California Love A7X

Matt: how long did you want to keep this all up? Not seeing everyone?

Melly: I don't know.

I whispered. I finally got some of my voice back. Matt took me to the doctors and they told me to rest up. I felt very at ease at his house so I figured I'd just stay here.

Matt: you got any appetite yet?

Melly: not really. I'm not really looking forward to seeing Brian and Jenn. I don't know what I'm going to tell them.

Matt: there is nothing to tell.

Melly: maybe I can pretend I still don't have a voice so I won't have to say anything.

He chuckled a bit.

Matt: that might be entertaining.

The door bell rang. Matt sent me an assuring smile and went to answer the door. I heard him greet my cousin and Jenn. As soon as they walked into the room I looked at the floor. Ashamed. I felt Jenn hug me then Brian.

Brian: we need to talk cuz.

I nodded.

Matt: Melly would you like me to go?

Melly: no.

Brian: oh wow you really did lose your voice.

Melly: this is nothing.

I said shyly. We sat on the couches. Everyone seemed to sigh except Matt. He kept his cool. Neutral ground.

Brian: the other day-

Melly: I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to freak out. He just pushed me the wrong way to many times you know. Not that that is an excuse. And I hate myself for hitting Jenn. No apology would be good enough! I am so so so sorry. I can't believe I acted like that. I'm not even in my own house. I'm twenty fucking two not nine. It was uncalled for. I'm so ashamed and unhappy with myself its disgusting.

Brian: no one is blaming you for anything.

Melly: I'm blaming me.

Brian: you shouldn't.

Melly: I beat the crap out of him. He didn't even try to push me away...and I....I...I hit Jenn.

I looked away, hating myself.

Brian: it was all uncalled for Melly. Zacky should know better. He knows you're not some random girl he can just bitch talk to. He was disrespectful. You told him. Jenn told him. He knew better. Just like you knew better than to go after him. Not that I mind all that much.

He turned me towards him. Grabbing my face to make me look at his. He had a smile. I shook my head a little.

Melly: but I hit Jenn.

Jenn: bitch I am not made out of glass.

Melly: I gave you a purple face.

Jenn: so? I shouldn't have tried to get in the way. I know what its like when you want to kill one of these assholes.

Matt started laughing. This wasn't a time I could really laugh.

Matt: oh shit! I forgot you beat the shit out of Johnny.

Jenn: he was pissin' me off. You guys know better than to do that. How long we've known each other and you still do it.

Brian: its cause we love you baby.

He kissed her cheek and she rolled her eyes.

Jenn: I'm sure.

Melly: what? Why is that funny?

Jenn: it wasn't funny at the moment. I don't regret it either. Johnny you used to be a nasty little shit.

I shook my head not able to picture that.

Jenn: oh yeah. Heavy drinker that one. He was rude, annoying, inappropriate. These guys were to nice about saying anything.

Matt: we tried. We yelled, we talked, we did whatever.

Jenn: they weren't mean. I was mean and didn't care. He needed someone to put him straight and I did. Zacky needed that. And you did it.

I shook my head.

Brian: seriously. Fucking pissy fits he's been having, are fucking irritating.

I looked at Matt. He had his legs crossed. His hand thoughtfully resting on his chin. Relaxed on the recliner he was on.

Melly: maybe I shouldn't have moved here...

I said quietly. Matt's eyes locked on me.

Brian: don't say that.

Melly: I've only been a burden here.

Jenn: no you haven't. We love you. I need you here. If you left I don't know what I would do.

Brian looked at me. His brown eyes observing me closely. He was good at knowing how I felt without me really needing to say much.

Melly: I'm coming between friends.

Brian: who said?

Melly: no one but-

Brian: then don't say that shit.

Melly: its how I feel cuz.

Brian: don't. Its not true.

Matt: if you left...

I looked back at him.

Matt: Johnny would never forgive us for letting you go.

I twisted my face.

Matt: because he would never stop you from anything you wanted.

Melly: I would never forgive myself for leaving him.

Matt: you're the most important thing in his life right now.

Jenn: you're an important part of all our lives.

A sigh left my lips. I stood up.

Melly: my voice hurts.

I grabbed my throat. Cringing a bit at the feeling. I deserved it.

Matt: you've been doing a lot of talking.

I nodded weakly.

Matt: I'll go get you a cup of water.

Melly: maybe I should go stay with Uncle Brian for a bit.

Brian: that's not necessary Melly.

Melly: you're right. They don't need my issues there.

I looked out the window. The burning in my throat was hard to ignore.

Matt: here Melly.

I took it. Why couldn't Zacky be more like Matt? It seems like things would be easier. He's to nice and sweet and easy going to ever want to argue with. But then Zacky wouldn't be Zacky.

Brian: do you want to come home today?

I shook my head. His shoulders sagged a bit. He looked tiered.

Jenn: do you have enough clothes?

I nodded.

Jenn: because we can take you to get more or bring you some.

Melly: I'm fine. Thanks.

She nodded.

Melly: don't worry. I'll come home soon.

Brian: whenever you're ready cuz.

Melly: I know.

I looked out the window again.

Melly: answer your phone when Zacky calls. He wants to talk to you.

Brian: what?

Melly: when he calls you again answer the phone.

Brian: how do you know I don't.

Melly: I know.

Brian looked at me weirdly.

Jenn: he's come to see you hasn't he?

Melly: yes, he's already come to see me.

My arms were crossed.

Jenn: no shame with that one.

Melly: he came to apologize.

Brian: what did you say?

Melly: nothing I didn't have a voice.

Jenn: I wouldn't accept it.

I shrugged.

Melly: you guys know me better. I'm not one to linger on what people do to me but what I've done to others.

Brian: which is stupid.

Melly: I don't think so.

Brian: well we better get going. We've got some wedding stuff to take care of.

They took turns hugging me. When they were walking away I finally looked at them.

Melly: tell Johnny I've been waiting.

Brian stopped and looked at me. He gave a nod and walked out. I watched as they pulled out of Matt's drive way. The black BMW gleamed in the sunlight. The cool temperature in the house contradicted what the weather looked like outside.

Matt: what do you feel like doing now?

Melly: waiting like I have been.

Matt: if you'd like. Would you atleast like to watch a movie with me while you wait?

Melly: I suppose that wouldn't hurt. What movie?

Matt: how's Transformers sound?

Melly: I approve Matt.

I sat on the couch. And even though I love this movie. Still my eyes would wander to the window. Waiting. We watched another movie. I sat with Matt as he made and ate dinner. Still waiting. Danny came home and told us about his day. We watched a movie together. Then the guys headed to bed. More waiting. I sat on the couch in the dark living room. The light of the television blaring on my face. My eyes zoning out on the window. He's who I expected to see days ago when Zacky showed up. He should have been the first. He's the only one who could make me feel ok with the situaition.