When My Light Flickered And Died
First Date
“Hey mum!” I called out, as I closed the front door, “I’m going out with Ryan tonight okay?”
In this family, if you ever wanted time to yourself, you had to plan in advance, otherwise you wouldn’t get it. Period. And even after you planned, you had to keep reminding everyone, just in case they forgot. In this case, It was so that Mum remembered to book a babysitter for Nick and Mike tonight.
Mum just smiled at me tiredly, “I know honey, I’ve arranged for a babysitter, don’t worry”
“Thanks Mum,” I said, giving her a quick peck on the cheek before hurrying upstairs.
“Just make sure you’re back before 9, and don’t forget to take your cell phone!”
“I won’t!”
Only half an hour left to decide what on earth I was going to wear… This was going to be fun.
I’m not like, one of those girls who take hours to pick out their outfits. I mean, appearance does matter to me, but not so much to the point of obsession. So I decided on the ‘oh-so-very-cliché’ jeans with a fine cut V-neck top. After a dash of lip-gloss and eyeliner, I was ready. Or so I thought.
I mean, my hair didn’t resemble an explosion or anything, I LOOKED perfectly fine, but do you ever have one of those moments when you look at yourself, and it feels like something’s missing? Or something’s not right?
Yeah, well that’s what I was feeling. I searched for it, I really did, an out of place button, a stubborn thread hanging out, anything!
I just couldn’t find it.
My eyes stared back at me blankly, my stubbornly straight hair, left down at the last minute softly bordered my face. I realised with a shock that for once after school, I was actually… presentable! But still, something wasn’t right.
Before I had a chance to do a re-check however, there was a light knock on the bathroom door, and then Mum’s voice,
“Darling,” She called “Ryan’s here, you better come down.”
“Oh yup,” I called back “be there in a sec!”
And I was. The ‘imperfection’ or whatever it was could wait. Ryan would see past it, I was sure of that.
Hastily, I grabbed my purse from the bench, with my cell phone and keys in it, and ran down the stairs two at a time. God knows what sort of interrogation Ryan was trying to survive at the moment. I pushed all thoughts of what Alex had said out of my mind. It was my first real date in ages. I had to enjoy this night.
“Hey,” Ryan greeted me with a warm smile and a hug, “You look gorgeous, shall we go?”
“Um sure,” I replied, turning around to wave to my family. Why was he so eager to leave? Were they really that bad?
I faced my family and smiled, just so they could see how good we were together.
“See you guys!” I called out, to which I was answered by a chorus of ‘Bye’s’ from Nick and Mike, and of course, the traditional ‘Bring her back in one piece, son’ From my dear Father.
Honestly, could they be more embarrassing? Well the twins were cute, but Dad? I mean seriously.
“Your parents were nice” Ryan said with a grin as we backed out from the driveway, “see? I still got out in one piece with you by my side”
“They’re not that bad!” I laughed, “…Are they?”
He didn’t say anything, but kept on driving. At least my boyfriend and my family were getting along well, well enough to joke about each other anyway… Satisfied, I leaned back next to him with the wind through my hair thinking just how lucky I was to have someone so caring, and good looking, for my boyfriend. I mean, Alex was wrong, he had to be. How could someone like Ryan ever think about cheating? And on me of all people? No… Alex had to be wrong.
I made a mental note to apologise to him after and tell him everything about tonight. Surely he would understand and make amends.
The sun was just setting casting an eerie glow across the roads, just became another addition to my happiness. The weather sure was on my side these days.
***
It was a quiet night at the movies which was just what I’d hoped for.
The actual movie was okay, I mean I’ve seen the plot somewhere before, but the special effects and the acting was better. During the movie however… Wow.
…No we weren’t like That. Gosh.
I do have some dignity you know.
But it was just so sweet. He was holding my hand the whole time, and feeding me popcorn. I have never felt so well cared for in my entire life. Well, apart from that time mum cancel this huge business meeting to hold back my hair as I vomited continuously in the bathroom as a result of a tummy bug back in year 4, and that other time at the amusement park with Alex, when I was about to faint and Dad and Alex argued about who should carry me home, as the car had broken down.
