Suffocation

When I had woken, my heart was pounding in my chest as Unearth's 'Fuel the Fire' blasted alongside my bed. This was followed by the horrid stench of a million and one things I did not enjoy. As my eyes slowly opened and a dark blur hovered above my face, warm air brushed against my skin every few seconds. I opened my mouth to speak, as the blur came-to. Surprisingly it was Rae sporting a mischievous grin

It hadn't taken long for him to notice my waking, and he soon pounced on me, "So, you fell asleep on me before you could tell me what happened!" He exclaimed, "Give me all the details!"

I yawned, turning my head slightly to read the radio clock on the dresser, "Move your arm, babe, I need to know the time."

Rae scoffed, rolling off the bed. He even took time to pull the batteries out of the clock. It was quite obvious to see he was going to go all cry-baby on me for not talking. He hated thinking that we could be growing apart.

"I can't believe this, you're going to become soft of me, now. Aren't you?" He continued to ramble as I slid out of bed, to ease him.

"Ra-" I tried, failing miserably and he pushed me away.

It was sad think that Rae and I has been friends since we were babies. We hadn't really known each other until we were four. Then we were almost inseparable. And as we grew older, we found out how much we had in comment. Unfortunately, we also found that most people frowned upon on our families and their way of life. We were practically shunned and left with one another. Eventually the bond ended and the only way to stay 'close' was to continue living our lies and speaking of our homosexual ways. If one of us lost that, then we'd lose each other... Rae truly wasn't ready for that.

"Tell me, why is he so different that you have to go and turn your back on all of this?!" He paused for a moment, not giving me much time to reply before adding, "You know I'm not going to bloody stop just because you do, right? And that'll make me feel even worse!"

As I eased the batteries from his hand, he sighed in defeat, turning to my closet, "Just tell me why he is so different? How come you can't just fuck him over and leave it be?"

I gestured for him to sit on my bed before, crossing my arms over my chest. It was difficult to answer questions that I had never thought or known about.

"You know, this has never been something easy to explain or think over. I've never sat there reflecting on all those boys. They were pretty, it was a moment in time and I had urges... And it's hard to say this, but - I haven't had those urges with Sam. Maybe I'm growing out of it... Just maybe it was a bloody phase. And you know, you might just grow out of it, too." I had tried to be honest and sincere. It truly took all I had.

Still, Sam wouldn't have any of it. He had to challenge me with his large brown eyes. He hand to stand and tower over me, "What if I don't?"

"Then, you're just like every dirty fuck we grew up with. You're everything we ever hated... And you're going to end up like your dad, like my dad.."

He chuckled, "Doesn't that sound just fantastic? I've got the blood of a million dirty fucks coursing through my veins... And I'm not the only one, Ash-Lee. Those streets don't run red just because of me, you know. And just because you want to change the future doesn't mean you can cover the pavement with snow."

The words he spoke had left my mouth dry. And the last grin he wore before stepping through the doorway stained all my thoughts...

.x.x.x.

Upon seeing Sam, my day had lightened many shades. We had decided to stroll along the beach since it was early and I needed something to calm my nerves. We hadn't had much conversation. And as I wearily stepped into mushy sand, barefoot, shoes in hand, I had the sudden urge to speak, to end the silence that enveloped us.

"You know, I was engaged in a very interesting conversation this morning. And you're name came up."

From the corner of my eye, Sam had turned, giving me a questioning look, "Why my name?"

I shrugged at first. Really, just to think over what to say. How to re-word the conversation, how to make it innocent.

"A friend brought you up. He's been wondering why I treat you differently than most boys I be-friend. He thinks you must be something really special. What do you think?"

He scoffed, kicking a shell into the water, "Well, I'm not anything special. Why would your friend think that?"

I had to smile at the naive kid before me. How he didn't know of what this town held. All our dirty little secrets of all the things that laid just below our feet. All the secrets like a book for any one to read, if only they took time to read between the lines. And there I was, just pointing at every line, practically begging for him to jump into the book.

"Eh, Rae, he has a way of thinking. He expects things to be routine, and when their not the world must be ending or something.. Especially since you're such a beautiful boy. He's just waiting for me to do what I always do.. And for some reason I'm not."

Sam had given me the most confused look, mixed with a blush, "Wait, what are you talking about?"

I could only laugh, shaking my head a bit, "Eh, just this- I..." There was a long pause before I added, "How about I just buy you lunch or something for now. And some other day I'll tell you my dirty secrets when you tell me yours?"

He took a few moments before replying, "You don't have to buy me anything and you really don't have to tell me any secrets..."

"Well, why don't we have lunch and just talk.. We'll deal with the secret thing later." I quickly grabbed his hand, with my free one, and pulled me with me, "Now you can choose where we eat, but you have to actually act like you kind of like me and maybe smile a bit, yeah?"