Roxanne

020.

Surprisingly enough, Billie had called me at about 11 o’clock that morning. Apparently he had woken up much earlier than I had and had been trying to reach me for about an hour before my phone had finally woken me. For someone who hadn’t fallen asleep until about 4 that morning, I really hadn’t slept too late.

As soon as I had picked up, his first words to me had been the order to go over to his house. I couldn’t ignore the ugly smile that had crossed my face and the feeling of my heart skipping a beat or two at the fact that Billie hadn’t forgotten about our plans for the day. He had given me his address and after arguing the fact that I refused to leave the house without at least showering, I began to get ready. Getting ready itself hadn’t really ever been what took me so long to leave the house, but rather finding what to wear. And when it came to presenting myself to Billie, finding what to wear was honestly one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. No matter what I wore, I still felt self-conscious in front of the man. We were two completely different people with two obviously very different ideas of style, and I couldn’t help but be worried about what he thought of me physically.

I eventually settled on one of my light pink dresses and considering the fact that it seemed to be a bit chilly in the Bay area, I threw a long white cardigan over it. As soon as I looked at the clock and realized that it had taken me an hour to get ready, despite the fact that I sworn to Billie that it wouldn’t, I left my aunt’s house quickly and began to follow the directions that I had written down earlier.

Within only a few minutes of reading the numbers on mailboxes intently, I began to my aunt’s car down outside of a gated driveway that, judging by the number, I assumed to belong to Billie. He had failed to mention the fact that he had lived so close to my aunt that I honestly could have walked to his house. I cocked an eyebrow as I set the paper down on the passengers seat next to me. A gated driveway. For a moment I began to question if I had followed Billie’s directions correctly, however once I noticed the black BMW that I had seen a few times parked in my aunt’s driveway, I accepted that it probably wasn’t a coincidence and that this was the correct house.

I cocked an eyebrow and pursed my lips at the sight of the gothic-styled house that, quite honestly, seemed to resemble a castle that sat enclosed in the gates. While it looked exactly like the type of home I expected Billie to have style wise, the size of it confused me.

Apparently Billie’s band had done a lot better than he let on. That, or he certainly had a second job. Probably a third one, too.

I hesitated for a moment as I recalled the numbers that Billie had quickly told me to remember earlier that morning. While they hadn’t made sense at the time, I decided to give them a chance and pressed them into the keypad that sat a few feet from the gate. Sure enough, the gates slowly began to open.

Instead of heading further into Billie’s driveway as soon as the gates opened, I sat at the mouth of them for a minute or two as I the whole situation dawned on me. Only a mere week ago I had been crying and complaining that I had had no idea who Billie was, yet there I was, sitting at the mouth of his driveway about to enter his home. The guy that seemed to have been trying to hide his life from me had now welcomed me into his home.

A sensation of what seemed to be slight anxiety bubbled up in my stomach at the thought of if my aunt had known what I was currently doing, there was no doubt in my mind that she would have had me on the next flight back to Connecticut. Truth be told, despite how angry I was at her, I couldn’t really blame her for wanting to send me home after finding out that I had been over Billie’s house behind her back. I knew damn well that what I was doing was somewhat risky.

For a moment I began to wonder if going into Billie’s home and taking the chance of being sent back home was really worth it. She would send me home; that was a fact. Did I really want to go back to Connecticut? Granted, while there was a chance that she wouldn’t find out about what was going on at the moment, there also was an equal chance that she would.

After hesitating for a few more moments, I pulled my aunt’s car in front of Billie’s BMW and once parking, slowly pushed open the door and stepped out. Going back to Connecticut wouldn’t have been as awful as it sounded, if that had been my aunt’s punishment. I would have gone home to my best friend and truth be told, there really wasn’t much appealing about California other than Billie. If I couldn’t see Billie, I couldn’t see much of a reason to sit in my aunt’s home all day by myself.

I killed the engine to my aunt’s car and after making sure my makeup was alright, I pushed open the door and stepped into the driveway of his castle like home. At first I was confused as where I should have gone to get into his house, however after looking around for only a moment I found a brick walkway. I smoothed down my dress and pulled my cardigan around me closer before beginning to descend the walkway.

