It's in Our Blood

‘Jake’

‘Jake!’

‘JACOB!’

‘Shut up!’

I growled at the voices in my head, calling my name over and over again in some desperate attempt to calm me down from my anger. The air around my fur was freezing. The ground beneath my paws seemed to burn, with every step I took, I felt a slight serene sentiment pass through me.

‘Jacob calm down. Look-’

‘Seth, shut up.’

‘Jacob…’ Sam growled warningly.

I knew what Seth was thinking. The moment he saw Kari. Seth wanted her. He could have sworn he had imprinted on her. But he didn’t. I knew it, he knew it, everyone knew it. He did not have the chemistry with her as-

‘As you do?’

‘Jacob think this through logically,’ reasoned Sam, ‘Kari is important and whether you decide to acknowledge it or not, the fact still remains. Bella-’

‘Shut up! You’ve never approved of Bella in the first place so why should Kari be any different? Bella is human. Kari is one of them.’

I snarled out loud, knowing it would reach his ears. Kari was nothing to me. If anyone was my imprint, it was Bella. Isabella Swan, the girl I was in love with since I was a kid, since the moment I first met her. And as soon as she falls out of that cheap mind trick the leech put her under, she would realize that she was the perfect girl for me. Our mythical backwards version of the Little Mermaid would reach its happy ending.

‘Not Kari.’

Katrina. Her name was cute, it was pretty, but it wasn’t perfection. It was not a name that sounded unique and beautiful. She has the same name as a hurricane. I can point many flaws about her. For one, she’s a vampire. It doesn’t matter that she still has human blood pulsing through her, she is a leech. Her beauty is unnatural.

Her hair is too short. It’s such an odd mix of blond and brown. Her eyes were a weird mix, much like her hair. A blend of hazel and gold. It was out of place. Her lips were blood red, almost as if they were soaked in human blood. Her clothes were always strewn over her body like she didn’t give a care in the world if someone thought she looked unprofessional and untidy.

Another thing, she’s too shy and observing. Kari talks kindly to everyone and anyone but never puts herself in the conversation. She purposely stands on the outside whenever she is in a group. She randomly has moments where she shuts everyone out and runs. Kari runs from all her problems. She isn’t strong. She isn’t brave.

Kari is just a stupid girl with a kind heart.

I do not care about her. And yet, when I saw her, locking lips with that fucked up half breed leech, I could not resist the urge to rip that leech apart. I wanted to tear the very fiber of his being into pieces. I did not want her near him.

Her hands grabbed his face, interlocking his red hair into her fingers. She leaned upwards, pressing her lips onto his. His arm was wrapped around her waist, the other holding her hoodie.

Kari’s eyes were closed shut, moving her lips furiously against his. Their bodies were pressed closely together.

It was almost as if they were doing this as some sick show for me to watch.

I growled softly, my body beginning to want to shift.

Kari broke apart from Kieran abruptly. Their heads turned towards me as my growls became louder. I felt my wolf take over and I did not try to stop the shift.

I wanted to kill that bastard.

My body shook uncontrollably. The fur on my back quivering under the intensity of the hate I suddenly received for the both of them. I wanted to tear Kieran apart. And right now, I wanted nothing more than to see Kari suffer more than she ever has.

In fact… I don’t think I ever want Kari to be happy.

“You aren’t sad? You’re not jealous?” I asked Bella.

Bella shook her head. I felt my heart break.

“But we kissed!” I exclaimed.

I had to make her understand her true feelings for me, for Bella to admit and act upon them.

“I know! Now you have someone too Jake!” said Bella happily.

I felt something getting caught in my throat.

“No! No!” I denied, “No that kiss meant nothing! We’re nothing! I would never date Kari in a million years!”

Bella’s face fell. Her face was shocked at this proclamation.

A low grow entered the air. I turned my head, moving slightly in front to protect Bella. It wasn’t a threat though.

There in the parking lot stood the half breed leech, Kieran, holding Kari in his arms. My eyes drifted to her face. It was pained. She looked as though she was about to cry.

