In Joy and Sorrow

June:

I tried to call Bam all week. But every time I got his voicemail. Wednesday he actually answered his phone.

'Stop calling me. I'll see you Friday.' He hung up.

'Bam-.' I started, but he hung up on me.

I tried again Thursday morning.

'Rian Marie!' He answered.

'Bam!' I screamed.

'What!' He said.

'It's nice to finally talk to you.' I said sarcastically.

'Well, it's nice to talk to you too. I'll see you Sunday.'

'Oh, fuck off!' I screamed slamming my hand down on my stearing wheel.

'What?' Bam said, the tone of his voice went serious. 'Are you mad at me?'

'No. This fuck-tard in front of me just cut me off!' I said screaming. 'I fucking hate New York!'

'Good! All the more reason to come to West Chester!' He said. I could hear the smirk in his voice. 'I'll see you tomorrow.'

I woke up Friday morning at seven. My sister had spent the night at my house. And Drea was bringing us to the airport. We got ready and arrived at the airport at 8:30. By the time we had checked in and got to our terminal, it was 9:30. I called Bam.

'Hello?' He asked sleepy.

'You know you have to pick me up soon right?' I asked.

'Yeah.' He said sighing. 'Call me when you get in.'

'Bam, you live forty five minutes from the airport!'

'I'll be there.' He said. 'Don't worry you're pretty little head off. I'll see you in a few hours.'

'Bye.' I said smiling.

'Bye. Love you.' He hung up the phone.

Two hours later we stepped off the plane.

'That was a really short flight!' Beth said walking behind me.

'No shit, we only went from New York to Pennsylvania.' I said looking at her.

We stepped off the terminal and entered the gate. There was Bam with a huge smile on his face. He had Dico and Dunn with him.

I half walked half ran over to him and threw my arms around his neck. He picked me up and swung me around.

'Hi, babe.' He said putting me down and kissing me on the lips.

'Hi.' I said smiling. I let go of him and flung my arms sround Dunn's neck giving him a kiss on the cheek.

'Jesus Rian!' He said laughing. I giggled and ran to Dico. He was waiting for me with his arms spread open. He hugged me tightly and then I pulled myself together to introduce my sister to Dunn and Dico.

'All right let's go!' Bam said. He picked up my carryon in one hand and put his arm around my shoulders with the other. He looked almost the same as the last time I had seen him. Although his hair was longer. We walked to a red Hummer which he unlocked the back. Rake and Raab were in the third row with mine and my sister suitcases.

'Ri Ri!' Raab said smiling at me.

'Hi, Raab.' I said back. Bam shut the back and I got in the front. Dunn, Dico, and Beth got in the back.

'When did you get this?' I asked as he backed up.

'Uh, right after Jackass? I think.'

He turned up the radio and the sound of his brother's band CKY filled my ears. I had gotten to know these bands that he loved while filming Jackass. They all seemed to listen to the same music. CKY was one of those bands. Another of Bam's favorites was H.I.M. and he told me once he was going to take me to a concert.

Twenty minutes of loud music and dancing later, we pulled up to Bam's house. We got out of the car and April ran out to greet us.

'Rian!' She said pulling me into a hug.

'Hi, April.' I said hugging her back.

'Let go of her, Ape!' Bam said.

I laughed as she let go and turned to my sister. 'April, this is my sister Beth. Beth this is Bam's mom April.'

'Hi, nice to meet you.' April said to my sister shaking her hand.

We went inside and hung around laughing. I met Bam's brother Jess. They looked a lot a like. Jess had orangey-brown hair instead of Bam's dark brown. He was really nice.

That night I followed my sister into the guest room to go to bed. I went into the bathroom to change and someone knocked on the door.

'She's in the bathroom.' I heard my sister say. The bathroom door opened and I spun around. It was Bam.

'What are you doing?' He asked.

'Uh, changing...' I said.

'I mean, why are you in here?' He asked.

'So idiots like you couldn't see me change.' I said pulling my shrit over my head.