The house had been absolutely gorgeous from the outside. Living in New Canaan had introduced me to some beautiful and unique homes, such as the glass home that the small town had been famous for, however Billie’s house was unique in a different way.

I couldn’t help but wonder how the hell Billie had managed to afford it. He had made his band sound more like a nonchalant hobby than anything. His house seemed to disagree.

My attention turned from the beauty of Billie’s castle at what sounded like Billie voice angrily calling my name. I cocked an eyebrow at the sound of Billie calling Roxy repeatedly and slowly came to a stop on his walkway. Had I gone to the wrong house and Billie could see me and was calling my name? While I know that sounded stupid, I couldn’t imagine why else the voice, which by now I was sure was Billie, was so angrily calling my name.

I didn’t have to wait long to figure out what the hell was going on, due to the fact that only a moment or so after I had paused in the middle of the walkway, I felt myself being thrown back onto the ground. I gasped loudly in shock and then landed back, thankfully, on my ass in the grass that had been lining the walkway. While I had absolutely no idea what was going on at the moment, I was fully aware of a lot of weight on my chest, forcing me to stay down.

“Oh Jesus fucking Christ, Rocky,” a voice snarled. I could confirm the fact that the angry voice from before had indeed belonged to Billie considering he was now standing over me, however now instead of yelling, he had lowered his voice so that he was now scolding me. It took me a moment to realize that he wasn’t actually scolding me, but rather the furry four legged animal that had ambushed me. I heard him groan loudly and from what I could see sprawled out on the ground, he heaved what I now saw was a smaller-sized black and white dog from my body.

Before what was happening could even register in my mind, Billie had seized his dog and was carrying it up the walkway and to where I assumed the entryway to his house was. I slowly pushed myself up into an upright position and once I realized what exactly had just happened, a small giggle popped from my lips. Out of all of the ways that I had expected to be greeted that afternoon, I could honestly say that that hadn’t been even an option.

By the time I had stood up and brushed myself off, I had heard a door slam and then the soft, yet quick paced footsteps of Billie coming back down the path to were I awkwardly stood. As soon as he saw me, a large grin took over his features and he began to laugh. “I’m so sorry, Roxy,” he apologized through short bubbles of laughter. Despite the fact that I had been somewhat mortified of what had just happened to me, I couldn’t help but to begin to laugh. Billie slid an arm around my waist and rounded my body to see my back. He snorted loudly and began to wipe the ample amounts of grass that had clung to me off. “He’s like four months old. I got him because I felt bad about the divorce and the house was creepy with just me in it, so I thought it’d make Jake and Joey happier and kill two birds with one stone, y’know?” He sighed and rolled his eyes. “Of course they couldn’t want a german shepherd or a bull dog. They wanted him. I didn’t realize what a pain in the ass he’d be. I saw you were here, so I went to come down to the driveway to greet you but he fucking contorted his body and fit through the gap. He get’s really fuckin’ excited whenever he hears the gates open, and there’s no holding him back.”

I couldn’t help but begin to laugh at Billie’s ranting about his dog. “It’s okay, I’m okay,” I managed between giggles as I swatted his hands. Whether or not there was actual grass on my ass or Billie had decided to take a chance and use grass as an excuse, I certainly didn’t miss the way his hand found it’s way there quickly.

Billie chuckled as he stopped brushing the grass and dirt off of my body and turned his attention back to me. As soon as our eyes connected, a large, contagious grin slowly spread across his features before my own. While I was well aware of the fact that I had seen Billie only a mere 24 hours ago, the chaotic events of yesterday made it feel as if I had gone weeks without seeing him.

“Okay, I know I’m going to sound like a complete pussy,” Billie admitted. His infectious grin slowly turned into small, coy smile while he averted his eyes from my own. I had never seen Billie look even slightly unsure of himself, and even just the thought of it made my stomach flip. “But I really fucking missed you last night, Roxanne.” He slowly moved the hand that hadn’t been wrapped around my waist to the back of my neck and pushed my head closer to his own. I watched as his eyes dropped down to my lips and after only a moment’s hesitation, I felt the warm, somewhat familiar sensation of his lips press against them.

