The Voice Within

By morning my dad still wasn’t back at the apartment. That was fine by me, if he had turned up, acting like nothing had happened, I thought I would explode. Instead, I made breakfast, Ronnie style; burnt toast and warm milked cereal, while Luke ran around the room with the mop/light saver shouting that he was ‘Luke Skywalker’. One of these days my brother is going to be diagnosed with ADHD.

I couldn’t get ourselves out of the apartment quick enough, result - we did not see dad coming back home, but we were extra, early for school. Luke had got off at an earlier stop, to go to his primary school, leaving me all alone outside the front of the school. I was quite surprised that I could even make it to school today. When I woke up I thought I was in an oven, it seemed every part of my body was screaming at me in a burning pain. The blood thudded loudly in my head, from where he had knocked it against the glass cabinet. With no time to lick my wounds, I only managed a quick cup of hot chocolate to calm my jangled nerves and now I was fighting a pounding headache and an aching pain in my leg, where dad had kicked me so hard, that every time I walked it looked like I needed the toilet.

“You’ll never guess what happened to me this morning” Liz groaned as she dumped her school bag next to mine, “It was awful, my mum woke me up early. I didn’t even get to straighten my hair. She just burst into my room at eight in the morning, and shooed me out of the house by eight fifteen!”

I smiled to myself, typical Liz. “But Liz, you do know school starts at eight thirty right? And anyway your hair looks fine.” I was right of course, early or not Liz always managed to look her perfect self. Her long straight auburn hair spilled over her shoulders, a contrast to her bright blue eyes. As soon as I first met Liz, I straight away envied her eyes. They looked like shattered pieces of glass, all glued together. My eyes were a muddy brown, so dark that sometimes you couldn’t even see the pupils. I would have given anything to have blue eyes like Liz.

“What happened to you? You look like you got into a fist fight with your dad!” Liz exclaimed pretending to be astonished, her hand flying to her mouth in shock.

“I did get in to a fist fight with my dad” I mumbled, rolling my eyes at her dry humor, “Well not exactly a fist fight, because I didn’t do anything to stop him.”

“Look, I’m sorry, I’m just trying to get you to . . . to see how well, serious this is!” she blurted out.

“I know, I know.” I mumbled pathetically.

“He’s your dad! Your own flesh and blood, and look . . . look what he’s done to you”she said disgustedly, her bottom lip trembling.

“I know, but there’s nothing I can do. At least he hasn’t done anything to Luke, as long he’s okay, I guess it’s alright.” I shrugged, staring down at my shoes, and trying not to think about dad hurting Luke.

“No, Ronnie, it’s still not all right and I only wish there was something I could do about it”Liz sighed shaking her head. I do not know how many times we had had this conversation, it seemed like my whole life was becoming one big fat routine.

“Here, I got you this, from my mum’s office” Liz said, handing me a tiny leaflet with yellow pages and bright pink writing on it. I stared at her horrified, what had she done? This wasn’t part of our routine conversation! Liz’s mum was a social worker, which was why it had been so hard to tell her at first, knowing she could easily tell her mum. “Don’t worry, I didn’t say anything to her, I took it while she was out at one of her bingo games.”

I sighed, a big sigh or relief and then stared at her. “Are you crazy? Then my dad really is going to kill me for sure, when he finds out!” I bit back my words once I glimpsed how serious she was, and how my words had hurt her. “That’s exactly what I’m afraid of, and that’s why you’re going to take this, and promise me you call this number when you need to, okay? Promise me, Ronnie.”

Liz stared back at me, her eyes full of hurt and worry. I nodded, and took the leaflet shoving it deep into my bag, hoping I would never have to use it. But that was just it, the word ‘worry’ was painted all over Liz’s face. When my dad hit me I wasn’t the only person getting hurt, Liz was too, and Luke. ‘Then my dad would really kill me’ my words rang sharp and clear in my head. What would happen to Luke then? What if I wasn’t always there to protect him? I was all he had. I bit my tongue, fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall and in broad daylight as well.

“Well come on then, you’re going to get sent straight back home with that big bruise on your cheek.” Self-consciously, I lightly touched my cheek, tracing my scars. Liz and I walked over to the nearest bench, and she got to work, doing the thing she was good at. With her make-up bag and foundation I looked as good as new. The only tell-tale sign was my limp and I would just have to handle that. We were just gathering our stuff and getting ready to go inside, already late when a couple students passed by and started to talk to us.

“Hey, aren’t you guys going to be late?” came a voice from behind us. I froze, the hairs on my neck pricking up. That voice sounded exactly like . . . I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, it was just some guy from the year above and his friends, no need to go crazy Ronnie, I told myself.

“Yeah, and we were just leaving” I said dismissively trying to yank on Liz’s arm to remind her or the direction of the doors. But she seemed to be engaged in some weird staring contest with the guy who had just spoken to us. And from the way she was twirling her fingers in her hair and batting her eyelids, it looked like a very dangerous one as well.

“My name’s Justin, and this is Chase, Kat and Danny” he said gesturing to the people behind him, and still he didn’t tear his eyes away from Liz. What strange names, I couldn’t help thinking.

“I’m Ronnie and that’s Liz” I said lamely, the annoyance creeping into my voice. “Anyway we better get going to class now, right Liz?”

“Wait, aren’t you going in too?” Liz asked innocently. Great it speaks, I wonder if it walks too, I wondered too myself again trying to drag her inside.

“Nah, maybe. Anyway we’re going into town after lunch, wanna come?” Justin suggested.

“Um, maybe, we’ll think about it” I said finally managing to get Liz inside. “Typical, the day I come early and we still end up being late. We are definitely not going to go into blooming town after lunch! I mean, did you hear the way Justin was talking? Have you ever seen someone so in love with themselves?” I stopped and looked back at Liz, why the sudden silence?

“Um, yeah whatever you say Ronnie. It’s English we have now right?”

I nodded. Twice in that sentence alone she had looked back, staring wistfully outside. Liz was my best friend ever, without her I don’t know how I’d survive. But sometimes I just wanted to shake her. Because I guess, the thing that scared me even more than my dad hitting me, was losing Liz.