But you know what I mean, it was sweet.
So why did I feel so… un-relaxed?
Now, don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t Scared or anything, I’m not frigid. But that doesn’t make me a slut either. For some reason though, I felt as if I was missing out on something really important, or forgetting something.
Break up with him, Promise me you’ll do it tonight, okay Brooke?
Grrr. Alex’s voice.
No I wasn’t forgetting anything because that ‘thing’ wasn’t meant to be remembered.
So yeah, we were up to the ‘tragic’ part of the movie, when Ryan leaned over and whispered, “Do you not like it? We could go and watch something else if you want”
Which totally you know, threw me off track.
So of course I had to you know, go “Oh no, its fine haha, I was just, thinking”
“We could go somewhere else, and you know, think,”
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that he didn’t want to just ‘think’
But it’s not like he raped me or anything. That’s not the reason of my story in case you’re wondering.
But we left like normal people do when the movie ended. And in his car, he well…
He kissed me.
Well big surprise. Whoo.
I mean, it wasn’t bad It was just really.. weird.
Like it felt like… okay I’m not going to tell you what it felt like because you’ll all go ‘eww’ but strangely enough, I wanted more.
Yeah, I’m gonna stop there.
So he was all sweet after the movie and everything, walking me to the porch, and then sneaking another goodnight kiss. I really really hope that Dad did not saw. Otherwise.. yeah.. not the best picture.
But when he left, and I opened the front door, it wasn’t Dad who was sitting on the sofa waiting up for me, it was Alex.
“So you’re back”
“Um… What are you doing here?” I asked suspiciously, ignoring his previous statement.
“What…? You’re best friend for 10 years isn’t even allowed to wait up and see if you’re alright now?”
Ouch. Alex really could hurt people when he was angry.
“I’m sorry I yelled at you before.” I said instead, ignoring his question, as well.
“My arm hurts! For a girl you really do hit hard!” He confessed, “But please don’t tell Claire I said that.”
I smiled. I knew He couldn’t stay mad at me for long. But still,
“I’m really really sorry.”
“It’s alright” He replied, in a softer tone, “I think I was demanding too much anyway”
“Really?” I asked, surprised,
“Yeah, I mean how could I expect you to break up with him on the first date? That would have been too low.”
Okay so maybe this wasn’t what I thought he was gonna say, but close enough. It was an improvement, at least.
“And your parents kept commenting on what a great couple you were, so I thought you know, I owe it to them not to ruin your first date together”
“Really?” I asked again, more surprised.
“Is that all you can say now?” He teased, “did he kiss you so hard that you can’t string together more than two words at a time?”
“You counted?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. Man this guy I call my best friend? Yeah he’s weird.
“No I guessed.” He stood up. “Anyway, I should like... Go home, now.”
“Oh right,” I remembered, “its 9 O’clock. Rather late-ish.”
“Yeah, do you think it’s faster walking out through your front door and then walking all the way around, or jumping out from the window in your room?”
“Well…” I thought slowly… “It depends how much you feel like climbing down the tree at this time of night, really,”
“I’ll climb the tree then. I think I left my window open anyway”
“Don’t count on me to help if you if you find it’s locked after all” I said as we crept up the stairs. “I’ll probably be snoring by the time you’ve realised, and climbed back down.”
“Gosh, what did he do to you that made you so tired?”
“Alex!”
I waved goodnight to him as he disappeared through my window and down the tree, because that’s how close we were. We’d been climbing in through each other’s windows since forever.
Happy that I’d made up with my best friend again, I went to get changed.
Ding!
It was the bell system we had made years ago. I groaned. Was he really stuck outside?
Sighing… I went to open the window. And sure enough there he was, still outside. Looking up.
“What is it?” I asked, yawning.
Sheepishly, he replied “I forgot my shoes”
“Come collect it tomorrow morning, I’m too tired to go down”
“Pig!” he replied.
What a nerve.
