Roxanne
033.
Billie had slept for a solid four hours that afternoon, much to my delight. When he had woken up around 4 o’clock that afternoon, he had turned to me, who had decided to read one of the many books I had packed to bring down to LA with me, and had begun to apologize profusely. In return, I placed my book down and just hugged him, admitting that I was thrilled that he had finally gotten some sleep. Despite only having slept for four hours, it was incredible just how refreshed the poor man looked. The deep, dark circles that had formed under his eyes seemed to have receded a bit, while his eyelids no longer drooped down so far. In just a matter of hours, Billie had begun to look like the man that I had fallen so madly in love with rather than a prisoner in his own body.
Because he was so devastated that he had spent “so much time wasted” sleeping, Billie immediately demanded for me to allow him to take me out to dinner. I refused, stating again how ridiculous that was and that I was thrilled I was that he had slept. The two of us had bickered for fifteen or so minutes before we had compromised and decided to go to the beach. Billie had muttered something about how it felt more like I had won and less like a compromise, but I only smiled in return and pretended that I hadn’t heard him.
The two of us ended up spending the rest of the day at the beach, only deciding to head back to his adorable home when the sun had completely disappeared behind the horizon. The water in southern California was surprisingly cold, therefore we didn’t spend too much time in it, but instead lying and walking along the beach. Billie had admitted to me that he had begun to take up surfing and despite my constant pleas, he refused to show me. He wouldn’t give me a reason as to why, but I was sure that I had seen his cheeks turn a light shade of pink that may have been sunburn, but I didn’t believe so.
When we finally went inside that evening it was around 9:00, therefore too late to shower and head out to sit down to eat, much to my pleasure and Billie’s distaste. Rather than going out anywhere, the two of us ended up sharing the couch in his living room while flipping through the TV channels. We had started out sitting upright, but the longer we sat there, I couldn’t help but notice Billie begin to slouch more and more until he was sprawled out across it. After not much longer did I decide to join him. Billie seemed to hesitate, however eventually ended up wrapping both of his arms around my body and pulling me as close as possible to his own. Within minutes of getting settled into our new position, I heard soft snores begin to escape from Billie’s barely parted lips. Deciding that I hadn’t been quite ready to go to my room and sleep alone, I eventually decided to join him, and allowed myself to also fall asleep on the couch.
+++
I was woken up the next morning by the smell of pancakes wafting through the cracks of my closed bedroom door. I continued to lie in bed for a few moments, listening to the soft footsteps before finally realizing that I was inside of the guest bedroom in bed, rather than on the couch where I had fallen asleep the night before. I continued to lie in the bed for a few minutes, desperately trying to remember anything about how I had gotten there, but came up empty.
Was it wrong that despite the fact that I had made such a big stink about it less than 24 hours ago, I was actually disappointed to have woken up alone in my own bed rather than next to him in his? I had wanted to sleep separately when I had thought that he was a lying bastard, but now that I had been told the truth, I wanted to be as close to him as possible at all times.
I slowly removed myself from my comfortable bed and took a look at myself in the mirror. I frowned as I gently rubbed away what was left of yesterday’s makeup. After standing there for a few minutes, my rubbing becoming more and more harsh when I realized the lack of effect it was having, I decided to give up and take a shower. Just because I was sleeping over Billie’s home didn’t mean that he had to see the mess I was when I woke up every morning. If I had it my way, he would never see me that way.
I quickly showered in the bathroom that was (thankfully) connected to the bedroom that I had chosen the day before. Once stepping out, I threw my pajamas, a tank top and a pair of shorts, on and applied makeup quickly. I knew that showering and putting makeup on at 9:00 in the morning, just to go and eat breakfast was far too much, but I was still unable to stop myself.
When I finally deemed myself worthy that morning, I finally pulled open the door to the bedroom and stepped out into the living room. Across the room, Billie stood in the connected kitchen, humming to himself while flipping pancakes in a pan that he was holding. My heart melted instantly at the sight before me, and I couldn’t help but regretting the time I spent getting ready when I could have been with him instead. At the sound of my footsteps, Billie looked up from the food he was making and over to me. He grinned widely at me.
“Good morning, gorgeous,” he greeted while waving his hand that was holding the spatula at me. I waved back. “I thought I heard the shower.”
We’d only gotten to the adorable home about 24 hours ago, but Billie already looked like a completely different man. The beard that he had grown over the past week had been shaved off that morning and while there were still the hint of circles under his eyes, they weren’t the first thing I noticed anymore. Despite having only gone to bed 8 or so hours ago, Billie looked a noticeably amount healthier. I was ecstatic to see so.
“Good morning,” I murmured while running a hand through my long hair. Was it selfish that I had missed him calling me names such as beautiful or babe?
“I was going to make you breakfast in bed,” Billie admitted while sliding a pancake from the pan he was holding and onto a plate that had a few more there. I felt my heart skip a beat at his words. “But, I burned the first few of course. It smelt like shit and that’s probably what woke you up.” He rolled his eyes and sighed. “Sorry.”
I went to respond to Billie, and tell him that it was quite alright and that there wasn’t much else in this world that I would have enjoyed waking up to more than the smell of his burnt pancakes, however he continued speaking before I could do so. “You know,” Billie continued. I cocked an eyebrow while stepping across the small house so that I was closer to him. “I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this, and I apologize if I haven’t, but it’s actually not required to wear makeup when in my presence.”
Despite the fact that I had known that he was going to mock me for showering and putting on makeup at nine in the morning, I couldn’t help but feel my cheeks begin to burn. Billie laughed at my clear embarrassment and instead of teasing me more, he reached out for my hand and tugged it so that I would step closer to him. Upon our torsos meeting, he smiled widely at me and leaned in to press a sweet kiss to my nose. I could actually feel my legs begin to wobble, however I must admit, I did quite a good job at hiding it from him.
“Maybe I like wearing makeup,” I quipped, however I wasn’t very convincing with the way that my voice was shaking. A week away from him, and I was back to jelly. “Maybe you should try it sometime.”
Billie grinned. “Yeah? Would you help me?” I’d never admit it to him, but I loved his teasing. I loved literally everything about him.
I giggled at him. “We could put some eyeliner on you. I think you could pull it off.”
Billie laughed and rolled his eyes at me. He leaned in to press another kiss to my nose, and then with my body still pressed against his, he turned back to the stove to save the pancakes he had been cooking from burning as the others had done. When he was facing the stove, I decided that I had had enough of no contact with him, and stepped forward so that my torso was pressed against his back. Billie froze momentarily at the contact and I almost pulled back away in fear that he wasn’t okay with it, however I felt at ease as he reached behind him with his free hand to find my own. I smiled as our fingers laced together.
“So,” Billie started while pouring more batter into the pan with his free hand. I gently rested my head against his back while listening to him speak. Billie shifted us so that we were in front of the counter rather than the stove, then turned around so that he was facing me. Wordlessly, he pulled me against his body and wrapped his arms around mine. I slid my hands up under his t-shirt so that I could feel his smooth skin and placed my head against his chest. “I say we go to the beach today,” he offered. I wordlessly nodded against his chest. The man could have told me he wanted to walk to Mexico that afternoon and I probably would have agreed. “It’s supposed to be shitty and storm all tomorrow, so you’ll have to get sunburnt today.”
I scowled and pinched his stomach. Billie just laughed in response and tightened his arms around me. I wanted to argue, but he wasn’t wrong. With being primarily irish, I wasn’t known for being tan. If I didn’t wear SPF 100 sunscreen, I more than likely spent my summer completely burnt.
“I also say, after we go to the beach, I take you out to dinner tonight,” he offered.
I lifted my head from his warm chest so that I could look at his face and make eye contact with him. “Where?” I asked cautiously. Billie shrugged nonchalantly, however there was a smile tugging at his lips that led me to believe he had more of an idea as to where than he was letting on. “Where?” I repeated while narrowing my eyes.
Billie rolled his eyes again at me. “You don't even know any restaurants down here, so it wouldn't matter if I told you the name. Either way, who gives a fuck? Shit, just let me take you out to eat."
"What's the average price for an entree?" I asked once realizing that he was correct, and that I didn't know any restaurants in California other than the ones he and I had gone to. It didn't mean I was letting him off the hook, though.
He rolled his eyes for the third time that morning while playfully wiping some pancake batter onto my nose. I swatted at his hand while trying to brush it off, despite the fact that on the inside I had been swooning at how adorable he was. “The average price is whatever you want it to be, babe,” he murmured playfully while wiping more batter on my cheeks. I sighed angrily while continuing to fight a losing battle.
When Billie saw the pout upon my lips, he sighed heavily. “Let me take you out, Roxy. I want to do this. We don’t have to go to some pretentious fuckin’ place, but I want to take you out for a nice dinner.” He slid his calloused hand into mine and pulled it up to his lips so that he was able to place a gentle kiss upon it. The asshole knew how to make me melt and although I would have loved to have said that I was finally able to have some control over my body, I ended up melting instantly. Billie had me all but wrapped around his tattooed finger.
“I’ve wanted to take you out on a nice date since the day I asked you out on our first date,” Billie continued, as if he didn’t know that he had already had me. “When I asked you out on a date that night on your aunt’s porch, I pictured taking you out to a fancy-ass restaurant to impress you,” he admitted with a soft chuckle. “I never pictured you telling me to bring you to a little hole in the wall. I thought I’d get over it, since I got lucky and you’re so down to earth, but dammit, Roxy, I want to take you out so goddamn bad. Let me do it.”
I sighed heavily at the fact that I was even considering allowing it to happen. “Will it make you happy?” I finally asked after mulling over my options in my head.
Billie grinned widely at me while his eyes lit up with excitement. He knew that he had won. “Ecstatic.”
+++
Shortly after Billie had finally made some edible pancakes that morning, the two of us had changed and gone down to the beach. We had spent all of the afternoon as we had the previous one, resulting in me being incredibly burnt, despite all of the suntan lotion I had kept applying, as Billie had predicted before. I tried desperately to use my sunburn as an excuse to not go out to dinner, stating that I was in far too much pain, however it was to no avail. Billie was one of the most stubborn people I had ever met and when he put his mind to something, he got it. It was actually quite impressive.
I had managed to squeeze into a dress that evening despite the fact that anything that touched my skin felt like nails being dragged across it, meanwhile Billie had pulled on a short-sleeved button up shirt. If I hadn’t had a thing for tattooed men in short-sleeved shirts before seeing him that evening, I certainly did now. If we had been in a cartoon, my eyes would have turned into two giant hearts when I first saw him that evening.
“Oh my poor little lobster,” Billie had cooed while gingerly wrapping an arm around my nearly fluorescent red shoulders and pressing a kiss to my equally bright forehead. My first impulse was to smack him, however I ended up just pouting despite the fact that I was swooning like mad over him.
