Soliloquy

I returned the masquerade in somewhat of a delerium. I could not believe that Alphonse could ever feel the same, but somehow, somehow I had caught him. I felt as if I were walking on clouds as I slipped out of the North Wing. My entire body felt light despite the heavy gown and tight corset stays. I quickly found Victoria and another girl from the tea circle and joined up with them, becoming just another barely recognizable face in the crowd. I remembered the name of the girl with Victoria as Miss Daphne Ashcroft and joined with them quickly.

"Did you hear?" asked Victoria as soon as I joined them. Victoria was wearing a gown of the palest pink and a mask of pink feathers. She looked just the same as she always did, which was to say she looked quite beautiful. Daphne was a passably pretty dark haired girl who wore a gown of lavender and a mask of gold. They both looked happy to be at the masquerade, and I wondered if this was their first time attending. Younger children seemed very scarce here. I flashed what I hoped was a quizical look to Victoria, and she grinned mischeviously. "I have been hearing about a dashing young man who no one seems to recognize. He is an utter mystery, so it seems." My heart sped up. Could they be talking about Alphonse?

"What have people been saying that he looks like?" I inquired.

Victoria looked around, as if she were trying to catch a glimpse of the elusive newcomer. I did not tell her that he had already returned to the confines of his bed chamber and would not be returning to the party. She turned back to me with a grimace. "Lady Rollington said he was quite tall and broad shouldered with black hair. From what she could see, she thought him to be quite handsome, but you know with the masks, no one can really tell."

Daphne grinned. "I say we go on a hunt for the man." Her tone was sly and I remembered that this was how she had acted at tea both times I'd come. She was more than a little precocious. I said nothing to that and she sighed. "Oh, you two are no fun," she whined.

Raising an eyebrow, Victoria looked at me. "I would say yes, but I doubt we'd find him. If he is so mysterious, and all," I said to her and she smiled. Then I turned to Daphne. "Besides, I am sure that he has much better things to do than to chat with three silly young girls," I explained, trying to sound diplomatic. Daphne pouted, but I knew she thought I was right. Alphonse would not be there, no matter how hard anyone looked. He was gone. Besides, I didn't want any other young girl talking to him...with myself as the exception of course. I knew I was not just a little jealous at the thought of Daphne and Victoria hunting for Alphonse. And even more jealous at the thought of them actually talking to him.

It was then that Lily found me. Even though I could not see her eyes, the skin around her mouth was pulled tight. She looked strained, and all of a sudden, I felt nauseated. Oh, how could I be so stupid? I should not have been dancing with Alphonse like that. Not only did I not have Lily's permission, she would know that I knew about him. She could have seen it, could she not have? She smiled at my two friends but I could see that it was forced. Turning to me, she placed a hand on my arm. Her grip was tight. "Would you mind if I had a word with Miss Faerie, ladies?" she asked. The two girls curtsied and shook their heads. I was pulled from my friends with a yank.

"Lily, are you quite all right?" I asked, trying to play dumb.

Pulling me closer to her, Lily put her mouth right next to my ear. "That man you were dancing with earlier, do you know who he was?" asked she. My stomach churned, but I looked straight into Lily's eyes.

"No," I said. Through our masks, we looked at each other for the longest time. She was trying to find innocence in my eyes and I was trying to conceal my guilt. Finally, Lily relaxed. "He simply asked me for a dance. I protested because I did not have your permission to waltz, but he obviously did not care."

"Obviously," Lily replied quietly, more to herself than me. I looked away as she and I walked back into the grand ballroom. It was still alight and people were dancing merrily in the middle. I wondered if anyone had ever heard anything of the Blood Moon. Not that I needed or wanted more information on the subject, I just wished I knew who had heard the tale. Probably nobody. The journal was old and decrepit and had been sitting in the parish archives for quite some time. "If he asks you again to dance," Lily said, interrupting my thoughts, "you are to say no and come to me or Charles immedietly. I have no idea who this young man is, but he was not invited."

Something in her tone gave me the chills. It was almost as if by coming here, Alphonse had betrayed her. I wanted to scream that he should be able to live life, that he shouldn't be kept away in the darkest corners of the the manor. He should be out in the sun, enjoying his last few weeks. She was pushing him into darkness, they both were. They loved him, that much was obvious, but they did not understand him. How was it that he had belonged to them for almost eighteen years and I had only known him a few weeks, and yet I felt as if I understood Alphonse more? I realized what it was. Alphonse loved him parents so much that he would never go against him. Their words were law. They were revered. He obeyed them even if he didn't want to.

At first I could not understand why. Why would Alphonse obey his parents when all they were doing was hurting him? And then I realized. I'd obeyed my mother and my father for sixteen years. It was not just because they told me they spoke the truth always, it was not just because I had to. It was because I loved them. And no matter what they did, Alphonse would always love his parents. He would love them even when they were hurting him.

