In Joy and Sorrow

May:

The week ended quickly and we were soon boarding a plane to go to Mexico with the guys. They were already there and couldn't wait for us to arive. Dunn and Pontius picked us up from the airport and drove us to the hotel. We caught up and Pontius went on forever about how much he hated the Pacific North West.

The hotel was beautiful. It was right on the ocean and my room had an ocean view. I began to change into my bathing suit as everyone was down by the pool. I noticed Bam had left his phone so I picked it up. He got a text message so I read figuring he wouldn't care as it was from Dunn.

Where the fuck are you? Watching her change?

Intrigued I looked through his other texts. Most were from Dunn while we were in Boston.

Did you fuck her yet?

Will you just fucking ask her out before I do? I'm sick of hearing how much you like her.

Bam, I'm your best friend. If I thought you sleeping with your bosses assistant was bad wouldn't I tell you?

I went to his outbox and read the ones he was sending to Dunn.

No. I did not fuck her yet. I think I want to take my time with this one. She's not like some random.

You ask her out and I will disown you as a best friend.

I like her so fucking much dude. We have this like connection. I never feel awkward with her and I can tell her anything.

Do you think it would be bad to say I'm fucking my bosses assistant? What if we got fired?

I changed quickly so I could bring the phone down the Bam. I wasn't going to tell him about the texts I had read.

We sat around the pool all day. Jeff had a waiter come over around dinner time to give us a menu and take our orders.

'Hola.' The man said stepping up to the table. 'Me llama Miguel. Que desan Uds?'

'Do you speak English?' Jeff asked.

'Que?' Miguel asked.

'Rian?' Jeff asked causing me to look up from my menu. 'Do you happen to speak Spanish?'

'Some.' I said biting my lip.

'Can you ask him if he speaks English?'

'Hablar Ingles?'

'No.' He said shaking his head smiling.

'No, Jeff. He doesn't.' I looked back down at my menu.

'Well, can you communicate with him for us?' Jeff asked.

'Oh!' I said finally realizing why they were all staring at me. 'Yeah.'

'Que les traigo de bebida?' Miguel asked.

'What do you guys want for a drink?' I asked.

'Beer.' They all answered at once.

'Me trae deiz Budwieser y un agua.' I said.

'Si. Un momento.' Miguel said walking away.

'Why don't we all just get Nachos?' Jeff asked looking up. 'I mean, if we're drinking...'

'Okay.' Was heard around the group. 'Yeah.'

Miguel came back with the ten beers and one water. 'Para quien es el agua?'

'Para mi.' I said. He handed me my glass and passed the others out their booze.

'Que les traigo de plato principal?' He asked.

'You guys gettin nachos?' I asked.

'Yes Rian.' Bam said taking a sip of his beer.

'Quiero un-'

'Make it two orders.' Knoxville said.

'Quiero dos nachos y un ensalada con pollo.' I said handing him my and the others menus.

'Si.' He took them and went back to the kitchen.

'What'd you get Ri?' Bam asked.

'Voy a pedir la ensalada con pollo.'

'In English please?' Dunn said from Bam's right.

'Oh.' I said laughing. 'I forgot. Salad with chicken.'

'You eat to healthy.' Bam said.

'You eat too junky.' I said sticking my tongue out at him.

My four years of Spanish in High School was finally paying off. I had to use it almost everyday. Whether it was to order food or keep one of the guys out of jail. The week went by very quickly and before any of us knew it, it was our last night here. The guys wanted to go to the bar and get drunk. I decided to stay behind. Bam said he wanted to stay with me. But I made him go out for at least a little while. He came knocking on my door after four drinks.

I let him in and he told me I couldn't be alone in my last night in Mexico. We hung out and watched a few movies. He told me he couldn't come to Japan with us in the morning. It practically broke my heart. Two weeks without him and after that the movie was wrapped. I feel into his shoulder crying.

'Ri.' He whispered into my ear. 'Rian stop. Look at me.'

He grabbed my cheeks holding my head in his hands. I looked up at him.

'I want to tell you something.' I hiccuped.

'What?' He asked confused.

'I-' I swallowed hard. I had to tell him. 'I love you.'

He went from confused to glad before I finished saying 'you.'

He pulled my lips to his and kissed me like he never had before. We broke apart after a minute. 'I love you too, Rian.'

I attacked his lips with force and he faught back just as hard. I grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it up over his head, his heartagram necklace falling onto the skin. I placed my cold hands against his warm skin, causing goose bumps. He grabbed my shirt and pulled it over my head exposing my deep purple Aeire bra. He pushed me down onto the bed kissing me the whole way down.

