In Joy and Sorrow

February:

I had to meet Jeff and the guys in Orlando a few days before Bam and Dunn could head down. Bam dropped me off at the airport early Saturday morning.

'I'm gonna miss you, Thumper.'

'Don't start that again.' I said laughing.

He smirked down at me and pulled me into his warm embrace. His lips brushed the top of my head while I laid my head against his chest and took in his scent.

'It's just a few days.' He said pulling back a bit to look my in the eyes.

'I stole one of your shirts.' I smirked.

'Which one!'

'I don't know. One that was on the floor. I'm gonna sleep in it so I can smell you.' I explained. He smiled as I stood up on my toes to kiss him. He deepened the kiss, his tongue rolling around with mine for a bit.

My flight was called and I reluctantly pulled away. 'Okay.' I said sighing and picking up my Birkin off the chair next to us.

'Call me when you land.' He said.

'I will, I promise.' I said staring into his blue eyes for the last time for a few days.

'I love you, baby.' He said.

'I love you, too.' I said heading to the gate to board the plane.

He stood and watched me until I waved one last time and got on the plane. A girl of about 13 took the seat next to me.

'Hi.' She said smiling widely.

'Hi.' I said smiling back.

'I'm Melinda.' She said sticking out her hand.

'Rian.' I said shaking it.

'That's pretty.' She said.

'Thanks. So is your name.'

'Thanks.' She said. 'So where are you going?'

'Uh, Orlando.' I said.

'For what?'

'Filming a movie.' I said.

'Which one?'

'Jackass 2.' I said thinking this girl was playing 20 Questions with me.

'I thought you looked familiar! You're Bam's girlfriend! Where is he?' Her head spun around looking towards the seats behind us.

'He's at home.' I said.

'He's not going to be in the movie?'

'No he is. I just have to leave early to help Jeff with some things.' I explained.

She nodded and sat quietly for a moment thinking up a whole new set of questions. 'Are you and Bam going to get married?'

'Uh, I don't know. We've only been together a few months.'

'Didn't he make you get that tattoo?' She said grabbing my wrist to examine it.

'He didn't make me...' I said.

'Do you live with him?'

'Yes.' I said.

'Do you like dating him? Are you in love?'

'Yes and yes.'

'Is he as crazy as he is on TV? Did you guys meet on the set of the first movie? Do you like his fans? Does he buy you stuff? Have you been to any cool things with him? Do you skate? Do you fight with him?' She asked all the questions so fast I coudn't remember the first.

'You know what? I'm gonna take a nap.' I said grabbing the pillow and turning away from her.

'Are you going to dream about Bam?' She asked before I drowned her out with my iPod.

I woke up to someone tapping me on the shoulder and looked to find Melinda.

'We landed. Are you going to call Bam?'

'What?' I asked looking around at the people getting off the plane. I threw my iPod into my purse and stood up.

'I said, are you going to call Bam?' Melinda asked as she pushed her way into the aisle and I followed her.

'In a minute.' I said more concerened with getting off the plane and finding Jeff and Johnny.

She followed me right up to them asking questions the whole way.

'Hi, I'm Melinda. Rian's my best friend.' She said shaking both Jeff and Johnny's hands.

'Hello?' They both said looking to me.

I rolled my eyes making them smirk.

'Melinda!' I heard a man call and she turned to run towards him yelling, 'Bye Rian. Bye Jeff. Bye Johnny. Tell Bam I say Hi, and Good luck filiming you guys!'

'That was the plane ride from hell.' I said once I was sure she was gone. 'We played 20 Questions until I decided to take a nap.'

They both laughed as we headed out to their Rent-A-Car. I called Bam on the way to the hotel to assure him I had made it safely. Once we arrived at the hotel, I got situated in my room and then got to work with Jeff working on paper work, making reservations, getting vans, trucks, and anything else he could possibly think of.

Wednesday was the first of the month and we got right down to business. The guys were showing up left and right, all excited to be back. Guch was running around making sure he documented as much as possible for behind the scenes footage.

Jeff, Wolfy, and I were getting the set ready for the first skit to be filmed, Puppet Show, when my phone started ringing.

'Hello?' I asked.

'I have wicked bad news...' I heard Dunn say.

'What?' I asked.

'There's a freak snow storm so we can't fly out for a few more hours and your boyfriend is possibly getting arrested.' He explained.

