A World I Can't Believe

The next day at school was difficult. I tried my best to avoid everyone by keeping my eyes on the ground as I walked or pretending I didn’t hear when people called my name. Alex only tried to talk to me once, but I slipped into the bathroom so he couldn’t follow me. The rest of the day he kept his distance, but in Spanish class I could feel his eyes burning into the back of my head. I ignored him until I felt my phone buzz in my pocket.

I wish you would tell me what’s bothering you. - Alex

I glanced back at him and he raised his eyebrows. His features looked sad as he broke the eye contact and continued doodling on his paper. I shut my phone and shoved it back into my pocket.

Once I got home I went up to my room and fell back on my bed. I had my eyes shut as my head throbbed. Everything that happened in the past few days was replaying in my mind as I pinched the brim of my nose. I kept thinking of Robby and how I wanted him back desperately. Then I would think about Alex, and how he was convinced we were together. He was confusing. I didn’t even know him.

With everything blurring around me, I began to drift off into a light sleep.

I woke up what I guessed a few hours later to my mom shaking me violently. “God, Mary Ashton. Just go ahead and give me a heart attack.”

I furrowed my brows at her as I wiped the sleep from my eyes. “What do you mean?” I sat up and yawned.

“You wouldn’t wake up,” she answered hesitantly. “But your father and I are going out to dinner. Alex is downstairs waiting for you.”

My eyes widened. Even my mom was convinced that Alex was my boyfriend? That made no sense to me – she loved Robby and always said we were perfect together. My eyes brimmed with tears as I came to the conclusion that I wasn’t the one that was crazy ; it was everyone else.

“Don’t look so surprised,” my mom laughed. “It’s not like he doesn’t come over every day.” She kissed the top of my head before making her way to my door. “We’ll be home late. Don’t keep Alex waiting.”

I sighed heavily and looked down at my clothes. I was still wearing what I’d worn to school and from what I could see my hair curled a little from my sleeping. I looked in my mirror quickly and decided I looked decent enough to tell a boy to leave. I trudged down the stairs, taking deep breaths as I went. I got to the bottom of the staircase and noticed Alex sitting on the sofa, his elbows resting on his knees as he stared at his hands. I cleared my throat to let him know I was there and he looked up slowly at me.

It was awkwardly silent between us as we both fought mentally to decide who should speak first. Alex surrendered and sighed. “I wish you would tell me what’s going on Mary Ashton. The way you’ve been acting is really worrying me.”

I ran a hand through my hair and nibbled on my bottom lip as I shifted uncomfortably. “Alex, I really need to - "

“You really need to talk to me and tell me what the hell has happened to you. I’m not leaving until I know,” he hissed after he quickly rose to his feet.

I took a step back. Like I said before, I didn’t know him, so I didn’t know if he was a typically violent person or not. I shook my head and swallowed the lump that formed in my throat. “I really don’t know,” I answered honestly.

Alex’s expression softened and he sat back on the couch, patting the spot next to him as a way of telling me to sit with him. I didn’t want to get too close to him, but I did want to know why I was the only person who I thought had any sense left. I sat uneasily and looked at the carpet.

“Is there anything you want to talk about?” he asked, resting a hand on my shoulder. The gesture startled me and I jumped. He quickly pulled his hand back and apologized. I decided to take the time to ask him questions, hopefully finding answers.

“Okay, well how long have we been together?” I asked. It felt weird to piece those words together in a question directed towards Alex. He looked hurt and licked his bottom lip. “It’ll be two years next month.”

My heart ached. “Okay. How long have we known each other?”

Alex chuckled and shook his head. “Since second grade, when you shared your goldfish with me behind the slides at recess.” I couldn’t help but let a little smile form at the thought. Alex smiled back and for the first time, I looked into his eyes. They were a dark brown color and the more I looked into them the more I wanted to know about him.

I stopped smiling when I remembered the one question I’d been wanting an answer to since I entered that nightmare. “What about Robby?” I blurted.

Alex smile fell and he looked away from me for a moment. “Robby Cheifland?” I nodded. “Well, what about him?”

I didn’t know how to phrase the next question. “Did, I ever date him?”

Alex let a laugh escape his lips. “Ha, no. You hate him. Or, you used to at least. He’s always been this asshole to me and Jack.”

“Jack?”

He stared at me. “Did you knock yourself out and lose all of your memory or something? How can you not remember Jack?” I shrugged. “Jack is our best friend Mary Ashton. Since third grade.”

I nodded and felt slightly bad for not knowing what he was talking about. “Okay. Sorry, I just seem to be having a bit of trouble remembering things.”

Alex nodded with a slanted smile. “Is there anything else you want to know?”

“Kind of. How long have Robby and Sibyl been together?”

He blew breath out of his mouth and pressed his lips shut firmly while squinting at the carpet. I wasn’t sure, but I took the facial expression that he was thinking.

“Maybe a few days. They hooked up at a party Saturday. That’s what I heard at least.”

I nodded slowly. Alex cautiously took my hand in his and rubbed his thumb along the top of it. I pulled mine away quickly and glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. He looked so sad as he ruffled his hair.

“I just want you to know that you’re scaring the shit out of my right now,” he stated bluntly. “It’s weird knowing that you don’t remember any of this. I don’t know what’s going on or why you’re acting this way, but I really don’t like it.”

I shrugged. “I’m sorry, but I really can’t help it.”

He nodded. “Anyway, let’s go see a movie. I asked your parents before they left and they said it was okay. We can go see whatever you want.”

I looked uneasily at him and his eyes narrowed. “Please Mary Ashton?” After debating the situation in my head, I nodded slowly. He smiled sweetly and stood up. I stood with him and followed him out of the front door to his car.

It looked really beat up and the back was displaying stickers from bands I’d never heard of. Alex opened the passenger door for me and I slid in, making myself as comfortable as I could. He rushed around the front of the car and got in the driver side. I sat with my hands folded in my lap the whole way to the movie theater, trying my hardest not to cry.