I could hardly believe this was happening. He began to undo my jeans while we kissed. I helped him pull them down. He looked down at my half naked body smirking. I giggled as he undid his pants kicking them to the ground. He attacked my mouth again but this time he went for my neck as well. He lifted me up slightly and undid my bra with a swift movement. I let it fall to the ground with the rest of our clothing. He looked at my chest with wide eyes. His finger went to the waist band of my Victoria's Secret PINK red boy shorts.

'These need to go.' He said toying with the waistband. I giggled as I slid my toe down his hip pulling his boxers down with it. They fell to the ground and I finally got to see just how far that tattoo went.

I woke up the next morning to my phone ringing. I leaned over a naked, snoring Bam to the nightstand to get it.

'Hello?' I said groggily.

'Hi, Rian dear.' My mother said wide awake.

'Hi, mom.' I said laying back down where I was. Bam rolled over and put his arm around my waist.

'You sound like you just woke up.' My mother said.

'Cause I did.' I said yawning.

'Oh, well your sister is doing great and she can't wait for you to come home so you can do your girly things.' My mom said.

'That's good.' I said.

'Yes. But the doctor said she can't be doing anything to laborous until summer. So you girls can spend the whole summer together.' There was a silent pause. 'How's Bam?'

'Good.' I said snuggling into his warm body.

'Oh your aunt called last week--'

'Mom, I'll call you later.' I said.

'Okay bye hun!'

'Bye.' I threw the phone to the ground. I had to pee so I got up and put my panties back on and Bam's Element shirt since I couldn't find mine. I went the bathroom and heard a knock on the door.

I opened it to find a fully dressed Dunn. 'What?' I asked.

He pushed the door open all the way. I watched him look around the room not really caring. He could see our discarded clothing and Bam sitting up in a very messy bed looking around.

'Late night?' He asked me smirking.

He pushed by me and walked into the room. 'Yo, Bam Bam.' He said falling onto the bed next to him.

'I'm taking a shower.' I said trying to avoid awkardness but Bam ruined that.

'I'll be in a minute.'

I could hear him and Dunn talking. And I knew it was about last night. True to his word he entered the bathroom a moment later saying bye to Dunn. He climbed into the shower with me not even thinking twice about anything. We showered and got ready to go to the airport where he'd be heading home and I would be going to Japan.

We left for the airport and hour later. The time came where we had to part ways.

Bam said bye to the other guys before me. He pulled me in for a hug. I began to cry slightly.

'Bye.' He whispered. Dunn was the only one of the guys who had stayed back so he gave me a kiss.

'Bye.' I said close to tears.

'Go, get on your plane.' He said pushing me to Dunn. 'Two weeks. That's it. Call me.'

I nodded not trusting myself to speak. Dunn and I entered the plane and found our seats. Dunn would be my moral support for the next two weeks.

Japan was another bad stop on our trip. I did nothing but think about Bam. It was hard to call becuase of the time diffence. I stayed up late and woke up early. My sleep started to dwindle. Jeff got really worried and told me to take a day off, but I refused. I was doing this to myself. I needed to face the consiquences and not take them out on my job. We texted all day and night too. Just to say I'm thinking about you. My stomach always fluttered when I got one of these.

The amazing thing was we were able to keep our feelings underwraps. Dunn was the only one who knew what had happened between us.

I tried everything to take my mind off him. And it worked until I had time to just think. I had to keep myself busy all the time.

I finally stepped onto American soil two weeks later. Being home in New York made me feel better. The first thing on list of things to do was a good old fashioned sleep over with the girls.

I called up my best friend Andrea, Drea for short. She couldn't beleive I was back and able to talk. I had tried to talk to her during filming, but one of the guys always interupted me. It was nice to be able to talk to her again.

Then I called Lexi. She was great as a freind but sometimes it felt a little weird. We could go forever without talking but once we did it was like a three hour phone conversation about everything we had missed in each others lives.

And then there was Drew. He was a gay guy I had met three years ago in a night club. He had been up there shaking his thing to Britney and when I had accidently bumped into him and he complemented me on my outfit we had been best friends. He wasn't the greatest friend in the world, and he treated me like shit at times, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop loving him.

They all agreed to a sleep over at my place. They showed up around seven and then the party began. We started with hugs and then I told them funny stories about filming and about the guys. Drea was the most interested. She was a huge fan of the show. My phone rang and a picture of Bam and I on the beach in Mexico flashed across the screen. I grabbed it feeling my stomach do a flip.