Bella’s gasp came as she finally saw the two of them across the parking lot.

Kieran left quickly, fleeing from the scene as he took Kari along with him. Why was Kari with him?

My fist clenched.

How was it that everyone except me found someone else?

And yet… knowing that I was able to make Kari hurt… To make her hurt like I hurt… To have her understand the way that I felt… empowered me to no ends.

I shifted back into my human form. Small gashes were found around my body from the whipping of branches and leaves. I watched as they healed and mended itself within seconds.

I surveyed my surroundings. I was no where near the hot beach of La Push or the cool breezes by the forest. No, I was in a completely new place. The air was considerably colder, white coated the green and ice was everywhere.

My hand reached towards an icicle hanging from a large evergreen tree. It melted and sizzled under my touch. It was soothing against my skin, cooling my body from my heated run.

My thoughts slowly cleared. I could feel my chest heaving up and down. I did not even notice my heavy breathing if it were not for the visible white clouds that emitted from my breath.

‘To make her hurt like I hurt’

I repeated this in my head. My words rang over and over again. The more I heard it, the louder it became… And the guilt only intensified from my selfish words.

‘Narcotic much?’

I did my best to tune out the rest of the pack’s muffled conversation. I was not in the mood to hear bits and pieces of the conversation where they were talking about me. The distance between us was too great for clear messages to be said.

I walked around. Snowflakes began to fall. They melted as they hit my skin. I basked in the cold and relief they brought to me. I looked around. An old rusty sign was hanging onto a wooden post.

Alaska.

I was in Kari’s home town. Or at least, where she grew up briefly for a while.

‘It’s where she met Kieran.’

I gritted my teeth. Seth would not shut up. I did not want to hear his astray conspired theories. They were wrong. All wrong.

My bare feet wandered into a nearby cottage. I looked around for any signs of movement. When it felt safe, I broke in, took a pair of jeans and stuck them on. I left as quickly as I came.

I was not sure about what to do. In fact, I did not even know how long I had been out. The jeans were nearly ice cold frozen against my legs. If it were not for the fact that I was a shape shifter, I would have froze.

‘Come home Jake.’

I ignored Sam. I did not care that he was alpha. Right now, I will be as selfish as I want. I think I deserved that much at least.

I wandered into a clearing. It had a gorgeous lake, a small streaming waterfall and shining rocks surrounded it. The sun lit all the snow and the snowflakes falling. It was as beautiful as the beach in La Push. I felt compelled to sit under a big oak tree, on top of a large rock.

I sat down onto the rock. The sounds of rushing water falling into the lake calmed my senses. I turned around, gazing up to the large branches of the grand oak tree. Snowflakes fell on my face. My eyes trailed the lines of the tree.

I brushed off the snow on the tree. Strange markings began to appear the harder I scrubbed for the snow to come off. I rubbed a little harder, identifying a heart. A large heart. I could not help but let the grin on my face appear. I do not know why, but it made me elated. Almost as if the Gods above were sending me a message.

I did my best to uncover the area around and within the heart. My heart skipped when I uncovered the first letter. It was a K. A single K.

I moved quickly, melting and moving the frozen snow away from the bark.

K.

A.

R.

My eyes blinked furiously, ridding the wetness in my eyes from the melted snow.

I.

KARI.

I gulped, swallowing the saliva that collected at the base of my throat. My hands continued on, scraping the ice.

F.

O.

R.

I blinked again.

E.

V.

E.

R.

FOREVER.

I cleaned the right side of the heart. My chest constricted when I saw the name beside hers.

KIERAN.

There was a large space in the middle. I felt all my hopes being placed onto it. Hope that it wasn’t what I thought it was.

BEST FRIENDS.

I sighed in relief. In its entirety, the entire graving read “KARI & KIERAN. BEST FRIENDS FOREVER.”

And that meant more than anything in the world to me. I did not know why.

I felt my nails dig into the bark of the tree, prodding out splinters.

