I Don't Love You
So Fix Your Eyes And Get Up.
“One day, Gerard Arthur Way, I will love you the way I used to.”, Lindsey sighed, turning her back against him while hiding her face with her pale, weak hands.
The sentence made Gerard’s veins freeze. He couldn’t believe what she had just said to him, and without even moving a muscle.
And after all the time she owed, she was still the good-for-nothing he didn’t know.
He tried to remember the good days when they lied next to each other, just looking into each other’s eyes. Hoping, dreaming, that one day, they would be together and everything would be the same as it once was.
But it was too late now, too much trouble had occurred. She didn’t love him like she did yesterday and there was no turning back.
After all the things they’d put each other through, it was now time to say good bye.
Finally, the bats would be unleashed from this cave of darkness and wrath.
Everything would be fine again, they just had to take the final step and everything would be okay.
“No, Lindsey. Please…”, Gerard said in despair, trying to stop her from walking away. He tried to show her just how much she meant to him.
“I’m so afraid, Gerard. I’m so afraid of what will come. Of what will happen to us…”, she wept, holding his cold hand and squeezing it tightly.
“Don’t worry. Everything will be fine, I promise.”
The promising words of Gerard didn’t calm Lindsey down as she hid her doubt. There was no way she could reveal her uncertainty. She had to disguise it, like she always seemed to do.
“Can we give ourselves one more chance? Can we give this love one more chance?”
She knew she’d had her heart broken before and she was not ready to go through with it again. Despite this, she could see it all so clearly.
Now, they were two contrasts; black and white.
She; the white and pure. He; the black and filthy.
“Could this be worth it?”, Lindsey asked herself, once again turning her back against Gerard.
Things were different now. Before all of this, she was certain that she could pull through, but something had changed. When the feelings were put aside, what else was left that was worth? A pile of flesh as a remaining of their love that never would die?
No, Lindsey couldn’t answer to any of these questions. Questions which sat their love on a pedestal.
“Why are you acting like this, Lindsey? Why are you so insecure? Because there is nothing holding us back. Nothing. Take my hand and never be afraid again.”
The comforting words of Gerard just made things harder for her. He was everything she ever wanted, but that didn’t make it any easier.
Lindsey took a good hard look at how the situation once was and how it was now.
The difference was large and they both knew it.
She just couldn’t find her way home, because it was in his arms.
“I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know. Is that too much to ask for?”, Gerard asked, interrupting Lindsey’s mentality.
“No, not at all”, she answered melancholy, now gripping his hand once more with a soft and gentle squeeze. “It’s just that…”
“What? Tell me. Please, I need to know”, he said with a gloomy face.
“I don’t love you.”
Gerard had heard this from Lindsey before, but it wasn’t until now that he realized the pain behind all of it.
He turned away slowly, hiding his feelings that now slowly were starting to show. A tear came running down his cheek and the agony reached its peak.
Lindsey stood there like a helpless child ready to weep before stuttering a sentence that made a tear run down her cheek.
“If I’m so wrong, Gerard, how can you listen all night long?”
“Will it matter?”, he asked, wondering if there really was an answer to his dismal question.
“If you think that I’m wrong, this never meant nothing, to you.”, she responded, looking down at the ground which was covered by the autumn’s red, yellow and orange leaves.
Gerard didn’t know what to say. He thought that she was wrong, because this meant everything to him, everything in the world.
“I love you, Lindsey. Why can’t that just be enough?”
“Because you never learned a goddamned thing, Gerard. Why can’t you see that?”
“But I have learned. I’ve learned the meaning of true love.”, he said in a hurtful tone.
“You’re just a sad song, with nothing to say.”, Lindsey replied, not waiting for an answer while she felt her stomach turn.
“I have a lot to say... Just give me the chance to speak and you’ll see. Trust me.”, Gerard said, taking her in his arms.
“This is not the right time or world for us. We’re caught in a different place in life.”
“But will it matter long after I’m gone?”, he then asked, hearing his heart beating faster and faster.
“The hardest part of this is leaving you.”, Lindsey said, drowning in his brown green eyes.
“Honesty was always your best quality”, he mumbled dreary.
“I can see you awake any time in my head.”, she added, pretending he was already gone.
“I want to see you awake any time I want to!”, Gerard almost shouted, now having tears in his eyes.
The sentence made Lindsey shiver. She knew that now, that just wasn’t possible.
She felt it in her heart. Though it was aching, she could hear the little voices telling her.
“Lindsey… I love you, I truly do. As days fade, as nights grow, we will grow old together.
I can feel it, can’t you?”, he pleaded, feeling his heart aching more than he ever thought was bearable.
“I’m numb from all the pain this relationship has caused us, Gerard. I just don’t have enough strength to keep it alive.”
“But I have, Lindsey. I can be strong enough for the both of us.”, he replied desperately.
“Oh, Gerard, my love. You don’t understand.”
“Don’t understand what? You need to tell me, honey.”, Gerard asked in despair.
“I don’t love you like I loved you yesterday”, she answered.
Gerard understood everything so clearly now. It was like a light shining his way.
Finally, he understood it all. He hadn't done that before.
The one thing that he had never thought of was the way Lindsey spoke her words.
Maybe he just needed to listen more carefully.