'Hello?'

'Hey,' Bam said. 'How are you?'

'Good.' I said smiling broadly. 'How are you?'

'Better now.' He said. 'Dunn was telling me about the footage you guys got. Was it good?'

'It was alright. We got some funny stuff. Better then New York and England anyway. But, yeah, the funniest was probably Pontius doing Partyboy all over Tokyo.'

Bam laughed saying, 'I wish I had seen that.'

There was silence and Drea made me put him on speaker.

'I miss you.' He said. My eyes went wide. I hadn't been expecting that. Now I had to explain to the giggling girls what that was all about.

'I miss you too.'

'What are you doing tonight?' He asked.

'Having a sleep over with some of my friends.' I said telling them to be quiet. 'What are you doing?'

'Hanging with Raab and Dico. ATVing, video games, you know.'

I giggled and he yawned. I heard Raab call to him and the rolling of wheels.

'Are you skating?' I asked.

'Yeah.' He said.

'In the basement?'

'Yes, Rian.'

'I'll let you go then so you can skate.'

'Okay, babe.' I blushed when he said that. 'I'll talk to you tomorrow.'

'Okay, tell Raab I said hi.' I said.

'I will.' He said. 'Bye. Love you.'

'Love you too.'

We hung up and the room burst with the held back giggles of my friends.

'So...' Drew asked smirking at me.

'So...' I said back. 'What?'

'Who was that?' Lexi asked.

'That was a friend.'

'He's obviously more then a friend.' Drew said making the others laugh.

'Is he one of the Jackass guys?' Drea asked smirking.

'Maybe...' I said smiling.

They screamed and Drew said, 'Which one?'

'You have to guess.' I said adding to the suspense.

'Uh, Knoxville?' Drea asked.

'No.' I said.

'Describe him.' Drew said.

'Dark hair, tattoos.' I said trying not to give it away. 'Blue eyes.'

'And he skates.' Lexi added.

'Yes, he does.'

'Okay,' Drew said. 'That leaves out Dunn, Pontius, Dave, Danger Ehren, Steve-O and I'll guess Weeman and Preston.'

'No!' Drea said her head turning to me quickly. I knew she had caught on. 'No!'

I nodded.

'Tell us!' Lexi and Drew screamed.

'Did you kiss him?' Drea asked.

I nodded.

'Did you have sex?'

I nodded feeling my cheeks getting redder.

'I'm so jealous!' Drea sreamed laughing.

'Who the fuck was it?' Drew asked getting angrey we were keeping it from him.

'Bam!' Drea said as I burried my now burning face into a pillow.

'Ew.' Drew said.

Lexi giggled saying, 'Was he good in bed?'

'Yeah.' I said laughing as I pulled my face from the pillow.

I filled them in on almost everything deciding to leave out some details and romantic kisses I felt needed to stay private.

We stayed up late watching some of our favorite movies. Around three we decided to curl up on the floor of my living room and just watch regular TV. To my great pleasure, the only thing that was half decent on was Jackass. I don't know why MTV had to do this to me now. The one time I didn't want to think about the guys, especially Bam.

Bam and I kept in touch for a few months. He was really busy with Element and MTV was offering him a show so he was flying to LA a lot. Finally, the summer had come around and he had the entire month of June off. And I was going to spend it with him.

He called me on the last week of May.

'Hello?'

'Rian!'

'Bam!'

'Will you come to West Chester?' He asked hurridly.

'Yeah, let me just get in my car and drive down.' I said shaking my head.

'No, in June.'

'Even better!' I said.

'Rian, seriously.' He said. 'I have the month off. I want to see you.'

'You want me to spend the month down there?' I asked confused.

'Yeah. You aren't working.'

'I'd love to, Bam.' I said trying not smile. 'But I really can't afford a plane ticket to West Chester at the moment.'

'I'll pay for it.' He said.

'Bam, you are not paying my plane ticket.'

'Yes, I am.' He said. And then he hung up.

'Bam?' I asked. 'Hello? Bam?' I hit the red button on my phone and continued with my project for school. The phone rang fifteen minutes later.

'Hello?' I asked flipping my hair to the side.

'Okay. You're flight leaves ten A.M. on May 31. And that's a Friday. Oh, and you're sister is coming.'

'Bam,' I said hardly believing him. 'You booked a flight for me and my sister?'

'Of course, Ri. I miss you.'

'Babe, I can't believe you did this.' I said.

'I'll see you in a week.' He said. 'Love you. Bye.'

'Love you.'