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I Love You is Eight Letters, So is Bullshit
Epic Time Wasted
I walk out of the high school formal, graduation dance, tears streaming down my face; my make up smearing along with them. I wipe it away uselessly, the anger pumping through my veins.
I look around the fogged room, the dancing gyrating bodies pounding to the heavy beats of the music.
Where the fuck is he? I think, my hand coming up to push my black bangs of my hairstyle out of my face. I find Val and Matt in a corner but no Brian as I scope out the scene one more time. I lift the one edge of my dress* and walk around the edges of the banquet hall of the hotel, deciding to take a walk down the halls and through the lobby to see whether he's wandering around, or smoking a cigarette. Having gotten out of the fogged, pounding room my mind begins to be able to process true thoughts.
What if ... No he wouldn't, I think, coming around the corner to come to a dead halt before quickly backing up the tears already pricking at the back of my eyes. There he stands, his whole body pressed against my best friend's front, his lips passionately sucking off her own. I press my hand to my mouth, tears streaming down my face as he pulls back to cup her cheek, murmuring a soft 'I love you'.
"I love you, too, Brian," she* replies back breathless from the kiss they just shared. "When are you getting rid of her?" The ‘her’ mentioned, of course, being me.
He sighs, nuzzling into her neck, her dress not covering very much and leaving very little to the imagination. A burning hate begins filling the pit of my stomach for the two people that I most trusted. "Soon, one last fuck, I promise."
She just chuckles, "What, baby, am I not good enough for you?"
"Far from it," he chuckles, nibbling across her collarbone.
I finally decide to step out from the shadows, my face a composed mask of obvious loathing.
"How long?" I snarl, resisting the urge to actually growl at the end. My hands are clenched at my sides, and my body taut with rage.
They both splutter for excuses. "I said fucking how long!" I scream, metaphorically seeing red as I take a step closer to the lying, cheating, worthless couple, my heart icing over in milliseconds.
"Eight months," Lilly whispers, stepping in front of Brian, his dark, brown pools watching me very closely, knowing the issues I have with anger management. Should have thought of that beforehand, jackass. I take one, involuntary step back the shock of the word eight months sending ripples throughout my body. Brian and I have only been dating for a year, so that means that only four months of our relationship was true. I turn my head to the side acting as though I've been slapped across the face, when only my heart has been ripped out and shattered on the floor in front of me.
I want to scream, I want to kill, I want to shoot up, I want to get drunk, I want to cry, I want to die. I want to do a lot of things, but only allow myself to do one. My body is tensed and rigid as I turn on my heel sharply. There's no use in yelling, there's no use in screaming, pleading for the one man that I loved to come back to me. He's obviously chosen another.
"What? Are you not going to even fight for me?" He calls to me, a smirk clearly evident in his words.
"I would, but there's nothing, that I can see, worth fighting for," I hiss at him coldly, my eyes dead and emotionless. I refuse to let this monster see me cry. He doesn't have the right to see me cry anymore. He flinches only by a centimeter, but he does none-the-less, my words taking affect in his head as tears stream down Lilly's face.
"Estella*, I'm so sorry," she whimpers, apparently realizing just now the consequences of her petty actions.
"Lilly," I say her name with as much care as I can muster, obviously faking a slight smile before it turns into an evil smirk. "I couldn't honestly give a fuck."
And with those parting words I leave a sobbing Lilly behind me, Brian staring after me like he just lost something great. He did. He just lost the best damned thing that ever could have happened to him.
I check my make up before entering back into the graduation dance. It's the last day of highschool year, the end of my relationship, the end of my partying times, the end of caring, and the end of love. But the beginning of college, opportunities, social climbing, career starting, and hate.
Grabbing onto my purse and cell phone, I walk over to Matt and Val, tapping Val on the shoulder. "I'm out of here." My voice is monotone, and I'm sure that if I were to look into a mirror right now I would not see me, I would see a stranger standing in my place. The normal sparkle in my eyes gone and the natural mischievous twitch of my lips smoothed out. Val and Matt look concerned for me, always playing like an overprotective brother and sister duo.
I wave them off, giving them two words and a conjunction. "Brian and Lilly."
I walk away, ignoring the way Matt's fists clench and the steam that practically spews out of Val's ears.
Which now brings us to the present. Me walking home at midnight in Huntington Beach, California. Awesome, right? Wrong. Not to mention the tears streaming down my face at yet another fucked over relationship ending me with a broken heart.
Fuck guys. They fucking suck. I chuckle quietly to myself at the statement made inside my head, hurrying along the streets to get to the comforting place I call home.
Sliding through the door, pounding up the stairs, slamming the door shut, stripping myself of my dress and shoes, before collapsing onto my bed in one big heap. My mother cracks open the door, takes one glimpse at me, and decides to come back later when I'm more apt not to throw heavy, leaden objects around the room. Sobs wrack my body as my phone rings, the caller ID flashing as: SexyBoyToy. Naturally I ignore the call, slamming my phone off to the side.
After twenty minutes of two calls per minute, I finally decide to pick up.
"Go to Hell. Go to fuckin hell and stop fucking calling me," I demand lowly, my voice cracking with anger and sadness combined.
He goes to object but I don't let him, setting my phone down and then grabbing a heavy object to slam against it, breaking off all contact with my high school years for good seeing as tomorrow bright and early I leave for my father's vacation house in Italy.
