Soliloquy

Sunset was falling on Criewulf Estate. I stood on the balcony, watching the sun dissappear beneath the horizon. There were no clouds, no fog, not today. And I was still on my own personal cloud - still happy and dreamy about yesterday morning's adventure with Alphonse. I had not been able to go to him last night, but that was no matter. He would live, he would live! And we would run off together to strange, far off exotic places where no one could find us. It would be like he said...just us. I kept that idea as close as possible as I could to my heart and my heart kept it warm and alive.

I did not even notice when I was joined on the balcony of Criewulf. This was just another of their balls...the entirety of Huntsville seemed to be here and no matter how many balls I attended, I never would know all the important people, I would never meet all the fashionable families. I was still an outsider here and even more so now thanks to my rejection of the Church. No one rejected the Church was able to keep their reputation unscathed. I knew there were whispers. I did my best not to care.

"Beautiful sunset," I heard finally. I turned to see Glenn Morgenstern standing at the doorway. He was grinning - not an evil or malicious smile, even - and tipped his top hat to me. I curtsied back. He hesitated for a moment and then joined me outside. "You must be wondering what I'm doing here," he mused.

My smile could not be hidden. "I am curious," I admitted.

Glenn propped his elbows out on the balcony railing and leaned down over it. "Look out to the moor. What do you see there?" he questioned. He looked at me quickly and then turned his gaze out the darknening expanse of land. I followed his eyes and realized there was something out on the moor. It was tall, obviously a man. He was close enough that I could see that his clothes were old and torn, his hair long, wild and dark. He turned to face us but his face was just a shadow. Turning away, he walked carefully over the unsteady ground and for a moment I thought I saw thin green wings from his back. But that was impossible.

"Who is that?" I breathed to Glenn.

Turning away from the view, Glenn leaned on the railing and crossed his arms and shrugged. "I have absolutely no idea. He's been here for a few days, though, so I figure he has something to do with the Blood Moon and what happens on that night..."

I watched as the tall man almost vanished into the dusk. One moment he was a dark, faint outline and the next there was nothing. A chill went through me. "I am afraid for that night," I told Glenn.

"I don't blame you. I too, fear for that night. However, it is also the night that I have been expecting my entire life. It doesn't matter anyway, if we want it to come or we don't. It will come anyway. We cannot alter our futures." He was quiet and then looked to me. "There have been rumors in London..." My eyes flicked to his. About my mother and Charles? About my father and Charles? "You have been told what a homunculi is, have you not?"

"Yes...they are artificial human beings."

Glenn nodded. "A whisper is going through London. Someone is showing interest in creating a homunculi." He sighed then. "Of course, they need the Philosopher's Stone to perform such an act. There is no way anyone can simply bring a mass of human flesh to life without some help, you see." He was quiet again for a moment and then smiled. I did not say anything. I was still wondering what any of this had to do with me. Once the Night of the Blood Moon was finished, Alphonse and I would not be returning to England. I had decided already that we would leave here forever and never come back. "A strange and wonderful thing, the Philosopher's Stone..." said Glenn. He turned his head to the moor and then to me. Our gazes met and he did not allow me to look away. "Men would kill for such an artifact."

Then he tipped his hat once more and reentered the ballroom. I was left standing outside. A particularly cold breeze blustered by me and I hugged my small shoulders. Looking back to the sunset, I saw that the sun had now dipped completley under the horizon. It still was brilliantly red around it though. Red sky at night, sailor's delight, I thought to myself quickly.

I did not understand Glenn's words and did not want to. The Morgensterns were a strange family and they had said stranger things to me before. It was best if I just put this one piece of information at the back of my head. It mattered not to me. But what did matter was the strange man walking through the Morgenstern lands. I definitely did not see him anymore, but I wondered who he was. Tall, with wild dark hair and tattered clothes...I did not include my delusion of green wings. Thats all it was...a delusion.

With a deep breath, I entered the crush again. People talking, dancing, laughing, flirting...it was all so normal. And then I saw Isaac Ewanthorpe and groaned. I had totally forgotten to return his book; I had forgotten about him in general. Pushing my way through bodies, I made my way to him, trying to think up excuses. I was able to finally catch his eye and smile, however, he only barely nodded and turned away. I felt the slight as if I'd been cut, deeply. But I would not be pushed away so easily. I pursued him and touched his hand carefully. Turning, he nodded once more and I curtsied. "Mr. Ewanthorpe, I am so sorry I have not been round to return the journal. It seemed that my ladies maid was interested in reading it so I was letting her peruse for a few nights..."

