It's the Most Terrible Time of the Year

It was Christmas Eve.

Don’t even get me started on how much I hated this day; I could go on for hours. I hated it almost as much as Christmas day itself.

It's as if all the joy and anticipation of Christmas leaked into Christmas Eve making it just as bad in my eyes.

Like I pointed out before the suicidal rate during the holidays increases dramatically, and I think I finally understood why.

Here I am standing in my cold isolated apartment on Christmas Eve, having no one but Frenchy and Rizzo to keep me company and they were doing a terrible job at it so far.

All they seem to do is whine about food and the lack of affection that I was giving them.

Psh, dogs, it figures.

No, I’m not saying that I was going to commit suicide, that was just ridiculous, but I think I could finally understand where the holiday suiciders were coming from. I couldn't last another day like this.

Every channel on the television seemed to be playing either a lame Christmas movie or special. The radio wasn’t much better either.

Christmas carols played like they were going out of style.

I couldn’t stand it.

I had done everything I could to distract myself and avoid the agonizing boredom. I slept in, I took a shower, I organized a few things around the house, hell I even did the dishes voluntarily!

My roommates couldn't get me to clean to save their lives.

I sat down at the kitchen table with a lit cigarette hanging from my lips as I considered whether or not it was too early to start drinking. Sadly, I had run out of chores to occupy myself with and drinking didn't sound like such a bad idea at the moment. We had enough alcohol to keep an Irish man's drink satisfied for weeks.

My eyes fluttered to the microwave barely seeing the small neon numbers.

It was nearly 5. Not too early I suppose, even though a hot chocolate sounded a lot better right now.

Still I didn't budge from my spot on the table. I didn't really like drinking all that much, especially when I was alone. I took a long drag of my cigarette as I tried to figure out the rest of my options.

Maybe I could take a sedative. That way I could sleep through all of this torture.

Better yet I could go back and apologize to Carter for yesterday. Being alone for so long was making me guilty about yesterday.

My hand frustratingly raked through my hair. I couldn't just sit here all day acting like a pathetic mess. I let out a sigh seeing a cloud of smoke as I exhaled.

It could be worse. I thought feebly trying to cheer myself up.

After all I could be at Annie's house right now. I shuttered at the mere thought.

I snapped my attention to Frenchy and Rizzo hearing them growl at one another as they fought playfully. At least someone was enjoying themselves. An explosion of muffled laughter suddenly came from the apartment next door and even the Christmas caroler's joyful singing met my ears.

The combination of it all was beginning to getting under my skin to the point of where I thought I was going to go insane. A scream swelled up my throat and I couldn't find the will to hold it back.

"That's it. I have to get out of this house!" I yelled to myself impulsively jumping out of the seat I was in startling the dogs.

I inhaled one last hit of my cigarette before stabbing it in the ashtray taking my aggravation out.

I didn't brother trying to look nice I merely grabbed my coat and headed out having only one intention, to get myself some fucking hot chocolate.

**************************

It was bloody cold. That is all I had to say.

Astonishingly, I think it might've even been colder than yesterday. I thought to myself as I stood outside the café suddenly reconsidering going in.

If I went in then I would have to apologize to Carter. I was terrible with apologies. "I'm sorry" was just a phrase that rarely left my mouth.

Fortunately for Carter I was freezing my ass off out here and I was craving something warm to drink, otherwise I don't think I would have had the will power to confront him.

A small bell tolled above me as I stepped inside, seeing the store nearly vacant, though it wasn't that shocking considering it was Christmas Eve.

Obviously hearing my arrival Carter looked up and gave me an almost nonexistent smile not knowing if I was still mad at him or not.

I tried my hardest not to glare.

I just wanted to hurry up and get this over with before I changed my mind. I walked to the counter much like yesterday. The only difference seemed to be the thick tension in the air that hadn't been there the day before. Carter looked confused and opened his mouth to speak but I shut him up with a wave of my hand.

Suddenly I didn't feel like I could go through with this. Carter would never let me live it down.

I inhaled deeply for some much needed encouragement.

"I'm sorry." I rushed wanting to get it over as quickly as possible. Like pulling off a band-aid quick and painful.

Great, just great, look at what the holidays were doing to me. First I'm cleaning, and now I'm apologizing, what next. Am I finally going to find someone who could warm up my icy heart?

Crap I should have thought that, now I might just jinx it.

The look on his face was one of pure shock. I guess he had thought I was here to tell him off again. He had never imagined in a million years that I would apologize.

"F-for what?" He spoke suddenly regaining his ability to talk.

"You know what." I sighed back. I wasn't going to explain any further, I had apologized and that was enough.

It was quiet between us for a while as his basked in this rare moment.

"Now can you hurry up and get me a hot chocolate?" I laughed, breaking the silence that seemed to have stretched on far too long.

"Of course."

A friendly appreciative grin spread across his face and I thanked the heavens that he dropped the subject and just accepted my apology without any further questions. I even found myself smiling, glad to get rid of the guilty feeling that had been bothering me all day.

It didn't take long for Carter to return with my drink in hand and a grateful smile on his face.

"This time it is on me...no catch."

The tone of his voice was different than yesterday and I knew that it wasn't a lie this time.

"Thanks." I mumbled unintentionally. Once I had processed what I had said shook my head with a hint of a smile on my face. Great now I'm saying "thank you" as well?

"Well, I hope you have a tolerable Christmas Keira." He chuckled knowing that there wasn't any possible way I could have a good Christmas, especially alone with two whiny dogs as my only company.

"You too Carter." I replied.

This wasn't as unbearable as I thought it would be. In fact, it actually felt kind of good, but I didn't plan on this becoming routine. I had an image to maintain.

I turned around with my hot chocolate in hand only to run into someone's chest unexpectedly. The surprise caught me off guard and I couldn't help but let out a small shrill yelp.

I heard Carter start laughing behind me at my suddenly moment of weakness but once I turned around to glare at him he shut up instantly.

"I’m sorry." The man I had run into apologized.

My ears perked up at the familiarity of his voice and I turned to gaze into the same hazel eyes I had seen yesterday. Except this time they weren't wide with confusion, they were filled with warm concern as they stared into my dark brown eyes.