Helena

"Helena be serious now." Said Mikey in a half smirk. "You aren't serious witch me right?"
I glared at him and his mouth suddenly was downwards and he was looking worried at me.
"I've had it with that shit-fuck." I said.
Bob raised his eyebrows and Ray mumbled about getting some clothes as he left to his room.
"What happened?" asked Mikey not-understanding.
"You can better ask me what didn't happen Mikes." I growled. "I just had it with him, I can't stand it, it tears me apart."
"What are you talking about?" asked Mikey. "You were getting along just fine this morning?"
"Never mind it. You won't be able to understand." I said as I plastered a fake smile on my face. "You can better get your shit together you need to perform in an hour."
"You sure you gonna be okay?" asked Frank worried with his taco in his hand.
I looked at him and now I heartedly smiled.
"I will be just fine." I said as I left the tour bus.

I didn't want to talk to them, explaining why I was the way I was at the moment.
I was heading towards the van where the rest of the co-workers were staying.
"Hey what's up." I said as I entered the van. Everybody stared at me as if I wasn't allowed to come in.
"Oh fuck you." I said as I rolled my eyes and sat down on a small chair. "We need to get stuff ready for the guys."
Some people nodded in agreement other started to protest against me.
"Who the hell are you to boss us around?" said a fat guy in the corner whom I thought was called Danny.
"Your worst nightmare." I hissed as I stood up in anger.
Nobody moved.
"Fine I'll do it myself." I growled and walked out of the van. All the stuff was in the trunk, and I started to get the merchandise out.
I was quickly joined by Bob whom started to help me out.

"You know you really have the worst temper." He chuckled.
"Shut up." I said and Bob laughed.
He helped me unloading all the stuff and I was joined by the co-workers later on.
I had already made a plan, I would miraculously disappear after the show. I already wrote the note for the guys in my tour diary in the time that Gerard was drawing and not speaking to me.
It would be better for me and for them. If I would be gone they could live their famous rock band lives and I could live a new life.
I would miss them, Frank, Ray, Bob and Mikey.
And what about Gerard? I just didn't want to miss him even though I knew I would.. I simply can't stay I would end up having sex with him or a relationship. My boss here would probably find out, fire me and send me back home. There I would probably lose my Starbucks job because I've been gone too long. They probably have a new replacement for me already anyway.
I would end up moneyless, my cat will die because I won't be able to feed her and I would end up in a ditch somewhere because I'd rather die than live with my mother. At least if she isn't dead due to a delirium already.

That is not the future I have in mind. From tomorrow on I'm starting a new life.

*

Later that evening the show wasn't as spectacular as it usually was. I made sure Gerard couldn't see me in the corner as I watched him sing the songs.
He had dead red eyes, there was no emotion in them. It also looked like he had been crying, or maybe that was the make-up. I didn't know and I didn't care.
The music wasn't as happy as it used to be, maybe it was because of Gerard that stood like a dead body, frozen on the podium. There was no single movement in him he just sang the songs, with no emotion in them either.
They skipped the song 'Helena' which I thought was typical for him to do so.. Instead of that song they played something from their previous album.
A little before the last song I made my way out of the building, I told a guy of the crew that I needed some air.
In reality I had already packed my bags and was set to take my plane back.
I would pick up Sushi making up a random excuse why I couldn't stay touring.

I entered the tour bus and took my tour diary out, finding the page I ripped it out and placed it on the kitchen table so everybody could read it. I took out my phone, damaged the SIM card and flushed it down the sink. I destroyed the remains of my phone and threw it in the garbage shredder.
I wasn't planning on getting found.
I heard a honk outside and knew that my cab arrived I called earlier.
I got all of my bags and stepped in to the cab.
"Dónde ir señorita??" asked the cab driver.
"El aeropuorto." I answered as I put the buds of my earphone in my ears and started listening to the music playing.
The cab took off and the last thing I saw was the tour bus getting smaller as I was staring at it for the last time. I left it together with all my emotions. I instantly felt relieved.

Goodbye Helena Adams, you are no more.

I paid the cab driver and even gave him a tip for taking me. I sighed and looked up at the entrance of the airport. 'This would be the only way' I reassured myself as I let my arms hang low and entered the building. I emptied my head,
Ville Valo was singing in my ears and it calmed me down slowly.

There are things you should know,
And the distance between us seems to grow.
But you're holding on strong,
Oh, how hard it is to let go, oh, so hard to let go!

I'm waiting for your call and I'm ready to take your six six six in my heart
I'm longing for your touch and I welcome your sweet six six six in my heart

I boarded my plane in the meanwhile and took a seat in economy class.
I was looking forward to my new life. A life that didn't involve any of this shit.
I would ban them out of my thoughts, like I did with my mother, Debby and that slut Eva. This would be the best.
I smiled to myself as I was thinking about my new life.
It would be great.

*
Gerard's POV

"I don't know where she is man." Said the co-worker.
"Did she mention where she was going before?" I asked him.
"She told me she needed some air but I haven't seen her coming back, maybe she wasn't feeling well."
I nodded and thanked the man.
This was really weird. Something was wrong.
We walked up to the bus, clearly failed in finding her.
"Helena are you in here?" yelled Frank as he entered the dark tour bus.
But there wasn't a response.
"She's not here either guys." Yelled Frank as he was searching the bedrooms.
We had been searching for her for a little over an hour now.
She was vanished, disappeared.
I walked towards the kitchen and noticed Ray reading something.
"What do you've got there?" I asked. I was really worried that something bad happened to her.
"It's a note from Helena." Said Ray with tears in his voice.
"Where is she? Is she coming back?" I asked immediately.
"I don't think so." Said Mikey as he picked up pieces of a destroyed cell phone.
"Read it yourself." Said Ray pushing the note in my hands as he left to his bedroom clearly upset with the situation.
I read the words carefully, trying to take in everything she wrote as good as I possibly could.

Hey guys,
If you read this I'm already gone. I don't want to bother you any longer with my presence.
I'm leaving because I have personal issues, that have a massive effect on this situation. It's better this way believe me. I would have ended up in misery if this would continue any longer.
I hope you won't miss me too much because I wouldn't if I were myself.
I'm making my own decisions and I decided that this would be the best for all of us.
Don't come and find me I made sure I'm untraceable.
I hope you have a nice tour nevertheless.

I love you all,

Helena.

I crumpled the note in my fist as I felt tears emerging out of my eyes.
"She's gone." I said choked. "She's gone and she isn't coming back. "
Frank stared at me with sorrow and Mikey hugged my body.
I pushed them away and locked myself in my room.
"Why Helena." I cried. "Why.."