Sister, I'm Not Much a Poet but a Criminal

"Are you okay?"

Silence.

"Molly?"

I looked up. Everyone was staring at me. I nodded slowly and looked back down at the floor. The bus hit a pothole and I bounced slightly on the couch, but remained quiet. I knew they were all still staring, but I didn't acknowledge it. I was too into my thoughts, lost in my own little world.

I hardly noticed when someone took my hand and lead me to the back of the bus. I walked robotically and sat down without noticing what I was doing. When I finally saw who had brought me there, I was shocked to see Ariella.

"What's up with you?" she asked as she took the seat beside me.

I shrugged, looking down again.

"Speak, Molly. I've never known you to be quiet for this long. It's freaky."

"I'm just... thinking."

"About what?"

"Everything."

"Detail, please."

"Colleges, leaving, Brooke, Frank... need any more examples?"

"Why does it have you so down?"

"Because I have no choice in the matter. I've got to leave, and I don't want to lose him."

"You won't lose him, don't worry."

She was too calm. She didn't see the severity of my situation.

"How can I not worry? He meets gorgeous girls every day and I'm just plain old Molly. I can't compete, especially when I'm not around."

"Molly, if he wanted those girls, he wouldn't have spent an entire summer hung up on you."

"How will I survive being alone?"

"You won't be alone, Molly. We're all just a phone call away."

I nodded. "But what if there's no time for me?"

"What do you mean?"

"What if everyone's too busy and I really need them? What do I do?"

"You've been thinking too much," she muttered, shaking her head. "There'll always be someone there to listen or to help. Calm down, Molly. It'll work out, I know it."

"But how do you know? Things haven't exactly all went smoothly for me in the past. Why should love be any different?"

"Love isn't meant to be easy. You just have to take it as it comes. Life's going to throw you obstacles, but you're strong. You can overcome them."

"Some obstacles are too big."

"Like what?"

I looked up at her with sad eyes. "Like everything that's coming."

She frowned. "I don't know what you're getting at, Molly, but I know you're wrong. If you can't make it alone, Frank'll help. He's crazy about you, I can see that now. He won't let anything bad happen."

"What if he can't stop it?"

"Then someone else will. Mikey, or Gerard, or even Ray. Bob would fight for you, I know it. As for me, you know I'll always be there for you."

"Okay, but what if nobody can stop it? What if I don't have the power to stop it? What if I make it worse?"

"What are you talking about? What's coming that's so bad?"

"I don't know. That's the scary part."

She pulled me into a hug and whispered to me. "Molly, whatever this is that you're going through right now, don't do it alone. You've got all of us, so please let us help. Frank's worried, and I can't blame him. He actually came to me for help with you. You won't talk to him, you won't acknowledge when people speak to you, you're scaring us."

"I've got a lot on my mind. I don't know what to do anymore."

"Just talk to him, okay?"

I pulled back and nodded, but tears were filling my eyes. I wanted Frank to help me, but I didn't want to drag him into this pit of despair that I'd dug for myself. I didn't want him to get hurt, but I knew what I had to do. I really did need to talk to him, and I was running out of time. The tour was almost over, and I wanted him to know some things before we had to be separated. He already knew that I loved him, but I didn't think he knew just how much.

He didn't know that the thought of losing him was slowly killing me.