Let The Barriers Go

At this point of my life, I've decided that things
can not possibly get any worse then they already are.
But who am I again?
Things in my life just go from bad to worse,
from worse to even worse.
So let's recap.

This is my life in a nutshell:

- At six years old, I was abandoned by both my parents and left with an Aunty I barely knew.
- At seventeen, I'm a virgin, hate boys, hate school, have a loudmouth best friend who sleeps around.
- My mother calls me after eleven years, and I hang up in her face, after screaming at her!
- On top of everything, I have new neighbours that are perfect in every way.
With the exception of Ryan, the fabulously, good-looking son, who succeeds uberly in life at annoying me.

Can things get worse?
I don't know if I can take this anymore.
I really can't deal with anymore of this life..

My mother abandoned me when I was young.
She treated me like nothing.
I have never, ever in my life felt loved,
never will I experience love.
It's all because my mom had a horrible love life.
I have to have one too.
I'm bound to have an even worse love life.
I'll probably end up with a husband that beats me to death,
he'll be a sad, old, alky, who rapes me constantly.
I mean that's more than what I deserve.
I'm a beautiful person, on the outside.
But on this inside, I'm hideous.
I have no one to love, I have no one to love me.
My heart is torn, and it can't be fixed.

Tears poured from eyes as I thought all of this.

Just the thought of myself is making me sick.
I really can't take this anymore.
I was moved to live with my Aunty, who I know,
never really wanted me.
She probably only did it as a favour to my mum.
I know she'll do anything to get rid of me.
I know it.

I mean, life has it's good moments, sure.
But can one good moment in my life,
make up for every single unfathomable moment in my life?
Don't think so.

I can't take this anymore.

I can't handle all these changes, and these people.
I have one friend in my life.
I'm beautiful, but I'm weird,
who wants a weird friend?

Nobody.

Not that I should be suprised.
I've always been abandoned, since I was little.
I shouldn't expect anymore, now that I've grown
a tad older.

One friend.
Oh how pathetic can one person's life be?
How pathetic can my life be?

I can't take this anymore...

..so I won't take this anymore..

..I won't let it get to me..

..not anymore..