Billie ended up taking us to a small, nice restaurant about 20 minutes away from his adorable home. It was certainly nicer than the normal place we went to eat, however to my pleasant surprise, Billie had stayed true to his words and it had still been comfortable.
It shouldn’t have been a surprise, but we ended up having a surprisingly good evening. Allowing Billie to take me out and spend what I’m sure was a silly amount of money wasn’t nearly as much torture as I had been anticipating. In fact, I had thoroughly enjoyed myself.
“So was it as utterly painful as you expected?” Billie asked once we entered his house again that evening. He unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt and immediately switched on the air conditioner. At the sight of his colorful tattoos peaking out from underneath the fabric of his shirt, I found myself having to actually concentrate on answering him. Not only was he wearing a button up shirt, but it was now half buttoned. I was a complete disaster and there was no way that he hadn’t noticed.
“Well, the food was actually incredible,” I admitted. Billie grinned in triumph. “But my date was kind of pretentious about it, so that pretty much ruined it for me. Probably wouldn’t do it again.”
Billie rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue in annoyance while I fought back a grin. “I’ll take that as a it was perfect, thank you.”
I giggled as I stepped closer to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I hesitated for a moment, but then gently placed one of my hands on his freshly shaven cheek. Billie grinned widely at my touch and pressed a kiss into the palm of my hand.
I had been around Billie for two days now without kissing him, and it was actually starting to feel like torture. Everything had seemed completely normal between the two of us, but he still hadn’t attempted, or even seemed as if he wanted to attempt to kiss me. The worst part was that I couldn’t tell if it was because he was nervous to kiss me because he was afraid that I would turn him down, or if it was because he just didn’t want to kiss me. For all I knew, Billie was counting down the minutes until we left his home in Newport Beach because the week we had spent apart had given him some time to actually think about us and he realized how much we didn’t fit together.
Out of fear, I had been (im)patiently waiting for Billie to finally make a move on me, but I was becoming tired of it. I had thoroughly enjoyed all of the flirting, and how at any given time he seemed to have been touching me in some way, but I wanted--needed more.
“Really though,” I started quietly. I grinned as he leaned closer so that his forehead was pressed up against my own. “Thank you for dinner. I hate having you spend money on me, but I really did have a fabulous time.”
“I told you you’d have fun.”
“Hmm,” I hummed while reaching a hand up to run through his dark hair. I was giving him all of the signs that it was totally cool to kiss me. I was holding him as close as possible to me, our foreheads were resting upon each other's and I was playing with his hair. “I don’t know if I would have called it fun. There’s that whole pretentious thing again.”
Billie rolled his eyes, but ended up laughing. “God, you’re the most fucking impossible person I’ve ever met, Roxanne Watson. I mean shit, I know you’re a teenager and shit, but you’re exceptionally impossible.”
“You kind of enjoy it though, right?” I asked timidly, suddenly becoming nervous that I actually infuriated Billie.
“Not at all,” Billie replied, but the smile on his lips proved otherwise. I grinned back at Billie, relieved that he really had been joking with me. When I decided that I couldn’t handle whatever game we were playing anymore, I placed my hand that had been in his hair back on his cheek, and pulled his lips into my own. Billie seemed to freeze for a second in surprise at the contact of our lips, however he recuperated quite quickly. For the first time in well over a week, I was finally able to feel his lips on my own again.
We stood there for a few moments until Billie decided that he had had enough of standing in the middle of the kitchen and began to push us back towards adjacent wall. I hit it with a small “oof,” to which Billie laughed at, however otherwise it had absolutely no effect on us. As we stood there, with him pinning me to the wall with his body as he kissed me as if he had just been returning from war, I suddenly felt so silly for ever being afraid that Billie hadn’t wanted to kiss me. I also felt beyond silly for not having kissed him sooner.
I allowed him to continue to pin my body to the wall despite how much my back burned from my burnt skin being pushed against it, just as I allowed him to remove his lips from my own to trail down my jaw and neck to my chest. His touch was igniting and I never wanted him to stop.
“Oh,” I whimpered in pain as he accidentally scratched my shoulder while scraping at the strap to my dress. I hadn’t wanted him to stop, but it had literally felt as if he had dragged a nail across my shoulder.
Billie shot up at once in surprise at my noise of displeasure. “Are you okay?” He gasped in surprise. “I’m sorry, did I hurt you?”
“No, no,” I answered quickly, trying to move past it so that he would continue. Unfortunately for myself, he showed no signs of doing so. “My sunburn just hurts a lot,” I admitted quietly. I couldn’t help but feel somewhat embarrassed. I knew I was only eighteen years old, but by eighteen years old, I should have known how to go to the beach without scorching myself.
As soon as he realized that he hadn’t actually done anything that I disliked, a warm, sympathetic smile pulled at his lips. He leaned forward and pressed a soft, sweet kiss to my lips. “My poor little lobster,” he murmured against my mouth. I lifted my hands to his hair in order to try to prevent him from stopping kissing me, however it was to no avail. Billie pulled away after a moment and as gently as he possibly could and fixed the strap to my dress that he had pushed down before. I nearly pleaded with him not to.
“I have aloe in the bathroom,” he cooed while running a hand through my hair. “Let me go get it. Change into something more comfortable and we’ll get you all gooped up.”
“That sounds disgusting,” I muttered in detest as he pulled away. What didn’t sound disgusting, however, was him continuing to kiss me and I desperately wanted him to know that.
Billie just rolled his eyes and disappeared into the bathroom that was only a few feet away, while motioning to me to go to my bedroom. I sighed in complete defeat and eventually followed his directions, going into my room to change into the tank top that I had worn to bed the previous night along with a pair of probably too short of shorts to wear anywhere other than to sleep.
I received my confirmation when I stepped back into the living room where Billie had been waiting for me. Upon my presence, and seeing my outfit, I noticed Billie’s eyes widen a bit. I felt my cheeks burn as I felt his eyes crawl over my body and nearly laughed as he noticed that he was very clearly staring and forced himself to look away. He bit down onto his bottom lip and cleared his throat quietly. “Okay,” he started awkwardly. Despite the fact that I had had no intention of making Billie nervous and really was only wearing my pajamas, I had to admit that I was thoroughly enjoying the reaction that I was getting from him.
“I’ll, uh, I’ll start on your shoulders,” Billie stuttered as I sat down on the couch next to him.
“Okay,” I agreed. I lifted a finger to the strap of my tank top. “Should I move these down? Would that be easier?”
I was completely screwing with him. There was absolutely no reason whatsoever that I would have needed to pull the very thin straps of my tank top down to help him apply aloe to my shoulders. When we had first started dating, anytime Billie had even looked at me I had found myself flustered and it had always been very apparently that he had loved the effect that he had had on me. Now that I was in his place, I completely understood why he always seemed to have been actively making me as flustered as possible.
“Uh,” Billie spluttered while running a hand through his hair nervously, “uh, no, no, I think that’s alright.”
I decided to give Billie a break from teasing him and allowed the poor man to help me with my sunburn. He had applied aloe to my shoulders and all of my back, but stopped as he was about to spread it over my chest. He looked up at me, back to my chest, then decided to just reapply another layer to my shoulders. I tried desperately to act as if I hadn’t noticed, but was unable to suppress a small giggle. For one of the first times since I had ever known Billie, I could have sworn that I saw a blush creep into his cheeks. I adored how flustered he could become.
The two of us eventually ended up shuffling on the couch so that we were lying down together, he on his back with me lying curled up next to him while he channel surfed. Occasionally he asked my opinion on whether or not to watch what he had pulled up, however I wasn’t much use to him as I had begun to drift off next to him. Despite desperately trying to fight off sleep, I had ended up completely falling into a deep slumber next to the handsome man after a while. I was woken up not too much later, however, by the feeling of being picked up.
“Wah?” I gasped while my eyes tried to focus on something, anything around me.
I felt Billie’s chest vibrate beneath me as he laughed quietly at my clear disorientation. “Shh,” he cooed while leaning in to press a soft kiss to my forehead. “You fell asleep,” he informed me, seeing as I clearly wasn’t understanding that myself. “I was just going to bed, but I didn’t want to wake you up. You looked too peaceful.” My eyes finally focused on the house around us just in time for me to notice that Billie was standing in the doorway to my guest bedroom in hesitation. He seemed to think for a moment before asking, “Roxy, do you want to sleep in your room or mine tonight?”
I felt my heart leap into my throat at his offer. I didn’t even have to think about which I wanted more, with how desperately I craved Billie’s touch. I had wanted absolutely nothing more in my life than to be able to curl up with Billie in his bed and sleep in his arms. I was thankful that I was groggy, or I may have come off as far too eager.
“Mine,” I croaked. I realized my mistake instantly and almost gasped in horror at how easily I had just screwed that up. How had that even been possible? I was immediately no longer thankful that I was groggy.
Billie sighed softly and nodded his head, as if to show that he was completely fine with my choice. If I hadn’t known him any better, I would have missed the fact that he was clearly disappointed. I guaranteed that he wasn’t even half as disappointed as I had been. For a moment I seriously considered admitting that I had messed up, but I ended up being far too embarrassed to do so. I wasn’t quite sure how to say “no, my mistake, I actually want to sleep with you,” although that probably wouldn’t have sounded too bad. I didn’t want to come off as desperate.
“Okay,” Billie agreed quietly as he entered my room. I wanted to tell him to not be disappointed and to definitely not take it personally because I had just been groggy. I groaned inwardly at how unbelievably stupid I was as he very gently lowered me onto my bed.
“Goodnight, beautiful,” Billie cooed after tucking me into the blankets of my bed. The bed was incredibly comfortable, but it would have been even more comfortable had he been in it with me. He leaned in and gently kissed my lips before turning out the light and exiting the bedroom. I could have screamed.
Despite the fact that I had passed out on Billie when we had been lying on the couch earlier that night, thanks to the awful the decision that I had just mistakenly made, I found myself lying in bed wide awake. I sighed heavily in disappointment as I lied there in the dark room, only faintly illuminated by the digits of an alarm clock next to my bed, by myself while turning over repeatedly as if discomfort, rather than self loathing, had been the reason that I was having trouble sleeping. I stopped silently berating myself, however, at the faint sound of thunder in the distance. In fact, I froze.
I had never ended up telling Billie about my horrific fear of thunderstorms. He had spent that one back in June with me while my aunt had been away, which had been pretty much the only one I had experienced while being in California. If I didn’t have to deal with a thunderstorm, I certainly wasn’t going to go and offer that embarrassing information about myself. I planned to live the rest of my life without telling Billie about my absurd fear if possible.