"Keep it," Ewanthorpe said quickly, disgust lacing his voice.

Taken aback, I felt my eyebrows raised. "Mr. Ewanthorpe, are you quite all right?" I questioned.

The young man sneered. "Oh as if you don't know. Disgracing me in front of my parish. And here I was considering proposal!" Now I was very taken aback. Proposal? For marriage? Why, if he had, that would have been the third proposal in three days! I almost wanted to laugh, but this situation did not strike me as amusing. "I'm sure you had a nice laugh at my expense. You must have thought it so funny - here I was enamored with you...you...you satanist."

The word satanist was spoken so loudly that the people around us turned to me curiously. I felt my cheeks burning hotly. "Mr Ewanthorpe," I begged, "this is quite unecessary. I am sorry that you had to find out about my lack of religion the hard way. Believe me, any embarassment I caused you was unconsciously done."

"Good. Now that you have apologized, we can have nothing further to say to each other." With a nod and a bow, Ewanthorpe looked at me severly. "Good evening, Miss Brighton." With that, he turned away and walked away with jerky movements. I lowered my head wishing that those around me would stop whispering...even though I knew they wouldn't.

"Please, as if you didn't think he was a total prig." The voice of Victoria Landry was at my ear and I looked up to see her smirking at me. "Lord, you'd think he was raised by animals or something. My grandparents were French, you see, and my grandmother was deeply involved in the Cult of Pure Reason. So nothing really shocks me anymore." With a laugh and a shrug, Victoria took my elbow within hers. "Some people are just too narrow-minded." At first I'd thought Victoria was exactly the same as all the girls I'd met in London - beautiful, predictable and boring. Maybe she wasn't so predictable. Maybe she was more interesting than I'd previously thought...

I shook my head no as we walked away from the gossiping old middies. "No, no, I should have said that I was not religious when we met. Honestly, he does apprentice at the local parish. But my god, Victoria, he said he was considering proposal!" I exclaimed. It was hard to keep the laughter out of my voice. Whether it was laughter because I found the proposal to be funny or frightening, though, I could not say.

Victoria looked solemn. "I know. I heard that one. Dreadful really, what a terribly boring life that would be," she shuddere and then she was brighter. "I also heard of another proposal...however, I never know just how reliable my sources are." I simply looked at her carefully, waiting for her to go on. "Oh honestly, Faerie...the possible engagement of you and Prince Morgenstern!" she exclaimed.

It was at that moment that I looked to my right and caught the eyes of the very man we were talking about. He did not smile to me exactly but bowed his head - an action I returned kindly. Turning back to Victoria, I nudged her. "You couldn't be any louder, you know...I'm fairly sure the entire ballroom heard you say that." She only grinned cheekily. "Well it is true..." I said slowly, and saw Victoria's face stretch into one of extreme happiness that I killed with one dark look. "Listen you must not go spreading that one around. We are not engaged and I don't plan that we ever should be. He asked and I...declined. Gracefully. I declined quite gracefully."

I knew I'd absolutely killed any sort of hope that Victoria had had about a wedding between Prince and I. She looked defeated and it made me feel just a little guilty. "But you know, who knows what will happen in the future," I told her ambiguously and she grinned.

"Yes...who knows..." she told me in a faux-mysterious voice. I raised an eyebrow but could not supress a giggle. Then she gave me the tiniest nudge in the side and I looked at her. "Wren Morgenstern is standing all alone...again." She nodded her head in the direction of Wren and I looked. She was standing alone. "Do you know what they called her? I'm not sure they call her this anymore...but everyone in town used to say that she was the Dark Angel. Beautiful, of course and mysterious...but so strange and well, scary."

I watched Wren until she looked at me. I smiled and nodded my head in what I hoped was a friendly way. She did not aknowledge me and turned away, raising her chin. I did not feel the same hurt that I did when Ewanthorpe had slighted me earlier. Maybe it was because I liked Wren more than Ewanthorpe in general, but I knew most of me felt...sorry for Wren. I said nothing about this, because I knew she would have hated my pity, but she had it just the same. She was beautiful and scary. She was intimidating and people stayed away. I almost felt like it was only me who knew that she wanted company. And I wasn't even sure of what I knew. All I could say was that there was sadness radiating from her. I had no idea how I knew that, but I just did.

