Soliloquy

The sky looked ominous the night after the infamous kiss between Alphonse and I. I sat in the Wainwright's carriage, alone, and looked out the window with a scrunched up mouth. In fact, the sky was looking somewhat green. I hoped there would not be a lightning storm. My mother had always enjoyed watching the storms, but I'd kept in my room and always had drawn the curtains. The cracks in the sky always looked too frightening. The carriage moved at a choppy pace, though, so it was hard to keep my eyes always on the sky. We were headed to the Morgensterns. Charles had departed early this morning, much to my relief, and had arrived only a few hours ago.

He'd not said where he was off to, but at tea he'd revealed that he'd been at the Morgensterns and I'd received an invitation to dine with them that night. It seemed very out of the blue, so I knew there must be a reason. They were going to ask me about Alphonse. Tonight I'd finally have good news for them. He was going to live, he was so much better than when I'd first seen him. I'd changed him, and even though I could not believe it was my doing, it was. And it made me feel lighter than air. I hadn't even really had to talk to Charles today, I only had to nod and smile and say 'Thank you' when he'd told me I was allowed to go all alone.

There is no need to say that Lily was upset that I was going to Criewulf Estate all by myself. However, Charles had quieted her with a particular look in his eye that I hadn't been able to place. Then again, I'd been trying not to look at him. Although my meeting with Alphonse had made my day brighter, seeing Charles's darkly handsome face made me scared and feeling quite unwell. I'd been thankful when he'd been out, but at tea, I'd avoided his gaze. Even though I knew he'd been looking at me.

Criewulf seemed even more somber since the last time I'd been here. It now occured to me that it had been quite awhile since I'd been back and quite awhile since I'd had any strange encounters with the Morgenstern family. I doubted there was a way I could get my necklace back, and it chilled me to think how Greer had stolen it from me. It had been on my neck the entire night. How had she simply plucked it off without my noticing it? I had no fathomable idea. I didn't think I ever would know. Maybe I was not meant to know all the secrets of the family Morgenstern.

I was once again helped out by a footman and was rushed inside to miss any incliment weather that was arriving upon the doorstep. So it was that I was safely inside before absolutely nothing happened.

Greeted by Prince and Wren, I did a small dip of a curtsy. Wren returned my curtsy with a bob of the head and Prince chastely kissed my knuckles. As soon as he had dropped my hand, Wren took my elbow. "What news of Alphonse? We have not spoken in quite some time."

"My father died," I explained, "I was in London for his funeral." I held my breath waiting for the sympathy, but it did not come. Ah, how could I have been so stupid? I was with Wren Morgenstern. Sympathy was not something she gave out. All she managed was a slight humph, as if she wished I hadn't wasted so much time attending to my father. Oh, how I sincerely agreed. "Alphonse is much better. He looks strong and healthy and there is a light in his eyes that was not there before."

A rare smile passed over Wren's lips. "You must do anything possible to keep the light there," she said.

"I don't think that shall be too difficult."

Wren turned to me, looking haughty and tall. "You underestimate the circumstances. I'd advise you to be very careful. This is not all fairy tales and blithe joy."

I roughly pulled out of her grasp. "I know," I answered, a bite to my voice. Wren did not make any more to retrieve my arm. We walked in silence behind Prince to the parlour where I had sat with them before. When Sloane had been so strange to me...and Prince had given him a look so dark it chilled me to the core. How I hoped that nothing like that would happen tonight. But right before we reached the parlor, Prince stopped and turned around. He allowed Wren to go in and shut the door quietly behind her, but he did not let me follow.

"We must talk." Bracing myself for the absolute worst, I shook my head. Prince took a deep breath and led me down the same hallway where Wren and I had that strange first conversation. I had not been all the way down this hallway. Wren had told me it was a detour to the parlor. In fact, it led to another hallway, one that Prince practically pushed me down. The distance between us and the rest of the Morgensterns was growing with each footstep. What did it matter, though? They were the wild Morgensterns. Corruption of an innocent girl would be child's play for them.

