It's in Our Blood

Nyx remained trapped in her room for hours on. I tapped the side of my cup nervously, trying to fill the empty air around me that was heavily coated in silence. I had escorted Edward out of the house before I went to find Nyx. It took me a while; she was ridiculously good at staying hidden from the rest of the world. I literally had to scour the entire town to find her. It was probably 3 in the morning, a whole six hours, when I remotely even felt where she was.

Nyx sat on the beach, nearly close enough to touch the water. She was curled up into a ball, having only a thin, slightly ragged brown blanket over her shoulders to cover herself up. Her clear blue eyes were glazed over; the image of the water and the bright gibbous moon reflecting on her eyes like mirrors. The husky stench of dogs circled the air continuously, making me very aware that the Quileutes were here not so long ago.

I took a seat beside her, listening to the crashing waves in front of us, sparkling under the light of the moon. Nyx gave no acknowledgment to my presence, even when I draped my hoodie over her body to give her more warmth. I mimicked her form, drawing my knees into my chest and resting my head upon them. I wrapped my arms around my knees and just sat there in silence with her.

And then I waited.

I waited for Nyx to mentally prepare herself to head back to Forks, head back to civilization. I could offer no words of comfort because I couldn’t think of anything. I couldn’t do a single thing to help her and that pissed me off the most. I really wanted for this entire mess to be fixed, so no one else would be hurt, no one else would feel so broken. I wanted this all to be over and done with.

After what seemed like days, Nyx looked at me. She blinked once, twice, thrice, crystal clear unshed tears disappearing from her eyes. She slipped the hoodie under the blanket, zipping it onto her body. She moved closer towards me, wrapping the blanket around my form as well. I gave her a small smile that seemed to take an exuberant amount of effort on my part. Nyx gave no answer and turned her gaze back to the waves, but my chest felt lightened. The knot that was there loosened slightly, filling slightly for adoration for Nyx because even when she was completely disheartened, she still thought of me, she still thought of others.

I wrapped my arms around Nyx, letting her bury her head into my shoulder. Her entire body was cold to my touch and yet, underneath that cold I could feel the heat radiating off her body. It was very similar to the way the shape shifters’ but it was hidden, covert under the cold of her vampire blood. I rubbed her back, trying to sooth her out a bit.

The sun started to rise above the horizon in front of us. Nyx’s eyes had shut close an hour or so ago, her mind finally shutting down for the day. Footsteps headed our way, the sound of sand underneath bare feet growing closer and closer. The smell of dogs became stronger as I took the blanket off of me, carefully maneuvering it around Nyx’s body without waking her up.

I looked behind us. Leah headed the group of three towards us. Her eyes were impassive but her heart showed me that she understood Nyx, she understood how she felt and Leah was sympathetic. She directed Quil and Embry to lift Nyx gently in their arms and the four of us walked towards my home, disregarding the border because right now, the broken girl in our arms was the most important thing. Everything else can just go screw itself.

I placed the mug of hot chocolate I was drinking on to the kitchen counter. I closed my eyes, inhaling the scent. I kept the pot of hot water off the heater, beside a cup of cocoa powder in case Nyx would want to come down and drink something.

My undead heart was numb and filled with anguish, worse than how I felt about Jacob. I had to get away from Nyx before the feelings overwhelmed me. I could tell she was holding herself back, trying to protect me from the full blast of all her emotions but from time to time, she would loose grip amidst all her grief and I would want to do nothing more than fall down and cry.

“Nyx?” I called up the stairs, trying to make sure my voice was as even as possible, “I’m heading out alright. Call me immediately if something is wrong. I’ll be there alright?”

There was no reply, only the soft melodies from a guitar or from the Ipod dock could be heard. I sighed, ruffling my hair slightly, and grabbed my stuff and headed out.

When I exited the Spider and onto the parking lot, Edward ran towards me. He was in front of me in a flash, causing me to stagger back slightly into the car. He panted, hair completely wind blown, and his golden eyes full of hope.

He looked around me, before his shoulder slumped.

“She’s not here is she?” He whispered sadly.

I shook my head. I couldn’t bear to look at him right now.

“No.”

Edward sighed and together, we wordlessly went up into the school. I could not smell any hint of Bella. I wondered how the pregnancy would work. I barely knew any of the details of Nyx’s birth and it’s not exactly like Nyx would know how the pregnancy would work when she was just a fetus in her mother’s stomach. What kind of abilities would the child have?

We made it to the front door when Edward unexpectedly turned around.

“I can’t do this.” He muttered, hands pressed against the door.

I narrowed my eyes in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I can’t be here. Not without her.”

I wanted to ask why but I suddenly felt out of place.

“I” Edward gripped his hands into fists very tightly, “I just need to see her.”

Then he rushed away, his hands slapping the doors, leaving his Volvo in the parking lot.

I sighed. Nothing was getting easier. Everything was slowly falling apart, one by one, crumbling around us. The worst part is, I didn’t know how to fix it. I didn’t even know where to begin to fix it.

