removing my arm from around his waist. I went one step further and placed a soft kiss to his temple, shutting my eyes as I let my lips linger against his sweet tasting skin.

As much as I enjoyed this little kiss, I was relishing more in the way that Gerard was actually letting me kiss him. He didn’t try to push me away; in fact, he actually wrapped his arms around me as well, thus pulling me even closer into him.

After what happened between us today, I thought Gerard would be acting the exact opposite toward me. Thankfully, I was wrong.

As I began to pull away from him, I felt the grip he had on me tighten. He was now face to face with me, cowering within the safety of my arms. His entire body was shaking, but I doubt it had anything to do with the blustery weather.

As I held the love of my life as close to me as I possibly could, a flicker of déjà vu flashed in my mind as I observed this frightened image of Gerard. It was very reminiscent of the old Gerard we all used to know; the one that was always destroying himself on a nightly basis through a variety of methods. Needless to say, it scared the living shit out of me. I will be damned if I let that happen again.

“I can already feel the urges coming back, Frankie,” Gerard whispered, those words stabbing me in the side as he confirmed my suspicions correct. “Please don’t let me fall back into that stuff again,” he begged me, burying his face within my neck.

“I’m here for you, Gerard,” I murmured in his ear, wrapping my arms more securely around his trembling body. “Remember when I made you that promise, that I’m always going to be here to catch you when you fall?”

I felt him nod within the safety of my neck, and I couldn’t help but smile. “I won’t let you even begin to fall,” I spoke softly, encouraging Gerard to come out of his hiding spot and reveal his flawlessly beautiful face.

His arms were now dangling lazily across my shoulders, as the corners of his lips curled up into that breath-taking smile that I love so much. “How do you do it, Frankie?”

“Do what, baby?” I questioned, completely forgetting about everything other than me and Gerard as I stared blissfully into his eyes.

“Make me fall in love with you every spare second you get?”

His words melted me even further into his embrace, backing him up against the wall of the bus. As I reached up to caress his cheek, the undeniable urge that I had to kiss him far outweighed the pile of reasons that I shouldn’t. Throwing those reasons out of the window, I leaned in to kiss his waiting lips; only to be distracted at the very last second by the sound of obviously fake coughing a few feet away from us.

“Ahem,” Brian began, clearing his throat. “Sorry about that, I must have had something stuck in my throat,” he spoke in an antagonizing voice, giving Gerard and I a glare that meant for us to separate. Groaning, I reluctantly pried myself away from Gerard, just in time for Brian to say, “I found them, they’re back here.”

He was speaking away from us, to someone who hadn’t made his presence known yet. I felt my face pale as the person Brian was talking to appeared beside him. He wore a smile on his face, one that clearly said that he knew more about us than he should.

“Gerard, Frank,” Brian spoke again, piercing the uncomfortable silence that had formed around us. “This is Nick. He’s the reporter from AP, he’s going to be spending the next few weeks on tour with us.”

“Nice to meet you guys,” Nick said, his voice perfectly crisp and clear. “I’m really looking forward to working with you.”

He stuck his hand out for both of us to shake, to which Gerard and I just stared blankly at it as if he were asking us to do some sort of advanced arithmetic. “Nice to meet you too,” I spoke up finally, nudging Gerard before I shook Nick’s hand.

“Yeah man,” Gerard quickly piped up, shaking Nick’s hand as well. “Nice to meet you.”

“I’ve been looking forward to this for months. I’ve been hearing lots of good things about this tour, from the antics that go on backstage to the show itself. I bet tonight’s show will be one to remember,” Nick spoke in an amused voice, flashing us a smile that showed off his flawlessly perfect teeth.

“Yeah, Frank and I were just discussing the details of tonight’s show,” Gerard lied, giving me a wink that made me blush. I smiled sheepishly at him, hoping that Nick or Brian didn’t see.

“Yeah… We’re going to give you guys a really good show,” I retaliated, struggling to make my voice sound normal, yet failing miserably. Gerard Way had the ability to make me melt like a fourteen-year-old girl with her first crush.

“Well, you boys might want to get inside the venue. You don’t want to be late for sound check!” Brian suggested, laughing nervously as he shot Gerard and I a look that told us not to fuck with him. Gerard and I shrugged our shoulders and exchanged a glance of our own, but silently agreed that we better do as we were told, even though we both knew damn well that sound check wasn’t at least for another hour or so.

“Sure thing, B-ry,” I chucked, patting our manager on the back as I walked past him. “Hope you enjoy the show, Nick!” I shouted over my shoulder, watching as he gave a wave along with some sort of a response that I didn’t quite catch because I had already stopped listening.

“That was painful,” I muttered, glancing helplessly at Gerard as we made our way toward the venue. “Are we going to have to be generic like that the entire time that reporter fuck is here?”