But still, at least we weren’t angry at each other anymore. That was something to be thankful about.
In this family, if you ever wanted time to yourself, you had to plan in advance, otherwise you wouldn’t get it. Period. And even after you planned, you had to keep reminding everyone, just in case they forgot. In this case, It was so that Mum remembered to book a babysitter for Nick and Mike tonight.
Mum just smiled at me tiredly, “I know honey, I’ve arranged for a babysitter, don’t worry”
“Thanks Mum,” I said, giving her a quick peck on the cheek before hurrying upstairs.
“Just make sure you’re back before 9, and don’t forget to take your cell phone!”
“I won’t!”
Only half an hour left to decide what on earth I was going to wear… This was going to be fun.
I’m not like, one of those girls who take hours to pick out their outfits. I mean, appearance does matter to me, but not so much to the point of obsession. So I decided on the ‘oh-so-very-cliché’ jeans with a fine cut V-neck top. After a dash of lip-gloss and eyeliner, I was ready. Or so I thought.
I mean, my hair didn’t resemble an explosion or anything, I LOOKED perfectly fine, but do you ever have one of those moments when you look at yourself, and it feels like something’s missing? Or something’s not right?
Yeah, well that’s what I was feeling. I searched for it, I really did, an out of place button, a stubborn thread hanging out, anything!
I just couldn’t find it.
My eyes stared back at me blankly, my stubbornly straight hair, left down at the last minute softly bordered my face. I realised with a shock that for once after school, I was actually… presentable! But still, something wasn’t right.
Before I had a chance to do a re-check however, there was a light knock on the bathroom door, and then Mum’s voice,
“Darling,” She called “Ryan’s here, you better come down.”
“Oh yup,” I called back “be there in a sec!”
And I was. The ‘imperfection’ or whatever it was could wait. Ryan would see past it, I was sure of that.
Hastily, I grabbed my purse from the bench, with my cell phone and keys in it, and ran down the stairs two at a time. God knows what sort of interrogation Ryan was trying to survive at the moment. I pushed all thoughts of what Alex had said out of my mind. It was my first real date in ages. I had to enjoy this night.
“Hey,” Ryan greeted me with a warm smile and a hug, “You look gorgeous, shall we go?”
“Um sure,” I replied, turning around to wave to my family. Why was he so eager to leave? Were they really that bad?
I faced my family and smiled, just so they could see how good we were together.
“See you guys!” I called out, to which I was answered by a chorus of ‘Bye’s’ from Nick and Mike, and of course, the traditional ‘Bring her back in one piece, son’ From my dear Father.
Honestly, could they be more embarrassing? Well the twins were cute, but Dad? I mean seriously.
“Your parents were nice” Ryan said with a grin as we backed out from the driveway, “see? I still got out in one piece with you by my side”
“They’re not that bad!” I laughed, “…Are they?”
He didn’t say anything, but kept on driving. At least my boyfriend and my family were getting along well, well enough to joke about each other anyway… Satisfied, I leaned back next to him with the wind through my hair thinking just how lucky I was to have someone so caring, and good looking, for my boyfriend. I mean, Alex was wrong, he had to be. How could someone like Ryan ever think about cheating? And on me of all people? No… Alex had to be wrong.
I made a mental note to apologise to him after and tell him everything about tonight. Surely he would understand and make amends.
The sun was just setting casting an eerie glow across the roads, just became another addition to my happiness. The weather sure was on my side these days.
***
It was a quiet night at the movies which was just what I’d hoped for.
The actual movie was okay, I mean I’ve seen the plot somewhere before, but the special effects and the acting was better. During the movie however… Wow.
…No we weren’t like That. Gosh.
I do have some dignity you know.
But it was just so sweet. He was holding my hand the whole time, and feeding me popcorn. I have never felt so well cared for in my entire life. Well, apart from that time mum cancel this huge business meeting to hold back my hair as I vomited continuously in the bathroom as a result of a tummy bug back in year 4, and that other time at the amusement park with Alex, when I was about to faint and Dad and Alex argued about who should carry me home, as the car had broken down.