I continued to lie in silence, other than the soft hum of the air conditioner, in the bed for a few minutes, silently praying that I had slept through the storm and that what I had been hearing was end of a storm that was now headed away from us. As the thunder got closer and closer by the minute, however, I realized that my praying wasn’t doing much for me. As much as I regretted saying that I wanted to sleep in my room that night, I refused to get up and go into Billie’s room without an invitation. If I entered his bedroom now, I would either have to admit that I was terrified of thunderstorms, or that I regretted saying that I wanted to sleep in my own room. While I knew that he more than likely wouldn’t have cared about my explanation and would have just been happy to have had me there with him, I refused to submit myself to that humiliation yet.
Perhaps this was it, I told myself. Perhaps this would be the time that I would face my fear head on and realize that thunderstorms were nothing. This would be the night that I would remember as the time that I got over my fear of thunderstorms.
As the air conditioner along with the alarm clock switched off, leaving me in complete silence and darkness, I realized that this most certainly would not be the night nor the time I got over my fear of thunderstorms.
I whimpered quietly to myself as I threw back the blankets that Billie had tucked me into only ten or fifteen minutes ago. I pulled open the door to my bedroom that he had closed, practically sprinted across the pitch black living room and climbed the stairs that led to his bedroom equally as fast. When I came to his closed bedroom door, however, was the first time that I paused.
He was asleep, I told myself. Just let the poor man sleep.
I had almost convinced myself to leave Billie alone for the night when there was another loud clap of thunder. Without allowing myself to waste anymore time, I quickly knocked my hand against Billie’s closed bedroom door three times. I almost backed away, not quite sure what to do if he had been asleep and didn’t answer me when I heard a faint “come in”.
Without any hesitation, I pushed open the bedroom door. Billie sat upright in his bed with his back up against his headboard, a book in his lap and a flashlight in his right hand. He looked up from the book that he had been reading in the dark to me. My grip tightened around the doorknob as I felt my legs instantly begin to wobble as I began to swoon like mad.
“Power’s out,” I stated as I stepped as nonchalantly as possible into Billie’s spacious bedroom. Judging by the flashlight that he had currently been holding, it was pretty obvious that he had already noticed.
“So it is,” Billie agreed, clearly somewhat confused by the fact that I had felt the need to come upstairs to let him know. I groaned inwardly at the situation I had just gotten myself into. I was eighteen years old, I should have been able to deal with one thunderstorm. Would it have been too weird to have turned back around and headed back out the door as if that had been all that I had wanted to tell him? I highly considered it.
“My room is really hot,” I admitted. I wasn’t lying. We were in southern California in the middle of the summer, of course my room was hot. However, Billie’s room may have been even hotter. From just standing in the doorway to his room, I had already begun to sweat a bit.
From the glow of his flashlight, I was able to see Billie cock an eyebrow at my odd attempt of explaining why I was currently standing in his doorway. “I’m afraid I can’t help you there,” he stated slowly, clearly somewhat surprised that he had to explain that to me. “The power is out.”
I wanted to cry. “I really don’t like thunderstorms,” I finally blurted out when I found myself unable to come up with any other poor excuse. “I had a really bad time when I was really young during one, and I haven’t spent one alone since.”
At the first thing I said that finally made sense, Billie cracked a smile. I felt instantly relieved when he didn’t laugh at me. Billie closed his book, placed it on the dresser beside his bed and patted the spot on the bed next to him. Without waiting for him to say anything to me, I closed his bedroom door, crossed the room and climbed into the bed next to him.
It was then that I realized that other than a pair of boxers, Billie had no clothes on.
I shouldn’t have been surprised, seeing as Billie had been in his bedroom, where he slept, however I still immediately felt awkward. I had seen Billie in swim trunks, yes, but it felt completely different. When he had stayed over at my aunt’s house while she was in Los Angeles, we had slept on one of her plush couches, and he had kept his t-shirt and a pair of shorts on. Now that I was sitting in his bed, with a half naked man, I couldn’t help but wonder if I had made a mistake.
“Why haven’t you ever told me?” Billie asked while turning on his side so that he was facing me. I slid lower into the bed so that my head was resting on the pillows that had been on my side.
“Because it’s mortifying,” I stated, somewhat surprised that he even had to ask. I was eighteen years old and I was afraid of thunderstorms. He really didn’t understand why I didn’t willingly offer that information?
Billie stood the flashlight upright on his dresser to that it faintly illuminated the bedroom enough so that we could see each other. He smiled at me. “We’re all afraid of shit, Roxy,” he offered with a casual shrug. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I’m afraid of guns.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “Is that supposed to make me feel better? Who isn’t afraid of guns?” I asked incredulously.
Billie smiled at me. “Fine. Shit, I don’t know...I’m not a big fan of things with seeds in them. They gross me the fuck out. I can’t eat poppy seed or sesame seed bagels or anything. I’ve tried and I gag every time.”
Despite the fact that Billie was clearly not judgemental in anyway about my ridiculous fear, I couldn’t help but giggle at his words. Billie didn’t seem phased at all by my giggling and only continued to smile at me.
Despite the claps of thunder that were only getting louder and more frequent, I actually felt completely fine.
“Can I tell you something?” I asked quietly after a few moments. Truth be told, I hadn’t even been sure that he was still awake. If he wasn’t, I decided that I would let it go. If he was, however, I wanted to apologize for the mistake I had made earlier when saying that I preferred my room. I had felt as if I had made so much progress with Billie and I was slightly terrified that I had thrown him off by turning down going to sleep next to him.
“Anything,” he murmured. I smiled to myself when I noticed that his eyes were slowly drooping closed.
“I meant to say your room before,” I admitted. He had handled my confession about being terrified of thunderstorms so well that I figured why not to telling him the other.
Billie’s eyes slowly began to open back up. He blinked a few times as he processed what I had just said to him. When he must have figured out what I had meant, he smiled warmly at me. “I totally messed up,” I admitted with a sheepish laugh. “I was groggy and accidentally said the wrong thing, but then I was too embarrassed to admit it to you. I couldn’t sleep after you’d left because I was so angry at myself.”
Billie laughed at my second confession of the evening. He shifted closer to me on the bed so that he had closed the gap that had been between us. He lifted one of his arms as if to invite me into them, which I was very happy to do.
“You spend more of your time in a state of panic over what you’ve recently said or done, don’t you?” Billie asked with a quiet chuckle. I loved the way his throat vibrated against me with each word that he spoke.
I felt my cheeks burn in slight embarrassment at how correct he had been. “It’s only really ever been around you,” I admitted quietly into his chest. Billie pulled back a bit so that he was able to look down at me, clearly not understanding what I had said. “I feel like I make a fool out of myself whenever I’m around you.”
Billie’s eyebrows rose in surprise at my words. “You’re insane,” he said slowly, clearly baffled by what I had just told him. Out of everything that I had confessed within the past few minutes, that was what he had been the most perplexed by.
“Roxy,” Billie cooed. He sat up a bit so that I had to look up at him as he leaned over me. “I fuckin--I hang onto every word that you say. If you were an author, I’d read every single book that you’d ever write.” I felt my heart skip a beat at his beautifully sweet words. “I find you unbelievably incredible. Every single day I’m with you, you blow me away.” He shook his head slowly in disbelief.
“I do such stupid things, though,” I answered. Billie didn’t say anything, just stared at me. “You don’t understand just how much I regret flipping out on your that day outside the cafe. I’m constantly flipping out on you.”
Billie laughed loudly, clearly amused. “Welcome to club,” he laughed. “Everyone is always flipping out on me. It’s because I’m usually doing something really fucking stupid. That's nothing on you.” Billie smiled down at me while lifting a calloused hand to place on my cheek. He leaned down and gently brushed his lips against my own.
“I really missed you that week,” I whispered (my fourth confession that night) against his lips when he had pulled away a few moments later. Billie paused and smiled softly down at me. “I don’t know if I’ve ever told you that. But I did.” I paused for a moment. “I’m really happy that I didn’t go home and that I’m here right now.”
“Where?” Billie asked while leaning in to kiss me again.
I felt a few butterflies flutter around my stomach as his lips lingered on mine. “Here,” I murmured once he had slowly pulled back again.
“And where’s here?” He asked as he slowly dipped his head back down. I welcomed his lips again.
“In Newport with you,” I divulged. I felt the hair on the back of my neck bristle as his hand cautiously slid underneath my tank top and across my stomach.
“Hmmm, yeah?” He hummed while placing soft kisses across my jaw towards my ear. My eyes fluttered shut while my head involuntarily tilted back at the pleasant sensation.
“Your house with you,” I clarified, feeling a bit breathless.
“Mhhhm,” he hummed while beginning to lightly suck on my neck. I slid one of my hands into his hair and gently pushed at the back of his head to silently ask him to continue. I felt my heartbeat begin to pick up as, without removing his lips from my neck, Billie shifted so that rather than lying next to me on the bed, he was now straddling me.
“This bed with you,” I whispered so quietly that I wasn’t sure if he had heard me at all. He must have, though, because the second that the words had left my lips, he pulled back from my neck so that he was able to look down at me once again. When our eyes met, a smile began to pull at the corner of Billie’s lips.
“You’re so beautiful,” Billie breathed while shaking his head slightly. I would have responded, and more than likely would have something stupid such as “so are you,” however I was very thankfully cut off by Billie’s lips being pressed against my own once again.
His kisses were different this time. They were no longer as ginger, or as hesitant, but more urgent and demanding. Much to my delight, it felt as if we were picking up where we had left off before when he had accidentally scratched me.
Billie’s hand slowly crept up my arm and back to the strap that has interrupted the two of us before. He played with it for a few minutes, wrapping it around his fingers as he began to pull it down my arm. He would pause every once in awhile, as if waiting for me to tell him to stop. When I wouldn’t show any sign of disapproval, he would continue to pull it down my arm a few more inches until he would wait again. When he finally must have realized that I wasn’t going to tell him to stop, he pulled it down and over my hand. With one strap off, he began to work on the other one.
He was taking so long to just pull down my straps, which didn’t even seem that helpful in terms of taking my shirt off. He was taking so long and all I wanted was to feeling his body against my own without anything between us.
“You know,” I murmured between kisses. Billie rose an eyebrow but otherwise showed zero interest in my words. Instead, he continued to slide the other strap to my tank top down my arm without removing his mouth from my own other than when necessary to breathe. “It’d be so much easier if you just did this.”
As the words left my mouth, Billie looked at me in puzzlement, however I soon wordlessly explained what I meant. I sat up as much as I could with him straddling me and in a swift movement, pulled my shirt above my head and tossed it onto the floor next to the bed.
The two of us seemed to freeze at what I had just done. Other than his eyes doubling in size, Billie didn’t move an inch, but instead continued to sit on my lap. For a moment I became somewhat nervous that he hadn’t had any intention to remove my shirt and that I had gone way too far.