The thought made me very sad. When I looked at Lily, her eyes were darting around the ballroom and I knew she was looking for her ghost of a son. I turned from her quickly and walked away.

My eyes caught sight of Wren Morgenstern, standing alone, head held high, smiling coldly at me. I tried to make my feet walk around her, but they stopped directly before her. "You do not care for Alphonse Wainwright, yet you were waltzing with him as if he was the last man on Earth?" she sneered. I swallowed.

"There is nothing I could do. I am in love with him." I looked at her straight in the eyes. "My heart betrays me." She looked away from me and into the depths of the twirling couples. Even with the mask on, she was the most beautiful woman in the room. She knew that, of course. But for her, beauty was less a blessing and more a curse. She was intimidating, and not just to the females in the room. She had no dance partners, and when I looked at the flimsy dance card she held in her small hands, I saw that it was empty. There was a sadness beneath Wren that she wanted no one to see. And yet it was as clear to me as anything. "How did you know it was Alphonse?" I found myself asking.

Wren looked at me as if it were very obvious. "Besides the fact that he is every inch Charles Wainwright's son?" she asked with an amused smile. "I have been told often of the Wainwright's ancestors."

"Why?" I questioned. Wren opened her mouth and then closed it. An annoyed look passed over her uncommonly beautiful face. It was a look that I was more than used to seeing on her face. She turned away from me for a few moments and then turned back, her face composed.

"I cannot speak of it." Her tone was sharp, her words, short. I knew that I was not supposed to inquire further. It must have been the oath that she was bound to...the one she had spoken of before. The one that constricted the Morgensterns to tell me more about the curse, the Blood Moon and about Alphonse...

With a sigh, I asked, "Could you tell me the nature of the oath that you are bound to?"

Wren's eyebrows raised. I doubted she had ever thought of that. "I'm not sure. It is in place to protect the Morgensterns from speaking about their relationship with the Wainwrights." She looked to me then, and her eyes had turned dark. "I thought I had told you to instill hope within Alphonse. I did not say to fall in love with him. It will only cause great pain to you if..." she could not finish her sentence.

I felt indignant and straightened my back even further, but I would never be as tall or as graceful as Wren. "And you too, you can choose who you would love?" I inquired. Wren said nothing. "I thought not," I answered quietly. "He will live," I told her. "I shall not let him go to Niflheim."

"It would be best if you did not say that word," she told me. Then she seemed bemused. "I suppose it is not so terrible...your feelings for the boy. It may give him the courage he needed to find the will to live. If he can make it through..." she trailed off, and a small, gargling like noise came from her. I knew that she was trying to say something she could not. A feeling of anger washed over me. Could no one tell me of the nature of Alphonse's curse? Would I never know? "Ah, anyway," Wren said, when she had regained her composure. She turned on me, the darkness once again filling her eyes. It was surprising, the swiftness with which her feelings changed. "You must do whatever you can. And stay away from..." Again, a gurgle. She stamped a slippered foot onto the floor, causing a gentleman standing a few paces away to look at us curiously. Wren glared at the man, and even though her mask concealed her eyes, she looked terrifying.

There was a tap on my shoulder and I turned and found myself facing Charles Wainwright. He was smiling dashingly and my heart skipped a beat. He was so brilliantly handsome. There really should be a law against men as handsome as he. "I believe I must come to claim you for the next dance, my dear," he said, with a bow. I curtsied and turned to Wren. She was staring at Charles intently and strangely. I looked at him slyly and saw something pass on his face. What it was, I could not tell. Anger? Fear? Confusion? Whatever it was, there was something there between Charles and Wren that nobody was telling me. Or maybe it was that they could not say.

Either way, I curtsied to Wren and let Charles lead me onto the floor, where the chords of a slow dance were starting. We took our places on either side of the line, but as soon as we were dancing, Charles started to talk. "You have been spending quite a lot of time with Miss Wren Morgenstern," he said to me slowly, casually.

I nodded. "She is a strange girl. I believe that there is something beneath her cold exterior...a kind of lonlieness that she cannot shake and dares not show the world," I confessed. Charles almost smirked.

"Do be careful with her, my dear little Faerie. She is not exactly what she seems." The words made me look back at Wren, who was staring at me intently. Next to her stood Greer Morgenstern, wearing a dress of deep scarlett. Behind them stood Sloane, who was also watching me with sleepy, hooded eyes. I was reminded of the night that he...but I shook those thoughts out of my head and looked at Charles.

"What do you mean?" I asked, "you are the one who thought Prince and I to be courting."

