The Voice Within

“Young girl, don't cry, I'll be right here when your world starts to fall, young girl, it's all right. Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly!” Ronnie was bellowing the lyrics out at the top of her lungs while dancing on her bed, with her hairbrush as a microphone. Any other day she would have been thoroughly embarrassed, but the fact that Liz was dancing beside her only made her sing louder and louder. She wanted everyone to hear. She wanted her voice to carry out over the walls of the building and to reach her dad’s drunken ears. She wanted him to tremble in his sleep and she wanted him to be the one to fear her for once.

Liz flopped down on to the bed beside Ronnie, and growing more serious, she took Ronnie by the shoulders and mouthed the words to her, “When there's no one else, look inside yourself, like your oldest friend, just trust the voice within.” Ronnie smiled back, laughing at the exaggerated look of concern on her face. No longer would she have to trust ‘any voice within,’ because Liz was sitting right beside her, and this time she was never going to leave her again.

“Knock Knock! Your car and company has arrived to take you to school!” came a loud voice from behind the door.

The smile on Ronnie’s face immediately vanished – Kat, what great timing. Chill Ronnie. We need them remember? Be nice, don’t make yourself too obvious, and don’t forget about the thing we need” Liz was as cool as a cucumber as she lounged on the sofa. It was easy for her, she didn’t have to do all the talking, but she was right all the same. Ronnie mustn’t forget about the very important ‘thing’ she needed for today.

“Come in,” she sighed, expecting to see Kat. Instead it was Chase who opened the door first, immediately looking like he wished he could go back through it as he embarrassedly averted his eyes. Ronnie had completely forgotten she was still in her burrowed tank tops and shorts. Kat quickly brushed him aside as she strode in sauntering around the room to give Ronnie a quick hug.

“God, you look terrible,” she said at last heading for the window as she lit a cigarette.

“Good morning to you too” Ronnie sighed back searching for her clothes. She noticed how Chase never stopped looking at her, and not even her face, but the rest of her body. Any other girl would have felt flattered but when Ronnie looked down at her skin she saw what anyone would see; her scars. Most of her bruises had faded by now, but her dad had left marks on her that would never be removed. The permanent scars and marks on her arms from where she’d tried to defend herself, cuts on her legs from when she broken the glass coffee table or the tiny scar above her right eyebrow from when she’d ‘fallen down the stairs,’ and had to have stitches on her forehead. Each scar had its own story that Ronnie never managed to forget, each mark was the disgusting result of her own disobedience and her father’s regular fits of rage. Even the scars on her arms, that were amazingly not always from her dad, but from Ronnie herself was too her, just another sign of weakness. Now, Ronnie wasn’t feeling so confident at all, and wanted nothing more than to find a good pair of jeans and a hoodie…

As she changed, Ronnie couldn’t help flashing him with a glare. She was glad when he looked away – good, he should be ashamed. He wants you. Liz’s voice made Ronnie jump, she had almost forgotten that she was there. Ignoring her wild statement she continued her futile hunt for clothes.

“You can’t wear this!” Kat laughed, “In case you have forgotten we have lessons in exactly ten minutes. Where’s your uniform?”

Ronnie shrugged, looking down at the floor. Liz nudged her impatiently, knowing that now was the perfect moment to make her suggestions. “I was wondering if we could actually go shopping again this morning,” she tried hesitantly, now suddenly not able to look Kat in the face. She had always been such a bad liar.

Lucky for her, Kat didn’t see that and was too blinded by her resolution for today which was too convince Ronnie of her worth. She saw what she thought was Ronnie’s reluctance to go ‘shopping again,’ and disregarded it as a poor attempt for Ronnie to want to fit in. She wrapped her arms round the small innocent girl, glad that she was at least a head taller.

“Aw, babes, I know it’s tough, but you’ve got to brave it sometime. Our school’s not half bad, and since you’ve already got us, there’s really nothing to be afraid of. We are going to school, today so you better hurry up.”

Kat’s blazer reaked of smoke and she was squeezing her far too tightly. It was like she wanted to drain all the life out of Ronnie. Ronnie rolled her eyes at Kat’s fake concern but didn’t push her away. Liz was standing in the corner of the room, smiling quite slyly as she egged Ronnie on.

“But…” Ronnie began.

“No buts Ronnie… erm I actually don’t know your last name” Kat said firmly as she whirled Ronnie around, placing a finger against her lips, “Today I’m in charge of your sad little life. What I say goes. See you downstairs in five.” And with that she marched out of the room, pulling Chase by his t-shirt as she went. Now Kat was satisfied with herself. That would show that pig nosed counselor to judge her. She knew exactly what Ronnie needed in her time of trouble, and it was not some uptight counselor telling her who she could and couldn’t hang out with.

Liz was furious that things hadn’t worked out the way she wanted them to. School was such a waste of time, something they didn’t have. Ronnie felt Liz’s disappoint more than she felt it herself. She so desperately wanted to please Liz, that it was a relief when she remembered what was in the kitchen downstairs.

“Ready at last,” Kat smiled encouragingly, taking Ronnie’s arm as she steered her downstairs like she owned the place. “Mrs Johnson wanted me to tell you that she’s already taken Luke to school and will see you later when you get home.”

Ronnie could only bite her lip and wince at the realization that she had completely forgotten about Luke. If only she hadn’t been so distracted….

“I’ll see you outside, I forgot something upstairs. I’ll only be a minute,” Ronnie pleaded, praying that Kat would at least leave her for a second.

As soon as they were gone she rushed to the kitchen, pausing when she got to the counter. Opening the top drawer, she could feel Liz’s ecstasy and relief that they had got what they wanted. Well done sister she whispered in her ear. Ronnie couldn’t help smiling, yes, they were just like sisters, through thick or thin, Liz would never leave her. Then it was so easy to reach inside and take the small but sharp knife from the drawer.

“Damaged goods,” Chase said from the doorway causing Ronnie to gasp in surprise and almost lose her hold on the knife. Her heart was beating so fast… he couldn’t have seen, could he?

“What did you say?” she stammered hoping that whatever crazy thought it was that had made her follow him, would cause him to leave aswell.

“I said damaged goods. It’s such a shame…” he didn’t even know what he was saying himself, and yet he was stepping closer and closer towards her, enclosing the valuable space between them with every step he took. Ronnie didn’t know how much longer her grip would hold on the knife behind her back, her palms were sweating so much….

Ronnie couldn’t risk a little helpless sideways glance at Liz in the corner. And as usual Liz provided the perfect solution. Ronnie pounced on Chase, jamming her lips against his with no real idea what she was doing. Chase was shocked himself and stumbled slightly backwards, but he didn’t push her away. Instead he kissed her back, allowing Ronnie to gently push him around so that she had him up against the counter and could easily slip the knife into her shoulder bag, completely undetected. As soon as it was hidden, Ronnie’s attention was brought to the fact that Chase was holding her, running his hands through her hair, kissing her… and she actually liked it. It was Liz’s soft taunting voice that reminded her of what they’re main objective was, that finally made her push him away.

“Right, I hope you’re satisfied now!” Kat whined bursting through the door and hauling Ronnie outside, “Now we’re definitely going to be late. Mrs Johnson is going to kill me!”

Ignoring Chase, Ronnie shared another discreet smile with Liz, at least now she could leave the house reassured that she could protect herself of anyone who decided to cross her path.