And this is how my high school years ends; breaking off another bad relationship with just another guy. Oh who am I fooling? I mean we are talking about ...
Brian Elwin Haner, Jr.
I look around the fogged room, the dancing gyrating bodies pounding to the heavy beats of the music.
Where the fuck is he? I think, my hand coming up to push my black bangs of my hairstyle out of my face. I find Val and Matt in a corner but no Brian as I scope out the scene one more time. I lift the one edge of my dress* and walk around the edges of the banquet hall of the hotel, deciding to take a walk down the halls and through the lobby to see whether he's wandering around, or smoking a cigarette. Having gotten out of the fogged, pounding room my mind begins to be able to process true thoughts.
What if ... No he wouldn't, I think, coming around the corner to come to a dead halt before quickly backing up the tears already pricking at the back of my eyes. There he stands, his whole body pressed against my best friend's front, his lips passionately sucking off her own. I press my hand to my mouth, tears streaming down my face as he pulls back to cup her cheek, murmuring a soft 'I love you'.
"I love you, too, Brian," she* replies back breathless from the kiss they just shared. "When are you getting rid of her?" The ‘her’ mentioned, of course, being me.
He sighs, nuzzling into her neck, her dress not covering very much and leaving very little to the imagination. A burning hate begins filling the pit of my stomach for the two people that I most trusted. "Soon, one last fuck, I promise."
She just chuckles, "What, baby, am I not good enough for you?"
"Far from it," he chuckles, nibbling across her collarbone.
I finally decide to step out from the shadows, my face a composed mask of obvious loathing.
"How long?" I snarl, resisting the urge to actually growl at the end. My hands are clenched at my sides, and my body taut with rage.
They both splutter for excuses. "I said fucking how long!" I scream, metaphorically seeing red as I take a step closer to the lying, cheating, worthless couple, my heart icing over in milliseconds.
"Eight months," Lilly whispers, stepping in front of Brian, his dark, brown pools watching me very closely, knowing the issues I have with anger management. Should have thought of that beforehand, jackass. I take one, involuntary step back the shock of the word eight months sending ripples throughout my body. Brian and I have only been dating for a year, so that means that only four months of our relationship was true. I turn my head to the side acting as though I've been slapped across the face, when only my heart has been ripped out and shattered on the floor in front of me.
I want to scream, I want to kill, I want to shoot up, I want to get drunk, I want to cry, I want to die. I want to do a lot of things, but only allow myself to do one. My body is tensed and rigid as I turn on my heel sharply. There's no use in yelling, there's no use in screaming, pleading for the one man that I loved to come back to me. He's obviously chosen another.
"What? Are you not going to even fight for me?" He calls to me, a smirk clearly evident in his words.
"I would, but there's nothing, that I can see, worth fighting for," I hiss at him coldly, my eyes dead and emotionless. I refuse to let this monster see me cry. He doesn't have the right to see me cry anymore. He flinches only by a centimeter, but he does none-the-less, my words taking affect in his head as tears stream down Lilly's face.
"Estella*, I'm so sorry," she whimpers, apparently realizing just now the consequences of her petty actions.
"Lilly," I say her name with as much care as I can muster, obviously faking a slight smile before it turns into an evil smirk. "I couldn't honestly give a fuck."
And with those parting words I leave a sobbing Lilly behind me, Brian staring after me like he just lost something great. He did. He just lost the best damned thing that ever could have happened to him.
I check my make up before entering back into the graduation dance. It's the last day of highschool year, the end of my relationship, the end of my partying times, the end of caring, and the end of love. But the beginning of college, opportunities, social climbing, career starting, and hate.
Grabbing onto my purse and cell phone, I walk over to Matt and Val, tapping Val on the shoulder. "I'm out of here." My voice is monotone, and I'm sure that if I were to look into a mirror right now I would not see me, I would see a stranger standing in my place. The normal sparkle in my eyes gone and the natural mischievous twitch of my lips smoothed out. Val and Matt look concerned for me, always playing like an overprotective brother and sister duo.
I wave them off, giving them two words and a conjunction. "Brian and Lilly."
I walk away, ignoring the way Matt's fists clench and the steam that practically spews out of Val's ears.
Which now brings us to the present. Me walking home at midnight in Huntington Beach, California. Awesome, right? Wrong. Not to mention the tears streaming down my face at yet another fucked over relationship ending me with a broken heart.
Fuck guys. They fucking suck. I chuckle quietly to myself at the statement made inside my head, hurrying along the streets to get to the comforting place I call home.
Sliding through the door, pounding up the stairs, slamming the door shut, stripping myself of my dress and shoes, before collapsing onto my bed in one big heap. My mother cracks open the door, takes one glimpse at me, and decides to come back later when I'm more apt not to throw heavy, leaden objects around the room. Sobs wrack my body as my phone rings, the caller ID flashing as: SexyBoyToy. Naturally I ignore the call, slamming my phone off to the side.
After twenty minutes of two calls per minute, I finally decide to pick up.
"Go to Hell. Go to fuckin hell and stop fucking calling me," I demand lowly, my voice cracking with anger and sadness combined.
He goes to object but I don't let him, setting my phone down and then grabbing a heavy object to slam against it, breaking off all contact with my high school years for good seeing as tomorrow bright and early I leave for my father's vacation house in Italy.
And this is how my high school years ends; breaking off another bad relationship with just another guy. Oh who am I fooling? I mean we are talking about ...
Brian Elwin Haner, Jr.
