How Can We Fight When I'm Too Busy Loving You?
Eight
It’s funny how when you’re doing something you really love; like painting, or playing the drums in front of thousands of people- it brings out your true colors. To be honest, I had lost myself in the voyage of getting Eve jealous, which had worked. But I didn’t feel any different, and if anything I just felt like a jerk.
But on stage, that was really the only place you could find the real Jimmy. Someone that felt like a totally different person now that I was this… I don’t even know how to express it to you. All I knew was when I got off stage the person I was faded away.
Do you know how terrible that feels? When you know that you lost yourself and the only way to get that person back was to stop walking the path you were on? But you couldn’t because you felt as if you were so close to what you wanted? But you had miles to walk. So that person you were was left in the dust a long time ago.
It has been exactly 3 days, 14 hours, and 39 minutes since that day Eve had kissed Kyle, but the feeling I felt 3 days, 14 hours, and 39 minutes ago had never left my body. It was a wave of emotions that had washed over me.
Pain.
Sadness.
Anger.
Indifference.
It’s been a blur since then, I didn’t do very much. Woke up, got dressed, eat lunch, played a show, took a shower, then went to bed.
Eve usually disappeared during the day. Sometimes she’d drag Mia along with her, but other times she’d be with Kyle. I quit on making her jealous after she quit bringing Kyle around me and the guys. I think we all liked him as much as we liked hang over’s. We didn’t speak due to the fact that we rarely saw each other but even when we were in the same room we avoided looking in each other’s direction. I’d wonder sometimes, if she only started to take interest in Kyle because she wanted to make me envious. I still saw those girls that gave me there numbers; sometimes we went to lunch or just hung out. But I didn’t care; I stopped caring 3 days 14 hours and 40 minutes ago.
“Jimmy?” Mia asked, jerking me out of a long trance. “Your toast is burning.”
“Oh! Ah oops, I’m sorry! Oh god, the smoke alarm is gonna go off.”
She laughed. “No it won’t, just pull it out and make another. Shit, I have to go pick Eve up. But I have a fucking hair appointment I can’t miss!”
That was weird, Kyle usually drove her home.
“I know you don’t really like her but could you possibly pick her up for me?"
I stared at her for a few moments, trying to process what she had just asked me. But I somehow nodded my head in agreement.
I drove Mia to her hair dresser then headed to Kyle’s house. Once I got there, I called Eve but she didn’t answer her phone. She came out a few minutes later, running her fingers through her chocolate brown locks. She looked relieved, and troubled at the same time.
“Hi.” I managed to say, trying not to look at her.
“Hey.” She answered back; I could feel her stare burn through my skin.
We were a quarter into the drive when she asked “So don’t you want to know why Kyle didn’t take me home?”
I shrugged, trying to seem uninterested. She stared at me again, figuring out what my expression meant and said “We broke up.”
I stopped short at a red light. “What?” I replied, looking at her for the first time since she got in the car.
“Yep, it’s over for real.”
“Why? You seemed so into each other.” I grumbled.
“Ehhh, it was fun while it lasted. I lost focus on the big picture though.”
And that was the end of our first conversation. A few minutes later she started it up again.
“Don’t you think I could tell you were trying to make a fool out of me?” she laughed.
I couldn’t help but crack a smile at her laugh. “I remembered who I really was. It's so easy to get lost in constantly having to present, whatever face you believe a person wants to see, rather than your own.”
“Yet we hesitate, to surrender all of our insecurities only the ones we are most comfortable relinquishing.” Eve replied.
By then we were at the venue, and I had a show to play. We rushed to back stage and barely had time to tie my shoes before we had to walk on stage. For the first time in 3 days 14 hours and 45 minutes, I fade into the real Jimmy level like I do every night.
I was already there.
But on stage, that was really the only place you could find the real Jimmy. Someone that felt like a totally different person now that I was this… I don’t even know how to express it to you. All I knew was when I got off stage the person I was faded away.
Do you know how terrible that feels? When you know that you lost yourself and the only way to get that person back was to stop walking the path you were on? But you couldn’t because you felt as if you were so close to what you wanted? But you had miles to walk. So that person you were was left in the dust a long time ago.
It has been exactly 3 days, 14 hours, and 39 minutes since that day Eve had kissed Kyle, but the feeling I felt 3 days, 14 hours, and 39 minutes ago had never left my body. It was a wave of emotions that had washed over me.
Pain.
Sadness.
Anger.
Indifference.
It’s been a blur since then, I didn’t do very much. Woke up, got dressed, eat lunch, played a show, took a shower, then went to bed.
Eve usually disappeared during the day. Sometimes she’d drag Mia along with her, but other times she’d be with Kyle. I quit on making her jealous after she quit bringing Kyle around me and the guys. I think we all liked him as much as we liked hang over’s. We didn’t speak due to the fact that we rarely saw each other but even when we were in the same room we avoided looking in each other’s direction. I’d wonder sometimes, if she only started to take interest in Kyle because she wanted to make me envious. I still saw those girls that gave me there numbers; sometimes we went to lunch or just hung out. But I didn’t care; I stopped caring 3 days 14 hours and 40 minutes ago.
“Jimmy?” Mia asked, jerking me out of a long trance. “Your toast is burning.”
“Oh! Ah oops, I’m sorry! Oh god, the smoke alarm is gonna go off.”
She laughed. “No it won’t, just pull it out and make another. Shit, I have to go pick Eve up. But I have a fucking hair appointment I can’t miss!”
That was weird, Kyle usually drove her home.
“I know you don’t really like her but could you possibly pick her up for me?"
I stared at her for a few moments, trying to process what she had just asked me. But I somehow nodded my head in agreement.
I drove Mia to her hair dresser then headed to Kyle’s house. Once I got there, I called Eve but she didn’t answer her phone. She came out a few minutes later, running her fingers through her chocolate brown locks. She looked relieved, and troubled at the same time.
“Hi.” I managed to say, trying not to look at her.
“Hey.” She answered back; I could feel her stare burn through my skin.
We were a quarter into the drive when she asked “So don’t you want to know why Kyle didn’t take me home?”
I shrugged, trying to seem uninterested. She stared at me again, figuring out what my expression meant and said “We broke up.”
I stopped short at a red light. “What?” I replied, looking at her for the first time since she got in the car.
“Yep, it’s over for real.”
“Why? You seemed so into each other.” I grumbled.
“Ehhh, it was fun while it lasted. I lost focus on the big picture though.”
And that was the end of our first conversation. A few minutes later she started it up again.
“Don’t you think I could tell you were trying to make a fool out of me?” she laughed.
I couldn’t help but crack a smile at her laugh. “I remembered who I really was. It's so easy to get lost in constantly having to present, whatever face you believe a person wants to see, rather than your own.”
“Yet we hesitate, to surrender all of our insecurities only the ones we are most comfortable relinquishing.” Eve replied.
By then we were at the venue, and I had a show to play. We rushed to back stage and barely had time to tie my shoes before we had to walk on stage. For the first time in 3 days 14 hours and 45 minutes, I fade into the real Jimmy level like I do every night.
I was already there.
♠ ♠ ♠
Song credit toooooo Chiodos-A Letter From Janelle. <3333