“I dunno, Frankie,” Gerard responded, glancing at his bandaged covered hand. I stopped mid-step, remembering every single detail of how it got that way.

“How could you?”

“How could I what, Gee?” I asked, attempting to wipe his tears away but he once again fought me off of him. I didn’t miss the stupid look he was giving me, either.

“How could you say all of those things to me when we were alone up on that hill just a minute ago, then have the fucking nerve to say that we aren’t together?” He asked in a more quiet voice this time, as if to avoid the other guys from hearing us.

“Because, Gerard,” I began, shoving my face in my hands to avoid having to deal with something we both already know. “We can’t be together right now, we both know that-”

“And why the fuck can’t we, Frank?!”

“Frankie?”

I heard Gerard speaking to me, but I couldn’t stop the vision of our most recent fight from playing in my head.

“Do you not remember that little talk you had last night with Brian? I saw you two talking, and if it was anything like the one I had with him, you should know the fucking answer to that!”

“You think I care about that, Frank? Fuck Brian! Fuck everyone!” He cried out, punching the wall beside him. He held his hand in agony seconds afterward, shaking it in an attempt to make the pain go away.

“Frankie,” Gerard spoke again, this time directly to me. He reached his un-bandaged hand up to caress my face, causing my eyes to momentarily flicker shut. “Come back to me, what is it? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“How’s your hand, Gee?”

His facial features changed to a more somber expression then, but he quickly smiled and acted as if it never happened. “Oh um, it’s fine. I just have to find a way to fix it up before we go on tonight, I don’t want Spike over there to take a picture of it or ask questions about how it got that way, y’know?”

I laughed at the nickname he had given the reporter, before I figured out a way to fix up his hand. I removed one of the skeleton gloves from my hand, before placing it gently on his. He smiled down at it, before shoving his hands deep within the pockets of the hoodie he was wearing. I couldn’t stop myself from grinning; it was my hoodie that was keeping him from freezing, just as his leather jacket was doing the same for me.

I hope he’s realized by now that he isn’t getting it back.

By now, we had reached the hidden entrance to the venue we were scheduled to be playing at. As we walked through the door, I took in a deep sigh of relief; I could already tell that tonight’s show is going to be incredible. I do love Chicago; it’s Bob’s hometown, and every time we’ve ever played here, the crowd is always so into it, and I definitely feel like that’s the one thing beside Gerard that I need to help me feel less like a martian right now. Everything that has gone down within the past few days has me feeling so out of myself, I feel like a hollow shell of the Frank that I used to be. But perhaps that’s a good thing, considering the Frank that I used to be has been acting like a heartless prick to the people I claim to love more than anything else in the world.

“What are you thinking about, Frankie?”

Gerard’s question pierced straight through my thoughts, yanking me from my little moment of self-hatred. I turned to him and smiled, before answering, “Tonight’s show.”

“Me too,” he grinned shyly, a hint of blush kissing his cheeks.

“What’s with the grin, Gee?” I questioned; every single one of his smiles were beautiful, but they all have a different meaning. The one that currently adorned that gorgeous face of his meant one thing: mischief.

Or lust. I haven’t figured that much out yet, although the two things usually did go hand in hand with each other, so it’s perfectly normal that I would confuse such things.

As if that grin didn’t have me confused enough, his next few actions sure did the trick.

“Gee; what the fuck-” I stammered as he grabbed me by my belt loops, and shoved me hard up against the wall. He wove his fingers under my shirt, caressing the skin on the small of my back as he yanked my hips up into his, causing my entire body to shudder as I tried my hardest to bite back a moan. I failed miserably; The friction that one simple movement created was so pleasurably delicious I could taste it.

“You’ll see,” he murmured in my ear, seduction dripping from those two words as his hands continued to travel across my skin, visiting the same places they’ve spent the last few years getting to know quite well, causing more tingles to run up my spine.

Inside, I was ready to explode; Gerard was confusing the fuck out of me, but at the same time he was turning me on like never before. I threw my head back against the wall, exposing my neck, quivering in delight from the way he was breathing against my ear, and pressing his body up against mine. I didn’t care what his next move was; I was just waiting for him to do something.

But before I knew it, Gerard was gone, and I was left all alone in the hallway that lead further into the venue with a raging hard-on. I took a shot at trying to regulate my breathing, and more importantly, get rid of the problem Gerard had left me with. I let out a shaky sigh as I attempted to come to grips with what had just happened, but came up with absolutely nothing.

“Leave it to Gerard to start something he couldn’t finish,” I mumbled under my breath, tilting my head back against the wall once again.

I shut my eyes and covered them with my skeleton-gloved hand, only to jump at least ten feet in the air as the sound of someone clearing their throat sliced the silent air around me. I peeked through a crack in my fingers, and saw familiar spiked up blonde hair, belonging to the one person I had absolutely no interest in seeing right now… or ever.