'You're not gonna sleep with me?' He asked.

'Bam,' I said now whispering harshly so my sister couldn't hear our conversation. 'I haven't seen you in three weeks and all you want is sex?'

'Well as nice as that would be,' He said pining me to the wall, his hands on my hips. 'I meant you're not going to sleep in my room with me?'

'Does Ape and Phil and everyone know?' I asked.

'They'll figure it out.' Bam said leaning down to kiss me. 'I flew you out here to be with me. Not just your sister. So get your stuff and I'll meet you upstairs in ten minutes.'

'Bam wants me to go up to his room.' I told my sister once he had left and she came back.

'Then go up.' She said.

'I don't wanna leave you.' I said sitting on the bed.

'Rian,' She said. 'I'll be fine. He's your boyfriend-'

'He's not my boyfriend.'

'Whatever,' She said rolling her eyes. 'Close enough. Look, if there was a guy upstairs waiting for me, do you think I'd stay down here with you?'

'No.'

'Alright then.' She tried to pull down the covers but I was sitting on them. 'Move.'

I got up and she got in the blankets her back to me. I stood bitting my lip.

'What the hell are you waiting for?' She asked turning around.

'Fine.' I said grabbing my bags. 'Good night.'

'Night.'

I walked queitly up the stairs remembering Bam's room was all the way down on the right. I knocked lightly on the door.

'What?' I heard him ask.

'It's me.'

He opened the door. 'What?'

'You told me to come up here.' I said.

'I know.' He said smiling and letting me in.

'You're such a smart ass.'

His room was a little different then I had expected it. Last time I was here I hadn't gone into his room. It was a white room with a large closet to the left. His bed had a balck comforter and blue pillows. There was a picture of H.I.M. above it. A rack with his skateboards was on the wall. He had a desk with his computer and a dresser was across from his bed with a TV on it.

'Gimme your stuff.' He said. I handed him my bags and he put it in his closet which was overflowing with clothes and boxes.

'Fucking Element.' He said kicking on of the boxes further back.

'What?' I asked laughing.

'Element sends me boxes and boxes of their clothes 'cause they sponser me. And I really don't have the room for it.'

'Oh.' He shut his closet and turned to face me.

'I'm so fucking tired.' He took two steps and fell on top of me pushing me back onto the bed.

'Bam!' I said laughing.

'What?' His voice was muffled from the mattress.

'Get off!'

'No. I'm tired.' I sqwirmed under him laughing. I finally pushed him over.

'Ow' He said.

'You deserve it.'

'Let's go to bed.' He said standing back up. He pulled back the blankets and got in bed. So did I. I snuggled up to him and he put on the TV.

We fell asleep watching The Fresh Prince of Bell Air.

'Waiting for your call
And I'm ready to take your six six six in my heart
And I'm longing for your touch and I welcome your sweet
Six six six in my heart
Right here in this heart'

Bam leaned over me to grab his phone off the floor.

'Hello?'

'Hey man!' I heard Raab said excited. I opened my eyes and looked around Bam's room. It was almost completely black. It amde me want to go back to sleep.

'Raab.' Bam said looking at his phone. 'It is 8:30 in the fucking morning. I have no reason to be up. Now good night.'

He hung up the phone and threw it to the floor. He laid back down next to me and threw his arm around my waist pulling me into him and kissing the back of my neck making me giggle. The house phone rang.

'Oh, for fuck's sake!' Bam moaned rolling over as somebody downstairs answered.

Ten minutes later Dunn came flying into the room turning on the light. He jumped landing ontop of Bam.

'Dunn, what the--' Bam said blinking.

'We got it!' He screamed.

'Got what?' I asked sitting up and rubbing my eyes.

'The show.' He said. 'Glomb's on the phone. He just got out of the meeting.'

'No, fucking way!' Bam said not believeing him.

'Get on the phone, Dude.' Dunn said throwing the cordless at him.

'Hello?' Bam asked. 'Hey, Glomb. So, we got it?'

