Baby Just Say Yes

"Brian Elwin Haner, Jr., can't you sit still for even a minute?" His mother asked frustradedly as he figeted on the chair he was sitting on in the kitchen uncomfortably. He looked over at Ray, who was cooking dinner on the other side of the kitchen.

"Mom! I'm a guy! I don't do the whole wedding planning thing. That's supposed to be a bonding experience between you and Ray and her mom." He told her exasperatedly.

"Quit complaining, Bri." Ray called from the other side of the room. "You don't have to do anything but pick a best man and your groomsmen. You've got it easy compared to what me and your mom have to do."

"Are you serious?" He asked her. "You don't have three big, buff guys threatening to beat you up if you don't pick them as your best man!"

"Well, Brian. I have a couple of comebacks for that one. Starting with the positive, you're right. I don't have 'big, buff' guys threatening to beat me up if they're not picked as my best man because I'm not a man. Secondly, this time more negative than the first, if you got beat up by them, I'd find it hilarious. Zacky's not so buff, and Matt...well, I've seen you guys squabble before, and you came pretty close to winning. And as for Jimmy, he won't go near you if you put a tarantula in your fedora. Which you won't, because then I won't come near you. And you forgot Johnny."

"Okay, Ray. One...dammit, you're too hot. I can't argue with you." He said sunkenly. "But I'm still fucked."

"Brian, I'll pick your best man." Ray said suddenly with a smile.

"Really? Name your price. Anything, Ray. I'll give you anything!"

"Okay. First off, I need you to find a good caterer. And I need you to schedule fittings for everybody's dress or tux. While you're at it, we need a limo driver, and we need a clean up crew for after the reception. We need to find someplace to actually have the reception. We need to find motel rooms for--"

"Why can't we just elope?" He asked out of the blue. "Seriously. We wouldn't have to plan anything."

"We're not eloping. Not because of me, but because our mothers would kill us. And then the guys would kill you. And the girls would kill me. We'd be deader than...than..then the roadrunner will be whenever Wylie catches up to him!"

"The roadrunner and Wylie? You're comparing our situation to cartoons?" Brian asked, his head tilted to the side.

"Well, that damn roadrunner can't keep running forever. And whenever he needs to stop--bam!--Wylie's going to get him!"

"Mom." Brian said quietly.

"Yes, sweetpea?" She asked, knowing he hated that name.

"Why do I always choose the crazy ones?"

"I'm not crazy!" Rayleigh insisted. "

"Really." Brian muttered under his breath. She came over to him, and put her head on his shoulder.

"Bri, do you ever want any again?" She asked quietly enough so that his mother couldn't hear. He gulped.

"Yes. Yes I do." He nodded fervently.

"Then just agree with me." She smiled innocently.

"The roadrunner will be caught by Wylie!" He said loudly. It was just that moment that Matt and Jimmy stepped into the room, Jimmy running a camcorder.

"What was that?" Rayleigh asked, seeing what Brian didn't. "I didn't quite hear you."

"I said, That roadrunner can't keep fuckin’ running. And when he stops, Wylie will catch him and make dinner!" Brian said, paraphrasing what Rayleigh had said previously. Everybody started laughing.

"Dude. The fans are gonna just love that!" Jimmy said, giggling as if he were high.

"What?" Brian asked cluelessly. He then saw the camcorder.

"Dammit! Jimmy!" He growled. Rayleigh kissed his cheek, so he didn't get up.

"Aww. She's making the big, bad, Synyster Gates blush!" Matt said as he walked into the kitchen.

"What can I say? I have that effect on him." Rayleigh shrugged innocently.

"Yeah, you sure do." he told her under his breath.

"Oh, pish posh." Suzie said.