Beverly and the Bevan: A Bloke's Romance
Chapter 3: that chapter where theres vampires for
Chapter 3: that chapter where theres vampires for no apparent reason
Yes, I remembered this day well, the day I learned vampires existed, it was almost as revealing as the day I learnt the g-spot existed, but like the g-spot most men can’t find it. Many similarities between vampires and g spots, both are very well hidden, both make girls scream a little bit, and both I’m pretty much don’t give a shit about. I remember what I had for dinner, I had a pizza, extra cheese, meat is for fags, one girl once said I’m like my pizza, cheesy, flaky and not much meat to go with me… I have no idea what she meant.
So I took a slice, the shit was purely orgasmic, so delicious, sometimes pizza is better then sex, its cheaper and I can easily get it more often,
“give us a slice gav” Bazza said
“piss off you poofta” I replied
This is when I tore open the garlic bread, mmmm I loved garlic bread, its amazing I can eat all this fatty food and I still look gorgeous, I really am a sex god, good thing you sheila’s are only reading this, when I became famous with my novel, I’ll be signing chicks tits left right and centre.
Anyway back to the story, so I was eating my garlic bread, which was not quite as good as the pizza but rather tasty none the less, well as tasty as garlic bread can be… to cut a long story short the garlic bread was good. Not quite the thrill the pizza had, but thrilling none the less. Anyway I had the usual wank over a porno I rented earlier that day, something about naughty nurses, I made a clever pun, something like “I have fuck fever” something incredibly witty like that… then I was off to bed, I couldn’t get beverly and he amazing chest puppies out of my head, how I’d like to take thos chest puppies for a walk, you know pat and stroke them, maybe even titty bang her… anyway that when that stupid bloody sheila came in through the window…
“hello I am Edwina, Beverly’s lesbian lover vampire” she hissed
“you stupid bitch I just had that gauze put on for the mosquito’s, now I’ll have to fix it” I said back
“you have tried to steal my woman, now for her I’ve got to suck your…”
“Oh my god are we gonna have a threesome” I said pretty sure what her next word was gonna be
“blood” she finished, I was wrong I thaught to myself
“well can we just have a quick shag, I’ve always wanted to go out with a ‘bang’” I giggled at my own ridiculously clever pun
“you are disgusting you know that” she hissed at me
“that’s lovely coming from the malaria carrier” I shot back
“that’s mosquito’s not vampires”
“both suck blood don’t they?”
“oh shut up” she finally hissed as she leaned in…
I was gonna die at the fangs of this creature, this lesbian vampire creature, she wasn’t even that hot, the ones in that unnamed tv show from chapter 2 was far hotter, I thaught to my self, I couldn’t stop her, she had made up her mind, she wanted to give me a death hicky, and who wouldn’t really, I am pretty edible, despite my excess kilos’s, before I knew it she had her teeth on my neck…
OWWWWWWWWWWWWW, it hurt like hell, she had sank her teeth into two pimples on my neck, lucky! But it really hurt like hell, as she sucked pus cam from my neck into her fangs, she started to spit it out. That is when I felt a feeling in my gut, a painful feeling. I really need to burp
BELCHHH, ahh garlicy freshness, as soon as she smelt my garlic flavoured belch she fell to the floor, I thaught to myself, shit I still got it! Making the ladies fall at my feet, even the Lesbos, ‘Gavin you are a god.’
Yes, I remembered this day well, the day I learned vampires existed, it was almost as revealing as the day I learnt the g-spot existed, but like the g-spot most men can’t find it. Many similarities between vampires and g spots, both are very well hidden, both make girls scream a little bit, and both I’m pretty much don’t give a shit about. I remember what I had for dinner, I had a pizza, extra cheese, meat is for fags, one girl once said I’m like my pizza, cheesy, flaky and not much meat to go with me… I have no idea what she meant.
So I took a slice, the shit was purely orgasmic, so delicious, sometimes pizza is better then sex, its cheaper and I can easily get it more often,
“give us a slice gav” Bazza said
“piss off you poofta” I replied
This is when I tore open the garlic bread, mmmm I loved garlic bread, its amazing I can eat all this fatty food and I still look gorgeous, I really am a sex god, good thing you sheila’s are only reading this, when I became famous with my novel, I’ll be signing chicks tits left right and centre.
Anyway back to the story, so I was eating my garlic bread, which was not quite as good as the pizza but rather tasty none the less, well as tasty as garlic bread can be… to cut a long story short the garlic bread was good. Not quite the thrill the pizza had, but thrilling none the less. Anyway I had the usual wank over a porno I rented earlier that day, something about naughty nurses, I made a clever pun, something like “I have fuck fever” something incredibly witty like that… then I was off to bed, I couldn’t get beverly and he amazing chest puppies out of my head, how I’d like to take thos chest puppies for a walk, you know pat and stroke them, maybe even titty bang her… anyway that when that stupid bloody sheila came in through the window…
“hello I am Edwina, Beverly’s lesbian lover vampire” she hissed
“you stupid bitch I just had that gauze put on for the mosquito’s, now I’ll have to fix it” I said back
“you have tried to steal my woman, now for her I’ve got to suck your…”
“Oh my god are we gonna have a threesome” I said pretty sure what her next word was gonna be
“blood” she finished, I was wrong I thaught to myself
“well can we just have a quick shag, I’ve always wanted to go out with a ‘bang’” I giggled at my own ridiculously clever pun
“you are disgusting you know that” she hissed at me
“that’s lovely coming from the malaria carrier” I shot back
“that’s mosquito’s not vampires”
“both suck blood don’t they?”
“oh shut up” she finally hissed as she leaned in…
I was gonna die at the fangs of this creature, this lesbian vampire creature, she wasn’t even that hot, the ones in that unnamed tv show from chapter 2 was far hotter, I thaught to my self, I couldn’t stop her, she had made up her mind, she wanted to give me a death hicky, and who wouldn’t really, I am pretty edible, despite my excess kilos’s, before I knew it she had her teeth on my neck…
OWWWWWWWWWWWWW, it hurt like hell, she had sank her teeth into two pimples on my neck, lucky! But it really hurt like hell, as she sucked pus cam from my neck into her fangs, she started to spit it out. That is when I felt a feeling in my gut, a painful feeling. I really need to burp
BELCHHH, ahh garlicy freshness, as soon as she smelt my garlic flavoured belch she fell to the floor, I thaught to myself, shit I still got it! Making the ladies fall at my feet, even the Lesbos, ‘Gavin you are a god.’
♠ ♠ ♠
© Aaron Ducker 2008