Roxanne

I remember the darkness of his eyes when he came up to me that day. He was dressed nicely, a Ralph Lauren button down shirt and a pair of black jeans that were tight in all the right areas. He always dressed nicely. His hair was getting long—well, long for him. He actually had bangs now and they hung over his forehead nicely. I had slung my arms around his muscular yet thin frame and pressed my face into his neck, inhaling his scent. “Hello,” I murmured.

He seemed hesitant and for the first time in many years, he didn’t come close to kissing me in any way. “Hey,” he responded.

“You seem tense,” I stated as I pulled away. “Is everything alright?” I grinned.”My god, you just graduated—you should be ecstatic.”

“Roxy,” he sighed, “I need to speak to you,” he looked up at the blonde that was standing behind me with her own boyfriend, “Alone.”

“Oh come on,” Sadie called from behind me, “we’re going to celebrate, Bryan, you can talk later.”

My boyfriend shot my best friend a dirty look and then looked back at me. “No, Roxanne, I want to talk to you now.”

I looked over my shoulder at Sadie in confusion and she grinned. I bit my bottom lip, trying to figure out what she was grinning about before it flashed through my mind—proposal?

His names was Bryan Bates, a recent senior that graduated at the top of his class yesterday from New Canaan High School in Connecticut. He had been a football and lacrosse player along with valedictorian and he had loved me just as I had loved him. We had been dating for seven years this past April.

We had begun “dating” when both of us were eleven years old. Of course, at that age “dating” isn’t really dating at all. I don’t think we actually kissed until we were thirteen, but that didn’t make those two previous years non-existent. According to all of Bryan’s friends, who had become my friends as mine had with him, I had been the first girl Bryan had ever liked. Apparently, he had liked me since the fourth grade but we weren’t in the same class, obviously. We were on the same bus, but back in elementary school I had been a quiet little kid. And well, it was elementary school.

Bryan had asked me out in the sixth grade.

However, in sixth grade, all dating really was was really, well, nothing. But Bryan and I were certainly something.

Over the past seven years we had been inseparable. We grew up literally with each other and watched each other change from awkward preteens to equally beautiful teenagers. We were each other’s first everything—kiss, significant other, love, ect. We had done everything with each other; everything including vacationing and losing our innocence.

Bryan had been on the football team and if there was an MVP in high school football, he would have been it. He was almost disgustingly handsome with natural bright blonde slightly shaggy hair [when he let it grow out] and bright blue eyes. He was tall and thin, but muscular. The kid was the perfect model for just about every damn clothing store.

I had been the same. A natural blonde but with gray eyes. However, I had never been one for sports. In eighth grade I had played softball and somehow ended up breaking my ankle. Many kids bounce back from breaking bones, as Bryan did multiple times, but I was absolutely not one of them. I could have been a cheerleader if I had wanted considering I looked like one, but I found them degrading despite the fact that my best friend was one. And so I took to the theater in high school and played a part in every school production. Despite our differences, I went to every game of his whether it was a home game or not and Bryan came to every show our school did every night it played.

We were that couple that people had loved yet envied.

There was really only one problem with our relationship, however—I was one year younger in school than he was. Back in the second grade I had stayed back for god knows what, thus creating the problem that when Bryan graduated, I would still be back in New Canaan.

However, I had heard many times from Bryan himself how much he wanted to marry me when he graduated despite the problem, almost as if marriage would be the answer.

I won’t lie by saying that I never worried what Bryan would do in college and how he would handle a relationship with a girl back in Connecticut, but I believed my best friend, Sadie, when she had comforted me about it. I think we both believed that Bryan would do something drastic, such as take a year off from school or propose to make sure that the past seven years of our lives weren’t a complete waste.

Bryan proved both of us wrong.

“Okay,” I gave in. I looked back toward my best friend and her boyfriend, “We’ll be right back.” Jackson, Sadie’s boyfriend grimaced and she cocked her head to the side, immediately asking for an answer as to what that was. I pulled my blonde hair over my shoulder as I walked side-by side with my beloved boyfriend, my hand brushing his but not grasping hold. “Are you alright?” I asked as we continued to walk.

Bryan closed his eyes and stopped walking. He turned to face me. “Roxanne, we need to talk.”