Almost instantly upon contact I noticed my heart begin to pound rapidly inside my chest. One would have thought that after making out with the man a few times, a simple kiss wouldn’t have had much of an effect on me. Perhaps if the events of yesterday hadn’t taken place, my legs wouldn’t have gone weak and my heart wouldn’t have jumped up to my throat and thumped loudly there, however those events had happened and my body did seem to be going into cardiac arrest.

Billie pulled away only a mere one or two seconds after he had first pursued the kiss and grinned. He slid the hand that had been resting on the back of my neck up to my chin and rubbed his thumb affectionately over my cheek while grinning down at me. He brushed another kiss over my lips, and then pulled away for good. “Come on,” he urged. “Let me show you la casa a Billie.”

I couldn’t help but snort at Billie’s completely cheesy, horribly incorrect Spanish accent. “Your house looks like a castle, Billie,” I pointed out as he took me by the hand and began to lead me up the pathway. I felt my cheeks burn at the feeling of him linking his fingers with my own.

He chuckled as we climbed the steps to his house, stopping briefly at a large, what seemed to be oak door. I rolled my eyes at the fact that even his front door resembled a castle. “It’s a nice house,” he admitted with a shrug while turning to face me in the entryway of his home. “I bought it back in ’97 for Adrienne, Joey and I. I tried to give it to her in the divorce, since I’m only getting the boys on the weekends and I don’t need a big house all to myself, but she refused. She said she didn’t want my money or my house.” He shrugged again. “It’s pretty big for just me, but I wasn’t going to sell it afterwards.” He frowned and I felt somewhat bad for him because of his next words. “Too many memories, y’know?”

Everything about Adrienne sounded so perfect to the point where I couldn’t understand why he would accept a divorce from her. Bryan seemed to have been much worse of a companion than she was, and letting him out of my life was next to impossible.

“So you got your dog?” I asked in hopes of lightening up the conversation.

Billie sighed and rolled his eyes. “Yeah. I got a fucking dog that takes up three quarters of my bed at night and ambushes all of my visitors, but tries to fucking crawl inside of me during a thunderstorm.” He ran a hand through his disheveled hair and turned to face the door. “Speaking of, hold on. I locked him in the kitchen but I’m sure he got out of that. I don’t want him to ambush you again and have you crack your fucking skull on the brick.”

I snorted loudly as Billie opened up the large door and stepped inside, only to close the door quickly. I heard a few obscenities and then the door slowly cracked open again. I took it as being welcomed into the home, and slowly pushed the door open a bit more so that my body could fit between the opening. Billie stood only five feet from me in his foyer, restraining his dog back by the red collar around it’s neck.

To say I was surprised by how completely different the interior of Billie’s house had been from the exterior would be such an understatement. Due to the gothic looking style architecture of Billie’s castle, I had expected the inside to be dark and decorated with the same medieval look. I had been completely surprised, however, by the bright white walls I had been met with. The foyer was brightly lit with a small chandelier hanging from the center of it. To the direct left of us was what looked to be a large, also brightly lit family room with two or three couches and a large TV mounted over the fireplace. To the right of us had been another open room with a grand piano in the center and a couple love seats in back of it, in front of another fireplace. I had been so perplexed by how beautifully decorated Billie’s house was, that I had barely noticed Rocky running around my feet as if begging me to greet him.

“What?” Billie asked with a chuckle. He stood up from his crouched position and closed the door behind me. “Not what you expected?”

My eyes turned to the 5’7” blonde that now stood in front of me. His white band t-shirt and his black shorts hardly showed the same style of the house. He laughed at what I’m sure was the baffled expression on my face. “I didn’t do this,” he stated while motioning to the rooms around us. “I don’t have this good of style. This was Adrienne.” He shrugged. “But I like it. I wasn’t going to re-do my house after we divorced. She had a good sense of style.”

Fantastic, she even had had an impeccable sense of style. While I knew that there was obviously as much competition between Adrienne and I as there was between Bryan and Billie (meaning absolutely none) I couldn’t help but be a bit jealous of all of the praise he had for his ex-wife. While I was sure that in the future I’d probably be the same about Bryan, at the moment I felt nothing but bitterness towards him, and I suppose I had assumed Billie would feel the same about his ex.

“Your house is beautiful,” I admitted lamely. Billie just laughed.