My fear was dismissed, though, when Billie finally snapped out of whatever trance my bold move had put him in and he roughly pushed me back down on the bed. I gasped in surprise, but was cut off by his lips. “Jesus christ,” he breathed once he pulled back a moment later. He sat back up straight again and after glancing between my face and my chest a few times, as if asking for permission, he gingerly slid his hands down my torso, just barely allowing his palms to slide over my chest. “Jesus fucking christ, Roxy, you’re...perfect.”
I felt my cheeks begin to burn as his eyes continued to crawl over my body. I had never felt even remotely perfect in my life, having had a relatively bad self esteem for as long as I could remember, but how genuine his comment had made me feel as close as possible to it.
Billie’s eyes slowly lifted from my chest up to my face. When our eyes connected, his mouth that had been slightly open in what appeared to be awe, melted into a smile. “You’re so beautiful,” he murmured while bending down to place a kiss just above the waistband of my shorts. I felt my back arch involuntarily as began a trail of kisses from my shorts, up my torso and eventually to my chest. When he needed to breathe, his shifted back up so that his lips were again on my own. “Oh baby,” he whispered as his fingers hooked onto my shorts. “I want you,” he breathed into my ear while gently nipping at my neck, “shit, I want you so fucking bad.”
I wanted him, too. As I lied there in his bed with my hands slowly pulling his boxers over his hips, all I could focus on was how fiercely I wanted him, too. It wasn’t even that I wanted him, but that I needed him.
But I was terrified.
I was only eighteen years old. I had been with only been with one man my entire life, who had only been with me. We had both only ever had sex with each other. Billie, on the other hand, was more than likely much more experienced than I. What if what I had thought was good sex was actually awful sex, and I just hadn’t known any better because I had had nothing to compare it to?
What if Billie had slept with me and it was the worst sex he had ever had? What if he we finished and he never wanted it to happen again?
“Are you okay?” Billie asked, suddenly composed and actually seeming worried. My heart skipped a beat at his sudden concern. I loved him so much.
My eyes focused back in on his face and I realized that I must have frozen right after he had spoken to me a few minutes ago. “I’m sorry,” Billie apologized earnestly. Despite the unbelieving heat due to the lack of the air conditioner, he pulled one of the blankets up and over my chest to cover me. “We don’t have to,” he continued nervously while slowly shifting off of me. I realized exactly what he was referring to and lifted a hand to stop him from moving any further off of me.
“No, no,” I gasped while trying to pull him back onto me. He cautiously slid back onto my hips so that he was straddling me again. “I do,” I croaked as I nodded my head slowly. Billie cocked an eyebrow while looking down at me but didn’t say a word. I suppose I wasn’t too convincing, despite how much I really had meant my words.
“I’m nervous,” I finally admitted. “I’m just,” I shook my head slowly as I tried to think of the right words to say. “I’ve only ever been with one person.”
“I know,” Billie agreed quietly. He slid down on my lap so that rather than sitting, he was lying on top of me and our faces were only a few inches apart. “I know, sweetheart,” he cooed while gently running a hand through my hair.
“No, no,” I gasped when I realized that he had again taken what I had done the wrong way. “I’m nervous for you.” Both of Billie’s eyebrows rose in surprise, then knitted together in confusion. He clearly didn’t understand what I meant at all. “I’ve only ever been with one person,” I attempted to clarify. I felt far too mortified by myself to divulge any further. Luckily, Billie seemed to catch onto what I meant.
“Shit, Roxy,” Billie gasped while pressed his lips to own. “You worry so fucking much.” He hesitated and then chuckled. “Shit, you don’t think I’m nervous as fuck?”
“You?” I gasped in shock before I was able to stop myself. I felt my cheeks burn immediately in embarrassment. I had been my own worst enemy, resulting in me being a nervous wreck, but I found it so incredibly hard to believe that Billie had been nervous whatsoever. He was perfect, what in the world did he have to be nervous about? “What could you possibly be nervous about?”
Billie chuckled at my wide eyes that stared up at them, and mimicked them back at me. I grinned and giggled quietly at his mocking. He smiled as he pressed his lips to my own.
Rather than answering my question, he began to gingerly brush his lips against my own again. I slid both of my arms around his neck, locking him into place so that he was unable to pull away unless necessary. “I’m serious,” he breathed while inhaling deeply. “We don’t have to do this, Roxy. I mean it. I’m perfectly happy just having you here.”
“I know,” I whispered against his lips. And it meant the world to me that he was making sure that I knew it. The fact that I had never felt less pressured in my entire life only made me want him more.
“Are you sure?” He asked again as my hands slid down his smooth back and down to his boxers that I had been working on before. One of his hands had found my own to prevent me from removing them any further.
“Yes,” I answered, making sure that our eyes met as I said it. Billie’s lips melted into a smile before they became pressed into mine again.
He asked me several more times within the next few minutes if I was sure, to which each time I would either reply verbally, or just by attaching my lips to some part of his body. Eventually he gave in and accepted that it really was what I wanted, that I wasn’t lying and he began to remove the last article of my clothing.
I’d had sex quite a few times, being a teenager that had been in a relationship with another teenager, but it had usually felt sloppy and sometimes unsatisfying. We had gotten better the longer we had been together, but it was clear that he had had no clue as to what we were doing the first few times.
But being with Billie was so different. Despite it being our first time together, he seemed to already know every spot on my body that felt incredible. Everything he did to me felt amazing. With Bryan everything had been quiet and serious, meanwhile with Billie, there had been several times where he had made me giggle while laughing himself.
I loved everything about the way that he kissed me. I loved the way his hands almost always started out cupping my cheeks, but would eventually drift to other parts of my body. And when his hands would eventually drift to whatever part of my body that they found, I loved the way that he touched me.
I loved the way his body moved against my own and how he always seemed to know what to do, yet how it also all felt so effortless. Being with him had the excitement of being new, yet felt as if he had known me and my body forever.
When the two of us finally collapsed onto the bed that evening, covered in sweat with our chests heaving, I realized that I had never felt better. I had never felt more beautiful, either. The storms had long gone, leaving the house silent from the power outage other than the sound of our ragged breaths and the soft patter of rain outside.
Billie lied next to me for a while with his eyes closed, leaving me to believe that he had fallen asleep. I rolled over so that I was facing him and curled up against his side. Despite the fact that I had wanted to continue lying like that, his body was far too hot to continue, which ultimately made me turn back away so that I could begin to drift off as he had.
I had begun to slowly drift off to sleep when I felt the thin sheet of his bed be pulled up and around my bare body. In perhaps the most perfect way ever, I slowly began to drift off to sleep that evening to the feeling of his lips pressing soft, lingering kisses upon my body.
+++
I woke up with a start the next morning at the sound of the air conditioner kicking on. It must have surprised Billie, too, because I felt his body jerk next to my own. Thankful for the cold hair that had been longed for all night, I turned over in the bed to face and curl up to Billie’s body now that I could lie against him without overheating.
“Power must be back,” he grumbled into the top of my head. I didn’t respond, but just nodded in hopes that we didn’t have to actually wake up yet. After what had been possibly the best night of my life, I had drifted off into some of the best sleep I had ever gotten.
Unfortunately, I knew my time was up when I felt Billie lift his arms and stretch them back over his head. He relaxed back into the bed with a satisfied sigh and slid down further so that his head was level with my own. With my eyes still closed, I felt his hand cup my cheek and then his lips brush my own only a moment later.
At the feeling of his lips, I accepted that it was time to wake up. As my eyes fluttered open, I was met with a large, infectious grin and another kiss. “Good morning, beautiful,” Billie cooed. I was more than happy to return the kiss.
“Good morning,” I greeted when he pulled away to breathe. Morning breath was beyond awful, yet I managed to not mind it too much.
Billie placed a hand upon my shoulder so that he could gently push me over onto my back. As soon as I was, he slid closer to me and then shifted back on top of me as he had the night before. “How did you sleep?” He asked between short kisses. I went to respond, however was stopped in surprise at the sound and the feeling of my stomach rumbling. I didn’t even have time to pray that Billie hadn’t heard it because he had started to laugh immediately.
“I guess you did use a lot of energy last night,” he joked, followed by a wink. I inwardly groaned as I felt my cheeks begin to burn. Surprisingly enough, I wasn’t embarrassed by the reference to the night before, but more so by my stomach rumbling. In a swift movement, Billie had moved off of my body and out of the bed. I blushed as he caught me checking out his bare ass as he had been looking for his boxers.
“Come,” he beckoned while reaching out his hand to me. Noticing that I was much more hesitant than him to stand up completely naked, Billie handed me the t-shirt he had been wearing the previous day that had ended up on his floor. I slid that on along with my pair of shorts before standing up next to him. As soon as I was standing upright, Billie slid both of his arms around my waist and pulled me in for a sweet, soft kiss.
“Will you stay?” He asked once we had parted. He didn’t remove his arms from around my waist. I tilted my head to the side in surprise. “We agreed we’d stay here minimum three days. I don’t feel like going home and sharing you tomorrow,” Billie clarified. My eyes widened in surprise as he reminded me of our agreement. If he hadn’t told me, I never would have remembered that we had previously agreed to go home that day.
“Of course,” I agreed. Billie grinned. Did he really think that he had to ask? Did any part of me seem as if I was ready to go back to staying at my aunt’s house? Billie had been pushing for a sleepover all summer and now that I had finally stayed the night with him, I felt as if I would become as obsessed as he was. There wasn’t much that was less appealing than going back to my aunt’s house and sleeping in my bed alone. “Can we stay here forever?” I asked in return. I was somewhat joking, but honestly if he had said yes, I would have done it.
“You don’t know just how tempting that is,” Billie murmured while pushing me back up against the wall next to the bed. Despite the fact that I was more than happy to never leave the bedroom that morning, my body disagreed and my stomach let out another low rumble. Billie pulled back in surprise at the noise and laughed again.
He slid his hand into my own and began to lead us down the stairs into the living room. Deciding that it was best to get the phone call with my aunt over so that we could continue the rest of our day in peace, I excused myself from Billie, who begrudgingly let me go, and went into my bedroom to grab my cell phone.
“Hi honey,” my aunt greeted that morning. I greeted her back as I stepped out of my room and into the main section of the house. I couldn’t help but grin as I watched Billie, clad in just his boxers, crack a few eggs into a bowl. He muttered a few obscenities as a shell fell into the bowl with one of the eggs.
“So things are going well, I take it?” She asked once I explained that we were planning on staying down in Newport for longer than originally planned. It shouldn’t have mattered, considering she was still in LA for the rest of the week, anyway.
