Soliloquy

I awoke to the sounds of birds chirping. As I sat up, I noticed that the window to my room was open, and it was blowing in cool air. It was not cold, just cool. I also noticed that it was not foggy. The air was perfectly clear and only a few clouds dotted the otherwise brilliant blue sky. I got out of my bed, wanting to finally see exactly where I was. Looking out the window, I could see for miles, the way I could with the fog. The grass was still dead, and the gnarled trees still looked scary, but the light somehow turned everything golden and for once, just a little beautiful.

The air felt nice on my skin, which I finally realized was burning up. I'd been having a dream...or a nightmare. What had it been about? I couldn't even remember. Maybe it had something to do with the Morgensterns, but for some reason, I doubted that. There was something else on my mind, some unnamed fear that I couldn't - or wouldn't - recognize. But instead of dwelling on that, I forced my mind away. To the outside world, where it was morning and just a little bit exciting. Today I would go outside, today I would go out and enjoy the weather. I would not stay cooped up in here.

Suddenly, coming from outside my room, I heard the shouting of muffled voices and lots of heavy footsteps running by me. I quickly went to my door and opened it, peering out into the hallway. A few maids were running with Charles Wainwright who was shouting, "Get a doctor! Fetch a doctor!" From down the hall, a man emerged from a room and met up with Charles. I'd noticed him as one of the footmen that had driven me and Lily to the party in Huntsville the day prior. I saw another maid running at a distance behind them and stopped her.

"Excuse me, miss," I said to the older maid who was huffing loudly.

She curtsied a deep curtsy and her cheeks looked flushed. "Good morning, miss," she said to me and I nodded back to her.

"What's going on?" I inquired.

The woman flushed. "Tis nothing, milady...one of the kitchen girls is sick. Just go back to bed, miss, there is really nothing to be concerned about." With that, she bobbed another curtsy and headed off down the hall after Charles and the gaggle of exasperated looking maids. I stood in my doorway, feeling dumbstruck. What was all this fuss, if there was 'nothing to be concerned about'? I watched after them until I couldn't hear their frantic footsteps or yelling any longer. A doctor would be here soon and there would be pandamonium and I didn't feel like being inside the house, so I decided to take my walk right then.

I got dressed quickly and but on my sturdy brown boots, shoes that I hadn't had much use for in London, but hoped to use more of now. As I walked down the hall, I suddenly felt silly. Charles and Lily were good people. They would not let a kitchen girl go sick. There was nothing sinister about any of it. I let everything slide and found Lily in the dining room, eating breakfast, but looking quite ill.

"Good morning Lily," I said to her. Lily looked up, nodded once with a faint smile and looked back down at her uneaten food. I smiled. "Maybe the doctor should stay to look at you as well," I joked, but the joke fell on deaf ears. I swallowed uncomfortably and sat down to butter a muffin. Eating slowly, I watched Lily smile to me and pop a grape into her mouth. I took a breath. "I was hoping it would be okay with you if I took a stroll around the property. I would make sure to stay within seeing distance of Deathcreeke."

Lily nodded. "I believe that would be acceptable," she croaked out. I finished my muffin quickly and stood up, curtsying to her.

"Well, have a good breakfast," I told her. She nodded once again and I turned away, feeling uncomfortable. I walked out of the front door into the brisk, but not cold, Northumberland air. My boots were perfect for the unsteady grown. I felt myself walking harder than I ever had before, but it was good and refreshing. And for the first time in my life, I felt completley free. It was the strangest feeling. London was never like this. London was dirty and hot and smoggy. Deathcreeke was clean and cool and vast. There was so much land around me and I wondered if it all belonged to the Wainwrights. It must, who else would own this? I wondered if this was the land that the Morgensterns had tilled, when Deathcreeke had employed the use of serfs. Before the Morgensterns had found the secret of life, created the Philosopher's stone and created artificial human beings...

Now that was just ridiciulous. Charles had said himself that it was just a legend. It was an interesting story, but that's all it was. A story. One might get a different feeling upon seeing the Morgensterns, but when all was said and done, it was just a story. I shifted my mind back to the scenery that was around me. I was now on the other side of Deathcreeke, the side that my room was not on. There were more gnarled trees, but there were also a few evergreens. They were huge and neverending, and it made me think of a story that Mother had told me once. It was back when she was just a young girl in Ireland. She and a childhood friend of hers, Daniel, were climbing a very, very large tree that was at the edge of their village. At the top, Daniel had looked down and suddenly had become so afraid, he stiffened up wouldn't come down. My mother went back down the tree to try and get help, but no one in the village would climb the tree. Either they were too old or too scared. So it had been up to my mother to climb back up the tree and lead Daniel down. She'd done it, and Daniel had always blushed in her company since.

When she told me that story, she got a wistful look on her face. I knew she missed Ireland, it was what she cried about most, and I knew she missed Daniel, who had been her closest friend. I knew they had been engaged to be married once, but then my father had come along.

Even the most free of spirits, Aingilín, she said, for she always called me "Aingilín" - her little Angel -, Even the most free of spirits can be tamed by the coin. I'd only half understood what she meant at the time, but I did now. I saw what she'd meant close up when an older cousin of mine was arranged to marry a wealthy Viscount in London. He was much older than her, and she hated him, but her family had little money and her mother was sick, so she had to marry him to save her family from a dire situation. She'd cried on her wedding day, but not tears of joy.

I'd never thought I'd had that problem. I was rich enough, and I'd have money until I died. I could marry a poor boy, couldn't I? If I loved him, couldn't I marry someone poor? My mother said yes, my father said no. I had to marry into respect, into reputation. And maybe he knew that Charles and Lily would find me someone respectable up here, but something scratched at me, an itch I couldn't quite relieve. If my father really hadn't wanted me to marry into respect, into reputation, why didn't he force me into an engagement with any of the other stuffy society boys that resided in London?

