The Webs We Weave

It is funny how you do things as human beings, even though you know it is wrong, at the back of your mind it plagues you, but you push it aside anyway and continue. You’re only human your entitled to a mistake or two. The thing with mistakes though is that you are supposed to learn from them, grow as a person from your fuck ups and hope they turn out better the next time.

I was never really like that.

That was just a pathetic excuse to make up for a fail, ‘oh it was a mistake,’ no it is an excuse to hide from the reality that you messed up. You as a solitary figure in this world messed up. And in my case, messed up big time.

I laid there for at least an hour after Ronnie excused himself to go and pick up some groceries and some more clothes. I felt terrible, well, actually I felt really good, but I felt like a shit person. I just tore up not just one possible marriage, but two. I may have just broken Caitlyn’s heart and I know that I would break Matt’s heart when I told him. I had to tell him, I could not hide it from him. I had to marry him. I could not just sit around and hope that Ronnie would come around to give me a happy ending.

I sat up and picked up my phone and dialed Shauna’s number. “Hello? Clover do you have any idea what fucking time it is over here?” I sighed remembering they were in Europe. “I need to talk to Curtis, please Shauna, I messed up.” There was a shuffling sound and I allowed a single tear fall from my eyes, not out of sadness but shame and pure guilt. “ ‘Ello?” “Curtis? This is Clover, please don’t hate me for this.” “What did you do?” I took a breath and let it out. “I slept with Ronnie.” There was silence on the other end and then Curtis returned, speaking slowly. I knew that I had just put him in a bad position. He was friends with not only Ronnie, but Caitlyn and Matt as well. “Well, Clover, you have to do something, you cannot just sleep with him and leave him out to dry. Either you get back together or you move on with your respective lives. I am going to get off now and call him, and next time, shauna begs you to remember the time difference.”

I could not hang up, I just sat there listening to the dial tone for a moment. I finally placed the phone back on its cradle and wrapped my body in a sheet and walked out to the living room and sat on the couch. I heard the door open and sighed. He was here, and the smile was all over his face. “Clover, I talked to Curtis and then Caitlyn, and I think we need to talk about some stuff.” I looked at him and smiled, it was infectious. “About what kinds of stuff?” “About us.” I nodded and his smile grew larger. “So, I was thinking…”