Don't Let Morning Come
1:31
1:31 - Who Wrote Holden Caulfield
A thought burst in my head
And I need to tell you
Its news that I forethought
Was it just a dream
That happened long ago?
I think I just forgot
Well it hasn't been the first time
And it sure does drive me mad
There's a boy who fogs his world
And now he's getting lazy
There's no motivation and
Frustration makes him crazy
He makes a plan to take a stand
But always ends up sitting
Someone help him up or he's
Gonna end up quitting
I never got that song, even though it was one of my Dads favourites. He said that was on of the songs he was most proud of, and he was so happy when he wrote it. Jakob once asked him if he'd gave himself a pat on the back. My Dad said he hadn't, he'd gone out and got drunk.
I'd love a drink now, anything that might mask the dread inside. Maybe I'm more like this Holden Caulfield than I thought. I could go a beer, or ten. But I'm not going to move from this bed. If I stay here all night, then maybe Jakob will be alright. I know it's just me, that nothing can save him now. I know I tried my best, but I still feel like I've failed my little brother. I should have been able to protect him. My Dad keeps telling me its not my fault, that its Frankito's alone. I know he's right, just as I know I should go to sleep now. But I can sleep anytime; this is the last night I can remember without grief. And I must make the most of it, or I'll never get another chance. Stay awake Joey, sing Platypus (I hate you), the way you used to with Jakob. When it was still funny. But hate isn't funny anymore; it eats away inside you like a crow picks at a corpse. Hate has been burning inside me since I was eleven. I'd kill Frankito now, if he was still alive.
***
We were told to keep away from Frankito. It wasn't as simple as that of course, Uncle Tre and my Dad were still in a band together, so we couldn't avoid him completely. I knew he had new friends by this point. They were older, but just as stupid and tough as he was. Most of them had been expelled, and spent their lives hanging around street corners, smoking. Frankito rarely attended school, he stayed with them, smashing windows and starting fires. He was never caught, for he was a speedy little thing, and still small enough to duck and dive through large crowds.
None of this really mattered to me, by the time Frankito was a fully fledged member of their idiotic little gang, I was fifteen and a good four or five years older than him. I spent a lot of my time studying for tests, and talking on the phone to my girlfriend Laurie. Frankito had even tried to mess that up, starting stupid rumours about me and Ramona kissing at some imaginary party. But after seeing nothing of him for several months, I turned my attention to Jakob. He was preparing to come up to the High School, and was not looking forward to it. Our mum bought him the uniform, and told him he looked lovely in it. Stella said he looked like a stick insect in mammoth skin, but she was only teasing. He was still very small and skinny for his age, and I was planning to keep an eye on him for the first few weeks. Frankito had friends there, and I knew they would be less than kind to Jakob. I didn't tell him any of this of course, he was nervous enough. Frankito had been feeding him stories about satanic teachers and first years getting their heads flushed down the toilets. I think the only thing Jakob was actually looking forward to was not seeing Frankito every day, for a couple of years at least. Laurie told him he'd been in jail by then, she was always kind to Jakob and Stella. Stella too, was making the move, but she wasn't dreading it half as much.
When the big day came, and my Mum was clicking away with her camera, Jakob was a nervous wreck.
"It'll be fine mate" I said, "You can get the train with us, and come and see me at lunch. Ramona and Laurie are doing Guide Duty, you know them"
Guide Duty was something everybody wanted to do. It meant you got out of lessons ten minutes early, to show the first years to their next class. I had signed up, but wasn't chosen.
"What about Miss Baskerville?" Jakob asked, biting his lip.
Miss Baskerville was famous right across Berkley. She had taught at Pinole Valley for over a decade, but every Friday she went off to some other school. She was sent to these schools to have a quiet word with know trouble makers, most of whom reformed after five minutes with her. We had no idea why she did this, probably something to do with the council. That was another thing; she was on the local council, so there was no escaping her. She was overly strict and very frightening. She taught English, and it was a tradition that she made one first year cry on their first lesson. Unfortunately, it had been Ramona the year we started, and I was pretty sure this year would be Jakob's turn. The seniors took bets on how far into the lesson they would last, and since Miss Baskerville had not had a nice summer, my money was on ten minutes. I could understand why Jakob was terrified.
