Sweet Child O'Mine
Cries In Vain
"See you Thursday!” my manager yelled as I walked out of the restaurant. I waved from the window and continued to walk home. I felt a little uneasy going home. You see, there’s a lot of things people don’t know about me or my mother and I wasn’t planning on letting anyone know any time soon. My mother is a drug addict; she will shoot up anything that will get her high. I support my mother, pay the bills and I’m only 16, go figure. When my mother can’t afford her fix, that’s when I come in; she gets her drugs and her dealers get their fun with me. I’m scared of going home because I don’t feel like being sexually abused by these men and if I don’t give them what they want, one hell of a beating is in for me. I feel dirty and disgusted with myself and I will always feel guilty because I’m feeding my mother this but it’s the only way I can keep her here with me.
I finally arrived home and there wasn’t a car in the drive way and that’s what hinted me that no one was home. I sighed in relief and walked up the steps to the porch and then unlocked the door. As I walked in the house I called out for my mother, “Mom” and received no answer. All the lights were off and I slowly walked upstairs to my room. At the peak of the steps I saw a hint of light coming from the bathroom. I quickly walked to the door and swung it open. My eyes widened as I found my mother lying on the floor. She was pale and blue and her body was motionless.
I quickly cupped her face into my hands “Mom! Wake up! Please, mom, wake up!” I shook her vigorously hoping that this was just a dream and that I was going to wake up any moment. She didn’t respond to anything, so I quickly ran to my room and grabbed the phone off the base and dialed 911. After letting the woman know what was going on I hung up the phone and dashed back to my mother. I held her in my arms and let the tears of sadness and regret fall, “Mom, please don’t leave me, there almost here. Hang in there, for me” her body was dangerously cold and I started to rub her arms in a poor attempt to warm her up.
After 10 minutes of waiting, I heard my front door being opened and then heavy footsteps trailing up the stairs. I lifted my head up and my eyes met a pair of dark blue ones.
“Is she breathing?” he asked me.
I opened my mouth to say something but my voice cheated me. The man beside him pulled my mother off me and laid her down. I tried to get up but my legs failed me and I fell to my knees. One of the paramedics helped me get up and he started to speak to me but everything around me was hushed and all I could here was the faint beating of my heart. This can’t be happening; my mother is not leaving me. She’s the only thing I have left in this world, without her I’d be completely alone and I’m not ready for that.
I was being led down the stairs and into the ambulance. I sat frozen in my seat while the paramedics did their job and tried to stabilize my mom. I slowly slid her hand into mine and I felt tears stinging my eyes as I remembered the good times we had before all of this. I reminded myself again that this was all my fault, I could have prevented this but instead I fed, what could be, her own death.
I shook my leg as a sign of nervousness and impatience as I waited in the waiting room of the emergency room. I couldn’t help but feel my heart ache and the regret consume me. I got up and started pacing the room. The tears were flowing non-stop and a surge of anger went through me and when it did my fist collided with the wall. I kept hitting again until my energy was completely drained out of me. I put my back to the wall and slid down until I was sitting on the floor. I crawled into a ball as I cried out for my mother to come back to me. As my crying stopped for the moment, I felt the silence of the room blanket over me.
I quickly lifted my head as I heard my name being called “Lillian Haner” I wiped my tear stained face and stood up. I locked eyes with this woman’s. She walked up to me and then hugged me. She sat me down and then sat down herself. She gave me a weak smile and then started to speak again, “My name is Linda Downers and I’m a social worker who was put to your case. I know your 16 and smart, so I’m going to tell you what’s going on, okay?” I nodded in response and she kept going.
“Your mother overdosed on a high dose of illegal drugs and she is now in a coma. When she wakes up-“
“If she ever does” I whispered.
“If she ever wakes up she will be put into a rehabilitation center. Do you have any family here that you can stay with?”
I shook my head “It’s just me and my mom”
She looked at me “I’m going to place you with your father”
I looked at her in complete confusion “My father? My mom told me that he died when I was a year old”
She shook her head and then put my hand into hers “No, he’s not. I’m going to have to put you with him until everything is sorted out because I rather have you there than in a strangers home”
“Well, if I am going to stay with him, its kind of being with a stranger and now that you mention that he’s not dead it makes me think that he never wanted me. Couldn’t I just stay on my own?”
“I’m afraid not, your only 16, meaning you’re still considered a minor”
“Ok” I bit the inside of my cheek “When do I meet him?”