But you know what I mean, it was sweet.
So why did I feel so… un-relaxed?
Now, don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t Scared or anything, I’m not frigid. But that doesn’t make me a slut either. For some reason though, I felt as if I was missing out on something really important, or forgetting something.
Break up with him, Promise me you’ll do it tonight, okay Brooke?
Grrr. Alex’s voice.
No I wasn’t forgetting anything because that ‘thing’ wasn’t meant to be remembered.
So yeah, we were up to the ‘tragic’ part of the movie, when Ryan leaned over and whispered, “Do you not like it? We could go and watch something else if you want”
Which totally you know, threw me off track.
So of course I had to you know, go “Oh no, its fine haha, I was just, thinking”
“We could go somewhere else, and you know, think,”
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that he didn’t want to just ‘think’
But it’s not like he raped me or anything. That’s not the reason of my story in case you’re wondering.
But we left like normal people do when the movie ended. And in his car, he well…
He kissed me.
Well big surprise. Whoo.
I mean, it wasn’t bad It was just really.. weird.
Like it felt like… okay I’m not going to tell you what it felt like because you’ll all go ‘eww’ but strangely enough, I wanted more.
Yeah, I’m gonna stop there.
So he was all sweet after the movie and everything, walking me to the porch, and then sneaking another goodnight kiss. I really really hope that Dad did not saw. Otherwise.. yeah.. not the best picture.
But when he left, and I opened the front door, it wasn’t Dad who was sitting on the sofa waiting up for me, it was Alex.
“So you’re back”
“Um… What are you doing here?” I asked suspiciously, ignoring his previous statement.
“What…? You’re best friend for 10 years isn’t even allowed to wait up and see if you’re alright now?”
Ouch. Alex really could hurt people when he was angry.
“I’m sorry I yelled at you before.” I said instead, ignoring his question, as well.
“My arm hurts! For a girl you really do hit hard!” He confessed, “But please don’t tell Claire I said that.”
I smiled. I knew He couldn’t stay mad at me for long. But still,
“I’m really really sorry.”
“It’s alright” He replied, in a softer tone, “I think I was demanding too much anyway”
“Really?” I asked, surprised,
“Yeah, I mean how could I expect you to break up with him on the first date? That would have been too low.”
Okay so maybe this wasn’t what I thought he was gonna say, but close enough. It was an improvement, at least.
“And your parents kept commenting on what a great couple you were, so I thought you know, I owe it to them not to ruin your first date together”
“Really?” I asked again, more surprised.
“Is that all you can say now?” He teased, “did he kiss you so hard that you can’t string together more than two words at a time?”
“You counted?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. Man this guy I call my best friend? Yeah he’s weird.
“No I guessed.” He stood up. “Anyway, I should like... Go home, now.”
“Oh right,” I remembered, “its 9 O’clock. Rather late-ish.”
“Yeah, do you think it’s faster walking out through your front door and then walking all the way around, or jumping out from the window in your room?”
“Well…” I thought slowly… “It depends how much you feel like climbing down the tree at this time of night, really,”
“I’ll climb the tree then. I think I left my window open anyway”
“Don’t count on me to help if you if you find it’s locked after all” I said as we crept up the stairs. “I’ll probably be snoring by the time you’ve realised, and climbed back down.”
“Gosh, what did he do to you that made you so tired?”
“Alex!”
I waved goodnight to him as he disappeared through my window and down the tree, because that’s how close we were. We’d been climbing in through each other’s windows since forever.
Happy that I’d made up with my best friend again, I went to get changed.
Ding!
It was the bell system we had made years ago. I groaned. Was he really stuck outside?
Sighing… I went to open the window. And sure enough there he was, still outside. Looking up.
“What is it?” I asked, yawning.
Sheepishly, he replied “I forgot my shoes”
“Come collect it tomorrow morning, I’m too tired to go down”
“Pig!” he replied.
What a nerve.
But still, at least we weren’t angry at each other anymore. That was something to be thankful about.