"The Dark Angel, huh?" was all I could think to say as I tore my eyes from Wren's tall figure. I looked at Victoria with a skeptical eye. She shrugged. "I kind of like her," I said with finality.

My companion laughed. "Oh yes that much is obvious. I think you are possibly her only friend."

I scoffed. "I'd hardly call us friends."

Victoria looked at me with a knowing gaze but said nothing. It seemed that we were taking a turn around the ballroom. It was hot and crowded in there and I wished I could be outside, discussing the nature of God again with Alphonse. Oh, what I wouldn't give to have that day back! But I'd keep it safe in my memory always. No matter what happened. Nobody could take that morning away from me. Now I looked around to the people. Did they know that the ancestors of their hosts practiced black magic on other families? Did they know that there were secrets here darker than they could ever imagine? No, I did not think so. Victoria chattered to me happily about such-and-such and I stared off into the burning lights of the ball until she said something of interest that my ears managed to pick up. "Oh I do feel badly for Mrs. Wainwright," she said and I looked to my friend.

"Whatever do you mean?" I asked curiously.

Victoria leaned into me. "Do you recall that conversation we had the first time we met? About how Lily Wainwright had lost a child...the young Alphonse?" she asked. Blanching, I attempted a nod. "The anniversary of his birth is coming up and somehow, this always makes Mrs. Wainwright infinitely sadder than on the anniversary of his death..." I was quiet, yes I knew this. "Just comfort her. If I remember correctly, his birthday is two days from now. He would have been eighteen, I believe."

Two days.

That was all I heard. I felt myself floating from my body, leaving myself, going someplace else. Two days. Tomorrow would be my last day with Alphonse. Tomorrow night would be the Night of the Blood Moon. In 24 painstakingly long hours, Alphonse might be dead. Why I had not asked him when his birthday was? I knew that it was soon but I never thought that it would be this soon.

I detached myself from Victoria with only a nod. She instantly looked concerned. "Are you all right?" she asked.

Trying to breathe, I managed to choke out, "I'm afraid I don't feel well."

Victoria latched onto me, her face now scared silly. "It's that blasted corset," she whispered under her breath, leading me to where Lily was. I only nodded, I could not tell her that it was in fact, not my corset that was making me feel like I needed to empty the contents of my stomach. It was her words, the words that told me that tomorrow night at this time, my true and only love might really be gone from the world. And I had done not a damn thing about it. I wanted to go home and do all I could to stop this madness but I had no idea what to do. All I could think was rushing to Alphonse's side and telling him I loved him and that nothing would ever, ever keep me away from him. If he went to Niflheim, I would follow him into the cold land of the dead.

I hardly heard the words Victoria was saying to Lily before I was handed off to my guardian. Charles had not come with us tonight and for that I was thankful. Lily took me carefully and we went quickly from the ball. The entire room was a blur. I looked back, intending to nod a thank you to Victoria but instead I caught the eyes of Prince Morgenstern. In that blur, I could see him, clear as daylight. His mouth was set in a grim line, and he bowed his head slowly. He knew as well as I what tomorrow night was. But he knew more. He knew things I did not. This scared me so deeply that I turned right back away from him. I had to get home, I had to get home. I had to see Alphonse. 24 measley hours until...until what?

Suddenly I was stopped and a small teacup of water was thrust into my hands. "Drink," I heard Lily command and so I did. The water felt cool down my throat and I calmed down, just a bit. Enough to drink the water and give the cup to the maid who had brought it for me. I curtsied and was able to follow Lily out to the carriage.

Once were inside and moving, Lily turned to me. "Miss Landry said that she thought your corset stays were bothering you. But you didn't look bothered when we left earlier. What happened?" she asked. I said nothing, only kept my head down. She couldn't know. Lily was quiet and when I looked at her, she was staring out the window. "Charles...doesn't know." Doesn't know what? Lily turned her head towards me. "But I do." I saw that her hands were shaking. She clenched them into fists. "One night when you thought no one was awake...I was in the library. I watched you go to the North Wing. I know you know who lies there."