But something told me Prince did not mean to corrupt me. There was an urgency about him the likes of which I'd never seen before. We soon came to a large open room. All the furniture was covered with white sheets and those sheets were graying with age and dust. It was obvious that this fantastic room was used hardly ever. I frowned. If I were the mistress of Criewulf, I would see to it that all the rooms were used, but I did not want to be the mistress of Criewulf. I said nothing to Prince about the decor. He stopped me in the middle of the room.

Then he took a deep breath. "I am sorry for being so secretive, but one can never be too careful. It is not my family I distrust, but I have come to learn that spies are everywhere..." I felt my eyebrows raise in surprise. Spies?

"I beg you sir, tell me what you mean."

Smiling a sarcastic smile, Prince clicked his heels together. "I cannot. You know, the oath. That whole messy business." I nodded my head. "You do understand that today Charles Wainwright came to visit me."

I could not hold it back any longer. "Prince...do you trust Charles?" I inquired. If he did not, then I could finally tell someone of what had happened. I imagined Prince to be a kind of protector and I wished for comfort at that moment.

Prince hesitated. "Yes," he finally told me, "I trust him with my life." Disappointment ran my length. I was trapped by my silence. "Why?" asked Prince and I could only shake my head no, I did not trust my voice at that moment to sound entirely stable. Prince turned his head and my eyes slyly glanced towards him. He was staring off at nothing, waiting for my answer. His mouth was set in almost a frown, and there was a slight wrinkle at his brow that hinted he was under some distress. His eyes were soft yet cold, almost like snow. He was a beguiling creature. Was he my enemy? Was he my friend? Or was he something else entirely?

"No reason," I finally said and lifted my chin to look past his shoulder. Behind Prince stood a large guilt-framed mirror. I looked at myself in it. Different. The same way I'd looked in the mirror that had laid on my vanity table. I'd put that mirror away quickly and hadn't looked at it again. It seemed like an otherworldly instrument, as if put there by the voice who had whispered for me to leave the house. I had no idea of its symbol, but I kept it close by just in case. Now I looked at myself quietly and tried to stand the way Wren did. If I held my chin just so, I almost looked regal, like her. But I would never have the sophistication that she exuded so effortlessly.

"Charles has told me he favors an engagement between you and I." The words were quiet, but I heard them as if he'd shouted them in my ear. I must have looked aghast, for Prince attempted a feeble smile. "Ah now, don't look at as if it would be torture."

I shook my head, thinking of Charles's confession to me...I daren't think the words, but they floated in the back of my mind, an ever present spirit haunting me for all eternity. "I am just surprised that he favors our engagement. Did he explain why?" he asked.

Prince nodded. He looked pained and then turned away. Night was falling upon Huntsville and the sky against Criewulf was an unnatural dark green. "I'm not sure if I believe his reasoning for our engagement, however." He took a deep breath and I watched as his chest heaved. "However, I am under the impression that if we marry soon, before the estate of your father passes to your cousin, as in, before the paper work is filled out, et cetera, he said that I would receive your father's estate in addition to your dowry." A part of me felt betrayed. To deny Samuel Townshend only to heave me off onto Prince Morgenstern. But most of me was not surprised. "He is trying to buy my silence, I believe."

"Your silence?"

"He hopes we will not say anything to you about Alphonse. Congratulations, it seems he knows nothing about your relationship." The last part of his comment made me feel as if he'd just insulted me. And indeed I thought he had.

Embarassed, I looked down at the skirt of my dress. "Our relationship is innocent, I assure you, sir," I said. Prince was quiet, and I knew I should change the subject. "I don't understand how he could buy your silence anyway. What about your oath? You cannot say anything about the nature of your relationship to the Wainwrights to me anyway. Why should you be worried?" I asked.

Prince turned away from me and caught sight of himself in the mirror. He watched himself intently for a moment but then slid his eyes to me. "There is one night when our oath unbinds."

"The night of the red moon." Prince only nodded. He turned back around.