“It’s a mess,” he admitted. “I keep this room nice to deceive you.” He winked at me and I giggled. “Come on, I’ll give you a tour of my castle.”

I laughed at Billie’s words as he took my hand and began to lead me down the hallway that was directly in front of us. To the left of that hallway had been a long staircase that I assumed lead to another plethora of beautifully designed rooms. “You play the piano?” I asked Billie as we started down the hallway. We had already passed a few large doors that were the same style as the one that guarded his home, however I hadn’t questioned those.

Billie turned to look at me over his shoulder with a cocked eyebrow. “Yeah,” he answered. “Why, do you?”

I had played a bit of piano while growing up because my parents had forced me into lessons, however in my early teens I had “rebelled” and stopped going. Truth be told, quitting the piano had probably become one of my biggest regrets. The piano was beautiful and anyone who could play it, especially any man that could was swoon worthy in my book. Matthew Bellamy’s beautiful piano skills had been a big reason why I had gotten so into Muse. Over the years I had tried to subtly convince Bryan to try to learn it, but he was a stupid football player. He had wanted no part of the instrument. The fact that Billie could play the piano was dangerous when it came to my boundaries.

“I used to be able to,” I admitted. Billie had stopped leading us down the hallway and had turned to face me. “My parents forced me to take lessons, but when I was thirteen I stopped going because I thought it was lame.” I rolled my eyes at my younger self. “I think I might regret that more than anything else.”

Billie cocked an eyebrow and leaned against the wall next to us. “So when was the last time you played?” He asked.

I shrugged. “Years ago. I really don’t remember anything.”

A wide grin began to spread across Billie’s face. He pushed himself off of the wall and began to lead me down the hallway in the same direction that we had just come from. When we reached the foyer, he turned into the room with the grand piano in it. He led me over to it, pulled out the bench, and gently forced me to take a seat upon it.

I groaned and rolled my eyes as soon as he sat down next to me and lifted the top from the keys. I honestly couldn’t understand why I hadn’t seen this coming. “I really can’t remember anything, Billie. I learned how to play when I was like seven.”

Billie lifted his finger and tapped on his temple. “You don’t think you can remember anything. I bet you can. Try.”

I rolled my eyes once again and folded my arms. Billie chuckled and began to try to pry my arms apart. “Roxy, if I can teach myself how to play the piano, I’m sure your little rich girl ass can remember the lessons you got a few years ago.”

I scowled at Billie’s words, then cocked an eyebrow. Had I really heard that correctly? Billie had taught himself how to play the piano? I felt a few butterflies begin to flutter in my stomach as I found myself beginning to swoon for the guy all over again. “You taught yourself?” I asked slowly.

Billie nodded while continuing trying to pull my arms apart. At that point, I had let him get them. He grinned in satisfaction. “Yes, Roxanne. I wanted to play the piano, so I sat down and I began to play.” He rolled his eyes at my blank expression. “I did the same with my guitar, Roxy. Not everybody is blessed with the money to get lessons to play an instrument. I didn’t need lessons to become a musician, just some motivation.”

Despite the fact that it was apparent that Billie had had quite a bit of money and he had known that I was coming from a wealthy family, I sometimes felt as if he disliked that about me. But it wasn’t my fault that my family had wanted the best for me and could afford it. I hadn’t asked for the life I lived. It wasn’t as if I planned on actively feeding off of my parents for the rest of my life. I planned on graduating, going to college and then getting my own career and making my own money.

“I wasn’t criticizing you,” I admitted lowly. I dropped my eyes to the floor and away from Billie in embarrassment. While he hadn’t been yelling at me, I still felt bad for the tone I must have used. “I was just really impressed.”

Billie sighed softly and wrapped his tattooed arms around my small frame. He pulled my body against his on the bench and pressed a kiss to my temple. “I’m sorry,” he apologized sincerely. My heart fluttered at the words. He laughed quietly. “I came from a pretty poor family,” he admitted. “I mean, we weren’t like fuckin’ homeless or anything, but my mom was a single parent and I have 5 older brothers and sisters.” He frowned and I watched as his eyes clouded over briefly. For a moment I had considered asking what had happened to his father, but I decided against it. If Billie had wanted me to know, I’m sure he would have told me. “We didn’t really get shit. I didn’t get any fuckin’ piano lessons or shit. My mom did the best she could, but being a single parent of six was shit.” He rolled his eyes. “And her deadbeat second husband didn’t do shit to help her.”