School ended for me quickly. I didn’t bother to do anything except concentrate on my work. It was the easiest way for me to forget about everything, even if it was temporarily and just be able to breathe. Kieran had disappeared momentarily which made me even more worried. He would always tell me where he would go except for today.

“Nyx?” I called out, placing my bag onto the floor.

There was no reply.

I went up the stairs, two steps at a time, calling out her name. The house merely just echoed my voice but there was still no reply. I opened her room, but she wasn’t there. It was however, full of black inked scribbled on music sheets. I picked up one sheet, one that was the original ‘My Heart’ version she made.

Nyx had scribbled all over it; slashes of black ink sprawled everywhere. I bit my lip and placed the sheet back on the floor. I looked around her room once more and headed down to the music room. However, she wasn’t there either. She wasn’t anywhere in our house.

I grabbed my keys and my wallet and ran out the door, slamming it shut, not even bothering to lock it and raced out. Where was Nyx?

I raced out the door, heading to the forest first. I stopped midway, standing at a beautiful clearing and calmed myself. I breathed in and out deeply, using my gift to search for Nyx, to search for a similar grieving emotion I knew she was feeling. But the only one I could feel was remorse. Yet, that wasn’t completely right. The feeling of regret grew within me. I turned my head around, bronze hair entering my line of vision.

“Edward?” I whispered.

He dropped to his knees in the meadow. I cautiously made my way towards him.

“Edward? What-”

“She’s gone.”

My blood went cold.

“What- What do you mean ‘she’s gone’?!” I gasped out.

My breathing became labored.

“I can’t find her. I can’t feel her! Even Alice can’t see where she is! She’s no where near here! She’s gone!” He shouted out the last part.

As much as I knew I should have probably stayed and comforted my brother, I didn’t want to. I wanted to prove him wrong and find Nyx. She wouldn’t have decided to up and leave right?

At least, she wouldn’t have left without me. We’re family.

Everything around me was a blur. I raced past the mountains, the forest, the mall, the suburbs, and even scoured the beaches down at the reservation. I slowed down, stopping in the middle of the road. I clenched and unclenched my hands. If she wasn’t near La Push or Forks, then…

I shook my head, pushing any negative thoughts out of my mind. I ran towards Port Angeles. I prayed that she was there, or at least some place close. The busy streets around me told me that I had arrived. I slowed my pace, keeping only a slightly faster than normal human running pace. The laughs and giggles from oblivious trouble free boys and girls made me irrevocably jealous of the freedom they all had.

I entered a plaza and headed into a Starbucks. The door chimed as I went in and I stood in line, waiting to buy a cappuccino. The cashier passed me my drink while I placed the exact change onto the counter and turned to leave. I sipped the drink quickly, disregarding the heat of the hot liquid and threw out the cup.

“Kari! Kari!”

I turned around, a mess of dark hair and tanned skin that could only belong to a Quileute ran towards me. I squinted my eyes.

“Embry?”

He stopped right before me, his enormous height towering over mine. He gave me a large wolfish grin.

“Hey” He greeted, “How are you?”

I blinked several times, what was he doing here?

“I’m standing” I told him vaguely, “Have you seen Nyx?”

Embry shook his head, “Not since she, Leah and Jacob disappeared somewhere. I’ve spent the last hour trying to find them.”

Jacob and Leah? I was puzzled, since when had they ever hung out together?

“What” I looked at Embry, “What were you guys doing?”

Embry shrugged, “A little bit of this, little bit of that.” He replied vaguely, I raised an eyebrow in response. He gave me another grin, “Oh don’t worry, just some wolf business.”

“In Port Angeles?” I asked disbelievingly.

He shrugged again.

I bit my lip and shifted my gaze around, “Yeah well… If you find them, call me would you?”

Embry nodded and before we spoke another word, I hightailed it out of there. She was with Leah and Jacob, so I just had to focus on the smells of dog. The only problem was there were so many different unique odors from the city that it was hard to pinpoint what and where everything was.

Then, the smell of dog rushed at towards me. Leah stood in front of me, twenty steps ahead with her hands on her hips but Jacob and Nyx were no where to be found. She walked towards me, shopping bags in hand and passed a bag towards me.

“Nyx got that for you” she simply said and walked off into the crowd behind.

I stared after her until I couldn’t see her form anymore and went on. Then, all of a sudden, chimes went through the air. The sound of bells were so striking that I had to cover my ears to block out some of the sound. I looked towards the direction it came from; the large bell tower signaled that it was 5 pm.

I grimaced. The day was turning in and we had to as well. I moved a little quicker and brushed past people. When the Sun disappeared into the horizon, I sighed and decided to give up. I headed back to Forks and away from Port Angeles.

My feet led me back while my mind drifted off. I heard the sounds of the crashing waves beside me, telling me that I had arrived by the beach of La Push. Cheerful laughter rang out beside me. I turned my head, eyes widening at the sight.

Nyx and Jacob were in the ocean, ankles deep and splashing water at each other. My throat tightened, almost from jealousy. I wasn’t sure what to do because for the first time in the past couple of days, I feel like Nyx is finally getting some piece of mind and it was all thanks to Jacob.