His brow furrowed even deeper and he fidgeted with his neck tie. "You must understand, Faerie, that being married to you would be no chore. You are a wonderful girl, very beautiful. You are kind and generous, even if you do seem a little-" at this he smiled, "a little lost sometimes. I cannot say that married to me would be generally...healthy, but anyone could do it, by god, Faerie, it could be you. I swear I'd keep you safe and secure, and you'd always have fine dresses and carriages and you'd be respected by all the best families in London. I would never hurt you, or raise my voice to you, I swear it. I do believe we could make each other happy. At least, as happy as any other married couple."

Oh, he seemed so sincere about this. He looked as if was going to say something, so I cut him off. "Believe me, I know. You would make a wonderful husband. But I am in love with Alphonse. I cannot help it, I just am." He did not look surprised. "Our relationship is innocent, I swear. But I want my husband, when I'm ready to marry, to be Alphonse Wainwright. Nobody else."

Prince looked at me for a moment, sighed and then bent down to me. "Faerie...Wren and the rest of my family, oh hell, myself as well, we're all liars. There is no way we can ensure Alphonse will not die on his eighteenth birthday. It is not up to us. It is up to..." he trailed off and I knew he could not say it. "It is up to fate, I suppose. And if, most likely when, he dies, who will have to go to after that?" he asked. Instantly, I felt tears at the back of my eyes. My stomach moved violently and I wanted to be ill. Ladies were never sick in public, though. Even if public meant that person who was trying to propose marriage to you. Prince took a hold of my arms and I looked away from him and shook out of his grasp.

"You said, you said." Those were the only words that would come out of my mouth.

"I never said. It was the reason I was so hesitant about asking you to try and talk to Alphonse." I was quiet. "Wren has it in her mind that you're our savior. We can never really ask that of you. We can only hope that when the day comes, Alphonse is strong enough. That his will to live is greater than any...curse."

I nodded. "It is."

Now, Prince knelt down to one knee and looked up at me. "But if it isn't. I myself need a savior. I need a savior to save me from myself. The only way I can save myself is by getting a wife. And the only person I can see being remotely happy with is you."

"I don't understand," I responded.

Prince took my hands in his and pulled me down towards him. I almost thought he was about to kiss me again, but he did not. "I could never love you," he said to me, but he did not look hateful or hurtful or insulting, which was why I said nothing back. He looked away from me. "I could never love anyone...like you."

"Like me?" I asked, confused.

With a nod, Prince opened his mouth again. He did not meet my gaze, but still held tightly onto my hands. "I am not interested in..." he swallowed, "females." He then looked at me and it was then I understood him so fully. "But I must take a wife, too keep a charade up. If I do not have a wife, there will be talk. But I cannot have a wife that will leave me so unhappy that I go searching for something to satisfy me. I could not have a scandal. I could not ever do that to my family. You are the only woman I see myself finding a friendship with, and so you are the one I want to make my wife."

I understood, but it did not make it any easier for me. "And when you start to look for something other than friendship?" I asked.

Looking me straight in the eye, Prince stood up slowly. "You will have to do whatever is necessary to make sure I do not go off the beaten path. I have let my eye wander too many times to count. I have been good for the most part, but every day becomes harder and harder." I broke away from him then and turned. At the end of the large room was an ornately decorated window. It was a lone window, just there, as if the builder had realized this room had no windows and put one in haphazardly for something to do. I walked to it then. My mother's voice was clear. Find someone who will love you forever. Prince talked of friendship, but I wanted love. I wanted the sweet burning sensation in my stomach, that flurry of emotions in my head, the tingle in my toes. I wanted to ache and to bleed with my love. For Alphonse, I would do anything. For him, I would die.

The same could not be said for Prince. I turned back from the sky, which now was so dark, the hint of green had vanished. "You know I would never think differently of you because of who you are." I smiled then. "Earlier I was curious as to what you were to me...a friend, an enemy or something else. I think in the end, it is a little bit of both. You are my friend because you have made me happy and you are concerned with what happens to me. You are my enemy because of the trap that your offer posseses. And you are something else because I never will know all of your secrets." He was quiet. "Find your happiness. I will find mine. And even if they both end in broken hearts, then at least we will have known true love." I held my head up high. "I shall settle for nothing less, and I'd expect you to do the same."

