The Webs We Weave

Everyone stood there looking at all of my friends with a blank expression.
They were all standing there whittling their thumbs in an awkward attempt to pretend that did not just happen. "So uh, yeah that's it guys. There is uh beer in the fridge if you want some." I said pointing over my shoulder and then running my hands through my hair. They all muttered a thank you and made their way to the kitchen. I felt betrayal in every fiber of my being, and then Ronnie ran after her and then Jen and him left. I had no idea where they went but I could only hope it was to beat the hell out of Nicky. I walked back to Katie's room and saw Shauna sitting there with Emery and Katie was sleeping. She was so beautiful, the way her eyelids were tinted purple from sleep and her chest was rising and falling in a relaxed rhythm. She had no idea that in six months she could have a completely different life. "Hey." I said and Shauna looked over at me in surprise. "Hey." She replied and put Emery back in her crib. I walked over and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay?" She nodded half heartedly and then sighed. "No, not really. I just have so many things to think about at once. I mean between Curtis wanting to leave the band and our marriage falling apart, and now this, I just have a lot right now." I nodded and sat down across from her. "I know what you mean, but Shauna you and Curtis will work it out and this is not your fight, focus on yourself. Everything will fix itself in time." She nodded and then I allowed my words to sink in. Everything will fix itself in time.

I laid in my bed resting my head against the headboard. It was three in the morning and Ronnie still was not home. I tried to resist the urge to call him for the tenth time and turned over onto my side. Was this it? Was he abandoning me? Where him and Jen planning it all along? I shook my head and tried to discard the ridiculous thought. They would never do that to me, I was just so worried I was getting paranoid. I flipped the light off and allowed myself to drift into a nightmare induced sleep.

The light from my window woke me up and I sighed, I just wanted to sleep in like I used to be able too, but I could hear Emery stiring down the hall and had no choice but to reluctantly swing my legs over the side of the bed and patter my way down the hallway. I peaked in the nursery door and smiled as I saw Shauna there again playing with Emery with intrest. "Good morning." "Hey." I sighed and she shook her head. "No I dont know where he is, nor Jen. Neither of them are answering their cell phones. " I nodded and sat down like I had the previous night. "I missed you." I said after awhile and she smiled. "Everyone did, I am the coolest fucking one out of us all."

The hours passed and still there was no sign of Ronnie and my pulse quickened and slowed with every minute that flew by. I was panicking. "It is fine, he is fine Shauna said for the millionth time and rubbed my shoulder as I sipped on my tequila. Shauna slipped on her shoes and smiled at me as she grabbed Emery and placed her in her stroller and grabbed onto Katies hand. "We are going to go to the park okay?" Katie nodded and stuck her thumb in her mouth absent mindedly and opened the door with the other hand. "I love you mommy." She said and I replied and she shut the door lightly.

I cant lose my kids. What would I do? I would have nothing anymore. I needed my children. I needed Ronnie's help and he was not here. Bastard always left at the most inconveniant of times.

The door flew open and landed with a resounding thud against the wall and stuck which told me there was a hole there. I shrieked and turned towards the attacker and smiled when I saw it was only Ronnie. He was looking around frantically and looked scared. "Where were you?" I asked. "Clover, oh my god. Grab your stuff. Pack quick, we dont have much time, where are the kids?" "At the park with Shauna, why?" "Nothing, just get your stuff and then come on. Leave your cell phone." I looked at him again as he began throwing things into his bag. "Are you fucked up?" I asked. "No I am not, you need to pack." He said pleading this time. A pit of nasuea settled in my stomach as I recognized that look. "Ronnie what did you do?" "You need to pack Clover-" "What did you do?" I seethed. He finally turned to me and had tears pouring down his cheeks. "I am sorry Clover, I really am." "What the fuck did you do Ronnie?" I shrieked and he looked out the window. "Clover, I fucked up big time..."