Without taking my eyes off of my boyfriend, I answered my aunt in the most honest way that I could. “Never better, actually.”
Because he was so devastated that he had spent “so much time wasted” sleeping, Billie immediately demanded for me to allow him to take me out to dinner. I refused, stating again how ridiculous that was and that I was thrilled I was that he had slept. The two of us had bickered for fifteen or so minutes before we had compromised and decided to go to the beach. Billie had muttered something about how it felt more like I had won and less like a compromise, but I only smiled in return and pretended that I hadn’t heard him.
The two of us ended up spending the rest of the day at the beach, only deciding to head back to his adorable home when the sun had completely disappeared behind the horizon. The water in southern California was surprisingly cold, therefore we didn’t spend too much time in it, but instead lying and walking along the beach. Billie had admitted to me that he had begun to take up surfing and despite my constant pleas, he refused to show me. He wouldn’t give me a reason as to why, but I was sure that I had seen his cheeks turn a light shade of pink that may have been sunburn, but I didn’t believe so.
When we finally went inside that evening it was around 9:00, therefore too late to shower and head out to sit down to eat, much to my pleasure and Billie’s distaste. Rather than going out anywhere, the two of us ended up sharing the couch in his living room while flipping through the TV channels. We had started out sitting upright, but the longer we sat there, I couldn’t help but notice Billie begin to slouch more and more until he was sprawled out across it. After not much longer did I decide to join him. Billie seemed to hesitate, however eventually ended up wrapping both of his arms around my body and pulling me as close as possible to his own. Within minutes of getting settled into our new position, I heard soft snores begin to escape from Billie’s barely parted lips. Deciding that I hadn’t been quite ready to go to my room and sleep alone, I eventually decided to join him, and allowed myself to also fall asleep on the couch.
+++
I was woken up the next morning by the smell of pancakes wafting through the cracks of my closed bedroom door. I continued to lie in bed for a few moments, listening to the soft footsteps before finally realizing that I was inside of the guest bedroom in bed, rather than on the couch where I had fallen asleep the night before. I continued to lie in the bed for a few minutes, desperately trying to remember anything about how I had gotten there, but came up empty.
Was it wrong that despite the fact that I had made such a big stink about it less than 24 hours ago, I was actually disappointed to have woken up alone in my own bed rather than next to him in his? I had wanted to sleep separately when I had thought that he was a lying bastard, but now that I had been told the truth, I wanted to be as close to him as possible at all times.
I slowly removed myself from my comfortable bed and took a look at myself in the mirror. I frowned as I gently rubbed away what was left of yesterday’s makeup. After standing there for a few minutes, my rubbing becoming more and more harsh when I realized the lack of effect it was having, I decided to give up and take a shower. Just because I was sleeping over Billie’s home didn’t mean that he had to see the mess I was when I woke up every morning. If I had it my way, he would never see me that way.
I quickly showered in the bathroom that was (thankfully) connected to the bedroom that I had chosen the day before. Once stepping out, I threw my pajamas, a tank top and a pair of shorts, on and applied makeup quickly. I knew that showering and putting makeup on at 9:00 in the morning, just to go and eat breakfast was far too much, but I was still unable to stop myself.
When I finally deemed myself worthy that morning, I finally pulled open the door to the bedroom and stepped out into the living room. Across the room, Billie stood in the connected kitchen, humming to himself while flipping pancakes in a pan that he was holding. My heart melted instantly at the sight before me, and I couldn’t help but regretting the time I spent getting ready when I could have been with him instead. At the sound of my footsteps, Billie looked up from the food he was making and over to me. He grinned widely at me.
“Good morning, gorgeous,” he greeted while waving his hand that was holding the spatula at me. I waved back. “I thought I heard the shower.”
We’d only gotten to the adorable home about 24 hours ago, but Billie already looked like a completely different man. The beard that he had grown over the past week had been shaved off that morning and while there were still the hint of circles under his eyes, they weren’t the first thing I noticed anymore. Despite having only gone to bed 8 or so hours ago, Billie looked a noticeably amount healthier. I was ecstatic to see so.
“Good morning,” I murmured while running a hand through my long hair. Was it selfish that I had missed him calling me names such as beautiful or babe?
“I was going to make you breakfast in bed,” Billie admitted while sliding a pancake from the pan he was holding and onto a plate that had a few more there. I felt my heart skip a beat at his words. “But, I burned the first few of course. It smelt like shit and that’s probably what woke you up.” He rolled his eyes and sighed. “Sorry.”
I went to respond to Billie, and tell him that it was quite alright and that there wasn’t much else in this world that I would have enjoyed waking up to more than the smell of his burnt pancakes, however he continued speaking before I could do so. “You know,” Billie continued. I cocked an eyebrow while stepping across the small house so that I was closer to him. “I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this, and I apologize if I haven’t, but it’s actually not required to wear makeup when in my presence.”
Despite the fact that I had known that he was going to mock me for showering and putting on makeup at nine in the morning, I couldn’t help but feel my cheeks begin to burn. Billie laughed at my clear embarrassment and instead of teasing me more, he reached out for my hand and tugged it so that I would step closer to him. Upon our torsos meeting, he smiled widely at me and leaned in to press a sweet kiss to my nose. I could actually feel my legs begin to wobble, however I must admit, I did quite a good job at hiding it from him.
“Maybe I like wearing makeup,” I quipped, however I wasn’t very convincing with the way that my voice was shaking. A week away from him, and I was back to jelly. “Maybe you should try it sometime.”
Billie grinned. “Yeah? Would you help me?” I’d never admit it to him, but I loved his teasing. I loved literally everything about him.
I giggled at him. “We could put some eyeliner on you. I think you could pull it off.”
Billie laughed and rolled his eyes at me. He leaned in to press another kiss to my nose, and then with my body still pressed against his, he turned back to the stove to save the pancakes he had been cooking from burning as the others had done. When he was facing the stove, I decided that I had had enough of no contact with him, and stepped forward so that my torso was pressed against his back. Billie froze momentarily at the contact and I almost pulled back away in fear that he wasn’t okay with it, however I felt at ease as he reached behind him with his free hand to find my own. I smiled as our fingers laced together.
“So,” Billie started while pouring more batter into the pan with his free hand. I gently rested my head against his back while listening to him speak. Billie shifted us so that we were in front of the counter rather than the stove, then turned around so that he was facing me. Wordlessly, he pulled me against his body and wrapped his arms around mine. I slid my hands up under his t-shirt so that I could feel his smooth skin and placed my head against his chest. “I say we go to the beach today,” he offered. I wordlessly nodded against his chest. The man could have told me he wanted to walk to Mexico that afternoon and I probably would have agreed. “It’s supposed to be shitty and storm all tomorrow, so you’ll have to get sunburnt today.”
I scowled and pinched his stomach. Billie just laughed in response and tightened his arms around me. I wanted to argue, but he wasn’t wrong. With being primarily irish, I wasn’t known for being tan. If I didn’t wear SPF 100 sunscreen, I more than likely spent my summer completely burnt.
“I also say, after we go to the beach, I take you out to dinner tonight,” he offered.
I lifted my head from his warm chest so that I could look at his face and make eye contact with him. “Where?” I asked cautiously. Billie shrugged nonchalantly, however there was a smile tugging at his lips that led me to believe he had more of an idea as to where than he was letting on. “Where?” I repeated while narrowing my eyes.
Billie rolled his eyes again at me. “You don't even know any restaurants down here, so it wouldn't matter if I told you the name. Either way, who gives a fuck? Shit, just let me take you out to eat."
"What's the average price for an entree?" I asked once realizing that he was correct, and that I didn't know any restaurants in California other than the ones he and I had gone to. It didn't mean I was letting him off the hook, though.
He rolled his eyes for the third time that morning while playfully wiping some pancake batter onto my nose. I swatted at his hand while trying to brush it off, despite the fact that on the inside I had been swooning at how adorable he was. “The average price is whatever you want it to be, babe,” he murmured playfully while wiping more batter on my cheeks. I sighed angrily while continuing to fight a losing battle.
When Billie saw the pout upon my lips, he sighed heavily. “Let me take you out, Roxy. I want to do this. We don’t have to go to some pretentious fuckin’ place, but I want to take you out for a nice dinner.” He slid his calloused hand into mine and pulled it up to his lips so that he was able to place a gentle kiss upon it. The asshole knew how to make me melt and although I would have loved to have said that I was finally able to have some control over my body, I ended up melting instantly. Billie had me all but wrapped around his tattooed finger.
“I’ve wanted to take you out on a nice date since the day I asked you out on our first date,” Billie continued, as if he didn’t know that he had already had me. “When I asked you out on a date that night on your aunt’s porch, I pictured taking you out to a fancy-ass restaurant to impress you,” he admitted with a soft chuckle. “I never pictured you telling me to bring you to a little hole in the wall. I thought I’d get over it, since I got lucky and you’re so down to earth, but dammit, Roxy, I want to take you out so goddamn bad. Let me do it.”
I sighed heavily at the fact that I was even considering allowing it to happen. “Will it make you happy?” I finally asked after mulling over my options in my head.
Billie grinned widely at me while his eyes lit up with excitement. He knew that he had won. “Ecstatic.”
+++
Shortly after Billie had finally made some edible pancakes that morning, the two of us had changed and gone down to the beach. We had spent all of the afternoon as we had the previous one, resulting in me being incredibly burnt, despite all of the suntan lotion I had kept applying, as Billie had predicted before. I tried desperately to use my sunburn as an excuse to not go out to dinner, stating that I was in far too much pain, however it was to no avail. Billie was one of the most stubborn people I had ever met and when he put his mind to something, he got it. It was actually quite impressive.
I had managed to squeeze into a dress that evening despite the fact that anything that touched my skin felt like nails being dragged across it, meanwhile Billie had pulled on a short-sleeved button up shirt. If I hadn’t had a thing for tattooed men in short-sleeved shirts before seeing him that evening, I certainly did now. If we had been in a cartoon, my eyes would have turned into two giant hearts when I first saw him that evening.
“Oh my poor little lobster,” Billie had cooed while gingerly wrapping an arm around my nearly fluorescent red shoulders and pressing a kiss to my equally bright forehead. My first impulse was to smack him, however I ended up just pouting despite the fact that I was swooning like mad over him.
Billie ended up taking us to a small, nice restaurant about 20 minutes away from his adorable home. It was certainly nicer than the normal place we went to eat, however to my pleasant surprise, Billie had stayed true to his words and it had still been comfortable.
It shouldn’t have been a surprise, but we ended up having a surprisingly good evening. Allowing Billie to take me out and spend what I’m sure was a silly amount of money wasn’t nearly as much torture as I had been anticipating. In fact, I had thoroughly enjoyed myself.
