Winning the World at a Carnival.

When Spencer returned, he was met with everyone sitting around the lounge, watching Ryan on the phone to Pete. As soon as he entered the room, they all turned to look at him. Ryan looked up at him and threw his phone down (Brendon catching it before it broke) and went to hug Spencer.

“Spin, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to yell.” He said, his voice muffled by Spencer’s shoulder.

“Look, I’m kinda tired, Ry. I’m gonna go to bed. We’ll talk in the morning.” Spencer said, without hugging Ryan back. Ryan pulled away, looking hurt, but nodded. Spencer noticed his eyes were red, like he had been crying. “And… I think it would be better if we were in our own rooms tonight.”

Ryan’s eyes went wide but he nodded, biting his lip as if to stop himself saying something. Spencer said goodnight to everyone before heading to his room. It would be the first time he would be sleeping in his room in over a month and the first night he was going to spend alone in longer than that.

He changed for bed, still feeling strange in his male body. He decided, to hell with it, and concentrated on making his body become female again. He felt a flutter and when he opened his eyes again, he looked down at the body that had been his for 2 months. He climbed into bed, tears filling his eyes as he thought about the argument.

She closed her eyes, hearing muffled sounds of her friends in the lounge and trying to block them out.

The next morning, Spencer woke up to find Haley in her room, staring with wide eyes.

“You, you’re-”

“I’ll explain in a minute.” Spencer said, fighting a losing battle with a yawn.

Haley waited for Spencer to use the bathroom, then come back into the room. “Ok, now tell me.”

Spencer told her what had happened and it was then that she understood Ryan’s outburst the his breaking down the night before. Spencer decided to change back and go downstairs.
When the two of them arrived there, everyone was up except Ryan, or so he thought. Jon told him that Ryan went for a walk about an hour ago and still hadn’t returned. Spencer made no move to go find him, but inside, he was starting to worry.

Ryan never went out into the forest in the morning, let alone by himself. And he certainly wouldn’t be gone for an hour. While he had breakfast, he was contemplating whether or not to go find him until he received a text. When he checked, it was from Haley, telling him to tell the others about what happened. He looked up at her and she gave him a sharp look, narrowing her eyes slightly.

So Spencer told them. They were surprised but now knew what had actually caused the argument. And when they had been told, he put his shoes on and walked out of the cabin, determined to find Ryan.

He’d had the night to sleep on it and he needed to apologise for reacting the way he did. Although, he wasn’t going to do shit if Ryan didn’t apologise first.

He had a feeling he knew where Ryan would be, and so decided to try there first. It had been over two months, but he still remembered the way he took the first morning he changed and ran out of the cabin, worried sick that the guys were going to continue the band without him.

When he saw Ryan slumped over, sitting against a tree, he breathed a sigh of relief. He walked slowly over to Ryan, who only looked up when a twig snapped. Spencer stopped about 10 feet away from him as Ryan stood up. Spencer could see a black eye developing where he had punched the guitarist the night before and he only felt slightly guilty for it.

“Hi.” He said quietly.

“Hey.” Ryan muttered, looking anywhere but at Spencer.

Spencer shuffled his feet. Now he was standing here, he wasn’t sure what to say.

“So, have you come to punch me again?” Ryan asked.

“What, so I can punch you like a girl again?” Spencer snapped without thinking.

Ryan winced. “Spencer, I wanted to apologise for how I reacted last night-”

“Damn straight you should.” Spencer crossed his arms.

Ryan wanted to glare at Spencer, but didn’t give into the temptation. He was here to make things up, not cause another argument. “Look, Spin, I’m sorry I said those things. I know I shouldn’t have. You know how I get sometimes, not that I’m using that to justify my actions, but I really am sorry.” Ryan looked down at his feet. “I love you so much, I don’t want to lose you over this.”

Spencer sighed. “You’re not going to lose me, but I’m still angry about last night.” He explained. “I just need some space at the moment, you know?” Ryan nodded. He knew that Spencer wouldn’t want to be the same with him after last night, he was expecting worse, if he was totally honest. Spencer could see the look in Ryan’s eyes and walked over to him. “Hey, this doesn’t mean I don’t wanna be with you. I just need a little time to think. I mean, with this choice I have to make, it’s gonna be weighing down on my mind for a while, y’know?”

Ryan nodded. “Yeah, I know, Spin.” He said softly. Spencer kissed his cheek softly and stepped back to look at him properly.

“Come on, let’s go back.” He said, giving Ryan a small smile. Ryan gave a tiny one back and nodded, even though he was still in pieces on the inside.