With a slow nod, Charles looked to the three Morgensterns that were standing in a group. "I trust Prince, despite the tensions that have existed between the Morgensterns and the Wainwrights." I knew he was talking about the curse. No matter how amiable the two families were to each other, the Wainwrights would never forget the terrible curse that the Morgensterns had placed on their bloodline. And I doubted the Morgensterns would ever forgive the Wainwrights for the drowning of a young child. Whatever truces they had, they were never strong. "I do not trust Wren. She is cunning and sly and will do whatever she can to earn another person's regard." Charles looked at me softly. "I would not wish for her to corrupt your innocence, Faerie. It would be quite disconcerting."

That comment made me feel as if Charles thought of me as a child. I understood that he was only trying to be kind, but I did not appreciate those words. I smiled a little instead, trying to sound affable. "Thank you for your concern. I do believe that I can handle myself with Miss Morgenstern, however." Charles did not look convinced and I felt annoyed. The dance ended and I curtsied feeling quite relieved that it was over. I turned away from Charles, but I felt a hand on my wrist and a tug.

"Do not make the mistake of believing you are free, Fae," he said, using my mother's nickname for me. His words gave me a chill, and his tone was quiet but menacing. "You are mine...whether you realize it or not." I looked at him, a fear rising up into my heart. His serious face suddenly changed. He smiled quite charmingly and laughed. "Now run along now, dear. I do believe I saw Victoria Landry near the punch bowl." It was is he'd never spoken those strange and dark words. I looked at him, he was still holding onto my wrist forcefully. Finally he let go and I felt my legs take me away quickly. They shook and threatened to give out, but I did not let their unsteadiness change my mind.

It was if there were two sides to Charles Wainwright. The fatherly side that loved his wife and his son more than anything. I had seen that side, I loved that side. When he was like that, he was like the father I always wished I could have. The other side scared me. It was dark and menacing, but only to me. I'd only seen that side twice, and that side had never come out to anyone but me. In my heart, I knew that not even Lily knew that part of Charles existed. You are mine, whether you realize it or not. I could not stop my head from repeating those words. They scared me more than anything Prince and Wren had ever said to me about the curse or the blood moon. And this was a much different sort of fear.

I had meant to go to Victoria, but my legs took me right past her. I saw her expecting me to stop and talk, but I fled right by. She could not understand this. I would not burden her with this or with anything else. The curse, the Blood Moon, Alphonse, the secrets, the lies, the betrayals...these were all my burdens. I could speak of this to no one. And once again I was left feeling as if I could not even tell Alphonse. He loved his father. He would not understand the terrible things that kept passing between us. Suddenly, though, I felt a hand on my arm. My heart spiked and I whirled around to see my captor.

It was only Prince, looking troubled. "Faerie, are you quite all right?" he asked.

I swallowed. "Yes, thank you," I answered back faintly. He was not convinced, but said nothing else.

"You were talking with my sister earlier. I must thank you for that. She is difficult to get along with," he said almost kindly, with a smile.

Lowering my head, I said, "Yes. I do not believe she likes me, though." I knew Prince was simply trying to make conversation to help distract me from what had just happened. He might not know what had happened, but I thanked him for his strange and undeserved kindness. He had expressed intrest in marrying me and I had shied away from it. He did not have to be kind.

"You are mistaken. She is quite fond of you," he answered. I lifted my head with a small smile. "I would not lie to you about this." We were interrupted by the arrival of Wren, Greer and Sloane.

Sloane was the first to speak. "We saw you running and decided to see if you needed any help," he said. I looked at his eyes, they did not deceitful. I felt embarrassed.

"I am fine. Thank you for the concern." I looked from him to Wren, who was not looking at me. I followed her eyes. She was watching Charles, who was talking lowly with Lily, who seemed upset. He was comforting her, the way a perfect husband might do for his wife. She did not know of his dark half. Wren and I met eyes and I felt as she understood what had just happened. She did not look kind of happy or gentle, she hardly even looked understanding. But she did understand. And for a moment I felt just a little comforted. And then I looked at Greer. Her dress was beautiful and her mask matched the color and had tiny crystals stuck to it. Something at her throat caught my eye.

Greer was wearing my ruby necklace. The same ruby necklace she had expressed interest in the other night. The same necklace that I had lost that same night. I felt sick to my stomach. I attempted to excuse myself, but even opening my mouth was a struggle. I turned away from the Morgensterns and rushed through the doors of the grand ballroom. Out in the hall, the candles and sconces burned brightly and the people laughed, gossiped, flirted. They were all shadows and blurs as I pushed my way through them. Every smile seemed wicked, every looked seem like a glare. The masks hid ugliness.

I could not escape this ugliness, no matter how far I ran. My secrets, my burdens...they would all catch up with me soon, I knew.