"You might not get her for English" I said lamely, "You could get Miss Cox, she's nice"
But Jakob did get Miss Baskerville, and my teeth were chattering in sympathy. I told myself that Stella was with him, and they'd stick together, but it didn't help much. Ramona was going to see him straight after English, while on Guide Duty, so she would be the first to know if he had survived the ordeal. She told me later that she stood outside the classroom biting her nails almost down to the knuckle. She needn't have worried.
Little Alan Watts, who lived down the road from us, left the class in tears, while Jakob skipped out, a great big grin on his face. He'd only won the Impossible Fifty.
The Impossible Fifty was a question Miss Baskerville asked very class on their first day. If anyone knew the correct answer, they won $50. And no one in the history of Pinole Valley High School had ever won it. Miss Baskerville was often heard saying -
'No child shall ever get the better of me'
And my on little brother had done it. The whole school celebrated at lunchtime, with everybody dancing on tables and spraying silly string. That party lasted until the end of the day, the hundred or so teachers could do nothing to stop over two thousand of us.
And when we got home, our Dad called everyone he'd been at school with to tell them.. It was so insignificant, compared with what was about to happen, but when I saw my brother being congratulated by everyone he met, my heart swelled with pride. And it was another victory over Frankito, nobody ever patted him on the back, handed him a fiver, and told him they'd been waiting twenty years for him to triumph over evil.
Miss Baskerville retired a year later, and we all knew why.
It wasn't all fun and games of course; Jakob landed himself in the odd bit of trouble like everybody else. But we stuck together, me Jakob, Ramona, Stella, and Laurie. We were always together, until that day.
The 22nd January 2013.
I was seventeen, Jakob fourteen. That was when it started, it's the reason the person I hate most in the world, is no longer alive.
A thought burst in my head
And I need to tell you
Its news that I forethought
Was it just a dream
That happened long ago?
I think I just forgot
Well it hasn't been the first time
And it sure does drive me mad
There's a boy who fogs his world
And now he's getting lazy
There's no motivation and
Frustration makes him crazy
He makes a plan to take a stand
But always ends up sitting
Someone help him up or he's
Gonna end up quitting
I never got that song, even though it was one of my Dads favourites. He said that was on of the songs he was most proud of, and he was so happy when he wrote it. Jakob once asked him if he'd gave himself a pat on the back. My Dad said he hadn't, he'd gone out and got drunk.
I'd love a drink now, anything that might mask the dread inside. Maybe I'm more like this Holden Caulfield than I thought. I could go a beer, or ten. But I'm not going to move from this bed. If I stay here all night, then maybe Jakob will be alright. I know it's just me, that nothing can save him now. I know I tried my best, but I still feel like I've failed my little brother. I should have been able to protect him. My Dad keeps telling me its not my fault, that its Frankito's alone. I know he's right, just as I know I should go to sleep now. But I can sleep anytime; this is the last night I can remember without grief. And I must make the most of it, or I'll never get another chance. Stay awake Joey, sing Platypus (I hate you), the way you used to with Jakob. When it was still funny. But hate isn't funny anymore; it eats away inside you like a crow picks at a corpse. Hate has been burning inside me since I was eleven. I'd kill Frankito now, if he was still alive.
***
We were told to keep away from Frankito. It wasn't as simple as that of course, Uncle Tre and my Dad were still in a band together, so we couldn't avoid him completely. I knew he had new friends by this point. They were older, but just as stupid and tough as he was. Most of them had been expelled, and spent their lives hanging around street corners, smoking. Frankito rarely attended school, he stayed with them, smashing windows and starting fires. He was never caught, for he was a speedy little thing, and still small enough to duck and dive through large crowds.
