Letters To Rae Rae
January Eighth, 2009
Dear Rae Rae,
Why can't everything just get better? Every day I feel worse and worse, and not like I'm sick. Like I'm upset, over nothing. And I'm tired ALL THE TIME. I've chewed my nails TO BITS. I thought they were short before...now they're throbbing they're so short. It hurts to type. I don't like me...I used to think I was okay sometimes, and some days I'd be super confident. Now, I'm just like man...I'm horrible looking. I find myself putting on that old fake smile all the time now. I don't like...genuinely laugh with some of my buds very often. Unless its Amanda or Lindsey. Then I'm probably really laughing, but it's because they're both huge dorks. I don't want to keep up with my school work. I know, I have to keep my A's, but I just don't want to. When I bring home homework, I procrastinate on it for EVER. I did it today...but I really didn't want to. I still have to study for my French test, and I'm so nervous about it. Because turns out we're not getting report cards this week and it'll go on this card. I have no idea what my grades are because half my teachers haven't showed us our grade, and we can't get online and check them yet. So if I have a B, I'm screwed over. BIG TIME. I just got my new phone and laptop too....
Anyway. Noah talked to me once today, and when I went to reply, he walked away before I could finish. I'm done with him. I fell into his trap twice, and felt bad for him, but not anymore. I'm done. I can't take his stupid crap anymore. I'm sure it's played a part in this whole upset all the time thingy. I can't believe I thought for two seconds maybe I really did like him. I'm so dumb...
Not even Let It Rock by Kevin Rudolf is cheering me up right now, and that is like my dance song. My Chemical Romance cheered me up a bit...but then Disenchanted came on and I started crying...but I need to get it out. If I keep it all bottled in like I usually do, I'ma lose it, and I don't wanna.
I've got like two pictures and a bajillion posters I need to hang up. I need a Simple Plan and Underoath mega posters to make my little wall by my bed complete. I've got Avenged Sevenfold and My Chemical Romance already...they've both got the band members on them...and they are BEAUTIFUL. I can't tell which one's better though. Hah. They both ROCK.
It's freezing in the house. I've got my nice warm MCR jacket on, but I'm still shaking. I feel my hands are like ice, but Mom felt them and said they weren't. I swear, they feel like they're going to fall of, no lie. When I put them on my face, it's SO COLD. I'm SO WEIRD.
We had a one hour delay for school today. See, the funny thing is, last snow day we had, the roads weren't bad AT ALL. Today, we slid EVERYWHERE. Our superintendent is so weird...Hah. Haylie even called him. It was funny. But I really want one tomorrow. I want to be finished with school. Even though it's only the weekend. I'm sick and tired of the drama. I just want to live in peace. Is that so much to ask?
"Where can I turn, 'cause I need something more? Surrounded by uncertainty, I'm so sure." -Paramore
I think I'ma go. Dad wants me to clean the stove and counter. I need to get on it.
With love XOXO.
Kaitlin
Why can't everything just get better? Every day I feel worse and worse, and not like I'm sick. Like I'm upset, over nothing. And I'm tired ALL THE TIME. I've chewed my nails TO BITS. I thought they were short before...now they're throbbing they're so short. It hurts to type. I don't like me...I used to think I was okay sometimes, and some days I'd be super confident. Now, I'm just like man...I'm horrible looking. I find myself putting on that old fake smile all the time now. I don't like...genuinely laugh with some of my buds very often. Unless its Amanda or Lindsey. Then I'm probably really laughing, but it's because they're both huge dorks. I don't want to keep up with my school work. I know, I have to keep my A's, but I just don't want to. When I bring home homework, I procrastinate on it for EVER. I did it today...but I really didn't want to. I still have to study for my French test, and I'm so nervous about it. Because turns out we're not getting report cards this week and it'll go on this card. I have no idea what my grades are because half my teachers haven't showed us our grade, and we can't get online and check them yet. So if I have a B, I'm screwed over. BIG TIME. I just got my new phone and laptop too....
Anyway. Noah talked to me once today, and when I went to reply, he walked away before I could finish. I'm done with him. I fell into his trap twice, and felt bad for him, but not anymore. I'm done. I can't take his stupid crap anymore. I'm sure it's played a part in this whole upset all the time thingy. I can't believe I thought for two seconds maybe I really did like him. I'm so dumb...
Not even Let It Rock by Kevin Rudolf is cheering me up right now, and that is like my dance song. My Chemical Romance cheered me up a bit...but then Disenchanted came on and I started crying...but I need to get it out. If I keep it all bottled in like I usually do, I'ma lose it, and I don't wanna.
I've got like two pictures and a bajillion posters I need to hang up. I need a Simple Plan and Underoath mega posters to make my little wall by my bed complete. I've got Avenged Sevenfold and My Chemical Romance already...they've both got the band members on them...and they are BEAUTIFUL. I can't tell which one's better though. Hah. They both ROCK.
It's freezing in the house. I've got my nice warm MCR jacket on, but I'm still shaking. I feel my hands are like ice, but Mom felt them and said they weren't. I swear, they feel like they're going to fall of, no lie. When I put them on my face, it's SO COLD. I'm SO WEIRD.
We had a one hour delay for school today. See, the funny thing is, last snow day we had, the roads weren't bad AT ALL. Today, we slid EVERYWHERE. Our superintendent is so weird...Hah. Haylie even called him. It was funny. But I really want one tomorrow. I want to be finished with school. Even though it's only the weekend. I'm sick and tired of the drama. I just want to live in peace. Is that so much to ask?
"Where can I turn, 'cause I need something more? Surrounded by uncertainty, I'm so sure." -Paramore
I think I'ma go. Dad wants me to clean the stove and counter. I need to get on it.
With love XOXO.
Kaitlin