He sat listening with wide eyes and a smile on his face.

'Alright, Glomb. I'll see when you get back to the East Coast.' He hung up the phone and stared at it for a moment.

'What'd he say?' Dunn asked.

'We film the piolt in one month. And the title was approved.'

'What's the title?' Dunn asked.

'Viva La Bam...' Bam said as if he was stupid.

'Sorry I forgot.' Dunn said holding up his hands in surrender and backing out of the room.

'Hey!' Bam said right before he shut the door. 'Call up West Chester! Party tonight! Ape and Phil are going out of town.'

Ape and Phil left around noon. Where they went, I didn't ask. Bam had planned the vacation for them. I don't even think they knew where they were going.

As soon as they left Bam was on the phone inviting people over. He called Glomb who had just gotten off his plane, and told him to get stuff to build some ramps. Beth and I were sent to the store but I refused to buy beer. So Bam sent Raab with us. We took Bam's red Hummer and his credit card and off we went.

Shopping with Raab, was like shopping with a two year old. I found him knocking things oer, getting things we didn't need, and laying ontop of the meats in the meat section. He threw a tempertantrum when I told him he couldn't get ice cream and had to call Bam to tell him no.

Two hours later we had finally made it to the check out.

'Can I get a Snicker's Rian?' Raab asked giving me puppy dog eyes.

'No, Raab.' I said pulling out my wallet.

'Please?'

'Do I have to call Bam again?' I said giving him a stern look as the girl behind the register giggled.

'No...'

'That will be $214.01,' The girl said scanning the last item. 'Cash or credit?'

'Credit.' I said handing her Bam's card.

'Is this your card?' She asked looking down at the name, obviously realizing I wasn't Brandon C. Margera.

'Uh, no. It's my boyfriends.' I said.

'Can I see your liscense and if possible his.' She asked.

'Hang on. I'll call him.' I pulled out my phone and handed her my liscense.

'What'd he do now?' Bam asked.

'Nothing. Is your lisence in the car?' I asked.

'Uh. No. Raab has it.' Bam said.

'Okay we'll be there in a--. Raab!' I screamed as he knocked over boxes of cereal. 'Raab, give me Bam's lisence. Oh my God. I'll see you in a bit.'

'Okay. Bye.' Bam said laughing.

'Bye.' I hung up and turned to Raab. 'Can I have his lisence please?'

'Yeah here.' He gave me the card and I handed it to the girl.

'Beth, take him to the car.' I said giving her the keys.

'Is this Bam Margera's?' She asked looking up with wide eyes.

'Uh,...Yeah.' I said awkwardly.

'Oh my God. I love him! I actually saw him in here once but he didn't come to my register.' She said talking animatidly.

'Oh.' I said. She handed me back the cards and the reciept and I thanked her pushing the cart out the door.

A few hours later, the party was in full swing. Bam hadn't been kidding when he said, call up West Chester. Most of the people were in the backyard watching the ramps that Glomb had built.

My sister had met a guy from the next street over, Billy. I guess he was Bam's ATV buddy. Or so he told me. She was talking to him, and didn't leave his side the rest of the party.

Bam refused to dance with me until Comton Ass Terry showed up and started grinding me. I didn't mind because I knew it meant nothing but Bam pulled him off me and finally started to dance. To my surprise, he wasn't bad.

And then I met the girl who has tried to ruin my life so many times and almost succeeded once. I was standing in the kitchen with the guys who were trying to get Raab to guzzle a bottle of hot sauce.

'I'll do it,' Raab said all eyes now on him. He pointed to Bam. 'If you french Ryan right here, in front of everyone.'

Bam grabbed me and spun me around attacking my mouth with his. He kissed me to the applaud of the crowd and broke away smiling.

'I meant Dunn!' Raab said outraged as Bam smirked.

'You didn't say which one so you still have to do it.' The corwd laughed.

'Wow Bam.' A voice said behind us.

