Don't Let Morning Come
6:32
6:32 - All The Time
All The Time, Every Time I Need It.
What's The Time?
I'd Say The Time Is Right.
Here's To Me.
Let's Find Another Reason.
Down The Hatch And A Bad Attitude.
Salud.
Wasting Time
Wasting Time Down A Bum Fuck Road.
And I Don't Know Where The Hell It'll Go.
Heirlooms And Huffing Fumes, And I'm Picking Up The Pace
And I'm Gonna Smash Straight Into A Wall.
There's only 88 minutes left. It seems much longer if you think about how many seconds that is. I'll count the minutes, maybe that'll make the night last longer. Only it's not the night any more, it's the morning. And the birds are singing, and the lights flooding through the gap between the curtains. Morning has come. Jakob will be awake now, they'll be taking him for breakfast, his last breakfast. They asked him if he wanted a meal, like a steak or something. He said he was a vegetarian, and that he wanted a nice normal breakfast because he wanted to treat today like a perfectly ordinary day. I wonder what he'll wear. I'm going to be wearing a suit, my Dad says that's what's expected of me. It's not like it matters, we're not exactly going to a party.
I'm still hungry, still thirsty, but I've not moved all night. I'm dead proud of that, I've remembered all the good times. That's what Jakob wanted. He'll have all the same memories, we did everything together. Jakob was my shadow, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Ramona's coming today. Her Dad doesn't approve, but she's thirty now, like me. She can do what she likes. Stella's coming too, Jakob wants her there. My Dad and Uncle Mike will be there, and I pray they can hold it together, because I think I will crumble if they don't. Laurie isn't coming, and I don't want her there. She has other responsibilities now, and so do I. But I couldn't miss this, the last chance to say goodbye. Is there really any point, he'll be dead soon whatever I do, whatever I say. I'll get up at 7:15; I'll get ready and face my Dad. And we'll walk down to that building we passed so many times, but never noticed until the night Frankito died. The night he was murdered. There were appeals, I tried my best for Jakob, like me and Ramona agreed. But every appeal was a failure, and then we ran out of options. And then I think part of me died. I wanted Jakob to live so much, even if he was in prison. Selfish, isn't it. I wanted him to live, more than he did himself. He's twenty seven now, so's Stella. But I still think of him as that shivering little boy I visited at the police station all those years ago. Probably because I know he's too young to die. He accepted his fate a long time ago. I think he thought he deserved it. He gave up. But me and Ramona kept fighting for him. Ramona's whole family turned against her, she hasn't spoken to my Uncle Tre since Frankito's funeral. She never speaks about Frankito, she says me and Jakob are more like her brothers. I don't think she's forgotten Frankito though, like I'll never forget Jakob.
I'll never forget.
Only 88 minutes left Joey, use them well.
***
I married Laurie on the 14th June 2020. We had the wedding in the prison, so Jakob could come. I wanted him there more than I wanted to get married I think. I can't say it was a beautiful ceremony, with my brother handcuffed to a chair. But I was happy that day, happier than I had been in the seven years leading up to it. My Mum was right, Laurie did stand by me.
Jakob told me he was happy that day too, but I didn't believe him. It was another reminder of the life he's never have. His life was over. He would have made a great Dad, really good fun. But he'd have been good at the serious stuff too, Ramona and Stella always trusted him, went to him for help. I ached to watch him grow up, but the prison made him as helpless as he was at fourteen, when he was convicted. He kept the same laugh, the same eyes. But his sparkle had gone; his eyes didn't shine with excitement and joy anymore. I longed for the moonlight to shine on him again, and watch his face light up in its glow. But he spent the nights in darkness, alone in a cell. And there would be nobody there when he awoke at three in the morning. He would still wake up; it was part of our life, our routine. But there would be no friendly face, nobody to rush out into the garden with. Nobody to point out the constellation, nobody to talk to. And it broke my heart.
When I was nineteen, the first appeal was held. Jakob had been taught what to say and how to react. I had practiced my speech rigorously like a man demented. Ramona was to give evidence again. We had the same judge, same lawyer, same witnesses.