I sighed slowly, realizing what I was doing. I let my fingers uncurl, resting over the tree. I inhaled the cold air and watched as my breath turn into visible white clouds and disappearing. I leaned backwards into the tree, my hand over the engraved heart.

All was calm. I had not heard from the pack for a while now. I let my eyes slowly droop down. Before long, all I knew was black.

‘Poor thing.’ An old women cooed. ‘She’s so brave too.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Do you not recognize that face Mary-Ann?’ asked the old women.

Mary-Ann shook her head, her raven locks flying over her face.

‘That is the daughter of Richard Knowles.’

Mary-Ann’s eyes widened.

‘The girl that had to see her dad die?’

The women nodded, ‘There’s more to it. They say she was found in the security room, white as a sheet. Every single room that was plastered in her father’s blood. She refuses to say a word.’

The old women, now recognizable as a nun addressed Mary-Ann with a fierce look.

‘Treat her kindly. Poor thing has been through more than enough trouble. I trust you to care for her.’

Mary-Ann nodded, determined.

‘Yes Sister.’

I opened my eyes; thoughts blurred and light blinding my vision. I propped myself up on my elbows, feeling the strange silky bedspread underneath me. As I rose, the bed covers dropped down near my mid section.

“Oh for heaven’s sake boy!” a familiar old female voice cried, “Lay down!”

I was pushed back onto the bed within seconds with a strong force unlike one of a human.
My eyes adjusted to the lighting. On my left was an old lady with a kind determined face. She fluffed a pillow, lifted my head and slid the new one under me. Her hair was grey but her eyes were still full of life.

I looked down to my body. I was wearing a white t-shirt and I could feel that I was wearing a soft pair of loose pants as well. I was confused. How did I get here?

“You were out in the cold for a long period of time!” said the women, “Thank goodness my granddaughter and her boyfriend found you in time.”

“I’m fine.” I replied groggily.

The spit fire women rolled her eyes, “I’m sure, I’m sure.” She said mockingly, “Now drink this tea. It’ll help.”

A hot steaming cup of tea was shoved in front of my face.

“I’m fine.” I repeated more pressingly.

Her eyes fiercely glared into mine. Her face was familiar. But where had I seen it?

“Drink.”

I took the cup from her hands without any battle this time. The herbal smell warmed my body. I took it to my mouth and drank it slowly.

“That’s it, drink it all up.” The women whispered.

Before long, I had finished.

“You were hot and cold at the same time.” The old women commented, “I was scared you weren’t going to make it. What were you thinking?! Staying out in the cold with only a pair of jeans?!”

I stayed silent.

The old women sighed, falling down into a chair. She rubbed her temples with her thumbs.

“If you weren’t a shape shifter, you wouldn’t have made it.”

My head whipped to her.

“Yes, I know.” She spoke, “My mate was a werewolf. You pick up some hints after a while.”

I felt my jaw drop. Her eyes surveyed me, scanning.

“Now… What’s such a big problem that caused you to run away from your pack?” she asked.

“I’m sorry” I said politely, “I don’t think I should tell you my personal business.”

She waved me off, “It’s better to tell someone than to keep everything bottled up.”

The old women extended her hand, waiting for me to shake it.

“I’m Mary-Ann.”

My eyes blinked, realization coming back from that small weird dream.

“Mary-Ann?” I asked.

“Yes sweetheart.”

I hesitated, but shook her hands anyways. She eyed me wearily and sighed.

“Well if you’re not going to tell me why you are here all the way out in Alaska, then tell me why you were out there in the cold at least.”

I shrugged, “It calmed me down.”

“You spend a lot of time in the sun don’t you?” She asked, looking at my tanned skin.

I nodded.

“Did you know her?” questioned Mary-Ann.

“Know who?” I replied confused.

“Kari. Kieran.”

I felt my chest tighten.

“I knew them. Back when they were children. Human children. They were such good kids. Always optimistic and innocent… Brightened my day all the time whenever I was with them for even just a moment.” reminisced Mary-Ann. “I heard around that the two are still alive. But they’ve turned haven’t they?”

I nodded.