I turned to find a pretty blonde girl in her late twenties. She gave me an icy look and I glared back.

'Jenn.' Bam said looking at her. 'How've you been?'

'Long time. No see.' She said looking him up and down. 'Who's this?'

'This is Rian Lightman, my girlfriend.'

Giving her the benefit of the doubt I stuck my hand out. 'Nice to meet you.'

She looked at my hand nodding.

'I'll see you around.' She whispered in his ear as she walked by pushing into my shoulder.

After my encounter with Jenn I decided to get some info about her out of Dunn. Leaving a now drunk Bam in the backyard, I found Dunn in the living room.

'Can I talk to you?' I asked sitting on the couch between Dunn and Raab. We glared at Raab silently telling him to leave

'Fine,' He said getting up. 'I can take a hint.'

'What's up?' Dunn asked leaning back.

'Who's that girl?'

'What girl?'

'Dunn, don't play stupid. The blonde.' I said rolling my eyes.

'Who. Jenn?' He asked.

'Yeah.'

'Bam met her at the Philly park when he was nine. She's six years older, but she's always liked him. They hooked up before he flew out to New York and kind of forgot about her when he met you. So I guess she's a little pissed that he's with you. He's been avoiding her since he got back from Jackass.' He explained to me.

'So, he likes me more then her?' I asked.

'I would assume so.'

'Thanks Ryan.' I said giving him a hug and jumping up to find Bam.

I couldn't find him anywhere, so I decided to check downstairs.

'Is Bam down there?' I asked Raab as he came up the stairs.

'Uh, yeah.' He said.

I continued down the stairs. I could hear him talking to somebody, I just couldn't make out what he was saying. His voice was coming from the back hallway that lead to the boiler room. As I entered the hallway I heard him say.

'Jenn, I--'

I stopped thinking about whether I wanted to intrude or not. I waited a moment. And they weren't talking, so I stepped around the corner.

I wish I never had.

Jenn had Bam pushed up against the wall making out with him fiercly. At first he seemed to try to push her away, but then he let his cup of beer fall to the ground and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her back. Jenn opened her eyes and saw me. Smiling she kissed him harder.

I backed up shocked into silence. I ran up the stairs and up to Bam's room. Picking up my phone I dialed Drea's number, praying to God she was still in Philly, shopping with her mom.

'Hey girl.' She said.

'Drea, where are you?' I asked pacing his room.

'Philly, why?'

'Please come get me...' I said. Then I explained the situation to her.

'Okay I'm coming.'

I gave her the address and waited.

Twenty minutes later her car pulled up and I ran downstairs, luckily not running into anyone. I jumped into the car and we backed out.

'You okay?' Drea asked turning to look at me.

'Give me a minute.' I said holding back the tears that had finally come to my eyes. 'Okay. I'm fine.'

'You sure?' She asked.

'Yeah. I'm pissed now.' I said.

My phone rang. BAM BAM and the picture of us in Mexico flashed across the screen.

'He's calling me.' I said.

'Don't answer.' Drea said.

'I'm not.' I hit ignore call. 'Where's your mom?'

'I dropped her off. She's staying in Philly for a few weeks. You actually called when I was pulling away from her hotel.'

My phone rang again.

'He's calling again.' I said.

Again I hit ignore.

'Does he know you saw him?' She asked.

'No.'

The phone rang again.

DUNN and a picture of Ryan and I in a bar in Florida came up.

'It's Dunn.' I said my thumb above answer.

'Get it. If it's Bam hang up.' Drea said.

I hit the button switching it to speaker.

'Hello?'

'Rian!' Bam said. 'Where the hell are you? Why weren't you answering? Are you mad at me or something?'

'I'm with Drea.' I said.

'Who's Drea? Why the fuck'd you leave?'

'Why don't you ask Jenn.'

'What the fuck are you talking about?' Bam said. I hung up on him.

'Oh my God!' I said leaning back. 'I can't believe this is happening.'

BETH flashed across the screen.

'Hello?'