Prince nodded. "Well," he said softly, "we shall see, won't we."

When we got back to the parlor, the entire Morgenstern clan was lounging around in front of a fire, which I could now rightfully assume was their favorite pastime. Prince broke off of me to go speak with Wren in quiet tones over at the far corner of the room. Instead, I was somehow adopted by the other Morgensterns, who surrounded me. My eyes instantly went to Greer. She was not wearing my necklace, but as soon as she saw me looking at her neck, she smiled innocently. I did not return it.

"Faerie," said Lucy, "I do love your dress." She touched the fabric of my arm and kept her hand there a moment too long. When she pulled away, I could still feel her fingers on me. "Tell me, what is London like? I've never been." Lucy pouted and she looked like a tiny, unhappy angel. "Prince is so mean, he doesn't let any of us go to London. He says we'd all be too naughty."

I smiled. "Ah yes well the tongues in London do like to wag with gossip. But I'm sure you couldn't do anything more scandalous than anyone else there. Honestly," I told her. Lucy's face brightened considerably.

"Oh! Well then I'm going to beg Prince to let me go with him next time. And you must come with us, so you can introduce me to all the handsome gentlemen," she laughed. I felt a smile arise to my face at her bold tone. I already knew that she would not fit in with the stuffy old crones and proper young ladies. Her face would shine like a diamond amongst rough stones. I would not dash her hopes of a London adventure, however, and held my tongue.

My eyes glanced to Ennis, who was almost scrutinizing me. He then touched my hair softly, and his hand went to my cheek. It was not an intimate gesture, but it was strange. "What lovely hair you have...and your skin like porcelin..."

"Thank you," I murmured. Lucy giggled.

"Oh Ennis, must you scare all of our guests? I know what you are thinking of, and I daresay it won't do, not at all." Ennis grinned in response. I remembered the first night I had met them, how they'd seemed like an exclusive group that I would never be privy to. Things had changed now, but I still was on the outside, looking in. They understood each other like clockwork, and they were all bound by the same oath, the same...whatever it was that kept them together. I looked to Prince and Wren. Wren seemed to be yelling at Prince in low tones. His eyes flicked to me and he smiled weakly.

"I am famished," I suddenly heard someone say and looked to see Glenn looking most ill. His stomach did not look famished, however.

Greer rolled her eyes and said in an almost drone, "You are always famished, Glenny. Please do try and contain your apetite. There shall be no eating Miss Faerie." I instantly turned my eyes to her and I must have looked quite alarmed, for she just smiled. "A joke, I'm afraid." I said nothing to her but looked back to Prince and Wren, who were still fighting. Greer's eyes followed mine and the rest of the Morgensterns looked as well. "They do have such a burden," Greer sighed. The rest of the family sighed their agreements.

I let myself look to Greer. "What do you mean?" I asked.

She shrugged and smiled maliciously. "We cannot say. You know that." I felt as if she'd said what she had about her family only to make me wonder even more about them. And it truly make me wonder if I could trust the Morgensterns or not. It was as if they all had two separate and distinct personalities. One side of them could be friendly and congenial, and then there was another side that was wild and dark. She then looked at my small emerald ear bobs and our eyes met. "What lovely earrings," she said.

Putting my hands to my ears protectively, I met her gaze fiercely. "Yes and they will remain mine, if you please."

With a laugh, Greer nodded. I felt as if I'd won that battle, but the war against the strange Morgensterns was probably larger and more dangerous than I could ever imagine. It was then that a footman came in to announce dinner. We all went into the dining room, and as Prince passed by me, he put his finger to his lips. I knew I was to keep his secret, but it was then that I wondered if he'd even told anyone else what he'd told me. I already knew the answer to that, though. If Prince had told anyone but I, it would have been his sister. And I realized then that I might trust Prince and Wren, but I did not trust the rest of the Morgensterns.

They were wild. And maybe on the night of the red moon, they would show me their true form.