I frowned and automatically went to apologize to Billie for coming off as ungrateful, if that had been what I had done. He cut me off, however. “My mom got my first guitar for me when er," he hesitated for a moment and it was now his eyes that dropped to the floor, “when my dad left.” He shrugged and despite the fact that he seemed to be trying to act as if he was okay, I could tell that there was something off. He eventually looked back up at me and forced a smile onto his face. “I know you’re not a spoiled brat, Roxy. I mean,” he paused and chuckled, “you are a spoiled brat, but you’re not the stereotypical ungrateful spoiled brat. You flip the fuck out when I offer to buy you a fuckin’ sandwich.” I giggled and a genuine grin appeared on his face. “I don’t know where I’m going with this. I guess sometimes I just get jealous at how easy some people have it growing up and how much it’s taken for granted.” He smiled lamely at me. “I’m sorry for ranting. Sometimes I go off on little tangents.”

I giggled quietly as Billie’s apology and for the first time since I had gotten to know him, I managed to muster up the courage to actually make a move on him. Without much hesitation at all, I placed both of my hands on either side of his cheek and pressed a sweet kiss upon his lips. Rather than being angry at him for ranting at me, I found him adorable. I suppose I could have seen where he was coming from having me talk about how I had been fortunate enough to have piano lessons and I stopped going meanwhile he had to teach himself everything he had wanted to learn. All I really knew was by the end of his ranting, I had wanted to do nothing other than kiss him.

Billie laughed at our collision of lips and after a few seconds, separated us. “Play me a song, Roxy,” he ordered.

I groaned and took my hands from his cheeks in order to fold them once again. I was about to list the reasons as to why I couldn’t play him a song at that exact moment, however as I went to open my mouth, something gold caught the corner of my eye. I cocked an eyebrow and turned to face the mantelpiece that hung over the fireplace on the other side of the room from us. My mouth dropped open in shock while my eyes widened. “Is that real?” I asked.

“What?” Billie asked. He sounded baffled and craned his neck to see what I was seeing. “What?” He asked again, although this time he sounded a lot less impressed. “The fireplace? Yeah, Roxanne, that’s real. I could light a fire in it if you’d really like,” he continued.

I scowled at his sarcasm and lifted myself off of the bench. Although he didn’t follow me over to the fireplace, Billie stood up slowly from where he had been seated. When he saw what I had been going for, I heard him mutter, “oh,” and sit down again.

I stepped quickly over to the fireplace and slowly lifted the surprisingly heavy award from the mantelpiece.

NATIONAL ACADEMY OF RECORDING ARTS & SCIENCES
GREEN DAY
ARTIST
BEST ALTERNATIVE MUSIC PERFORMANCE – 1994
“DOOKIE”

“No shit,” I gasped as I looked away from the award to Billie. I wasn’t sure if it was the lighting or just my eyes, but the man looked about three shades lighter than he had when I had just been sitting next to him. “Is this real?” I asked.

Billie looked up from the piano keys he had suddenly become so focused on with what seemed to be a bored expression on his face. “Yeah, it’s real.”

I slowly crossed the room back to where Billie was seated, carrying the award with me. “Where’d you get it?” I asked slowly while still marveling at its beauty. I glanced up at Billie and then back to the engraving in the award. “Green Day?” I asked slowly with an arched eyebrow. “What, did you buy it?”

Billie sighed heavily and sat upright on the bench. “I’ll tell you if you play me a song,” he compromised. I wasn’t having any of it, though. My attention had turned far from the piano we were seated at and was now completely focused upon the small award sitting in my hands.

I looked back down at the engraving, and suddenly my aunt’s words clicked into my mind as if they had been a missing puzzle piece. “They live around here,” I stated lamely. “My aunt told me that the other night when I looked them up on iTunes.” Out of the corner of my eyes I could see Billie’s head turn to look at me. I look up at him. “Is that how you got it?” I asked. “You’re friends with them or something?”

Billie didn’t say anything, but continued to stare at me for a few moments with a blank expression on his face. His emotions were truly unreadable at the moment. When I was about to ask him if he had been alright, he clicked his tongue loudly and took the award from me. “I can’t tell anymore, Roxanne, I really can’t,” he admitted.