So he held her close as they both shook, for the last time...
The sentence made Gerard’s veins freeze. He couldn’t believe what she had just said to him, and without even moving a muscle.
And after all the time she owed, she was still the good-for-nothing he didn’t know.
He tried to remember the good days when they lied next to each other, just looking into each other’s eyes. Hoping, dreaming, that one day, they would be together and everything would be the same as it once was.
But it was too late now, too much trouble had occurred. She didn’t love him like she did yesterday and there was no turning back.
After all the things they’d put each other through, it was now time to say good bye.
Finally, the bats would be unleashed from this cave of darkness and wrath.
Everything would be fine again, they just had to take the final step and everything would be okay.
“No, Lindsey. Please…”, Gerard said in despair, trying to stop her from walking away. He tried to show her just how much she meant to him.
“I’m so afraid, Gerard. I’m so afraid of what will come. Of what will happen to us…”, she wept, holding his cold hand and squeezing it tightly.
“Don’t worry. Everything will be fine, I promise.”
The promising words of Gerard didn’t calm Lindsey down as she hid her doubt. There was no way she could reveal her uncertainty. She had to disguise it, like she always seemed to do.
“Can we give ourselves one more chance? Can we give this love one more chance?”
She knew she’d had her heart broken before and she was not ready to go through with it again. Despite this, she could see it all so clearly.
Now, they were two contrasts; black and white.
She; the white and pure. He; the black and filthy.
“Could this be worth it?”, Lindsey asked herself, once again turning her back against Gerard.
Things were different now. Before all of this, she was certain that she could pull through, but something had changed. When the feelings were put aside, what else was left that was worth? A pile of flesh as a remaining of their love that never would die?
No, Lindsey couldn’t answer to any of these questions. Questions which sat their love on a pedestal.
“Why are you acting like this, Lindsey? Why are you so insecure? Because there is nothing holding us back. Nothing. Take my hand and never be afraid again.”
The comforting words of Gerard just made things harder for her. He was everything she ever wanted, but that didn’t make it any easier.
Lindsey took a good hard look at how the situation once was and how it was now.
The difference was large and they both knew it.
She just couldn’t find her way home, because it was in his arms.
“I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know. Is that too much to ask for?”, Gerard asked, interrupting Lindsey’s mentality.
“No, not at all”, she answered melancholy, now gripping his hand once more with a soft and gentle squeeze. “It’s just that…”
“What? Tell me. Please, I need to know”, he said with a gloomy face.
“I don’t love you.”
Gerard had heard this from Lindsey before, but it wasn’t until now that he realized the pain behind all of it.
He turned away slowly, hiding his feelings that now slowly were starting to show. A tear came running down his cheek and the agony reached its peak.
Lindsey stood there like a helpless child ready to weep before stuttering a sentence that made a tear run down her cheek.
“If I’m so wrong, Gerard, how can you listen all night long?”
“Will it matter?”, he asked, wondering if there really was an answer to his dismal question.
“If you think that I’m wrong, this never meant nothing, to you.”, she responded, looking down at the ground which was covered by the autumn’s red, yellow and orange leaves.
Gerard didn’t know what to say. He thought that she was wrong, because this meant everything to him, everything in the world.
“I love you, Lindsey. Why can’t that just be enough?”
“Because you never learned a goddamned thing, Gerard. Why can’t you see that?”
“But I have learned. I’ve learned the meaning of true love.”, he said in a hurtful tone.
“You’re just a sad song, with nothing to say.”, Lindsey replied, not waiting for an answer while she felt her stomach turn.
“I have a lot to say... Just give me the chance to speak and you’ll see. Trust me.”, Gerard said, taking her in his arms.
“This is not the right time or world for us. We’re caught in a different place in life.”
“But will it matter long after I’m gone?”, he then asked, hearing his heart beating faster and faster.
“The hardest part of this is leaving you.”, Lindsey said, drowning in his brown green eyes.
“Honesty was always your best quality”, he mumbled dreary.
“I can see you awake any time in my head.”, she added, pretending he was already gone.
“I want to see you awake any time I want to!”, Gerard almost shouted, now having tears in his eyes.
The sentence made Lindsey shiver. She knew that now, that just wasn’t possible.
She felt it in her heart. Though it was aching, she could hear the little voices telling her.
“Lindsey… I love you, I truly do. As days fade, as nights grow, we will grow old together.
I can feel it, can’t you?”, he pleaded, feeling his heart aching more than he ever thought was bearable.
“I’m numb from all the pain this relationship has caused us, Gerard. I just don’t have enough strength to keep it alive.”
“But I have, Lindsey. I can be strong enough for the both of us.”, he replied desperately.
“Oh, Gerard, my love. You don’t understand.”
“Don’t understand what? You need to tell me, honey.”, Gerard asked in despair.
“I don’t love you like I loved you yesterday”, she answered.
Gerard understood everything so clearly now. It was like a light shining his way.
Finally, he understood it all. He hadn't done that before.
The one thing that he had never thought of was the way Lindsey spoke her words.
Maybe he just needed to listen more carefully.
So he held her close as they both shook, for the last time...
♠ ♠ ♠
This story is a one-shot.Therefore; no updates. ;]
But still, tell me what you think of it. (:
XO,
Lina.