The Webs We Weave

I sat alone in the living room thinking about how wonderful today had been. I had seen Clover for the first time in two years. She looked the same, but it still meant a lot that I actually got to see her. When she left I felt sad, and went back to the old Ronnie. When she walked out that door I wanted a fix. I hadn't done drugs for two years, and all of a sudden I wanted some. So I went for a walk to clear my mind. I hadn't expected to find Clover asleep in her car, and I hadn't meant to look at her so long. I took advantage of the situation and studied every detail about her. She had been wearing the ring I bought for her. I felt so proud that she had found it and wore it. It meant that she still cared. The before I left I wrote her a note. I couldn't help myself.

I could still recall every word I wrote.
Clover, I'm sorry for all the shit I have put your through. I could say that if I had the chance I would take it back, but that would make me a liar. I don't regret leaving you that night, but I do regret losing you, if that makes any sense. Not having you by my side for two years made me realize just how much I loved you. I still love you. I'm sad to see that we have both moved on, and I'm sorry for the pain I'm still causing you. I didn't mean to call you the other night, I knew I would hurt you, I just needed to hear your voice. So, I hope you can make you life with Matt perfect. Yeah I know that's who you're engaged to. You know I have my sources to finding these things out. I'm very sorry for writing this but I had to. I couldn't resist. So please don't ever forget me, because not one day has pass that I didn't think about you.
Love, Ronnie.

"Damn it." I yelled and threw the bottle at the wall. I couldn't believe I had actually written that and left it for her. It sounded like a good idea at the time, now it seemed like I was trying to cause her pain. I ran my shaky fingers through my hair and started picking up the broken glass. I was a complete wreck tonight, and I didn't know how I would face Caitlyn. She was amazing and I didn't deserve her. I would tell her I saw Clover today and then she would try to comfort me. It made me feel so damn guilty. If she knew half the thoughts I had when it was our "alone time", she would have left me a long time ago. I heard the front door open and jumped up.

"What happened?" She asked, gawking at the stained carpet. "Oh my goodness Ronnie! That isn't going to come up."

"Sorry." I mumbled and sat the glass on the table. "I just, I didn't mean to."

"Oh. I'm so sorry. I didn't think to ask if you were having problems." She put her hands over her eyes and started to sob. I looked at her confused. Had I said something to upset her? I didn't think so. She looked at me, tears coming out of her eyes. "You deserve better. I don't even know when your hurting."

"Stop." I said wrapping my arms around her. "You shouldn't say things like that. Makes me feel like a total dick." She laughed and kissed my nose. "Now, go to bed. You look like hell."

"Why thanks." She giggled and pulled away from me.

After I hear the shower start I grabbed my keys. I knew I shouldn't be doing this but I just had to drive by the old apartment. Curtis told me that Clover was still staying there I had to see if it was true. I was dying to get another glance at her. Once I got the car down the road I started it and headed in the direction to Clover's. It was about a thirty minute drive, and the seconds seem to drag by and soon I was driving slowly up the road. I saw Monte's car parked out front and immediately regretted this. To make matter's worse he was leaving. He squinted to see me in the car, and then steppe out in the road.

"Ronnie." He said and I could hint some anger in his voice. "What are you doing?"

"Going to the store." I flashed a cheesy grin.

"The store you go to is an hour away in that direction."

I sighed. "Sorry. I just had to drive by." I looked up to the window and saw her Silhouette in the window. She was looking down and I wondered if she knew it was me. I could tell by Monte's actions that he hadn't saw the note, because if he did. He would have told me off.

"Leave Ronnie."

"Okay." I nodded and pulled off.