He'd tossed me up pracitically into Scotland. And it was there, walking in the brisk morning that I realized with a sinking heart what it was. My father didn't want to deal with me. He wouldn't have me marrying Rupert Townshend because of his financial ruin and his mother's scandals, but he didn't want to have me around and try to salvage another engagement for me. He'd wanted me out of his life, and what way would be better than to throw me onto the kindness of business partners up in the deepest pits of nowhere.

Tears stung at my eyes at that one. Sometimes my father had shown me love and sometimes he'd scoffed at the ideas that my mother conjured up. It hurt knowing that without Mother here, he just didn't want to deal with his sixteen year old daughter. And a part of me felt like I always knew that.

I wandered back to Deathcreeke, the tears in my eyes finally dissapating. Up ahead of me and surrounded by a few large trees were a few tall rocks. It was obviously nature made, but it was still interesting. I knew I shouldn't climb it, being a lady and all, but right now, I didn't care. I run up to the boulders and climbed and clawed all the way to the top.

I could see everything from here. Well, not literally, but I felt like it. Deathcreeke was a huge, imposing figure on the backdrop of a simple country scene. I wondered who else had stood on these rocks and surveyed the land. Shielding my eyes from the approaching sun, I looked around. The land really did go on for miles and miles, and I saw a carriage pull up to Deathcreeke. This must be the doctor. I watched the small figure of a man rushed out of the carriage and into the house. I sat down on the rocks and watched the house, the land, everything. A breeze picked up and shifted the needles that were on the trees around me. The sound was pleasant and calming and the smell was clean and fresh. What would it be like, I wondered, to be here forever?

Forever. What an immense amount of time. I watched as the doctor left the house...a quick visit, just giving the girl a bit of medicine maybe, directions, cold compresses, whatnot...watched as he left the house, got into his carriage and departed down the road. With that, I got off the boulders and found myself walking back to Deathcreeke.

I came upon an indent of land and realized that here must lie the creek that gave Deathcreeke its name. It was dried up now, just a shadow of what it once had been. But it did make me wonder: Why was it called Deathcreeke Manor? Why was death a part of the creek's name, it's history, it's very being? I could not escape death. Nor would I ever be able to, I knew. Death surrounded the entire world. It made me think of the ouroboros - the symbol of life and death, the never ending circle of life and death.

I was close to the manor now and I heard something. A noise, far off, but familiar. As I neared the house, I realized what it was. It was the violin. The violin was playing the same song from before: the funeral dirge of the Wainwrights. My heart jumped in my throat and I turned away from the sound. I walked away from the melody, but as it was getting quietly, my heart stopped beating so rapidly and a sense of curiosity bloomed inside of me. Why did I suddenly want to know more about the cursed North Wing and the ghostly violin playing? I really had no idea, but I still found myself turning my body around and creeping behind the house. Then, I saw it.

Right near the ground was a small window, partially open. The music was coming from that room, I just knew it. Creeping as quietly as I could to the window, I felt myself bending down to look inside. I shouldn't have even bothered. The curtains were closed and I didn't even want to look inside. I felt partially relieved that the curtains were closed and I couldn't see whatever was inside. Still I listened to the beautiful and haunting melody and thought of Prince Morgenstern's words. This song was played to help the souls of the Wainwright family get to heaven. What if there really was a ghost in there, trying to get their soul to heaven?

I reached out to touch the curtains by some force beyond me. I wanted to pull away the curtains and know once and for all what was inside. My hand touched the fabric through the open window that was blowing a bit from the breeze. The curtain was soft and white, but durable, making it impossible to see through. I grabbed onto the fabric, and was about to pull it aside when all of a sudden, a clash resounded in the room, like something falling. Startled, I jumped back and ran quickly away from the window.

There was a reason, I scolded myself angrily, that I vowed never to go into the North Wing. Running back from the window and into the house helped my crazy heartbeat. I finally was calm as I once again entered the dining room, finding Charles sitting quietly, drinking tea.

"Good morning," I said, breathless, curtsying a little.

Charles smiled up at me as if nothing had been wrong this morning. "Ah, good morning Faerie! Did you just wake up?" he asked.

I shook my head no. "I was just taking a walk." Charles nodded at this and I sat down. Suddenly, I felt ravenous. Maybe it was the fear of what had just happened or maybe it was the exhertion of my walk. Whatever it was, I helped myself to another muffin and some grapes and took a cup of tea. It was all sort of lukewarm by now, but I did not mind. It soothed my nerves.

"And how was it out there?" asked Charles.

I smiled. "Very nice. It is a lovely view, when it is not foggy," I told him. Charles laughed in agreement. We were silent then as I ate. I strained my ears to hear the violin playing, but it had stopped with the noise in the room. I looked at my host. "I couldn't help but hear the um, situation this morning. Is everything okay?" I inquired.

Charles looked up to me. "Situation? Oh yes, hm, of course, everything is all right. The stable boy took ill and the doctor had to come. He gave him some medicine though, and it looks as if everything will be all right." Charles smiled at me then, but my heart had picked up its galloping pace. Something was not right. The maid had said it was a kitchen maid that was sick, Charles said it was a stable boy. It couldn't have been both, they would have said something. So then it was neither. Neither was sick. Charles was hiding something. And as I thought on Lily's pale appearance that morning, I realized that she was hiding something too. What were their secrets?

And why did I keep thinking that whatever they were hiding had something to do with the North Wing?