My breath caught. Lily knew about Alphonse and I. "Please, Lily, I mean him no harm-"

"I know you don't. I am happy that you found him. All his life he has been confined to that chamber. We give him everything he wants, but Charles..." she took a deep breath. "Charles doesn't want Alphonse to get his hopes up. He didn't want him to be happy so he wouldn't be sad when his life ended prematurely." There were tears at the edges of her eyes. "I understand, really I do. Charles loves that boy more than anything, I know that. His heart is in the right place. He just doesn't go about his love in the right way..."

Lily meant what she said and I knew that she spoke the truth. There were parts of Charles that scared me so deeply that I never wanted to look at him again. But he loved Alphonse and he did love Lily. So there had to be some good in him. "I'm sorry I did not...tell you," I finally said to her.

"Don't worry," answered Lily. "I would have said nothing if I were you. I'm not sure what Charles's reaction would be if he knew. He is quite..." she smiled a little bit, "headstrong."

"Right." My voice was small. Headstrong was not the word I'd use. I took a deep breath. "I'm sure this must seem like an odd question," I said and Lily raised an eyebrow, "but have you happened to see a...man on the Wainwright grounds? Criewulf and Deathcreeke are not so very far from each other and...Glenn Morgenstern and I saw a strange man walking out on the moor. Glenn said he'd seen the man a few nights now."

Lily looked surprised. "Quite curious that you asked that because about a week ago, I did see a strange man, out near the trees. At first I thought it was Alphonse, because of the long black hair, but he was too tall to be Alphonse and had tattered clothes. I did not see his face unfortunately, for he dissappeared quickly. Interesting, though..."

As much as I was still feeling sick about Alphonse - although the water had helped me greatly - the knowledge about the strange man in tattered clothes with long black hair whose face nobody had seen ate at me. I stared out the window as the carriage rattled forward towards Deathcreeke. Even if he had been out there, I would have not been able to see him. Too dark. The carriage wound up the driveway to the Estate and a part of me was so relieved we were back. Another part wanted to stay away. Because maybe if I stayed away, this wouldn't happen. Maybe it was all some far off dream. Maybe tomorrow I'd wake up in London with Mother and Father and this would be just a distant memory. At certain points in the day I might recall a touch or a kiss or a strand of black hair, but other than that, nothing.

I was helped out of the carriage and Lily kept her elbow within mine and pratically dragged me into the house. Not because I was hestitant, but because my legs seemed to be made out of lead. The foyer was lit up with tiny orange lights, but the Library was brilliantly lit up. We walked past it and I looked inside. Lily did not notice, but I watched as Charles sat before the fire in the Library, hand over his eyes. Then he looked up to me. Our eyes caught and I saw that his eyes were red and his cheeks were wet with tears. I turned away and Lily and I went up the grand staircase. She led me to my room and looked at me carefully. "Go to him tonight," she said, "and I will turn the other cheek."

I nodded and went into my room, shutting the door behind me. I undressed and got into my nightgown and then sat by my door, listening for footsteps. Finally I heard as Charles made his way up the grand staircase. I listened as he walked the other way and then finally I heard the tiniest sound of a door closing. I still waited. Finally when I gathered up my courage, I opened the door. There were lights still burning softly. As quietly as I could, I made my way down the hall and down the grand staircase...down the North Wing stairs and down the hallway. It was completley black down here, but I had not brought a candle or lamp. No matter. I felt my way through the darkness and opened the door to Alphonse's room.

There was still a light on and he was reading. He looked to me and smiled. I shut the door softly and went to his bed. I wasted no time and got inside the bed with him. "Faerie...what..." started Alphonse, putting down his book.

"I'm staying with you tonight." My words were definite. Final. Alphonse looked taken aback. "Tomorrow night..." I took a deep breath, "tonight maybe our last chance to be together. I will not waste this." With that, I lay down and put my head on one of the white pillows. Alphonse put his book on his night table and scooted down to me.

He put a hand on my head, on my hair. "I will live. I promised you."

"It does not signify. I am not leaving."

With a smile, Alphonse kissed my temple. "I never asked you to," he whispered. His lips trailed down to mine and he kissed me softly. Beneath the blankets, Alphonse's hand found mine. It was as cold as ice, but mine was warm. Soon his hand was warm within my own. Alphonse shifted his body closer to mine and I moved in too until there was no more distance between us. Alphonse's free hand came around my head and he moved so that he was almost over me.

And our entwined hands stayed together through the night.