Disguised as a Lover

Bams P.O.V.

I walked over to Shanes house to see how everything was going after tonight. Shane had definitely worried me after the fight. Missy was throwing shit around like it was funny, and I wanted to tell her I was done with her right there. I saw the rage flash through Shane's eyes, trying to keep herself together. Her fingers twitched at her sides, curling in and out of fists and I could see what was going to happen if Missy threw one more stupid comment at her. Of course being the dumb ass she is, that's exactly what she did. I think anyone could tell you Missy had crossed the line. The only words I could get out of my mouth were 'Oh shit' when I saw Shane charge Missy, but I didn't bother to stop her when she pushed me out of the way.

I snapped out of my daze when I heard the cries of pain from Missy and went over picking Shane up. When I pulled her off I saw she was crying and looking into her eyes I could see that Missy had went too far. Something in Shane snapped from the words that were said. She curled into my chest barely holding up her own weight and she looked vulnerable. She looked devastated. She looked broken.

She was broken. Not many people could tell though and she made sure it stayed that way. I wished I wasn't so stupid before. Every word I said had hit her hard but she just let it all build up. The guilt I felt now was more than I had ever felt in my life. Everything I saw in her eyes last night, made me feel like it was my fault.

Last night made me realize she was just a victim to an addiction and I was a dick about it. I picked her up and brought her into the living room, setting her on the couch. I heard my name from the other room but ignored them. I asked Shane if she'd be alright for a little while, and when she said yes I hesitated for a moment. Part of me really didn't want to leave her alone, but just the same I got up and left.

Missy who was sitting on one of the coolers with a bag of ice over her nose and left eye. I felt bad for a few seconds but decided I shouldn't. She brought it on herself, she had to have known what was coming. I just drown her out as she screamed at me for not taking her side and being there for her. I just wanted to punch her in the face myself because the fact that she thought she could bring this on herself and expect everyone to care for her first. I was getting seriously sick of her shit these days.

Walking into the house I saw Novak sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. Ever since his sister had come he's stopped being so crazy and was always worrying about her. I was jealous at first because my best friend wasn't being the same person who I knew. Jealousy was no longer an issue though as I began to see Shane for who she really was, and not who I made her out to be.

I approached Novak slowly. "Are you alright dude?"

He ducked his head lower, running his hands through his hair before sitting back against the couch and looking at me.

"I'm fine, she's not." I was hoping he wouldn't say those words.

"What happened?"

"I went to her room at like 3 to see if she was up yet and I kept saying her name and shit but she wouldn't wake up so I tore the covers off her and her eyes were all bloodshot and she has dark rings under her eyes. Her face had dry tears all over her." He put his head back in his hands. "So I asked her what happened and all she said was she wanted to die. I didn't know what to do but hold her and tell her not to say that. Do you know how hard it is to have your baby sister tell you she wants to die."

I was shocked. I knew it was bad, I just didn't know the extent of it.

"How is she now?"

"I don't know, she's been in the shower for awhile. She should be out soon." He said nodding his head towards the stairs. As if on cue Shane walked down silencing any conversation between Novak and I. Novak wiped any sign of distress of his face and smiled at his sister.

"Hey you feeling better?" Novak asked Shane as she walked down stairs.

"Yeah. Hey Bam." She said giving Novak and I one of the most forced smiles I've ever seen.

You could still see the rings under her eyes and her eyes themselves were still bloodshot. You could see the facade she was putting up, but she obviously didn't want to be called out on it. I was so lost in thought I almost forgot to talk.

"Hey Shane." I said lightly. She gave me a small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes and walked over to the chair next to the couch Novak and I were on.

The way she walked always seemed like she was floating. She was so light on her feet, like most dancers were. Sometimes when she thought she was alone and I came over, she would dance. The one time I went to her studio and she was alone I watched her dance for a few minutes before I started clapping and she fell. That frustrated face she made when she finally found out I was there was so cute and...no Bam shut up.

I tried to avoid thought of Shane and focus on the t.v. I had a fiance anyway, any feeling for Shane would be forgotten, although I did kiss her. I don't know what was going through my head when I kissed her that day. Just the way her face started to flush with anger and she flared her nostrils and how she got in my face when I got her really mad, just made her that much more tempting. It was more of a reflex than anything. I didn't plan on doing anything of the sort, I didn't even plan on arguing with her, but I did both and I can't say I regret it.

I snapped out of my thoughts about Shane again and noticed how awkward the moment had become. I heard Shane clear her throat like she was about to speak. Novak and I both looked at her waiting for her to talk.

"I want ice cream."

Even at her lowest she would say something like that.