“I know,” I agreed. I disregarded those four words— ‘we need to talk’. I had seen movies that had those four words that ended up leading to something horrible, but I had never experienced them myself. With that said, I decided to play stupid. I grabbed hold of Bryan’s hand and he winced. Immediately I dropped it and cocked my head to the side. “I’m confused.”

Bryan lifted his hands and covered his eyes with his palms. “I’m leaving for college, Roxanne.”

“I know,” I repeated. “And I’m really proud of you.”

“You’re not, Roxanne.”

I felt as if he was trying to remember my name with the amount of times he was saying it. Did he think I didn’t know it or something? It was beginning to bother me. “So I’ve noticed,” I agreed while pulling and tying my hair up.

“You’re going to be a senior, Roxy, and I’m going to be in California and in college.”

“I’m not stupid, Bryan,” I snapped. I was getting impatient now. “I realize what you going to college means.”

He was silent and then groaned. “Do you? Because I’m not sure you have any clue what’s happening right now.”

“I said I realize what you going to college means, but right now I don’t know what the hell you’re trying to say.” I folded my arms over my chest now and jerked my head a bit to move my bangs from my eyes. “You’re going around in circles and Sadie and Jackson are waiting.”

“I’m not going, Roxanne.”

My eyes widened. “To college?” I asked in shock. Sadie had been right, that meant. A grin crossed my face and any trace of annoyance that had been there before disappeared. “Oh Bryan, that’s not fair. You should go; I’m perfectly capable of handling a long-distance relationship.” I shrugged. “Of course I’ll miss you—,”

Bryan cut me off by grabbing my shoulders and forcing me to look into his blue eyes. “Roxanne, I’m not going with you three today. I’m not celebrating with you guys.”

“Christ, Bryan, we’re celebrating for you.”

“I know,” he stated, “don’t. Roxanne, you may be able to hold a long distance relationship, but—but I can’t.”

I stared up at my boyfriend with wide eyes of realization for a good five minutes before I snapped. “What?” I asked in shock. “What?” I dropped my eyes back to the sidewalk and lifted my hand to wrap my small fingers around the necklace Bryan had given me for our seven-year anniversary. “Are you, uh…you’re not…”

Bryan stared at me for a moment and then pulled the collar of his shirt from around his neck. He shook his head. “Roxy, baby--,”

“No!” I cried out abruptly, “Don’t fucking call me that. You’re dumping me!?” I buried my head in my hands. “Now?" I snarled at him. "You're fucking dumping me, and you don't even have the decency to do it in private? Seven years and this is how you do it?! No," I spat, "no, I refuse this. I deserve more than that."

"I tried, Roxanne," Bryan groaned. He looked around to make sure nobody had been watching us. "I've been trying this entire week, but I couldn't do it. I just had to do it, I'm sorry, Roxanne."

"All week?" I spat at him. "We had sex last night, Bryan." My lip curled in disgust. "You're repulsive."

Bryan frowned and that was it.

"Why?" I asked defeatedly once my heart had stopped pounding quite as much. "Seven years together, why?"

I hadn’t realized that I was crying until I felt my cheeks become wet. It caused me to freeze in shock at my sudden emotion, but I managed to wipe at my eyes hastily, trying to get rid of any evidence that the kid that stood before me was currently breaking my heart. “I know,” Bryan murmured, “and I don’t want to do this, Rox—,”

“The hell you don’t!” I snapped, cutting him off, “you said yourself you've meant to all week. you’ve probably been dying to pull this shit on me!”

“No!” Bryan argued, shaking his head frantically, “No, not at all, Roxanne. I love you.”

“Shut up,” I hissed. I pushed Bryan as far away from me as possible and continued to wipe the tears that were running down my cheeks. “You’re a fucking liar, Bryan Bates. I cannot believe how much of my life I have wasted on you!” I allowed myself to sit down on the sidewalk and pulled my legs up to my chest.

I buried my head into my legs, letting my chest heave with dry sobs. I was going to make this embarrassing and painful for him. I was going to let everyone that was passing by or near us know that the bastard standing next to me had just hurt me.

“Roxanne,” Bryan hissed as he got down onto his knees next to me. As soon as he reached out to me, I twisted my torso and struck his cheek.

“Don’t fucking touch me you slimy bastard!”

