Irony.

A wide hallway stretched forward before my eyes with walls that were pallid as snow and the white floors as hard as marble. I looked far into it and saw a girl sitting alone on the only chair that had been set on the middle of the hallway, which seemed to be a never-ending stretch of white.

I started toward her, hearing nothing but the sound of my own breathing that was beginning to fade amidst the loud echoes of my footsteps. With every step, I started to feel as if I was actually surrounded by walls of a vacuum for my breathing grew shallow and taking in some air became an undeniably hard task. The longer I took striding forward into what seemed like nothingness, the farther the girl ahead of me seemed to be.

“Addie?” I called with hesitance, without breaking my pace.

The girl looked up.

I had always known her. Always. I had known her too well, but now she seemed different. I felt as if I was looking into the eyes of a stranger, but my heart began to beat faster as if it had been longing to be in her presence for a long time now. I contradict myself.

I ran, and ran, and ran, but I couldn’t reach her. The floor below her seemed to stretch away from me with every step that I take. But still I did not stop, not now, I had to reach her if it’s the last thing I do.

And as if she had just read my mind, I thought she mouthed, “Stop,” a grin crossed her face slowly but her eyes were filling with tears… I could see them, even from afar.

“Where are we?” I asked her rather loudly, that my voice seemed to have echoed back and forth the whole stretch of the corridor.

She didn’t answer. She bowed her head and her gaze shifted to her feet, the grin across her face remained there sincerely.

I tried to remember everything that had happened before this but not a thought had entered my mind clearly.

“Addie, speak to me. I’m scared.” I whispered, my voice cracking, feeling as if it wasn’t used for months.

“I don’t know,” finally, she answered, her eyes still fixed on her feet. Slowly, her smile disappeared. “I know I’m here because I chose to,” she said, and I could feel that effort she was putting on resisting to look at me.

“Where are we?” I asked again, convincing myself that she knew the answer.

“I don’t know,” she repeated, her voice even softer than it already was.

I cringed at the sight of her as a tear just flowed down her cheek. Despite not remembering anything that had happened, I’m sure she was never like this. I never saw her like this. She was always happy, cheerful, her eyes was always full of gleam. ‘Or were they really?’ I asked myself, ‘or did I just refused to see the real emotion my sister had dwelt in?’

“Why are you here?” she asked me, her voice cold, she asked me like it was a sin. I stared at her, wide-eyed.

“I don’t know either,” I said, her face contorted to what looked like disappointment.

“I should’ve known that would be the answer,” she snapped.

“It’s true,” I snapped back immediately.

“True,” she shrugged.

And all too suddenly, a loud hum of deafening silence filled the hallway, and I started to feel pain.

“What do you want?” she broke the silence and looked up at me; surprisingly she was beaming, though her face remained sad.

“What do you mean?” I asked back.

“Do you want to live?” her question began to echo back and forth a thousand times, like it would never end.

I felt my heart stop and felt thoughts racing inside my head. I remember now.

“I do,” I whispered, still not having an idea of what was going on.

“Then go back,” she said, breaking the endless echo of her question earlier. Her eyes glared at me but they now seemed bright, they gleamed majestically that I swear I could see my own reflection in them.

“But…” I hesitated, not knowing what to ask. “Why are you here Addie?”

“I chose to, and decision would be in vain if you stay here,” she stood up suddenly, her black hair fell from her shoulders to her back.

“Why? Where is this anyway?” I asked again, though I sort of knew already what she would answer, so I continued, “Is this death? Why are you here?”

“I don’t know, but I’m here because I think I chose to,” she repeated and I could tell that she was telling the truth.

“You told me to come back because I wanted to live, right?” I took a step forward again, and just proved to myself that she seemed to stray farther everything that I did.

“Yes, you should’ve known that by now, you’ve been here before,”

“I don’t remember,”

“You shouldn’t, and don’t try to because you wouldn’t, just go back, I want you to,”

“I want to, but would you come with me?”

“No,”

“Why not?” I asked, stretching out my hand, not daring to come closer to her anymore, but hoping she would willingly be the one to close the vacuous gap between us.

“See this light here? This never-ending stretch of light? If I come with you, we’ll never find our way back, and all will just turn into complete darkness, I don’t want that,”

“Why would that happen?”

“You wouldn’t understand, just go,”

“Why should I go? Could I stay with you?”

“Everything about me will be worthless if you do that,”

“How come? I don’t understand,”

“You will never understand a thing, just go,”

“I don’t want to, I don’t want to go anymore,” I put down my hand and remained still. I started hating everything in here now. If I could get out of this, why couldn’t she?

“I want you to go, if you do, everything will remain in light. That is my happiness, the very reason I am here in the first place. The very reason there is light in here, this is my home now, not yours. Go.”

“You want me to go away?”

“Please,”

“Why Addie?”

“You’ll never understand,”

“Why won’t you just tell me?” I yelled, not intending to. My eyes were suddenly filled with tears I didn’t feel coming earlier. I was crying because I did not understand anything at all but I know there was something wrong.

“You’re just going to hurt me if you stay!” she yelled back, and she cried as well, her tears flowing down faster than mine.

My chest felt heavy and I couldn’t breathe. I felt so upset that I took a step backward. She cried harder. Then without thinking twice, I turned my back on her.

And upon doing so, everything around me whirled. I suddenly heard a loud screeching of car wheels, I heard Addie screaming, I heard the loud horn as I saw my own hand punching the stirring wheel.

Then I remember now, I suddenly remembered everything when I felt Addie’s arms around me just a split second before a truck came crashing toward where I was. Then Addie’s screaming died.

“Honey?” I felt someone squeeze my hand as the sounds of beeping monitors filled my ears.

I slowly opened my eyes to see my mother crouching and leaning over to my hospital bed, her eyes were sore and her lips trembled.

“Mum, where’s Addie?” I asked, not knowing whether I really wanted to know the answer.

“Honey… Addie is in the operating room,”

“She’s alive, mother? Can I see her later?” I asked as I felt a flame of hope burn inside me. My mother shook her head and she burst into tears.

“Mae, you’re getting Addie’s heart, honey… your sister did not survive,”

And I realized now, my life needed saving twice. If it wasn’t for the accident that had happened, I still would be sitting here, in this very hospital, waiting to die, waiting for my heart to fade away.

And Addie… Addie knew I would live two lives in risk of hers, and she didn’t want me to put it all in vain. She wanted her heart to work for me, all along.

And the white light that she carried with her was her happiness and peace; she would never have to hurt again.

I smiled at the thought that I could keep her heart, make it beat again, and never let anything happen to it.

I started crying silently as I whispered to my mother, “Don’t worry mom, I’ll make you feel how a piece of her will still live in me.”