“So was it as utterly painful as you expected?” Billie asked once we entered his house again that evening. He unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt and immediately switched on the air conditioner. At the sight of his colorful tattoos peaking out from underneath the fabric of his shirt, I found myself having to actually concentrate on answering him. Not only was he wearing a button up shirt, but it was now half buttoned. I was a complete disaster and there was no way that he hadn’t noticed.
“Well, the food was actually incredible,” I admitted. Billie grinned in triumph. “But my date was kind of pretentious about it, so that pretty much ruined it for me. Probably wouldn’t do it again.”
Billie rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue in annoyance while I fought back a grin. “I’ll take that as a it was perfect, thank you.”
I giggled as I stepped closer to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I hesitated for a moment, but then gently placed one of my hands on his freshly shaven cheek. Billie grinned widely at my touch and pressed a kiss into the palm of my hand.
I had been around Billie for two days now without kissing him, and it was actually starting to feel like torture. Everything had seemed completely normal between the two of us, but he still hadn’t attempted, or even seemed as if he wanted to attempt to kiss me. The worst part was that I couldn’t tell if it was because he was nervous to kiss me because he was afraid that I would turn him down, or if it was because he just didn’t want to kiss me. For all I knew, Billie was counting down the minutes until we left his home in Newport Beach because the week we had spent apart had given him some time to actually think about us and he realized how much we didn’t fit together.
Out of fear, I had been (im)patiently waiting for Billie to finally make a move on me, but I was becoming tired of it. I had thoroughly enjoyed all of the flirting, and how at any given time he seemed to have been touching me in some way, but I wanted--needed more.
“Really though,” I started quietly. I grinned as he leaned closer so that his forehead was pressed up against my own. “Thank you for dinner. I hate having you spend money on me, but I really did have a fabulous time.”
“I told you you’d have fun.”
“Hmm,” I hummed while reaching a hand up to run through his dark hair. I was giving him all of the signs that it was totally cool to kiss me. I was holding him as close as possible to me, our foreheads were resting upon each other's and I was playing with his hair. “I don’t know if I would have called it fun. There’s that whole pretentious thing again.”
Billie rolled his eyes, but ended up laughing. “God, you’re the most fucking impossible person I’ve ever met, Roxanne Watson. I mean shit, I know you’re a teenager and shit, but you’re exceptionally impossible.”
“You kind of enjoy it though, right?” I asked timidly, suddenly becoming nervous that I actually infuriated Billie.
“Not at all,” Billie replied, but the smile on his lips proved otherwise. I grinned back at Billie, relieved that he really had been joking with me. When I decided that I couldn’t handle whatever game we were playing anymore, I placed my hand that had been in his hair back on his cheek, and pulled his lips into my own. Billie seemed to freeze for a second in surprise at the contact of our lips, however he recuperated quite quickly. For the first time in well over a week, I was finally able to feel his lips on my own again.
We stood there for a few moments until Billie decided that he had had enough of standing in the middle of the kitchen and began to push us back towards adjacent wall. I hit it with a small “oof,” to which Billie laughed at, however otherwise it had absolutely no effect on us. As we stood there, with him pinning me to the wall with his body as he kissed me as if he had just been returning from war, I suddenly felt so silly for ever being afraid that Billie hadn’t wanted to kiss me. I also felt beyond silly for not having kissed him sooner.
I allowed him to continue to pin my body to the wall despite how much my back burned from my burnt skin being pushed against it, just as I allowed him to remove his lips from my own to trail down my jaw and neck to my chest. His touch was igniting and I never wanted him to stop.
“Oh,” I whimpered in pain as he accidentally scratched my shoulder while scraping at the strap to my dress. I hadn’t wanted him to stop, but it had literally felt as if he had dragged a nail across my shoulder.
Billie shot up at once in surprise at my noise of displeasure. “Are you okay?” He gasped in surprise. “I’m sorry, did I hurt you?”
“No, no,” I answered quickly, trying to move past it so that he would continue. Unfortunately for myself, he showed no signs of doing so. “My sunburn just hurts a lot,” I admitted quietly. I couldn’t help but feel somewhat embarrassed. I knew I was only eighteen years old, but by eighteen years old, I should have known how to go to the beach without scorching myself.
As soon as he realized that he hadn’t actually done anything that I disliked, a warm, sympathetic smile pulled at his lips. He leaned forward and pressed a soft, sweet kiss to my lips. “My poor little lobster,” he murmured against my mouth. I lifted my hands to his hair in order to try to prevent him from stopping kissing me, however it was to no avail. Billie pulled away after a moment and as gently as he possibly could and fixed the strap to my dress that he had pushed down before. I nearly pleaded with him not to.
“I have aloe in the bathroom,” he cooed while running a hand through my hair. “Let me go get it. Change into something more comfortable and we’ll get you all gooped up.”
“That sounds disgusting,” I muttered in detest as he pulled away. What didn’t sound disgusting, however, was him continuing to kiss me and I desperately wanted him to know that.
Billie just rolled his eyes and disappeared into the bathroom that was only a few feet away, while motioning to me to go to my bedroom. I sighed in complete defeat and eventually followed his directions, going into my room to change into the tank top that I had worn to bed the previous night along with a pair of probably too short of shorts to wear anywhere other than to sleep.
I received my confirmation when I stepped back into the living room where Billie had been waiting for me. Upon my presence, and seeing my outfit, I noticed Billie’s eyes widen a bit. I felt my cheeks burn as I felt his eyes crawl over my body and nearly laughed as he noticed that he was very clearly staring and forced himself to look away. He bit down onto his bottom lip and cleared his throat quietly. “Okay,” he started awkwardly. Despite the fact that I had had no intention of making Billie nervous and really was only wearing my pajamas, I had to admit that I was thoroughly enjoying the reaction that I was getting from him.
“I’ll, uh, I’ll start on your shoulders,” Billie stuttered as I sat down on the couch next to him.
“Okay,” I agreed. I lifted a finger to the strap of my tank top. “Should I move these down? Would that be easier?”
I was completely screwing with him. There was absolutely no reason whatsoever that I would have needed to pull the very thin straps of my tank top down to help him apply aloe to my shoulders. When we had first started dating, anytime Billie had even looked at me I had found myself flustered and it had always been very apparently that he had loved the effect that he had had on me. Now that I was in his place, I completely understood why he always seemed to have been actively making me as flustered as possible.
“Uh,” Billie spluttered while running a hand through his hair nervously, “uh, no, no, I think that’s alright.”
I decided to give Billie a break from teasing him and allowed the poor man to help me with my sunburn. He had applied aloe to my shoulders and all of my back, but stopped as he was about to spread it over my chest. He looked up at me, back to my chest, then decided to just reapply another layer to my shoulders. I tried desperately to act as if I hadn’t noticed, but was unable to suppress a small giggle. For one of the first times since I had ever known Billie, I could have sworn that I saw a blush creep into his cheeks. I adored how flustered he could become.
The two of us eventually ended up shuffling on the couch so that we were lying down together, he on his back with me lying curled up next to him while he channel surfed. Occasionally he asked my opinion on whether or not to watch what he had pulled up, however I wasn’t much use to him as I had begun to drift off next to him. Despite desperately trying to fight off sleep, I had ended up completely falling into a deep slumber next to the handsome man after a while. I was woken up not too much later, however, by the feeling of being picked up.
“Wah?” I gasped while my eyes tried to focus on something, anything around me.
I felt Billie’s chest vibrate beneath me as he laughed quietly at my clear disorientation. “Shh,” he cooed while leaning in to press a soft kiss to my forehead. “You fell asleep,” he informed me, seeing as I clearly wasn’t understanding that myself. “I was just going to bed, but I didn’t want to wake you up. You looked too peaceful.” My eyes finally focused on the house around us just in time for me to notice that Billie was standing in the doorway to my guest bedroom in hesitation. He seemed to think for a moment before asking, “Roxy, do you want to sleep in your room or mine tonight?”
I felt my heart leap into my throat at his offer. I didn’t even have to think about which I wanted more, with how desperately I craved Billie’s touch. I had wanted absolutely nothing more in my life than to be able to curl up with Billie in his bed and sleep in his arms. I was thankful that I was groggy, or I may have come off as far too eager.
“Mine,” I croaked. I realized my mistake instantly and almost gasped in horror at how easily I had just screwed that up. How had that even been possible? I was immediately no longer thankful that I was groggy.
Billie sighed softly and nodded his head, as if to show that he was completely fine with my choice. If I hadn’t known him any better, I would have missed the fact that he was clearly disappointed. I guaranteed that he wasn’t even half as disappointed as I had been. For a moment I seriously considered admitting that I had messed up, but I ended up being far too embarrassed to do so. I wasn’t quite sure how to say “no, my mistake, I actually want to sleep with you,” although that probably wouldn’t have sounded too bad. I didn’t want to come off as desperate.
“Okay,” Billie agreed quietly as he entered my room. I wanted to tell him to not be disappointed and to definitely not take it personally because I had just been groggy. I groaned inwardly at how unbelievably stupid I was as he very gently lowered me onto my bed.
“Goodnight, beautiful,” Billie cooed after tucking me into the blankets of my bed. The bed was incredibly comfortable, but it would have been even more comfortable had he been in it with me. He leaned in and gently kissed my lips before turning out the light and exiting the bedroom. I could have screamed.
Despite the fact that I had passed out on Billie when we had been lying on the couch earlier that night, thanks to the awful the decision that I had just mistakenly made, I found myself lying in bed wide awake. I sighed heavily in disappointment as I lied there in the dark room, only faintly illuminated by the digits of an alarm clock next to my bed, by myself while turning over repeatedly as if discomfort, rather than self loathing, had been the reason that I was having trouble sleeping. I stopped silently berating myself, however, at the faint sound of thunder in the distance. In fact, I froze.
I had never ended up telling Billie about my horrific fear of thunderstorms. He had spent that one back in June with me while my aunt had been away, which had been pretty much the only one I had experienced while being in California. If I didn’t have to deal with a thunderstorm, I certainly wasn’t going to go and offer that embarrassing information about myself. I planned to live the rest of my life without telling Billie about my absurd fear if possible.
I continued to lie in silence, other than the soft hum of the air conditioner, in the bed for a few minutes, silently praying that I had slept through the storm and that what I had been hearing was end of a storm that was now headed away from us. As the thunder got closer and closer by the minute, however, I realized that my praying wasn’t doing much for me. As much as I regretted saying that I wanted to sleep in my room that night, I refused to get up and go into Billie’s room without an invitation. If I entered his bedroom now, I would either have to admit that I was terrified of thunderstorms, or that I regretted saying that I wanted to sleep in my own room. While I knew that he more than likely wouldn’t have cared about my explanation and would have just been happy to have had me there with him, I refused to submit myself to that humiliation yet.