“I’m going to drop you off tomorrow, but until then your going to spend the night in an orphanage”
I nodded and then stood up, she did the same. We both walked out of the hospital and into the car. On my way to where she was bringing me, many thoughts were scrambling throughout my mind. I wondered what my father was like; do you think he’ll like me? Will he welcome me with open arms? Or simply turn his back? I sighed and closed my eyes, dreaming of possibilities.
I finally arrived home and there wasn’t a car in the drive way and that’s what hinted me that no one was home. I sighed in relief and walked up the steps to the porch and then unlocked the door. As I walked in the house I called out for my mother, “Mom” and received no answer. All the lights were off and I slowly walked upstairs to my room. At the peak of the steps I saw a hint of light coming from the bathroom. I quickly walked to the door and swung it open. My eyes widened as I found my mother lying on the floor. She was pale and blue and her body was motionless.
I quickly cupped her face into my hands “Mom! Wake up! Please, mom, wake up!” I shook her vigorously hoping that this was just a dream and that I was going to wake up any moment. She didn’t respond to anything, so I quickly ran to my room and grabbed the phone off the base and dialed 911. After letting the woman know what was going on I hung up the phone and dashed back to my mother. I held her in my arms and let the tears of sadness and regret fall, “Mom, please don’t leave me, there almost here. Hang in there, for me” her body was dangerously cold and I started to rub her arms in a poor attempt to warm her up.
After 10 minutes of waiting, I heard my front door being opened and then heavy footsteps trailing up the stairs. I lifted my head up and my eyes met a pair of dark blue ones.
“Is she breathing?” he asked me.
I opened my mouth to say something but my voice cheated me. The man beside him pulled my mother off me and laid her down. I tried to get up but my legs failed me and I fell to my knees. One of the paramedics helped me get up and he started to speak to me but everything around me was hushed and all I could here was the faint beating of my heart. This can’t be happening; my mother is not leaving me. She’s the only thing I have left in this world, without her I’d be completely alone and I’m not ready for that.
I was being led down the stairs and into the ambulance. I sat frozen in my seat while the paramedics did their job and tried to stabilize my mom. I slowly slid her hand into mine and I felt tears stinging my eyes as I remembered the good times we had before all of this. I reminded myself again that this was all my fault, I could have prevented this but instead I fed, what could be, her own death.
I shook my leg as a sign of nervousness and impatience as I waited in the waiting room of the emergency room. I couldn’t help but feel my heart ache and the regret consume me. I got up and started pacing the room. The tears were flowing non-stop and a surge of anger went through me and when it did my fist collided with the wall. I kept hitting again until my energy was completely drained out of me. I put my back to the wall and slid down until I was sitting on the floor. I crawled into a ball as I cried out for my mother to come back to me. As my crying stopped for the moment, I felt the silence of the room blanket over me.
I quickly lifted my head as I heard my name being called “Lillian Haner” I wiped my tear stained face and stood up. I locked eyes with this woman’s. She walked up to me and then hugged me. She sat me down and then sat down herself. She gave me a weak smile and then started to speak again, “My name is Linda Downers and I’m a social worker who was put to your case. I know your 16 and smart, so I’m going to tell you what’s going on, okay?” I nodded in response and she kept going.
“Your mother overdosed on a high dose of illegal drugs and she is now in a coma. When she wakes up-“
“If she ever does” I whispered.
“If she ever wakes up she will be put into a rehabilitation center. Do you have any family here that you can stay with?”
I shook my head “It’s just me and my mom”
She looked at me “I’m going to place you with your father”
I looked at her in complete confusion “My father? My mom told me that he died when I was a year old”
She shook her head and then put my hand into hers “No, he’s not. I’m going to have to put you with him until everything is sorted out because I rather have you there than in a strangers home”
“Well, if I am going to stay with him, its kind of being with a stranger and now that you mention that he’s not dead it makes me think that he never wanted me. Couldn’t I just stay on my own?”
“I’m afraid not, your only 16, meaning you’re still considered a minor”
“Ok” I bit the inside of my cheek “When do I meet him?”
“I’m going to drop you off tomorrow, but until then your going to spend the night in an orphanage”
I nodded and then stood up, she did the same. We both walked out of the hospital and into the car. On my way to where she was bringing me, many thoughts were scrambling throughout my mind. I wondered what my father was like; do you think he’ll like me? Will he welcome me with open arms? Or simply turn his back? I sighed and closed my eyes, dreaming of possibilities.