Chasing Dreams

I relax into the warm golden sand soaking up the sun, it is such a beautiful day here, and I think my plan worked perfectly, getting out of the states in the winter so it would be summer over here then we I get back it’ll be summer too, an entire with summer, how great is that?
“Any ideas for dinner?” Kellan asks. I shrug in reply not wanting to lose this moment.
“Just go to the chicken place over the road” I say, “I’ve always wanted to go there be never have”
I can tell he makes a face, “Alright” he replies happily.
As the sun begins to descend we decide to call it a day and head in for some kai (food in Maori, but also ocean in Hawaiian), heading over to the chicken place upon returning to Napier. It’s a rather nice hotel, with a spa and everything... although I prefer the ocean spas up the road, so I head down there by myself, Kellan to busy trying to pick a girl up, as good as he looks, I... don’t think he has the right approach and I wasn’t willing to help him out. I relax into the warmer spas and somehow find myself drifting into unwanted sleep... yet again…

I am three years old again, this time; I’ve known Taj most of the year and we’re already best friends. His mother is on her death bed, breast cancer that has hit her hard, my own mother constantly at her side; they also, had quickly become good friends. Priya refused to see her, my entire family loved her and hated to see her looking so pale and deathly.
She died the next day; Taj had got to say his goodbyes to her. We sit on the beach later that day.
“Lor, what am I gonna do?” he asks, looking at me like a lost little boy, tears building
up in his eyes.
“I... Don’t know” I reply and pull him into a hug.

Looking back on it now, Taj was lucky, he got to say goodbye to his mother before she left this world, maybe that’s why he was able to deal with it the way he did. But then again he was only three, is it worse not knowing a parent very well or having them both die once you know, or get a chance to start knowing both of them, then losing them? It is weird, waking up in a spa... in the dark. The spas are still filled with people, this is my cue to leave, so I do, heading back down the road to the overly fancy hotel, Kellan and I are staying at.
He sits lazily spread out over the couch with a mouth full of popcorn and a crappy movie.
“What the fuck are you watching?” my eyes narrowed in confusion as I kick his legs out of the way and grab a handful of popcorn.
He shrugs, “I dunno” I shake my head with a sigh, there is a DVD player for a reason and I didn’t stock up on DVD’s from the Lyall Bay Warehouse for no reason! I lean over the back of the couch and pull out ‘Big Wednesday’
“Here” I say handing him the DVD, “Put this on”
Kellan stumbles off the couch and I sink back into it, he flops back into the couch with the remote in his right hand, his left draping over the back of the couch, he sinks into the corner getting comfy, resting his feet on the coffee table.

I wake the next day on the coach and in a bit if pain. I’m alone, thankfully. I don’t really care where Kellan is... but spoke too soon, he walks in the door with breakfast.
“Where’s the next stop?” he asks looking pretty pissed off.
“Whangamata” I yawn taking a seat at the table. Kellan hands me my breakfast, I was content with Mac’d’s.
“When are we leaving New Zealand?” he goes on, I shrug, I hadn’t planned that bit yet, I just wanted to make it to Whangamata.
“Don’t know” I say biting into the BLT bagel. He sighs angrily, “What?”
“I just... Just wanna get out of here” he says sipping at his hot chocolate. My eyes narrow.
“Why?” that didn’t seem like him.
“Casey called last night” he sighs, I chuckle.
“Yeah and?” I really don’t give two shits about his slut of a sister.
“She wants to beat the shit out of you” I break out in full scale laughter now.
“She seriously thinks she can take me?” I ask, still laughing. He nods, “Let her come”
“Look can we just go?” Kellan pleads.
“Alright, just chill, we’ll go to Whangas today then” I relax taking another bite. Kellan smiles softly... he has some serious issues.

Whangamata, New Zealand

We drive into the small coastal town, I sigh happily, man I’ve missed it here so much.
“How long are we gonna be here?” Kellan asks and I shrug.
“A while I hope” I say, he groans.
“The surf doesn’t even look good!” he whines as we pull up near the surf club.
“So? I never asked you to come Kellan, if you don’t like it then fuck off, I’m doing this for me not for you so get the fuck over it” I snap and get out of the car, walking toward the water.
Upon reaching the sand I take a deep breath and breathe it all in, the smell fills my nose and sends a shiver down my spine... I really shouldn’t stay away for so long. I hear Kellan groaning in the back ground, no way in hell is he going to ruin this for me, I am doing this for Taj, it’s what we wanted to do and now I am doing it and I am genuinely happy for the first time since Taj died. I drop to the sand and take in my surroundings.

Taj and I are eight, we go on our first joint family holiday to Whangamata, my mum loved Taj like her own son after Trisha died, she had promised her she’d watch out for Taj, looking back on it now I’m pretty sure Johnny considered dumping Taj with us on more than one occasion... okay so it wasn’t really a joint family holiday it was more like Taj with my family, an excuse for Johnny to be alone, the arse whip.
Dodge and I head for the water, boards under our arm... this was the first time he’d met Taj; they didn’t seem to hit it off too well either. Taj stands sulking at the water’s edge.
“C’mon!” I yell, he sighs dramatically, “what?”
“Do we have to Lor?” he asks trying to be cute, it doesn’t work too well. This time I sigh.
“Some surfer you are Memphis” and with that I hit the water, Dodge close behind. Taj hates been called by his first name, even by me, I know it would be enough to piss him off to go without complaints. I go off on my own, leaving him with Dodge, and after that day Taj never kicked up a stink again.

“Chase” I snap out if the daydream... wow this was getting worse, I didn’t usually have memories like that when I was awake. Kellan drops beside me, “You okay?” He seems better now, I shrug, I don’t really know how to answer that... I haven’t been okay since I was eleven.