I went to question what he couldn’t tell, however he interrupted me. “Like, sometimes I think you really are in the dark, and others, like now, I really think you know everything and you’re just fucking with me.”

I cocked an eyebrow and crossed my arms. His words made literally absolutely no sense to me. While I was fully aware that I could be a bit naïve in certain situations, I couldn’t see how I was, here. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I finally said. I motioned to the award. “I was just wondering where you got it.”

Billie stared at me for a moment and then down at the award. “Do you really have genuinely no fucking clue who I am, Roxy?” He asked slowly. “I want to believe that you’re just a really fucking shy, sweet girl that is just attracted to me, but it’s getting pretty fucking hard.” He looked up at me and narrowed his eyes. Despite the fact that I knew I had done absolutely nothing wrong and I had no clue as to why Billie looked angry at me, I could feel tears prickling at my eyes. I swallowed thickly and refused to shed them.

“I don’t understand why you’re getting angry at me,” I admitted. “I’m shy, Billie,” I snapped. “I’ve told you over and over how Bryan was my only boyfriend. Why the hell would I act shy around you? How the hell does the benefit me?”

Billie lifted a hand to rub his eye and then run through his hair. “How the fuck do you know where Green Day is from?” Billie asked. He sounded agitated. “Why’d you go and look them up?”

I frowned at his tone and folded my arms. “My aunt told me,” I explained for the second time. “The night when you were acting so weird about liking them, I went home and looked them up on iTunes because I couldn’t, for the life of me, understand why you were acting as if you were an avid fan of Britney Spears or something.” He didn’t say a word so I continued. “I listened to the first few songs of them, and realized I recognized them from various times. Like prom, and Bryans graduation, and I’m pretty sure Bryan had a CD or two.” I paused and looked down at the award. Anywhere to get away from the piercing green eyes. “My aunt came home, and came into my room and heard me listening to them. She said that they live around here, and that she’s seen the lead singer around a bit.” I wasn’t even looking at Billie, but I could see his body tense. He swallowed thickly and I scowled. “Why are you so fucking weird about this band, Billie? Like, is it because you’re obsessed with them and you don’t want me to know or something because you think I’ll think you’re weird or something?”

Billie mouth opened and closed a few times. He didn’t look as angry anymore as he did baffled. I felt proud of myself for making him speechless. He had become such a dick about something so simple. All I had wanted to know was where he got a Grammy considering there were only so many of them circulating the globe.

“You looked them up on your computer,” Billie asked. I nodded and he cocked an eyebrow. “I have no fucking clue what iTunes is, Roxanne. That’s a foreign language to me. What the fuck is iTunes?”

“It just has their music for you to download digitally,” I stated. I crossed my arms and glared over at him. I made a mental note not to question the asshole about anything else in his home. Apparently he was incredibly touchy about his possessions.

“So you didn’t look up pictures of them?” He asked incredulously. “Band biography? You just heard their fucking music and your aunt just happened to come in and mention that they live around here? Your ex was an fan and you claim to have no idea who I am? Come on, Roxanne!”

I frowned and stood up, ready to just leave Billie’s house. What the hell had Bryan being a fan of Green Day had to do with anything? What had any of that had to do with anything? Why were we even having this conversation? Why had Billie kept asking me if I had any idea of who he was? He sounded stupid and arrogant, like a small celebrity with an ego the size of Texas. I had known that Billie had had a tempter, but this was ridiculous. Not to mention uncalled for. None of this made any sense to me, and I was tired of it. “Come on what, Billie?” I asked. By them I was beginning to feel the familiar sensation of tears attempting to leak from my eyes, however I wasn’t going to give Billie the satisfaction of making me crying. Not here, not now. “I don’t understand any of this! All I did was ask you about that Grammy that was just sitting on your mantelpiece as if it was no big deal!”

"Jesus fucking Christ, that’s my fucking Grammy, Roxanne,” Billie finally snapped. He scowled loudly at me and ran a hand through his hair angrily. “The reason I am so weird about liking the band Green Day is because I am Green Day. That is me. That Grammy is mine. I won it in 1994.”
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