Bryan recoiled the second after I slapped him and lifted his hand to cup his cheek, scowling. “Jesus Christ, Roxanne! Just listen to me!” I glared up at him from where I was curled up on the cement, allowing the tears to fall freely down my cheeks. I was mortified, I was disgusted, I was betrayed—I was broken. “Don’t hit me,” Bryan asked as he crouched down next to me. I shifted and he held up his hands in defense, wincing from the pain that he was read to feel. When I didn’t do anything, just glared at him, he slowly put his hands down. “Roxanne, I love you. I love you a lot.” He sat down completely. “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, baby.”

I snorted and rolled my eyes. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Roxanne,” I mimicked. “Oh and by the way it’s over because I’m a selfish bastard that plans on getting more goddamn ass than a toilet seat when in California!” I ended up yelling the last part.

Bryan winced. “Roxanne, please.”

“Roxanne, please,” I continued to mimic, “please forgive me for wasting your goddamn life. I know I promised to be with you forever, since, y’know, we’ve only been with each other for the past seven years of our lives, but you know that I’m a fucking pig and sex obviously comes before you.”

Bryan scowled loudly now. “Roxanne, can you please try to act mature for once? This isn't about sex, this is about how impossible long distance relationships are.”

I choked on my breath as he snapped that at me. I couldn’t tell if I felt more as if Bryan had literally punched me in my heart or stomach, but either way I was beginning to feel sick. I placed one of my hands on my heart subconsciously and used the other arm to wrap around my stomach as I continued to sit on the sidewalk. The tears that had been crawling down my cheeks earlier had been wiped away and replaced with anger.

It wasn’t just anger that I was feeling, it was just the overall feeling. I felt betrayed. I felt like nothing, in all honesty. For the past seven years of my life I had been madly in love with the boy that was crouching next to me. “Mature?” I snarled at him. “What the hell do you want me to do, Bryan? Smile and laugh and shake your goddamn hand? Don't fucking patronize me.”

Bryan groaned at my sarcasm and ran a hand through his blonde hair. “Roxanne, I need you to understand something-“

“I understand many things, Bry,” I spat at him over my shoulder.

Bryan sighed and sat down next to me, however he put a good distance between us to avoid being slapped again. “Roxanne,” he tried, “just listen to me and don’t interrupt, alright?” I shrugged as a response and looked in the opposite direction away from him. “I’m going to college in California, Roxy. Do you realize how far that is away? Shit, Roxanne, it’s like five-thousand fucking miles. That’s a lot.” When I didn’t respond, he continued. “Roxanne, it would never work. California is just too far away and I’m heading out early to it.”

He was doing it again, ripping my hearts to shreds. The anger had still been there, creating an almost burning feeling, but the feeling of my heart being put into a paper shredder managed to overpower it. Either way, I don’t think I had ever been in this much pain before.

It was the kind of pain that you can’t classify as physical because I hadn’t physically hurt anything, but it was just too strong tojust be mental.

Bryan sighed again. “You know if I was any closer to here this wouldn’t be happening.”

I laughed, but it came out as a pathetic sob. “I don’t know that,” I countered, “I know nothing of the sort, actually.” I shook my head. “Everything about the proposal,” I whimpered, “how you wanted to marry me after high school. We were both going to attend the same college to be together.” I hiccupped and wiped away tears. “You were just bullshitting me.”

“No,” Bryan argued, “Roxanne, marrying you would be so perfect, but it’s not realistic. We’re just kids.”

That stung. A lot.

Yes, we were only kids, seeing as we were both only merely eighteen but it wasn’t as if we had been dating for the past year or so. Bryan and I knew each other better than we knew ourselves at that point—the man was practically already my husband.

“Right,” I snapped, “only kids. What was I thinking?” I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t listen to Bryan sit and tell me how much he loved me yet why we would never be together any longer. I stood up slowly, leaving Bryan sitting on the sidewalk by himself. “I should go. Sadie and Jackson are waiting for us—me.” I brushed the dirt off of my legs and fixed the strap to my sundress. “I wish you the…best of luck in California.” I paused momentarily, feeling the need to throw one last rude comment at him. I didn’t care if it wasn’t the “mature” thing to do, it made me feel a bit better. “I hope you get fucking herpes.”