Trapped
You
“I love you too, John,” I said cuddling in to him. He pushed me away.
“John?” he said with a bit of temper.
“I mean Liam,” I said feeling kinda bad.
“I can’t believe you just said that.” He said getting up.
“I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to.” I said getting up as well.
“I told you that the only reason why he was in your head was because you miss him. That doesn’t give you a right to call me John.” He said getting angry.
“I said I was sorry. Cut me some slack will you?” I said. My eyes were feeling heavier and heavier.
“I need some air.” He said walking out of the room.
“Liam I-”
“Save it.” He said and shut the door.
I made a mistake. People do that every day why can’t he just accept the fact that I’m not perfect and I tend to make mistakes especially in these situations? Maybe to other people like him it would hurt but can you blame me for missing a man I killed?
I lay back down and started crying. Only now I know that there’s no way I can possibly live without him. It’s too difficult. Knowing that the car crushed his chances of living was like a dagger to my heart. It hurt so much that even until now, after the funeral, I still can’t get over it.
So here I am lying on the bed where he and I used to sleep but only now, he’s gone and now I know he’ll never come back. Your face, your smile and those eyes I don’t think I can ever forget them. I reached for tissue paper on the side table but I couldn’t see any so I got up and looked for some in the drawer. When I opened the first drawer, your drawer, I found an envelope with my name on it. I opened it and saw a letter that you made. It said:
December 25, 2008
Dear Rachel,
Right now, I’m confused. I really want to ask you but I don’t know what you would say. I don’t know how you’d react and I don’t know if you would agree to cancel the party that you have every year. But hopefully this year, you would because I plan to take you away and marry you and never come back. Wasn’t that our dream? Just us in the island that you and I would buy and stay there for the rest of our lives but we’d come back every once in a while. We can do whatever we want anyway since we’re already out of college and I have a job and all. I promise I can support you but if you don’t think that this is the best time then I think I would understand. Probably by now, we would be dressing up for the wedding or you would still be wearing the engagement ring but either way, we’d be together. This Christmas, believe it or not, I didn’t wish for anything. I know that you wouldn’t believe me because I always have something to wish for but this year, it’s different because all I want for Christmas is you. Its lame I know but it’s true. I hope that you feel the same way about me too.
There are so many things that I would want to tell you but it would take forever to write down so I guess I’ll just keep it to myself and tell you personally someday.
Did I ever tell you that you look so cute when you sleep? You cuddle so close and sometimes I wish that I could keep you forever beside me but it’s your choice, not mine.
Right now, I’m watching you sleep right now as I’m writing this letter and I hope that you would treasure this because I never say shit like this.
So to sum it all down all I wanna say is that I LOVE YOU and I always will no matter what.
I’m sorry if I’m not the only one for you but I’m sure that you’re the only one for me. ILY…
Love,
John
And this is how I ended up lying awake at 3 A.M. in the morning just thinking of you.
“John?” he said with a bit of temper.
“I mean Liam,” I said feeling kinda bad.
“I can’t believe you just said that.” He said getting up.
“I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to.” I said getting up as well.
“I told you that the only reason why he was in your head was because you miss him. That doesn’t give you a right to call me John.” He said getting angry.
“I said I was sorry. Cut me some slack will you?” I said. My eyes were feeling heavier and heavier.
“I need some air.” He said walking out of the room.
“Liam I-”
“Save it.” He said and shut the door.
I made a mistake. People do that every day why can’t he just accept the fact that I’m not perfect and I tend to make mistakes especially in these situations? Maybe to other people like him it would hurt but can you blame me for missing a man I killed?
I lay back down and started crying. Only now I know that there’s no way I can possibly live without him. It’s too difficult. Knowing that the car crushed his chances of living was like a dagger to my heart. It hurt so much that even until now, after the funeral, I still can’t get over it.
So here I am lying on the bed where he and I used to sleep but only now, he’s gone and now I know he’ll never come back. Your face, your smile and those eyes I don’t think I can ever forget them. I reached for tissue paper on the side table but I couldn’t see any so I got up and looked for some in the drawer. When I opened the first drawer, your drawer, I found an envelope with my name on it. I opened it and saw a letter that you made. It said:
December 25, 2008
Dear Rachel,
Right now, I’m confused. I really want to ask you but I don’t know what you would say. I don’t know how you’d react and I don’t know if you would agree to cancel the party that you have every year. But hopefully this year, you would because I plan to take you away and marry you and never come back. Wasn’t that our dream? Just us in the island that you and I would buy and stay there for the rest of our lives but we’d come back every once in a while. We can do whatever we want anyway since we’re already out of college and I have a job and all. I promise I can support you but if you don’t think that this is the best time then I think I would understand. Probably by now, we would be dressing up for the wedding or you would still be wearing the engagement ring but either way, we’d be together. This Christmas, believe it or not, I didn’t wish for anything. I know that you wouldn’t believe me because I always have something to wish for but this year, it’s different because all I want for Christmas is you. Its lame I know but it’s true. I hope that you feel the same way about me too.
There are so many things that I would want to tell you but it would take forever to write down so I guess I’ll just keep it to myself and tell you personally someday.
Did I ever tell you that you look so cute when you sleep? You cuddle so close and sometimes I wish that I could keep you forever beside me but it’s your choice, not mine.
Right now, I’m watching you sleep right now as I’m writing this letter and I hope that you would treasure this because I never say shit like this.
So to sum it all down all I wanna say is that I LOVE YOU and I always will no matter what.
I’m sorry if I’m not the only one for you but I’m sure that you’re the only one for me. ILY…
Love,
John
And this is how I ended up lying awake at 3 A.M. in the morning just thinking of you.
♠ ♠ ♠
this is the end but maybe there'll be a sequel about rachel and liam