“How do you know them?”

“They moved near the reservation, where I lived.” I told her, “They are half breed leeches though.”

Mary-Ann sighed, “I’d figured. Although I’m not entire happy about their species, I can not deny that I’m overjoyed the two of them are still here. They both deserve a good life. They have gone through so much already.”

With that, I came to realize that I have been nothing but cruel to Kari. To make her hurt like I hurt… How could I have thought that? How could I have wanted her to be hurt? This entire time… With all my apologies to Kari and how she has been nothing but kind to me, my best friend… And I wanted this to happen to her.

“What’s your name?” Mary-Ann asked.

“Jacob. Jacob Black.”

“Ah,” She said in realization, “The Quileute Tribe. Tell me. What would cause an Alpha to run away?”

“I’m not the Alpha.”

She quirked her eyebrow, “Is that so? Well… Please tell anyways.”

“I was confused.” I chose my words carefully.

“Confused about what?”

“Myself. Kari. And this girl I am in love with.” I replied.

“This girl… She human?” asked Mary-Ann.

I nodded.

“Your imprint?”

I looked at her shock.

Mary-Ann shook her head disbelievingly, “I just told you I’m the mate of a werewolf! Is it that shocking that I know about imprints?”

I shook my head in reply, “No.”

“No what?”

“No, she isn’t my imprint.”

“Then why are you in love with her?” barked Mary-Ann suddenly with sudden ferocity, “Why are you making it so much harder for yourself and your imprint by saying you are in love with her?”

“Because I am.” I whispered. But I could not help but notice the lack of assertion in my words.

“Does she love you?”

Fire was lit in Mary-Ann’s eyes.

“She is.” I told her, “She just in denial.”

“Unbelievable.” Mary-Ann said.

“She is!” I exclaimed, “She is under some mind trick by a leech!”

Mary-Ann looked at me with a are-you-serious look.

“She’s in love with a vampire… And yet you’re still convinced you’re in love?”

“She’s my imprint!” I said.

“You just said that she wasn’t!”

“She’s special!”

“Stop kidding yourself!” Mary-Ann yelled so loudly that my mouth shut, “Forget about her Jacob. Forget about her.”

‘I can’t.’

But she didn’t hear that.

“So what about Kari is making you confused?” She sighed out, closing her eyes and rubbing her temples again.

“Everything.” I replied.

Mary-Ann opened an eye.

“Kari? Kari is making everything confusing?”

I nodded.

“How?”

“Just everything.” I whispered.

Mary-Ann’s hand grabbed my chin and looked straight into my eyes. She scanned me; I could feel her eyes piercing through my soul. She let go of my face after a minute and leaned back into her chair. Mary-Ann had a thoughtful expression on her face. She mulled over our conversation. Then, she finally broke the silence.

“Do you love her?”

I stared at her, eyes wide.

“Kari? Me love Kari?!” I asked in disbelief.

Mary-Ann’s lips tightened into a thin line, “Yes Jacob, do you love Kari?”

“No.” I replied quickly.

Her stare thickened.

“Then how is she confusing anything for you?”

“Because she just is.” I said firmly.

“What does the rest of your pack think?”

“Nothing.” I replied, I was not going to tell her what they thought, “Nothing.”

“That’s a lie Jacob.” said Mary-Ann, “And quite frankly, you suck at lying.”

“I’m not.”

“Lie.”

“I’m not lying!” I shouted back at her.

“Jacob, you have nothing to loose by telling me.” Mary-Ann stared, her expression irate with my uncooperative behavior.

“I-” I broke off as she shot me another look, “Okay fine! They… They think she’s my- my imprint.” I spat out.

And then, slowly, but surely, Mary-Ann let a smile grace her lips. She looked years younger.

“Why are you smiling?”

Mary-Ann ignored my question.

“Does Kari make you smile?”

I was taken back by her question.

“Does Kari make you nervous?”

I couldn’t speak.