None of this really mattered to me, by the time Frankito was a fully fledged member of their idiotic little gang, I was fifteen and a good four or five years older than him. I spent a lot of my time studying for tests, and talking on the phone to my girlfriend Laurie. Frankito had even tried to mess that up, starting stupid rumours about me and Ramona kissing at some imaginary party. But after seeing nothing of him for several months, I turned my attention to Jakob. He was preparing to come up to the High School, and was not looking forward to it. Our mum bought him the uniform, and told him he looked lovely in it. Stella said he looked like a stick insect in mammoth skin, but she was only teasing. He was still very small and skinny for his age, and I was planning to keep an eye on him for the first few weeks. Frankito had friends there, and I knew they would be less than kind to Jakob. I didn't tell him any of this of course, he was nervous enough. Frankito had been feeding him stories about satanic teachers and first years getting their heads flushed down the toilets. I think the only thing Jakob was actually looking forward to was not seeing Frankito every day, for a couple of years at least. Laurie told him he'd been in jail by then, she was always kind to Jakob and Stella. Stella too, was making the move, but she wasn't dreading it half as much.
When the big day came, and my Mum was clicking away with her camera, Jakob was a nervous wreck.
"It'll be fine mate" I said, "You can get the train with us, and come and see me at lunch. Ramona and Laurie are doing Guide Duty, you know them"
Guide Duty was something everybody wanted to do. It meant you got out of lessons ten minutes early, to show the first years to their next class. I had signed up, but wasn't chosen.
"What about Miss Baskerville?" Jakob asked, biting his lip.
Miss Baskerville was famous right across Berkley. She had taught at Pinole Valley for over a decade, but every Friday she went off to some other school. She was sent to these schools to have a quiet word with know trouble makers, most of whom reformed after five minutes with her. We had no idea why she did this, probably something to do with the council. That was another thing; she was on the local council, so there was no escaping her. She was overly strict and very frightening. She taught English, and it was a tradition that she made one first year cry on their first lesson. Unfortunately, it had been Ramona the year we started, and I was pretty sure this year would be Jakob's turn. The seniors took bets on how far into the lesson they would last, and since Miss Baskerville had not had a nice summer, my money was on ten minutes. I could understand why Jakob was terrified.
"You might not get her for English" I said lamely, "You could get Miss Cox, she's nice"
But Jakob did get Miss Baskerville, and my teeth were chattering in sympathy. I told myself that Stella was with him, and they'd stick together, but it didn't help much. Ramona was going to see him straight after English, while on Guide Duty, so she would be the first to know if he had survived the ordeal. She told me later that she stood outside the classroom biting her nails almost down to the knuckle. She needn't have worried.
Little Alan Watts, who lived down the road from us, left the class in tears, while Jakob skipped out, a great big grin on his face. He'd only won the Impossible Fifty.
The Impossible Fifty was a question Miss Baskerville asked very class on their first day. If anyone knew the correct answer, they won $50. And no one in the history of Pinole Valley High School had ever won it. Miss Baskerville was often heard saying -
'No child shall ever get the better of me'
And my on little brother had done it. The whole school celebrated at lunchtime, with everybody dancing on tables and spraying silly string. That party lasted until the end of the day, the hundred or so teachers could do nothing to stop over two thousand of us.
And when we got home, our Dad called everyone he'd been at school with to tell them.. It was so insignificant, compared with what was about to happen, but when I saw my brother being congratulated by everyone he met, my heart swelled with pride. And it was another victory over Frankito, nobody ever patted him on the back, handed him a fiver, and told him they'd been waiting twenty years for him to triumph over evil.
Miss Baskerville retired a year later, and we all knew why.
It wasn't all fun and games of course; Jakob landed himself in the odd bit of trouble like everybody else. But we stuck together, me Jakob, Ramona, Stella, and Laurie. We were always together, until that day.
The 22nd January 2013.
I was seventeen, Jakob fourteen. That was when it started, it's the reason the person I hate most in the world, is no longer alive.