'Ri, where are you? Why is Bam feaking out?' Beth asked.

'Are you near him?'

'No, I'm in the bathroom.'

'I'm going home. I'm with Drea. She was in Philly and came to get me.' I said.

'Why? Uh, hang on.' I heard her open the door. 'What?

'Are you on the phone with Rian?' Dunn asked.

'Maybe...'

'Beth, let him in.' I said.

'Come on in.'

'Ri,' Dunn said getting on the phone. 'What is going on? Bam's about to get in the car to go looking for you.'

'What! He's drunk!' I screamed.

'I know. Don't worry. I took his keys.' Dunn said. 'But now he's freaking out even more. He almost hit Jenn. Raab actually took a good hit to his lip when he tried to pull him from the Hummer.'

'I saw him kissing Jenn in the basement.' I said.

'What!' Dunn said.

'Yeah. And she saw me standing there. Dunn, his hand went up her fucking shirt.' I said close to tears now.

'I'm so sorry Rian.' Dunn said. 'Look, you're doing the right thing. Go home. Get away from him. I'll keep him here. And have him call you when he wakes up sober.'

'Okay.' I said sniffling.

'I'll call you when he goes to bed.'

'Okay.'

'And Jenn is going home, now.'

'Thanks Ry.' I said. 'Bye.'

'Bye.'

I got home around 11. Drea decided to spend the night. Bam called me the whole way home. I never answered. He filled my voicemail with messages. One would say he was done, then the next was how much he loved me. I don't think he knew what he was doing.

Drea and I woke up early and decided to go shopping for a little retail therepy.

At one my phone rang. DUNN came up.

'Hello?' I asked flipping through a sale rack in Saks.

'Hey, he's calling you in like a half hour.' Dunn said.

'Okay.'

'He's in the shower now. You should have seen him when he woke up. His hair was like messier then usual and he was looking everywhere for you. He looked outside and under his bed. And he woke me up and was like. Where's Ri? And I told him you left. And he was like what the fuck did I do last night. So he knows what he did, and he's been beating himself up all fucking day.'

'Thanks Dunn.'

'No problem. Bye.'

'Bye.'

Drea and I decided to go out to eat. Choosing a trendy sidewalk cafe we sat down and ordered our food. We chatted about the week we had spent apart. My phone vibrated across the table.

BAM BAM and that picture came up. I looked down at the screen then back up to Drea.

'Is it him?' She asked.

I nodded before answering. 'Hello?'

'Hi.'

'Hi.'

'What are you doing?'

'Eating lunch. What are you doing?'

This conversation was going nothing like how I had expected.

'Standing in front of the mirror naked.' He said. 'I look good.'

'Don't try to make me laugh.'

'Rian look, I'm sorry. Okay? I was drunk--'

'Drunk?' I said. 'You think being drunk is a good excuse to be making out with Jenn in your basement with your hand up her shirt?'

'No.' He said. 'Look at least I'm trying.'

'A for effort Bam.'

'You know what I mean. I'm trying to fix things. But I can't do that, until you tell me what I have to do.'

'You want to know.'

'Yes.' He said. 'I'll do anything.'

'Bam,' I said. 'I can't tell you how to fix things. You need to make it up to me. And find someway to make me forgive you.'

'I'll stop drinking.'

'Bam,' I said. 'I can't tell you to stop doing anything. Your drinking isn't the problem. The problem is Jenn. And if you want her or me in your life.'

'I will.'

'Well, let me know when you do.'

I hung up the phone and placed my head in hands. I had a feeling this was going to take awhile.

Bam didn't call again, which really surprised me. I would have figured he'd be up my ass if he really wanted to fix things. So I decided he was done and over it. And I was trying to get over it too.

My phone rang around ten as I stepped out of the shower. Sighing I grabbed it off my bed thinking it was Bam.

JEFF flashed across the screen.

'Hello?'

'Hey, Rian. How are you?'

'I'm alright. How are you?'