“Does she make you doubt everything but believe all at the same time? Does she make you so nervous that you feel like you will die from nerves? Does she scare you beyond belief but comfort you all the same? Do you see yourself running to her all the time whenever you just need someone or want to be alone? Does she ever make you want to scream at the top of your lungs and do the craziest things ever?”

Mary-Ann continued her barrage of questions. My heart was jumping out of my chest painfully.

“Most of all… Does she make you want to hold her whenever she’s in pain? Even if you angry and you want to hate her with all your heart?”

I did not want to think of it. I was scared of the answer.

“Does she Jacob Black?”

“I-” I stopped. I did not know.

Her name, her hair, her eyes, her smile… Her everything… I couldn’t help but think yes. Yes she makes me nervous. She makes me smile. She makes me want to run to her for comfort even when I wanted to be alone. She makes me doubt myself and believe in who I am. She makes me nervous. She makes me feel like an idiot and do idiotic things with her. She makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs just to feel the adrenaline. She makes me laugh hard at the stupidest things.

The week I met her was amazing. Kari charmed me. I couldn’t deny that every morning I woke up, I knew I looked forward to hanging out with her. Even though all we were doing was setting up for Bella’s birthday party. She never once made me hurt like Bella did. That was, until Kieran and her kissed.

I could still taste her lips on mine. I know I didn’t react and yet… I never wanted the moment to end. I couldn’t stop myself from wondering if Kieran was better than I was. I couldn’t stop myself from having my mind drift in directions that would not have been appropriate. So what was it? What was my answer?

“What is Katrina to you?”

***************************************************************

“Jacob! Get up!”

Mary-Ann’s voice rang through loudly. Her daughter and her werewolf boyfriend were already in the kitchen by the time I had arrived. I was going home today. I stayed in Mary-Ann’s home for a week. For the most part, I was weak. I overran my body and the cold had caused me to be sick. To actually be sick.

I could still remember the conversation Mary-Ann had with me. And I was ecstatic. I wasn’t confused anymore. I had figured it out. The only questions I had were… Why did it take me so long to realize? Why did I hold Bella so high on a pedestal?

Mary-Ann wrapped herself in a thick jacket. Her husband was gone from a battle against rogue vampires. But Mary-Ann continued to live. She did it because her children would miss her. She worked at the new orphanage that Kari used to be a part of.

Mary-Ann walked with me to the edge of the town, giving me a firm hug. I had told her about the war and she embraced it with a fierce reply. She was not one to go down without a fight. I had wondered where she had gotten all her strength from. But she wouldn’t tell me. A twinkle in her eye would appear and she would mysteriously reply, “You’ll find out soon enough.”

“Take care.” I whispered to her.

“You too dear.”

Mary-Ann let go of me as I embraced the rest of her pack. I took off the clothes she had provided me, leaving only the shorts on. I turned around, getting ready to leave.

“Jacob!” I heard her call. I turned back around.

Mary-Ann stood with a large grin on her face, waving.

“The Blacks have always been Alphas. It’s only a matter of time.”

With that vague proclamation, Mary-Ann walked off, led by the older werewolves of her pack. A flurry of snow came, covering her as their silhouettes disappeared.

I shifted. I ran back as soon as I can. I had to talk to Bella. I had to talk with everyone again. Most of all, I had to talk with Kari. With everything I had just realized. I raced over to Bella, elated that I realized that I did not care anymore.

‘I did not care anymore.’

A large wolf grin spread over my face. I was elated. I knocked on her door rapidly. The wood barely withstanding against my force. I heard shuffles of movement behind and I stood back waiting. The door opened. Bella’s frazzled look with teary eyes and smile caught me in surprise.

“Jacob!”

Bella threw her arms around me tightly. I stumbled back. My heart was melting.

And I couldn’t stop it.

“You’re here!” she cried happily.

“Y-Yeah.” I mumbled.

Bella pulled away from me and smiled like a fool. I couldn’t help but returned it. And then she spoke. She said the one word that will instantly change everything. And yet… Nothing would change at all. One giant step forward, two steps back. Everything would be back to the way it was. With my heart broken and with Bella’s perfectly in tact.