“Penny for your thoughts, Frank?”

I shot him a crooked smile as I removed the hand from my face, and shook my head. “Maybe later,” I responded, peeling myself off of the wall where Gerard had just dominated me minutes earlier, and turned my world upside down for perhaps the forty-third time today.

“Okay, sounds good!” Nick called after me as I began to walk away. “I’ll be around, okay Frank?”

Not quite fast enough, that’s for sure.

“Okay!” I shouted back, trying to sound enthusiastic yet I’m afraid it came out sounding ridiculously snobby instead. I couldn’t help it though; this whole situation is really starting to fuck with me.

“I’ll be around.”

As I walked down the hallway, Spike’s words kept ringing in my head, almost as if it’s a constant reminder that Gerard and I have to be on our best behavior. As if it wasn’t hard enough already, I would have to restrain myself even harder now just to stay away from him. After that little stunt that Gerard just pulled, I honestly don’t know if I’m up for such a task.

“Hey, Frankie!”

I stopped walking mid-step and turned on my heel, taking a few steps back toward the room where my name had just been called. Upon peering inside of the nearly empty room, I smiled as my eyes fell upon Mikey Way, clutching his bass tightly to his chest.

“Hi, Mikey,” I greeted him, letting out a shaky breath as I advanced toward him. Today was hard for everyone, but I think it was the hardest for Mikey; in a sense, he lost more than Gerard and I had, considering we still sort of had each other. Mikey was left without either of us to go to for that sort of affection, although he did regain two very important relationships with us that had previously been broken.

As Mikey began to pluck a few strings on his bass, I instantly recognized the tune he was playing. “Violent Femmes, Mikey?” I questioned, taking a seat next to him.

“Hell yes,” Mikey replied, giving me a warm smile. “I’ve had this song stuck in my head all day, so I decided to give it a try.”

“Wow, good work,” I congratulated him, watching as his fingers moved so beautifully and brought that amazing song to life. I was just about to sing along with the tune he was playing, before I remembered the lyrics to the song. They were all about heartache and someone practically ripping your heart right out of your chest; After his conversations with Gerard and I earlier today, no wonder he had this song stuck in his head.

“How are you, Mikey?” I asked, hoping that he would get the underlying tone of my question. A look of disdain crossed his features, as if he had just recalled a bad memory. I instantly regretted my words, but decided it was better for me to address the situation rather than ignore it.

“I’m okay, Frank,” he murmured, readjusting his glasses before giving me a small smile. “It’s still a bit weird but… I’m okay. It’s just going to take some time, you know?”

I nodded; time is the only thing it seems like we didn’t have. We each needed time to breathe, time away from each other. It didn’t really help that we were stuck together twenty-four hours a day, in such a crammed space with little room to breathe or think by ourselves.

It was then, as I took in the strained smile that adorned my very best friend in this entire world’s adorably cute face, that I finally realized that respect for Mikey’s feelings was the most important reason for me to stay away from Gerard. I can’t imagine what he must be feeling right now, and I don’t want to make things worse because Gerard and I can’t control ourselves.

Enough damage has been done, and I am the primary cause of all of it. The confusion that I am feeling, the broken hearted emptiness that is plaguing my head is all my fault, cluttering up my emotions and bottling them up deep inside of me.

“Are you okay, Frank?”

I cracked a crooked smile at my best friend, who now wore a look of concern for me. Bless his heart.

“Honestly, Mikey?” I asked, receiving an apprehensive nod in response. “No. I’m pretty much very fucking far from okay,” I replied, letting out a frustrated sigh.

“That makes two of us, then,” Mikey replied, giving me a real smile for my efforts. “I’m glad I’m not the only one!”

I laughed, automatically feeling ten times better now that we were being honest with each other. “You’ll never be the only one that feels like that, Mikey,” I assured him, leaning my head against his shoulder. “And if you feel like you are, you can talk to me. Or Gerard, or Ray or Bob. We’re all in this together, you got me?”

“Thanks, Frankie,” he sighed, as he relaxed his head against mine. I sighed in content, for once things were beginning to make a little bit of sense. But of course, as life has proven before time and time again, that the one thing we can be certain of, is that things will probably get a lot worse before they get better.

I knew this little fact was correct, when I noticed the pair of bright blue eyes that was spying in on our little conversation from the door frame. They were accompanied by a head full of awesomely spiked up hair, and a set of perfectly pearly white teeth that were now being shown off as we made eye contact.

“Is there something we can help you with, Nick?” I called out loud, instantly making Mikey’s head snap up at the intrusion.

“Nick?”

“The reporter from that magazine,” I murmured to Mikey, narrowing my eyes at the figure that was now walking toward us. As if I wasn’t already sure that his presence would be lurking over us like a bad plague, I was certainly convinced now. These next few weeks are going to be a fucking nightmare.