Same verdict.
They said Jakob was a vicious criminal, and didn't deserve freedom. That his attack was unprovoked and he would undoubtedly strike again, should he ever be released. They said his visits should be limited, as he had obviously brainwashed us. They said that there would b another court case in a year, when Jakob was eighteen. And they would decide when he was to be executed, and where he was to be held. Jakob said he wanted to stay in Berkley, that he'd lived here all his life, and there was a prison for people on Death Row in the area anyway. My Uncle Tre screamed at the judge that Jakob should have no say in the matter, that he didn't deserve that option. I understood, yet I hoped Jakob was allowed to remain in Berkley. I hoped there was a window in his cell, he would be able to see all the stars we'd looked at as children. He'd like that.
Two years after we married, Laurie and I moved to London. It was all her idea, and I went along with it. I couldn't stand being around all those reminders of a life I'd never know again. But I still had to tell Jakob I was leaving, and that was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.
"So that's it?" he asked, so quietly I could barely hear him, "You're rally going, forever. I'll never see you, not even for monthly visits."
His eyes had rapidly filled with tears. I was the only one keeping his strong, like our Mum had asked me to. And I was abandoning him.
"I'm so sorry Jakob" I whispered, "I have to do this; I need a life of my own. I can't stay here just for you. I need to be happy. Ever since we were little, I've looked after you. And Laurie's always supported me. But now e need to be husband and wife, maybe start a family. Do you understand?"
Jakob nodded, his now long hair hiding his face.
"Yeah" he said softly, "And I'm happy for you Joey, really"
And we'd gripped each other in a fierce hug, our tear mixing with each other, singing Platypus (I hate you)
Me and Laurie did move to London. I got a job in a bank and was highly respected. We then had two children, Angel, and Joshua Jakob, after my brother. We looked like a perfectly normal family, aside from the fact that my Dad was an ex rock star, my Mum drowned herself in a lake, and my brother was on death row.
Nearly every school holiday, we went back to Berkley to visit him.
But I hadn't been in our old house since I left, until tonight. The night before Jakob's execution.
All The Time, Every Time I Need It.
What's The Time?
I'd Say The Time Is Right.
Here's To Me.
Let's Find Another Reason.
Down The Hatch And A Bad Attitude.
Salud.
Wasting Time
Wasting Time Down A Bum Fuck Road.
And I Don't Know Where The Hell It'll Go.
Heirlooms And Huffing Fumes, And I'm Picking Up The Pace
And I'm Gonna Smash Straight Into A Wall.
There's only 88 minutes left. It seems much longer if you think about how many seconds that is. I'll count the minutes, maybe that'll make the night last longer. Only it's not the night any more, it's the morning. And the birds are singing, and the lights flooding through the gap between the curtains. Morning has come. Jakob will be awake now, they'll be taking him for breakfast, his last breakfast. They asked him if he wanted a meal, like a steak or something. He said he was a vegetarian, and that he wanted a nice normal breakfast because he wanted to treat today like a perfectly ordinary day. I wonder what he'll wear. I'm going to be wearing a suit, my Dad says that's what's expected of me. It's not like it matters, we're not exactly going to a party.
I'm still hungry, still thirsty, but I've not moved all night. I'm dead proud of that, I've remembered all the good times. That's what Jakob wanted. He'll have all the same memories, we did everything together. Jakob was my shadow, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Ramona's coming today. Her Dad doesn't approve, but she's thirty now, like me. She can do what she likes. Stella's coming too, Jakob wants her there. My Dad and Uncle Mike will be there, and I pray they can hold it together, because I think I will crumble if they don't. Laurie isn't coming, and I don't want her there. She has other responsibilities now, and so do I. But I couldn't miss this, the last chance to say goodbye. Is there really any point, he'll be dead soon whatever I do, whatever I say. I'll get up at 7:15; I'll get ready and face my Dad. And we'll walk down to that building we passed so many times, but never noticed until the night Frankito died. The night he was murdered. There were appeals, I tried my best for Jakob, like me and Ramona agreed. But every appeal was a failure, and then we ran out of options. And then I think part of me died. I wanted Jakob to live so much, even if he was in prison. Selfish, isn't it. I wanted him to live, more than he did himself. He's twenty seven now, so's Stella. But I still think of him as that shivering little boy I visited at the police station all those years ago. Probably because I know he's too young to die. He accepted his fate a long time ago. I think he thought he deserved it. He gave up. But me and Ramona kept fighting for him. Ramona's whole family turned against her, she hasn't spoken to my Uncle Tre since Frankito's funeral. She never speaks about Frankito, she says me and Jakob are more like her brothers. I don't think she's forgotten Frankito though, like I'll never forget Jakob.