Jacob straightened himself; his eyes looked straight into mine, almost as if he was piercing my soul. Nyx halted as well and looked towards me. I waved and did my best to give a small smile.

“I’ll wait for you at home alright?” I spoke through the air.

Nyx nodded, returning a comforting smile. I turned around and walked away from the scene. I brushed some of my hair that got in the way from the coming breeze. A surge of heat ran through me, shaking me to the core. I whipped around but nothing was there except Jacob and Nyx who had returned to talking and splashing each other.

I watched for a minute, biting my lip and went back home. I wondered how long it would take before everything would make sense again.

Time. It’s a funny thing when you’re considered an immortal. It’s never-ending, it continues to go and it doesn’t really bother you much anymore. You find ways to make it pass so quickly that you don’t even realize it anymore.

The sound of the front door opening made my eyes open and my body shot up. I walked to the entrance hallway and there Nyx stood.

“Hey” I spoke.

Nyx gave me a smile, taking off her shoes. She walked by me without another word and headed up stairs. I turned around and watched her go up. Was she avoiding me?

I followed her, stopping her door from closing in her room. She let me in with a bit of hesitancy and I used that to my advantage. The two of us stood in her dim lit room with the window open.

“What?” she asked with her voice tight.

I frowned slightly, “What do you mean ‘what’?”

“I mean, ‘what do you want?’” she said.

“Well I want to know what’s up with you.” I said.

She let out a small scoff, “Seriously? You know what I’m going through.”

I shook my head, “No I don’t and you’re worrying me.”

“How? By laughing and being happy?”

“No!” I said, “You’re not happy and I know that. You know you can’t just smile and pretend everything’s okay!”

“And why not?!” she asked furiously, “why can’t I?! It’s a whole lot easier than just sitting in my room moping!”

“Because you and I both know that it doesn’t work.” I whispered, “It never works. You’ve told me this all along that I should never bottle anything up because it will only grow and manifest itself into one huge problem.”

“Then what is it that you suggest I’d do?!”

“I suggest you talk about it! Tell me what is going through your head! Tell me what you want!” I pestered, “Just tell me! Just talk!”

“You want to know what I think?!” she shouted, “I want everyone to be gone! I want none of this bullshit to be here! I wish we had never come here and stupid Cullen and Bella and those stupid Ancients all go jump into a dark hole that never ends like the rabbit hole Alice falls through!”

Tears began to accumulate in her eyes.

“I want this pain to disappear.”

She fell into heavy sobs; her hands covered the portion of her face that her hair did not hide. I wrapped her tightly within my arms. She had finally succumbed to the defeat of heartbreak and I felt completely helpless, completely hopeless. I couldn’t understand what she was going through.

Nyx sniffled, rubbing her nose, cheeks and eyes slightly red and puffy. I held her in an arm’s distance, wiping some tears off her face, brushing the black and red hair out of her face. She shook her head, telling me to stop non verbally. I halted my actions and her piercing azure eyes sent shock waves into me, like it did every time.

“It’s okay.”

I found myself whispering, my heart constricted because I knew it wasn’t. It wasn’t okay for Nyx to suffer like this but I had to lie, I had to try and help her even when I felt like I couldn’t, like nothing could ever help Nyx. I pulled her back into my form, trying to comfort her. I rubbed her back with my hand, trying to soothe out her breaths.

I squeezed my eyes tight, trying to think of something to say. I had to lie. I had to lie to her and tell her the exact opposite of what I thought. I had to protect Nyx by telling her lies that will hurt her or else… She might never find peace from a mistake that Edward made.

“He’s not worth it; you’ll find someone better, someone who won’t-”

“NO!” Nyx shouted abruptly, ripping herself out of my hold.

Her azure eyes flashed gold for a second; the intensity of her gaze, the sudden strength in her voice shocked me. I felt myself freeze in my spot as silent tears continued to stream down her face. Nyx bit her lip, balling her hands into tight fists.

“No, you don’t get it.”

Her voice had become weak and submissive again.

“What…What don’t I get?” I asked back in the same soft tone she was using.

Nyx shook her head again, “I can’t. I can’t find someone better.”

I felt a ripple of anguish shaking through my body. My breathing was getting tighter from the words Nyx spoke, feeling her emotions intensify by the second. Nyx’s form had become meek, tattered from the rush of emotions she suddenly felt. Even when she was as shattered as she was now, Nyx did her best to help me by trying to raise a barrier so I would not be so overwhelmed by her emotions.

“What, what do you mean?” I questioned. I could barely feel my lips moving as I spoke. It was so quiet that only an immortal with acute hearing could hear what I said.

“He’s all I have, he’s my only choice.”

“Your only choice?”

“Edward is my imprint.”

My eyes widened, Nyx’s blue orbs stared at me. Her imprint?!

“He’s my only choice.”

Her voice repeated this sentence before the emotional exhaustion of the past few days overwhelmed her and Nyx fell into my arms, tears still flowing down her pallid cheeks and onto my wet shirt. I picked her up, placed her back under the covers of her bed and held her as she slept, something Edward should be doing.

I know now. I understand it now.

I had to find some way for Edward and Nyx to be together properly, even if it was for just one night.