Let The Barriers Go

It seemed like hours had passed, and then I realised, hours had passed and I was lying on my pillow. I tried to remember what happened last night. I hadn't been drinking so it shouldn't be to hard. I opened my eyes, and my alarm clock read, 8:00am. Hmm, I got home at like 6.

Everything came flooding back.

The party.
Ryan.
The slap.
The tears.

And then I felt someone shift next to me. I turned to see who it was, and there he was, lying next to me, on my bed.
Oh. I feel so bad, he must be cold. I think he slept on top of the blanket and put me inside it, how polite.
Maybe he's different, maybe Ryan isn't like my digusting, pig of a father.
I may have assumed the worst with him.
Let's review the facts.

I sat there in bed, staring at Ryan sleeping peacefully.
I began writing a list, in my head, of the PROs and CONs of Ryan Kellar.
If It had been on paper it would look something like this:

Pros -
1. He's kind.
2. He looks after me.
3. Good sense of humour.
4. Hasn't asked for my number.
5. Gives really, really good hugs.
Cons -
1. Annoys the HELL out of me.
2. Doesnt ask for my number, walks into my room though.
3. Lack of Privacy.
4. Stalks people (The park incident)
5. ... cant think of a 5th reason ..

I smiled, as there were more Pro's than Con's.
I liked that list.

I sat there for a second, pondering on a thought that popped into my head.

Then, I grabbed the top blanket and put it over him, hoping that would be enough. He was so peaceful when he slept. I found it beautiful and quite mesmerizing.
I slowly lifted my hand, slightly nervous, my hand twitching. I placed it on his cheek, and rubbed it gently. I felt so bad after what I did. Especially now that he had stayed with me all night. I began stroking his hair, ever so slowly. He moved a bit, and then his arms took me by suprise in a sudden movement. His eyes were still closed, but he pulled me to his chest, and wrapped his arms around me, as if I was his teddy bear. He held me close, and it was quite warm and comfortable, I guess he didn't need the blanket after all.
I could hear his heart beat. I was certain he was still asleep because his heart beat was at a normal pace, unlike mine which was thumping loudly. I'd never experienced this closeness before, this comfort before. I could have lay there for days.
Instead we lay there for hours, or that's what it seemed anyway.

I think he opened his eyes and was awake now. His heart beat had increased, he still hadn't let go of me.
He began stroking my hair, just as I had done to him. And my heart beat faster than it had before.
I pulled away from his chest for the first time, to look at him. He seemed startled by my sudden movement, and then he smiled. He was happy, and so was I. I smiled in reply to show him that I was feeling the way he was. He was not alone.

"Ryan, I'm..I'm so..I didn't mean too..last night when..I was just so.." I had no explanation for what I had done. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, and he noticed. He placed a soft finger on my lips and stopped me before I could say more. We stared into each other's eyes, his amazing long eyelashes, his big blue wonderful eyes. As much as I wanted too, I just couldn't look away. His eyes held this, connection I guess, and I wanted to stare into his eyes forever.

Soon after, he began stroking my hair again, still staring into each other's eyes. It felt so surreal! There was this hott, sexy guy, lieing in my bed, next to me! Someone pinch me. My heart beat began to speed up.
There was something about Ryan, I don't know what it is, but I loved it.
Only now could I admit that, to myself. I wonder if I could tell him that too. Well, I'm not admitting it anytime soon, not yet, it's a bit soon.

While we lay there, I imagined what my first kiss would be like, and if it would be now, with Ryan right here. I then I was curious, who Ryan had been with, if there was anyone. I looked up at him, and his hand had rested on my cheek. I decided I would ask him, what's the harm in asking.

He stared down at me curiously, and I looked away and flushed pink. He put both arms around me, just as he did before and pulled me into a tight hug.
He then whispered in my ear,
"What's wrong Sam? Tell me what your thinking." I could just imagine that beautiful smile on face, I wished I could see it, but I'm fine right here, on his chest.
"Well, Ryan," I began, "I was just curious, because you've never told me about any of your past girlfriends, or your..um first kiss." I was as red as a tomatoe, I was so embarrassed.
"Well, I've fallen in love only one other time, and she was beautiful. She died, a few years ago now. Her name was Vanessa, and she was very sick. I knew that when I met her, she was so very pale, I remember her face so clearly, as if it was yesterday. But I could see past her pale, weak, fragility and straight into her soul. She just wanted to get out of her feeble body, and I tried to help her, I tried to give her whatever I had.." He stopped, and I looked up at him. Tears were clouding his vision, he was trying to hold them back as best he could.
"Ryan," I said, wiping the single tear that he couldn't stop, "It's okay to cry."
Soon tears were falling from his eyes so freely.
I had never witnessed a male crying. I always thought it was a sign of weakness. But not now, not in this moment, it's like Ryan had been holding back these tears and he felt like he was allowed to let them out now. He grabbed me suddenly, and held me, quite tight. It was comforting, to have him hold me. I supressed a laugh. I'm the one being comforted by someone who is in tears, ugh! I really am a selfish person.

"Ryan," I said, slowly stroking his hair, "tell me about your first kiss."
He looked up, and had this cheeky grin on his face, it was so seductive. He sat up a bit, so that he wasn't lieing on me, and he faced me so that we were now on the same level. He inched closer and closer, very second, my heart pumped faster and faster and faster..what was he doing? I contemplated on pushing him off for a second.
But then, I thought why fight the inevitable?
I wanted it.
He wanted it.
So I guess, we both win.

His soft, smooth lips gently touched mine. I did the same. And then I felt, his tongue..WAIT! HIS TONGUE! OMG. It was like a fish, swimming around in my mouth. That seems really bad, but it's not as bad as it sounds. He began to get more violent, he made one sudden movement, and was on top of me in an instant. His tongue swimming around in my mouth, his hands sliding down my waist and up again, I was in heaven. He then pulled his tongue out of my mouth, which I was quite sad about, but he then moved to my neck and began kissing, oh, well sucking my neck. I resisted the urge to moan.
He then came back up to my lips, and kissed me one more time, easing back into the gently motion we began. I was breathless, I was speechless. That was, one of the most exhilirating and feel-good experiences of my life! AGAIN! AGAIN!

Still on top of me, he leaned to my right ear and whispered,
"I'd say my first kiss was pretty good, wouldn't you agree." He winked, and then jumped off the bed.

THAT WAS HIS FIRST KISS!
I was his first kiss.
He was mine.

We took each others lip and tongue-ginity.

I smiled a huge smile, and leapt off the bed into his suprisingly waiting arms. He must of saw me, ready to make the move. I kissed him once more, and then jumped down, to tidy my hair.

AH! SEX HAIR!?
Wait, I didn't have sex.
I laughed to myself.