The Voice Within

I sat up straight in my bed, shaking and breathing heavily from the vivid nightmare I had just had. It was so real, I could still feel my father’s sweaty hands closing around my neck, the sight of his fists as they swung round to collide with my skull. In the nightmare he had crept into the foster care unit easily, passing through Luke’s bed, and then on to mine…

I knew I wasn’t be going to be getting back sleep any time soon, every time I closed her eyes he was still there, glaring at me his drunken face appearing as clear as day. Instead I pulled on some sweats over my pajama shorts, grabbed a hoodie and some converse. I crept silently past all the other sleeping bodies in the room and made my way downstairs to Luke’s bed. I only peeked through the door taking a deep relieved breath at the sight of the small mound buried under the bed covers. Luke was sound asleep and as usual I had been worrying for nothing.

Slowly I made my way to the front doors of the foster care unit, hands in my pockets as I walked. Tomorrow, Rosa had made it clear that everything was pretty much going to change. This would be the last piece of freedom I would have in a while, and I knew exactly where I wanted to go.

It was a long walk, but so early in the morning the streets were near deserted and I enjoyed the nice fresh air. It gave me a chance to clear my head, and strangely enough I actually felt safer wandering the streets than at the foster care unit. At least out here there was a much less chance of running in to him, while at the foster care unit he would know exactly where we were. What were the odds that he’d be lurking around this very corner? Then again I was sure I’d seen him at the supermarket. I pushed away all doubtful thoughts and instead tried to focus on Liz as I approached the hospital.

It was almost six in the morning and of course, nowhere near regular visiting hours, but I knew exactly where she was and was determined to make it past reception. My pace quickened as I neared her room, excited thoughts of seeing Liz again filling my mind.

“Liz?” I whispered as I heaved the heavy white door open and stepped breathlessly into her room. The smile on my face froze as I saw the empty clean bed. The sheets had been changed and neatly arranged, everything was gone, - Liz was gone!

“Excuse me, what are you doing here?” the night nurse asked putting a hand on my shoulder only a little too heavily.

“Wasn’t... where’s the girl, um Liz Mason who was in this bed?” I stuttered, my eyes still sweeping over the empty bed in shock.

“Lizzie Mason? I’m sorry but are you family?” she demanded her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

“I’m her sister,” the excuse came easily.

“Sister? Well then you should know that Liz died two days ago in the evening. Besides the coma, she had suffered serious head injuries and it was just too much for the poor girl. Now, where’s your mother she said…” the nurse explained emotionlessly.

“What?” I sniffed, my hand at my throat. This couldn’t be true, this couldn’t be happening. Liz dead? The nurse must have gone it wrong, Liz would never have given up, let it ‘get all too much for her,’ she couldn’t be dead, she just couldn’t.

And yet she was, and that startling truth had me on my knees, gripping the empty bed for support as the room spun. This couldn’t be happening to me, why was it happening to me? Hadn’t I suffered enough? I wrenched away from the nurse running out of the hospitable. Once outside I put my head between my knees, desperately taking in huge gulps of air. How could Liz have done this to me? I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I waited for the tears to come, but they didn’t. I was all dried out; I had no more tears left. It was like I had become numb, broken again and again to never be fixed.

Liz wasn’t dead, she just couldn’t be…