I'll never forget.
Only 88 minutes left Joey, use them well.
***
I married Laurie on the 14th June 2020. We had the wedding in the prison, so Jakob could come. I wanted him there more than I wanted to get married I think. I can't say it was a beautiful ceremony, with my brother handcuffed to a chair. But I was happy that day, happier than I had been in the seven years leading up to it. My Mum was right, Laurie did stand by me.
Jakob told me he was happy that day too, but I didn't believe him. It was another reminder of the life he's never have. His life was over. He would have made a great Dad, really good fun. But he'd have been good at the serious stuff too, Ramona and Stella always trusted him, went to him for help. I ached to watch him grow up, but the prison made him as helpless as he was at fourteen, when he was convicted. He kept the same laugh, the same eyes. But his sparkle had gone; his eyes didn't shine with excitement and joy anymore. I longed for the moonlight to shine on him again, and watch his face light up in its glow. But he spent the nights in darkness, alone in a cell. And there would be nobody there when he awoke at three in the morning. He would still wake up; it was part of our life, our routine. But there would be no friendly face, nobody to rush out into the garden with. Nobody to point out the constellation, nobody to talk to. And it broke my heart.
When I was nineteen, the first appeal was held. Jakob had been taught what to say and how to react. I had practiced my speech rigorously like a man demented. Ramona was to give evidence again. We had the same judge, same lawyer, same witnesses.
Same verdict.
They said Jakob was a vicious criminal, and didn't deserve freedom. That his attack was unprovoked and he would undoubtedly strike again, should he ever be released. They said his visits should be limited, as he had obviously brainwashed us. They said that there would b another court case in a year, when Jakob was eighteen. And they would decide when he was to be executed, and where he was to be held. Jakob said he wanted to stay in Berkley, that he'd lived here all his life, and there was a prison for people on Death Row in the area anyway. My Uncle Tre screamed at the judge that Jakob should have no say in the matter, that he didn't deserve that option. I understood, yet I hoped Jakob was allowed to remain in Berkley. I hoped there was a window in his cell, he would be able to see all the stars we'd looked at as children. He'd like that.
Two years after we married, Laurie and I moved to London. It was all her idea, and I went along with it. I couldn't stand being around all those reminders of a life I'd never know again. But I still had to tell Jakob I was leaving, and that was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.
"So that's it?" he asked, so quietly I could barely hear him, "You're rally going, forever. I'll never see you, not even for monthly visits."
His eyes had rapidly filled with tears. I was the only one keeping his strong, like our Mum had asked me to. And I was abandoning him.
"I'm so sorry Jakob" I whispered, "I have to do this; I need a life of my own. I can't stay here just for you. I need to be happy. Ever since we were little, I've looked after you. And Laurie's always supported me. But now e need to be husband and wife, maybe start a family. Do you understand?"
Jakob nodded, his now long hair hiding his face.
"Yeah" he said softly, "And I'm happy for you Joey, really"
And we'd gripped each other in a fierce hug, our tear mixing with each other, singing Platypus (I hate you)
Me and Laurie did move to London. I got a job in a bank and was highly respected. We then had two children, Angel, and Joshua Jakob, after my brother. We looked like a perfectly normal family, aside from the fact that my Dad was an ex rock star, my Mum drowned herself in a lake, and my brother was on death row.
Nearly every school holiday, we went back to Berkley to visit him.
But I hadn't been in our old house since I left, until tonight. The night before Jakob's execution.