Perhaps this was it, I told myself. Perhaps this would be the time that I would face my fear head on and realize that thunderstorms were nothing. This would be the night that I would remember as the time that I got over my fear of thunderstorms.
As the air conditioner along with the alarm clock switched off, leaving me in complete silence and darkness, I realized that this most certainly would not be the night nor the time I got over my fear of thunderstorms.
I whimpered quietly to myself as I threw back the blankets that Billie had tucked me into only ten or fifteen minutes ago. I pulled open the door to my bedroom that he had closed, practically sprinted across the pitch black living room and climbed the stairs that led to his bedroom equally as fast. When I came to his closed bedroom door, however, was the first time that I paused.
He was asleep, I told myself. Just let the poor man sleep.
I had almost convinced myself to leave Billie alone for the night when there was another loud clap of thunder. Without allowing myself to waste anymore time, I quickly knocked my hand against Billie’s closed bedroom door three times. I almost backed away, not quite sure what to do if he had been asleep and didn’t answer me when I heard a faint “come in”.
Without any hesitation, I pushed open the bedroom door. Billie sat upright in his bed with his back up against his headboard, a book in his lap and a flashlight in his right hand. He looked up from the book that he had been reading in the dark to me. My grip tightened around the doorknob as I felt my legs instantly begin to wobble as I began to swoon like mad.
“Power’s out,” I stated as I stepped as nonchalantly as possible into Billie’s spacious bedroom. Judging by the flashlight that he had currently been holding, it was pretty obvious that he had already noticed.
“So it is,” Billie agreed, clearly somewhat confused by the fact that I had felt the need to come upstairs to let him know. I groaned inwardly at the situation I had just gotten myself into. I was eighteen years old, I should have been able to deal with one thunderstorm. Would it have been too weird to have turned back around and headed back out the door as if that had been all that I had wanted to tell him? I highly considered it.
“My room is really hot,” I admitted. I wasn’t lying. We were in southern California in the middle of the summer, of course my room was hot. However, Billie’s room may have been even hotter. From just standing in the doorway to his room, I had already begun to sweat a bit.
From the glow of his flashlight, I was able to see Billie cock an eyebrow at my odd attempt of explaining why I was currently standing in his doorway. “I’m afraid I can’t help you there,” he stated slowly, clearly somewhat surprised that he had to explain that to me. “The power is out.”
I wanted to cry. “I really don’t like thunderstorms,” I finally blurted out when I found myself unable to come up with any other poor excuse. “I had a really bad time when I was really young during one, and I haven’t spent one alone since.”
At the first thing I said that finally made sense, Billie cracked a smile. I felt instantly relieved when he didn’t laugh at me. Billie closed his book, placed it on the dresser beside his bed and patted the spot on the bed next to him. Without waiting for him to say anything to me, I closed his bedroom door, crossed the room and climbed into the bed next to him.
It was then that I realized that other than a pair of boxers, Billie had no clothes on.
I shouldn’t have been surprised, seeing as Billie had been in his bedroom, where he slept, however I still immediately felt awkward. I had seen Billie in swim trunks, yes, but it felt completely different. When he had stayed over at my aunt’s house while she was in Los Angeles, we had slept on one of her plush couches, and he had kept his t-shirt and a pair of shorts on. Now that I was sitting in his bed, with a half naked man, I couldn’t help but wonder if I had made a mistake.
“Why haven’t you ever told me?” Billie asked while turning on his side so that he was facing me. I slid lower into the bed so that my head was resting on the pillows that had been on my side.
“Because it’s mortifying,” I stated, somewhat surprised that he even had to ask. I was eighteen years old and I was afraid of thunderstorms. He really didn’t understand why I didn’t willingly offer that information?
Billie stood the flashlight upright on his dresser to that it faintly illuminated the bedroom enough so that we could see each other. He smiled at me. “We’re all afraid of shit, Roxy,” he offered with a casual shrug. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I’m afraid of guns.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “Is that supposed to make me feel better? Who isn’t afraid of guns?” I asked incredulously.
Billie smiled at me. “Fine. Shit, I don’t know...I’m not a big fan of things with seeds in them. They gross me the fuck out. I can’t eat poppy seed or sesame seed bagels or anything. I’ve tried and I gag every time.”
Despite the fact that Billie was clearly not judgemental in anyway about my ridiculous fear, I couldn’t help but giggle at his words. Billie didn’t seem phased at all by my giggling and only continued to smile at me.
Despite the claps of thunder that were only getting louder and more frequent, I actually felt completely fine.
“Can I tell you something?” I asked quietly after a few moments. Truth be told, I hadn’t even been sure that he was still awake. If he wasn’t, I decided that I would let it go. If he was, however, I wanted to apologize for the mistake I had made earlier when saying that I preferred my room. I had felt as if I had made so much progress with Billie and I was slightly terrified that I had thrown him off by turning down going to sleep next to him.
“Anything,” he murmured. I smiled to myself when I noticed that his eyes were slowly drooping closed.
“I meant to say your room before,” I admitted. He had handled my confession about being terrified of thunderstorms so well that I figured why not to telling him the other.
Billie’s eyes slowly began to open back up. He blinked a few times as he processed what I had just said to him. When he must have figured out what I had meant, he smiled warmly at me. “I totally messed up,” I admitted with a sheepish laugh. “I was groggy and accidentally said the wrong thing, but then I was too embarrassed to admit it to you. I couldn’t sleep after you’d left because I was so angry at myself.”
Billie laughed at my second confession of the evening. He shifted closer to me on the bed so that he had closed the gap that had been between us. He lifted one of his arms as if to invite me into them, which I was very happy to do.
“You spend more of your time in a state of panic over what you’ve recently said or done, don’t you?” Billie asked with a quiet chuckle. I loved the way his throat vibrated against me with each word that he spoke.
I felt my cheeks burn in slight embarrassment at how correct he had been. “It’s only really ever been around you,” I admitted quietly into his chest. Billie pulled back a bit so that he was able to look down at me, clearly not understanding what I had said. “I feel like I make a fool out of myself whenever I’m around you.”
Billie’s eyebrows rose in surprise at my words. “You’re insane,” he said slowly, clearly baffled by what I had just told him. Out of everything that I had confessed within the past few minutes, that was what he had been the most perplexed by.
“Roxy,” Billie cooed. He sat up a bit so that I had to look up at him as he leaned over me. “I fuckin--I hang onto every word that you say. If you were an author, I’d read every single book that you’d ever write.” I felt my heart skip a beat at his beautifully sweet words. “I find you unbelievably incredible. Every single day I’m with you, you blow me away.” He shook his head slowly in disbelief.
“I do such stupid things, though,” I answered. Billie didn’t say anything, just stared at me. “You don’t understand just how much I regret flipping out on your that day outside the cafe. I’m constantly flipping out on you.”
Billie laughed loudly, clearly amused. “Welcome to club,” he laughed. “Everyone is always flipping out on me. It’s because I’m usually doing something really fucking stupid. That's nothing on you.” Billie smiled down at me while lifting a calloused hand to place on my cheek. He leaned down and gently brushed his lips against my own.
“I really missed you that week,” I whispered (my fourth confession that night) against his lips when he had pulled away a few moments later. Billie paused and smiled softly down at me. “I don’t know if I’ve ever told you that. But I did.” I paused for a moment. “I’m really happy that I didn’t go home and that I’m here right now.”
“Where?” Billie asked while leaning in to kiss me again.
I felt a few butterflies flutter around my stomach as his lips lingered on mine. “Here,” I murmured once he had slowly pulled back again.
“And where’s here?” He asked as he slowly dipped his head back down. I welcomed his lips again.
“In Newport with you,” I divulged. I felt the hair on the back of my neck bristle as his hand cautiously slid underneath my tank top and across my stomach.
“Hmmm, yeah?” He hummed while placing soft kisses across my jaw towards my ear. My eyes fluttered shut while my head involuntarily tilted back at the pleasant sensation.
“Your house with you,” I clarified, feeling a bit breathless.
“Mhhhm,” he hummed while beginning to lightly suck on my neck. I slid one of my hands into his hair and gently pushed at the back of his head to silently ask him to continue. I felt my heartbeat begin to pick up as, without removing his lips from my neck, Billie shifted so that rather than lying next to me on the bed, he was now straddling me.
“This bed with you,” I whispered so quietly that I wasn’t sure if he had heard me at all. He must have, though, because the second that the words had left my lips, he pulled back from my neck so that he was able to look down at me once again. When our eyes met, a smile began to pull at the corner of Billie’s lips.
“You’re so beautiful,” Billie breathed while shaking his head slightly. I would have responded, and more than likely would have something stupid such as “so are you,” however I was very thankfully cut off by Billie’s lips being pressed against my own once again.
His kisses were different this time. They were no longer as ginger, or as hesitant, but more urgent and demanding. Much to my delight, it felt as if we were picking up where we had left off before when he had accidentally scratched me.
Billie’s hand slowly crept up my arm and back to the strap that has interrupted the two of us before. He played with it for a few minutes, wrapping it around his fingers as he began to pull it down my arm. He would pause every once in awhile, as if waiting for me to tell him to stop. When I wouldn’t show any sign of disapproval, he would continue to pull it down my arm a few more inches until he would wait again. When he finally must have realized that I wasn’t going to tell him to stop, he pulled it down and over my hand. With one strap off, he began to work on the other one.
He was taking so long to just pull down my straps, which didn’t even seem that helpful in terms of taking my shirt off. He was taking so long and all I wanted was to feeling his body against my own without anything between us.
“You know,” I murmured between kisses. Billie rose an eyebrow but otherwise showed zero interest in my words. Instead, he continued to slide the other strap to my tank top down my arm without removing his mouth from my own other than when necessary to breathe. “It’d be so much easier if you just did this.”
As the words left my mouth, Billie looked at me in puzzlement, however I soon wordlessly explained what I meant. I sat up as much as I could with him straddling me and in a swift movement, pulled my shirt above my head and tossed it onto the floor next to the bed.
The two of us seemed to freeze at what I had just done. Other than his eyes doubling in size, Billie didn’t move an inch, but instead continued to sit on my lap. For a moment I became somewhat nervous that he hadn’t had any intention to remove my shirt and that I had gone way too far.
My fear was dismissed, though, when Billie finally snapped out of whatever trance my bold move had put him in and he roughly pushed me back down on the bed. I gasped in surprise, but was cut off by his lips. “Jesus christ,” he breathed once he pulled back a moment later. He sat back up straight again and after glancing between my face and my chest a few times, as if asking for permission, he gingerly slid his hands down my torso, just barely allowing his palms to slide over my chest. “Jesus fucking christ, Roxy, you’re...perfect.”
