Sister, I'm Not Much a Poet but a Criminal
Chapter 12
The two of us stared at each other for a long moment. Evidently, neither of us wanted to be the first to speak. Neither of us wanted to apologize.
I sighed, knowing that I had to start it. "We've got to put an end to this. It's not fair to the guys."
Her eyes darkened for an instant. Apparently, she was expecting this to be about her.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Bullshit. You've seen as well as I have what's happened. We're destroying everything we're near!" My voice was rising and I could feel heat in my cheeks.
"Fine!" she yelled back. "I see it, okay? You think I like it? You think I want to see my boyfriend so upset over something that shouldn't even concern him? Well I don't. I wish it had never happened."
"Then why did you get mad at Frank in the first place? Is it so bad that he's spending time with me?" As long as we were talking, I might as well get some answers.
"Because he's not good enough for you."
"What?"
"Look at him! He's a punk, and it wouldn't surprise me if he's been in a lot of trouble in his lifetime. You shouldn't be exposed to that. You're too easily influenced."
I felt rage pump through my veins with every heartbeat.
"How can you judge him like that? Have you ever had a civil conversation with him? He's nothing like that! Besides, according to you, nobody's ever good enough for me. Not my boyfriends, not my friends, not anyone!"
"That's because I know what you're capable of, and I know when people are holding you back. I really do care what happens to you."
"If that was the case, you'd let me make my own mistakes and find my own way. I need to do these things on my own, and not constantly be reminded of how I got to be where I am. I need to find my own friends, and be able to date whoever I want to. You won't always be there, so I need to make these decisions on my own. I need to be independent."
"But while I'm here, can't I help?"
"No! I'm going to spend time with Frank, whether you like it or not. I really care about him, and I don't want him and Ray getting hurt by us. Which brings us back to the original point of this happy little conversation. Even if we can't get along, we need to try for them."
"Fine, but I'm only trying for Ray's benefit."
"Great, because I'm only doing this for Frank."
She glared at me, but eventually her eyes softened. "I'm not trying to control you, you know."
"It sure seems like it. I wish you would just step back for awhile. You've always been the one in the spotlight, the perfect one. I've had to struggle for everything and now when something good comes along, you fight me on it. Why do you do that?"
"I'm not perfect, despite what you believe. The truth is, you've never cared what people thought about you. Sometimes I wanted to be like that, but other times I worried about you. When people see you with the kind of people you hang out with, they judge you. I wanted to help you by letting people know you weren't like them."
"But I am like them!" I began to get exasperated. "Don't you see that? You're telling them lies if you tear me apart from my friends."
"You're better than them."
"No, I'm not. And I'm going to spend a lot of time with Frank, so get used to it."
I stood and headed for the door.
"So, we're okay?" she asked, watching me go.
I turned back to her. "No. But we will be. We just both need a little more time. But as far as they're concerned," I gestured towards the rest of the bus. "We're fine."
When I entered the other room, Ray and Frank were back. I smiled as brightly as I could, then took a seat next to Frank.
"You okay?" he whispered in my ear as I leaned on his shoulder.
"I'm fine," I lied.
He sighed, and I knew that he could tell I was lying. But he didn't push the subject.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"Yeah, me and Ray are good."
"Good."
When Ariella returned, she sat by Ray, and once again the room was silent. There wasn't quite as much tension, but nobody spoke.
"Is it over?" Mikey asked cautiously, making me laugh.
"It's over," I replied, still grinning.
"Good, because things were getting retarded," Bob muttered, but he seemed to be in a good mood.
"Yeah," I agreed. "It won't happen again."
"You can't promise that," Gerard protested. "Sisters fight all the time."
"Yeah, but next time I won't confront her in front of everyone. That way, when we fight we can act civil and nobody will ever know until after we've made up."
"Good luck with that," Frank smiled. "We can read you guys like books. We'll know."
Ariella caught my eye from across the room. Her expression was pleading, and I gave in. I nodded and gave her a look that I hoped she would interpret as us being okay. Finally.