'Good. Hey listen, uh, are you in New York?'

'Yeah, why?'

'Would you mind coming in and doing some stuff for me?' He asked.

'Yeah. Sure. I'm not doing anything today.'

'Alright. I'll see you in a bit.'

So off to the MTV studios I went. I was excited to see Jeff since I hadn't seen him since Japan. I arrived at the studios an hour later and went straight up to his office. It began to rain as I entered the building.

'Hello hello.' I said walking in.

'Ri Ri!' Jeff said standing up and giving me a hug.

'What do you need me to do?' I asked taking the seat across from him.

'Take phone calls and hang out with me.' He said. 'I'm lonely.'

Giggling I sat down and we caught up. I told him about my fun expirience in West Chester. He felt sorry for me. He said he had a feeling Bam would do something like that.

I answered the phones for him. A lot of the calls were from one of the guys or producers. They were all shocked to hear me answer. It was fun, until Bam called.

'Hello, Jeff Tremaine's Office. Rian Lightman speaking.'

'Ri?' I heard Bam ask.

'Oh God.' I mumbled.

'What are you doing?'

'Working, Bam.'

'Can I talk to Tremaine please?'

I handed Jeff the phone with a simple, 'Bam.'

He took it and talked to Bam for awhile, glancing at me every few moments.

'What'd he say?' I asked hanging up.

'Oh, nothing.' He said with a smirk.

The phone rang again an hour later. Jeff grabbed it before I could. I gave him a shocked look and he just smiled.

'Okay.' He said hanging up. 'Uh, Rian, I have to step out for a moment. Could you type this up for me?'

He handed me a document to type and shut the door. I sat at the desk and began to type up an apology to the hotel we had stayed at in Orlando. Steve-O had gotten drunk and destroyed his room. And we had to pay $2,000 in damages.

The door opened and there stood a soaked Bam. He was brathing hard and held a drenched boquet of black and purple roses.

'Bam?' I asked standing up.

'Rian,' He said. 'Look, I'm an idiot. I'm not good with these relationship things and when you told me I had to make it up to you I was lost. But I knew one thing, I had to be with you. So I got in the car and drove four hours, even though Dunn tried to drag me out, and then walked ten blocks through the rain because there was no where to park, and still found time to get you flowers. I don't know what else you want me to do. So if you forgive me, tell me now, or I'll walk out of your life forever.'

'Bam...' I said shaking my head.

We stood staring at each other. He came forward placed the flowers on the desk and walked out.

I picked them up smelling them. There was a card inside.

Rian,
You're one of the few good things in my life and I don't want to loose you. Ape would kill me if I did. I'm so glad I met you and I've come to realize I need you now. You keep me in check and sane. I hit Raab over you. For fuck's sake, forgive me damnit.
--BAM

I placed the flowers on the desk and looked up as Jeff walked in. His smile faded as he realized I was alone.

'Where's Bam?'

'He's gone.' I said.

'Rian, are you stupid? He's in love with you. He tried his hardest to win you back, and that wasn't good enough? If you were smart, you'd chase after him.'

Looking up at Jeff I realized he was right.

I ran out of the building into the pouring rain.

'Oh, for fuck's sake!' I screamed. taking off my heels and running down the street. I pushed past people, my hair falling from the curls I had put in before I left.

Finally I saw him ahead of me.

'Bam!' I screamed making him stop in the middle of the cross walk. I ran up to him and threw my arms around his neck kissing him full on the lips.

'You didn't give me a chance to answer.' I said once we broke apart. He leaned down and kissed me again.

'Get out of the fucking road!' A taxi driver screamed.

Bam took my hand and pulled me out of the street and out of the rain.We kissed again.

'Where did you ever find black and purple roses?' I asked laughing.

'I pulled some strings.' He said smiling. 'You coming back to West Chester?'

'Yeah.' I said smiling. 'If Jenn's out of the picture.'

'Trust me. She is.'

Bam stayed the night at my house. And we left early the next morning for West Chester.