I felt my cheeks begin to burn as his eyes continued to crawl over my body. I had never felt even remotely perfect in my life, having had a relatively bad self esteem for as long as I could remember, but how genuine his comment had made me feel as close as possible to it.
Billie’s eyes slowly lifted from my chest up to my face. When our eyes connected, his mouth that had been slightly open in what appeared to be awe, melted into a smile. “You’re so beautiful,” he murmured while bending down to place a kiss just above the waistband of my shorts. I felt my back arch involuntarily as began a trail of kisses from my shorts, up my torso and eventually to my chest. When he needed to breathe, his shifted back up so that his lips were again on my own. “Oh baby,” he whispered as his fingers hooked onto my shorts. “I want you,” he breathed into my ear while gently nipping at my neck, “shit, I want you so fucking bad.”
I wanted him, too. As I lied there in his bed with my hands slowly pulling his boxers over his hips, all I could focus on was how fiercely I wanted him, too. It wasn’t even that I wanted him, but that I needed him.
But I was terrified.
I was only eighteen years old. I had been with only been with one man my entire life, who had only been with me. We had both only ever had sex with each other. Billie, on the other hand, was more than likely much more experienced than I. What if what I had thought was good sex was actually awful sex, and I just hadn’t known any better because I had had nothing to compare it to?
What if Billie had slept with me and it was the worst sex he had ever had? What if he we finished and he never wanted it to happen again?
“Are you okay?” Billie asked, suddenly composed and actually seeming worried. My heart skipped a beat at his sudden concern. I loved him so much.
My eyes focused back in on his face and I realized that I must have frozen right after he had spoken to me a few minutes ago. “I’m sorry,” Billie apologized earnestly. Despite the unbelieving heat due to the lack of the air conditioner, he pulled one of the blankets up and over my chest to cover me. “We don’t have to,” he continued nervously while slowly shifting off of me. I realized exactly what he was referring to and lifted a hand to stop him from moving any further off of me.
“No, no,” I gasped while trying to pull him back onto me. He cautiously slid back onto my hips so that he was straddling me again. “I do,” I croaked as I nodded my head slowly. Billie cocked an eyebrow while looking down at me but didn’t say a word. I suppose I wasn’t too convincing, despite how much I really had meant my words.
“I’m nervous,” I finally admitted. “I’m just,” I shook my head slowly as I tried to think of the right words to say. “I’ve only ever been with one person.”
“I know,” Billie agreed quietly. He slid down on my lap so that rather than sitting, he was lying on top of me and our faces were only a few inches apart. “I know, sweetheart,” he cooed while gently running a hand through my hair.
“No, no,” I gasped when I realized that he had again taken what I had done the wrong way. “I’m nervous for you.” Both of Billie’s eyebrows rose in surprise, then knitted together in confusion. He clearly didn’t understand what I meant at all. “I’ve only ever been with one person,” I attempted to clarify. I felt far too mortified by myself to divulge any further. Luckily, Billie seemed to catch onto what I meant.
“Shit, Roxy,” Billie gasped while pressed his lips to own. “You worry so fucking much.” He hesitated and then chuckled. “Shit, you don’t think I’m nervous as fuck?”
“You?” I gasped in shock before I was able to stop myself. I felt my cheeks burn immediately in embarrassment. I had been my own worst enemy, resulting in me being a nervous wreck, but I found it so incredibly hard to believe that Billie had been nervous whatsoever. He was perfect, what in the world did he have to be nervous about? “What could you possibly be nervous about?”
Billie chuckled at my wide eyes that stared up at them, and mimicked them back at me. I grinned and giggled quietly at his mocking. He smiled as he pressed his lips to my own.
Rather than answering my question, he began to gingerly brush his lips against my own again. I slid both of my arms around his neck, locking him into place so that he was unable to pull away unless necessary. “I’m serious,” he breathed while inhaling deeply. “We don’t have to do this, Roxy. I mean it. I’m perfectly happy just having you here.”
“I know,” I whispered against his lips. And it meant the world to me that he was making sure that I knew it. The fact that I had never felt less pressured in my entire life only made me want him more.
“Are you sure?” He asked again as my hands slid down his smooth back and down to his boxers that I had been working on before. One of his hands had found my own to prevent me from removing them any further.
“Yes,” I answered, making sure that our eyes met as I said it. Billie’s lips melted into a smile before they became pressed into mine again.
He asked me several more times within the next few minutes if I was sure, to which each time I would either reply verbally, or just by attaching my lips to some part of his body. Eventually he gave in and accepted that it really was what I wanted, that I wasn’t lying and he began to remove the last article of my clothing.
I’d had sex quite a few times, being a teenager that had been in a relationship with another teenager, but it had usually felt sloppy and sometimes unsatisfying. We had gotten better the longer we had been together, but it was clear that he had had no clue as to what we were doing the first few times.
But being with Billie was so different. Despite it being our first time together, he seemed to already know every spot on my body that felt incredible. Everything he did to me felt amazing. With Bryan everything had been quiet and serious, meanwhile with Billie, there had been several times where he had made me giggle while laughing himself.
I loved everything about the way that he kissed me. I loved the way his hands almost always started out cupping my cheeks, but would eventually drift to other parts of my body. And when his hands would eventually drift to whatever part of my body that they found, I loved the way that he touched me.
I loved the way his body moved against my own and how he always seemed to know what to do, yet how it also all felt so effortless. Being with him had the excitement of being new, yet felt as if he had known me and my body forever.
When the two of us finally collapsed onto the bed that evening, covered in sweat with our chests heaving, I realized that I had never felt better. I had never felt more beautiful, either. The storms had long gone, leaving the house silent from the power outage other than the sound of our ragged breaths and the soft patter of rain outside.
Billie lied next to me for a while with his eyes closed, leaving me to believe that he had fallen asleep. I rolled over so that I was facing him and curled up against his side. Despite the fact that I had wanted to continue lying like that, his body was far too hot to continue, which ultimately made me turn back away so that I could begin to drift off as he had.
I had begun to slowly drift off to sleep when I felt the thin sheet of his bed be pulled up and around my bare body. In perhaps the most perfect way ever, I slowly began to drift off to sleep that evening to the feeling of his lips pressing soft, lingering kisses upon my body.
+++
I woke up with a start the next morning at the sound of the air conditioner kicking on. It must have surprised Billie, too, because I felt his body jerk next to my own. Thankful for the cold hair that had been longed for all night, I turned over in the bed to face and curl up to Billie’s body now that I could lie against him without overheating.
“Power must be back,” he grumbled into the top of my head. I didn’t respond, but just nodded in hopes that we didn’t have to actually wake up yet. After what had been possibly the best night of my life, I had drifted off into some of the best sleep I had ever gotten.
Unfortunately, I knew my time was up when I felt Billie lift his arms and stretch them back over his head. He relaxed back into the bed with a satisfied sigh and slid down further so that his head was level with my own. With my eyes still closed, I felt his hand cup my cheek and then his lips brush my own only a moment later.
At the feeling of his lips, I accepted that it was time to wake up. As my eyes fluttered open, I was met with a large, infectious grin and another kiss. “Good morning, beautiful,” Billie cooed. I was more than happy to return the kiss.
“Good morning,” I greeted when he pulled away to breathe. Morning breath was beyond awful, yet I managed to not mind it too much.
Billie placed a hand upon my shoulder so that he could gently push me over onto my back. As soon as I was, he slid closer to me and then shifted back on top of me as he had the night before. “How did you sleep?” He asked between short kisses. I went to respond, however was stopped in surprise at the sound and the feeling of my stomach rumbling. I didn’t even have time to pray that Billie hadn’t heard it because he had started to laugh immediately.
“I guess you did use a lot of energy last night,” he joked, followed by a wink. I inwardly groaned as I felt my cheeks begin to burn. Surprisingly enough, I wasn’t embarrassed by the reference to the night before, but more so by my stomach rumbling. In a swift movement, Billie had moved off of my body and out of the bed. I blushed as he caught me checking out his bare ass as he had been looking for his boxers.
“Come,” he beckoned while reaching out his hand to me. Noticing that I was much more hesitant than him to stand up completely naked, Billie handed me the t-shirt he had been wearing the previous day that had ended up on his floor. I slid that on along with my pair of shorts before standing up next to him. As soon as I was standing upright, Billie slid both of his arms around my waist and pulled me in for a sweet, soft kiss.
“Will you stay?” He asked once we had parted. He didn’t remove his arms from around my waist. I tilted my head to the side in surprise. “We agreed we’d stay here minimum three days. I don’t feel like going home and sharing you tomorrow,” Billie clarified. My eyes widened in surprise as he reminded me of our agreement. If he hadn’t told me, I never would have remembered that we had previously agreed to go home that day.
“Of course,” I agreed. Billie grinned. Did he really think that he had to ask? Did any part of me seem as if I was ready to go back to staying at my aunt’s house? Billie had been pushing for a sleepover all summer and now that I had finally stayed the night with him, I felt as if I would become as obsessed as he was. There wasn’t much that was less appealing than going back to my aunt’s house and sleeping in my bed alone. “Can we stay here forever?” I asked in return. I was somewhat joking, but honestly if he had said yes, I would have done it.
“You don’t know just how tempting that is,” Billie murmured while pushing me back up against the wall next to the bed. Despite the fact that I was more than happy to never leave the bedroom that morning, my body disagreed and my stomach let out another low rumble. Billie pulled back in surprise at the noise and laughed again.
He slid his hand into my own and began to lead us down the stairs into the living room. Deciding that it was best to get the phone call with my aunt over so that we could continue the rest of our day in peace, I excused myself from Billie, who begrudgingly let me go, and went into my bedroom to grab my cell phone.
“Hi honey,” my aunt greeted that morning. I greeted her back as I stepped out of my room and into the main section of the house. I couldn’t help but grin as I watched Billie, clad in just his boxers, crack a few eggs into a bowl. He muttered a few obscenities as a shell fell into the bowl with one of the eggs.
“So things are going well, I take it?” She asked once I explained that we were planning on staying down in Newport for longer than originally planned. It shouldn’t have mattered, considering she was still in LA for the rest of the week, anyway.
Without taking my eyes off of my boyfriend, I answered my aunt in the most honest way that I could. “Never better, actually.”
♠ ♠ ♠
Yep, still here! 3 months later, I know, I'm sorry. Good news is, I've completely mapped out the rest of this story. I can confidently say that this story will end on part 50. I know with me writing it, it seems as if we'll never get there, but we will, I promise! I actually have the next chapter completely written already as well as the few after it started pretty well. I'm going to try to push for an update every week to every other week. The boys being back certainly helps!I was super nervous writing this, so hopefully I didn't muck it up too bad. Thank you to all of you who are still here, I am eternally grateful <3