It probably wouldn't last, but the atmosphere was friendly. I never wanted it to go back to the hostility it had held before. I was going to enjoy it while I could.
I sighed, knowing that I had to start it. "We've got to put an end to this. It's not fair to the guys."
Her eyes darkened for an instant. Apparently, she was expecting this to be about her.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Bullshit. You've seen as well as I have what's happened. We're destroying everything we're near!" My voice was rising and I could feel heat in my cheeks.
"Fine!" she yelled back. "I see it, okay? You think I like it? You think I want to see my boyfriend so upset over something that shouldn't even concern him? Well I don't. I wish it had never happened."
"Then why did you get mad at Frank in the first place? Is it so bad that he's spending time with me?" As long as we were talking, I might as well get some answers.
"Because he's not good enough for you."
"What?"
"Look at him! He's a punk, and it wouldn't surprise me if he's been in a lot of trouble in his lifetime. You shouldn't be exposed to that. You're too easily influenced."
I felt rage pump through my veins with every heartbeat.
"How can you judge him like that? Have you ever had a civil conversation with him? He's nothing like that! Besides, according to you, nobody's ever good enough for me. Not my boyfriends, not my friends, not anyone!"
"That's because I know what you're capable of, and I know when people are holding you back. I really do care what happens to you."
"If that was the case, you'd let me make my own mistakes and find my own way. I need to do these things on my own, and not constantly be reminded of how I got to be where I am. I need to find my own friends, and be able to date whoever I want to. You won't always be there, so I need to make these decisions on my own. I need to be independent."
"But while I'm here, can't I help?"
"No! I'm going to spend time with Frank, whether you like it or not. I really care about him, and I don't want him and Ray getting hurt by us. Which brings us back to the original point of this happy little conversation. Even if we can't get along, we need to try for them."
"Fine, but I'm only trying for Ray's benefit."
"Great, because I'm only doing this for Frank."
She glared at me, but eventually her eyes softened. "I'm not trying to control you, you know."
"It sure seems like it. I wish you would just step back for awhile. You've always been the one in the spotlight, the perfect one. I've had to struggle for everything and now when something good comes along, you fight me on it. Why do you do that?"
"I'm not perfect, despite what you believe. The truth is, you've never cared what people thought about you. Sometimes I wanted to be like that, but other times I worried about you. When people see you with the kind of people you hang out with, they judge you. I wanted to help you by letting people know you weren't like them."
"But I am like them!" I began to get exasperated. "Don't you see that? You're telling them lies if you tear me apart from my friends."
"You're better than them."
"No, I'm not. And I'm going to spend a lot of time with Frank, so get used to it."
I stood and headed for the door.
"So, we're okay?" she asked, watching me go.
I turned back to her. "No. But we will be. We just both need a little more time. But as far as they're concerned," I gestured towards the rest of the bus. "We're fine."
When I entered the other room, Ray and Frank were back. I smiled as brightly as I could, then took a seat next to Frank.
"You okay?" he whispered in my ear as I leaned on his shoulder.
"I'm fine," I lied.
He sighed, and I knew that he could tell I was lying. But he didn't push the subject.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"Yeah, me and Ray are good."
"Good."
When Ariella returned, she sat by Ray, and once again the room was silent. There wasn't quite as much tension, but nobody spoke.
"Is it over?" Mikey asked cautiously, making me laugh.
"It's over," I replied, still grinning.
"Good, because things were getting retarded," Bob muttered, but he seemed to be in a good mood.
"Yeah," I agreed. "It won't happen again."
"You can't promise that," Gerard protested. "Sisters fight all the time."
"Yeah, but next time I won't confront her in front of everyone. That way, when we fight we can act civil and nobody will ever know until after we've made up."
"Good luck with that," Frank smiled. "We can read you guys like books. We'll know."
Ariella caught my eye from across the room. Her expression was pleading, and I gave in. I nodded and gave her a look that I hoped she would interpret as us being okay. Finally.
It probably wouldn't last, but the atmosphere was friendly. I never wanted it to go back to the hostility it had held before. I was going to enjoy it while I could.