'What the fuck did he do?' I asked.

'He was skating through the airport and some old lady told him he couldn't do that. And he's already pissed off so he just turned around stuck his middle finger in his eyes, and said, "Fuck You!" She obviously didn't like it and called the cops over and now they're talking to him.'

'Are you fucking kidding me?'

'Nope.'

'What's going on?' Jeff asked looking concerned.

'There's some snow storm and Bam might be getting arrested.' I said.

'Well, we're filming even if they're not here.' Jeff said shrugging.

A few hours later we were all gathered in a hotel conference room to watch a snake bit Pontiu's dick. Knoxville had complete control over Pontius's "mouse" and was teasing the poor snake when the door flew open and Bam and Dunn walked in.

Everyone jumped up to hug the guys and welcome them to the shoot. I wrapped my arms around Bam's neck and gave him a big kiss.

'Did you miss me?' He asked laughing.

I nodded smiling broadly. Jeff decided that was enough of greetings and we began to shoot the scene again which ended, as I'm sure you'd imagine, with Chris's penis in a snake's mouth and everyone screaming.

I woke up the next morning to find an empty bed and laughter in the hallway. I opened the door to see Ehren and Steve-O wearing nothing but bright colored undwear running down the hall with what looked like a sheet of glass. Ehren tripped making Steve-O fall ontop of him and the glass shatter everywhere. Demitry and Rick were trailing behind them, each with a camera.

'Are you kidding?' I asked laughing and feeling pity for the maids who would have to clean this up.

'Good morning, Rian.' Demitry said shoving the camera in my face.

'Where's Bam?' I asked.

'Downstairs filming with Wee Man.' He informed me as I stepped around the broken glass.

I took the elevator down to the lobby where Chris was getting a coffee from the breakfast room.

'Morning Ri.' He said as I grabbed a muffin. 'Will you make that spaghetti sauce you made last movie?'

'Chris.' I said laughing. 'We're a day into filming.'

'So?'

'I will make it. I promise.' I said smiling. I turned to see Wee Man completely nude running towards the elevators with Guch following him. I decided I'd see if they knew where Bam was. I looked in horror over Guch's shoulder to see that Bam was naked in the elevator with Wee Man and the two of them were having a casual conversation.

'Oh my God.' I said shaking my head as the doors closed and Guch turned to me smiling. 'We're going to be kicked out of this hotel.'

That afternoon we headed for some feild where they were going to film some King Kong skit with Preston and Wee Man. Preston's fear of heights ruined the entire shoot. So we had to return the next day with Xanax and we got the shots we needed.

The day was filled with pranks. Johnny had an orange wood clamp with a crab glued to it and was running around clamping it to everyones elbows. Preston tipped the Port-a-Potty on Bam who then hugged me and ruined my Dior sun dress. Someone had a cattle prod and got a few people with that.

'Babe, you have to see this!' Bam said caling me over from talking with Jeff about calling and renting another van.

'What?' I asked walking over to him.

'Watch! Flying 69!' Bam screamed before running at Chris, jumping in the air, somehow flipping around and fake 69ing him.

'EW! Bam!' I said laughing as he fell to the ground.

'This is what we do when we're bored here.' Dunn explained to the camera. 'Most people would grab a hot pocket or two. No. Flying 69.'

'Rian, have I told you yet?' Steve-O asked as we all made our way towards the table in the restaurtant that night.

'What?'

'I'm going the whole movie without Cociane.' He said proudly.

'Steve!' I said hugging him. 'Good for you!'

'We have it in writing.' Johnny said smiling.

'Good.' I said smiling.

'I just realized we met on the set of the first one.' Bam said smling at me.

'Yes, Bam. We did.' I said laughing.

'I bet we leave the set of this movie with invitations to the wedding!' Johnny said making everyone laugh.

Before I knew it we were saying goodbye to Orlando and heading for Miami. The first morning there, Knoxville let an anaconda attack him and then attacked the cast with a boxing glove in the wall. Bam thought it was hillarious and made me stand in the hall and watch as cast member after cast member was hit in the face with the fake Valentine that Demitry and I had made up that morning.

The Butt Chug was probably the grossest thing I had to witness in Miami. Almost as bad as Dunn shoving the toy car up his ass.

Like anytime I was with the guys, time flew by and before we knew it March was here and so was the next location.