I'd Kill Myself for You, I'd Kill You for Myself

The sequential ticking of a clock pierced the overwhelming silence as time passed. Matt's golden hazel orbs were trained on the Polaroid within his grasp. Roughly four years had passed since anyone had seen the petite golden-haired blue eyed woman in the photo. He placed the picture on the glossy dark oak desktop in an attempt to gather his thoughts. Creaking sounded as Matt leaned back in the overstuffed leather desk chair he sat in, placing his large hands over his face. Releasing a heavy sigh, he rubbed his strong hands over his face before placing his bulky arms on the smooth desktop. Being the boss of a very well-known extremely powerful & very much hated gang has never been easy. Today, his first official day back in business, was definitely no exception. Gaze falling back onto the crumpled photograph lying only inches away from his fingertips Matt shook his head before flipping it over. Snatching the plastic black telephone off of the receiver he held down the number 1 button until a beep sounded & faint almost non-existent breathing filled the ear piece.

"Send him in." Matt's raspy voice instructed before he hung the receiver up not waiting for an answer.

How is it that he was about to bring up a traumatizing event in someone's life & he didn't feel even a sliver of guilt? Growing up his mother, Kim, was the only reason why he'd learned to be the slightest bit humane. She taught her son to trust & love his friends who would some day follow him when he took his spot as leader of the next generation of the Avenged brotherhood. Kim explained to him how loyal, brave & self sacrificing you had to be in order to be leader of such a group. What she didn't explain to him was something she could never know. Which was how entirely unfair being leader is. How being in charge of such a time consuming & violent operation can completely change you.

She'd once said that by being a good person you could be a great leader. Matt absentmindedly shook his head it was a foolish & ignorant piece of advice in his mind. It was impossible to be a good person in such a line of work. The horrible things you see, experience & may have to do yourself desensitizes you. It belittles the humanity you have within you until you no longer feel guilt or remorse for the lives you've taken. Suddenly it all just becomes meaningless numbers & their death turns into just another gang related statistic. Kim herself became just another number, a vain casualty in a war she had no part in. As if the job itself wasn't enough to transform Matt's personality the loss of his mother was a definite cause. She was the only person who kept him grounded, kept his mind at ease & his judgment in the right place. But when she disappeared so did his ability to control the animal he was slowing becoming.

"You wanted to see me boss." A male voice stated shaking Matt from his thoughts as a light knock sounded.

"Yeah." His raspy voice stated cracking the slightest as he brushed aside the thought of his mother's death. Raising a strong hand to his mouth he cleared his throat before gesturing to the overstuffed leather armchair in front of his desk. "Go ahead & sit down."

Matt sat upright in his desk chair causing the leather to squeak faintly before he placed his burly tattoo covered arms on the smooth desktop. Clasping his strong hands together the shuffling of a leather seat cushion sounded as his guest sat down. As if on some internal cue his entire expression hardened. Raising his now emotionless hazel orbs he pursed his plush lips together. The short semi-muscular man seated only a few feet shifted uncomfortably under the larger man's cold stare. It had been years since he'd experienced such an unsettling sensation. Tearing his gaze from the young man, Matt placed his palm right over the Polaroid lying on the desk. The young man's honey-brown eyes glanced curiously between his friend's emotionless orbs to his strong hand trying to piece together what was going on in his mind.

"Johnny." Matt stated breaking the uneasy silence. "What did you find out about Jennifer's murder?"

"W-what?" The young man questioned voice cracking at the heartbreaking memory. "Why...why would you ask that?"

"I need to know what you know so I can fill in the gaps."

"Gaps?" Johnny asked furrowing his dark eyebrows together in confusion as his heart sank. Judging by the current position they found themselves in Johnny knew Matt had found something out or knew something he didn't. "I went through dozens of people, no one knew anything."

Another silence set in between the two as Johnny stared at the larger man expectantly & Matt kept his gaze on the back of his hand. After his discovery at Louie's apartment Matt made some calls. A whole wave of information that had not been available years prior was explained by a variety of sources allowing him knowledge of why the horrid incident took place. The hard expression on Matt's face faltered the slightest at the impending reaction he was sure the young man would have. Mentally shaking the thought he slid the photo across the glossy surface & laced his long fingers together on the desk. The ticking of the office clock was the only sound which occupied the room. Raising his gaze, Matt watched as tears weld up in Johnny's honey-brown eyes.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Johnny ran his fingertips over the photo. The glint in his orbs which once shone only for the fair-haired woman flickered in his moist eyes. As quickly as it came it had gone leaving the dull, darkened & cold emotion which had resided since the young woman's death. Suddenly he became aware of the word dead written in thick red permanent marker at the bottom right hand corner of the photograph. Realization hit him like a ton of bricks. This meant he knew. Matt knew who'd killed his fiancé, his Jenny.

"Who did it?" Johnny questioned roughly furrowing his dark eyebrows as he placed the photo back on the desktop.

"Her name was Adaline." Matt stated turning in his leather chair as he opened a desk drawer & retrieved a manila envelope. "Adaline was a hired assassin from Russia. Did the job so she could get a green card & stay in the states."

"I don't care why she did it. I just want the bitches address." Johnny growled.

"8301 Talbert Avenue." Matt replied sliding the envelope across the glossy wood desktop.

"Isn't that the cemetery?" Johnny questioned heart sinking to his stomach. Matt nodded causing the smaller man to curse & slam his fist on the desktop with a loud slam.

"I had to do it."

"You?" Johnny's gaze instantly snapped up to the larger man eyes showing every bit of his emotion; stunned, confused & rage. "You killed her? Why didn't you call me? Text me? Hell fucking shout out the god damn door for all I fucking care!" He exclaimed voice rising as his temper flared.

"This is why." Matt replied in a completely calm tone. "Your emotions would've put you in jeopardy. You would've let your urge for revenge cloud your judgment."

"My emotions." Johnny repeated chuckling bitterly. "My emotions." He stated again glaring at the larger man. "This bitch." he started slamming his hand on the manila envelope. "Killed my fucking fiancé! She broke into our fucking apartment & killed the woman I loved! Of course I'm gonna get emotional."

"Johnny." Matt warned through gritted teeth. "I'm giving you ten seconds to shut the fuck up before I kick your ass." Johnny's jaw clenched as he took a deep breath attempting to resist the urge to hit his boss for taking away the only form of closure he had left. "Now, open the fucking envelope jackass."

"These are all..." Johnny trailed off furrowing his dark eyebrows together as he shuffled through the stack of photos.

"Serge & Adaline." Matt stated grabbing one of the photos. "He hired her."

"That son of a bitch." Johnny growled glaring down at the muscular man in the picture. "I'm gonna fucking kill him." He seethed throwing the stack on the desktop with a light thud.

"You can't." Matt retorted sending the younger man a warning look. "At least not yet but I'm working on a plan." The scraping of wooden legs against the wood paneling filled the air as Matt stood up, Johnny following suit. "Go get ready for the Offering & we'll talk about this later."